I was just wondering, after you survived your Domestic Violence situation do you or did you find it hard to trust the next person in your life. I feel like I have times when i find it hard to trust people and especially men. A person that I really loved and gave everything to betrayed my trust terribly. And even people that I am supposed trust like my Dad and my brother have also betrayed my trust through the years. So it is like all the men in my life have brought me so much disappointment that I find it hard at times to trust the other men that have nothing to do with my past.

Does anyone else at times or all the time have issues trusting the new people their lives?

Interestingly, I don't have any particular trust issues. That could come from many different factors, but no real way of knowing.

Yes, I have trouble trusting anyone.
But I am only just getting started in this recovery thing.
I have faith it will get better.

Peace

I have a real problem and most likely will never trust another man the rest of my life! I don't mind admitting it either! I am dating, but have no intentions of ever getting emotionally involved with anyone. I certainly will never live with or marry anyone. I just figure that I am better off alone, that way when the crap starts I just won't answer the phone or the door!

I just figure that I am better off alone, that way when the crap starts I just won't answer the phone or the door!

Honestly this was my thought and exactly what I did before I met my Kiah. Maybe you will also meet someone who will help you change your mind.

Although as I said before if it doesn't work out with him it is a wrap on it even happening again. I have no time and patients for my heart to be broken anymore.

Lovinkiah, The problem with me is, I don't trust my own judgement! Can't tell who is real and who is fake! I'm tired of being on guard! There are sooo many fakes out there, just seeing what they can get or get away with! It's all a game, and I'm tired of playing it! It's not just men, I know that women do it too, (for all you guys out there)!! People don't seem to care about other peoples feelings. Well, I'm doin ME know! Have to be a little selfish to get by in this world! I'm just learning that at 53!!! LOL

Lovinkiah, The problem with me is, I don't trust my own judgement! Can't tell who is real and who is fake! I'm tired of being on guard! There are sooo many fakes out there, just seeing what they can get or get away with! It's all a game, and I'm tired of playing it! It's not just men, I know that women do it too, (for all you guys out there)!! People don't seem to care about other peoples feelings. Well, I'm doin ME know! Have to be a little selfish to get by in this world! I'm just learning that at 53!!! LOL

Better late than never. I agree. I seem to have a bad habit of running across the same type of person hoping for a different response. Wait...isn't that the definition of insanity? Well nonetheless I wish you happiness in whatever choice you make. But i agree. It is all a game.

Yes I have trust issues.....and when things are going great I seem to try and ruin the relationship before the other one can. I am now with a great guy--I am always on guard. Will I ever marry again? I say no, but deep down inside I would love to find someone who loves me and my children, who I trust and live happily ever after with.

ONE

Trust has to come from within. You need to trust yourself and first God. You have to make changes in yourself so that you will attract people that are good and not take advantage of you. Abusers and users see us for the people that we are inside and know how to get what they want. Let your light shine and love yourself first.

The best thing, I think, that anyone can do is get educated. The more you know, the less you have to go on blind emotion. The larger your awareness of the holes in your understanding, the greater your chances of making better choices.
Each of us made our choices of men (and they of us) with unspoken cues that we responded to. We can learn to change the cues. Hell, we can learn to ride motorcycles, play flute, learn a new job . . . we can learn how to do this better, too!

I agree Nim...we must all learn to crawl before we can walk.

Not only do I find it hard to trust others but sometimes questioning my own judgement.:confused: Some tell me that it will take awhile and others show me books where they believe I am lacking in area's. Wouldn't it be great if life was black and white--like in books--and there were no grey area's or feelings to get in the way. There I go rambling:p ((hugs)) sokie

I am totally happy being by myself. I don't want a relationship.Trust issues? Hell yes, they are deep seated and working on me hurts too much...I really am good being with myself.

funny enough i did not have any trust issues (nothing big anyway).. but maybe that's because i did not go near a man for quite a while after what happened to me.. in fact i waited 2 years to go near any man again. so of course my worries and all that have gotten better by then.
i know not all people are the same and so i guess you have to look on the individuals to see if you can trust them or not and go with your gut feeling.

Hi! Well, I know that I haven't been on here much, but I just wanted to tell everyone that it is possible to get past all of the hurt! I know I am not 100% there, but I am almost! Life is finally good! It took alot of soul searching, thought, anger and tears for me to get to the point that I am at! I have been alone now for quite awhile, and for those of you who do not know my story, I will just say that spending even a couple of years with an abusive, drug addict is a horrible experience! Manipulation on his part kept me with him and also the fact that I loved him with all my heart and he convinced me that I was the only person that cared for him and could help him. Boy, was I stupid! Not really stupid, just cared too much about him and not enough about ME! Well anyway, fast forward! I have found myself and I just love what I have found! Never knew I had that kind of power over myself! That's what it takes! To take control of yourself, love yourself and make sure that your life is what YOU want it to be! Not someone else! Especially someone who treats you badly. LOVE DOES NOT HURT! Not physically or mentally! Abuse is abuse! Well, anyway, now I am dating and am VERY PICKY about whom I spend my time with. If I don't like the way they act or the things they say, bamm, kicked to the curb!!! I deserve the best! I would rather be alone! Will I ever love someone again? I'm sure in time, and only if the RIGHT GUY comes along who treats me the way I deserve to be treated and I know that he truely loves ME!!!

((lovin)) I was so happy to see you here today! I'm glad all is working out for you and you are happy now...keep moving sister keep moving ((hugs)) sokie

Thanks Sokie! Someday, you too will be happy. I know that right now you can't even imagine it, but you will be. You also deserve the best, and don't ever settle for anything less!

I have always had a problem with trust. I can not remember ever trusting anyone and no matter how hard I try I just can't do it.

Hi lil, I know, it's a tough one! I have always been too trusting, which is what got me into trouble in the first place! I continued to trust him long after I shouldn't have! Now, I don't look at NOT trusting someone as a problem. Trust is something that is earned and should not just be freely given. Just go with your gut, and if you truly feel that there is someone that you should trust and you don't, then try giving it to God. I do that alot these days! Instead of carrying the burdon alone, I share it with God and He always leads me down the right path.

i dont really have trust issues with my fiance but he has trust issues with me, i had admitted i cheated at the beginning of our relationship because we didnt talk for like a week, so now its like he thinks that i didnt really value our engagement until he was locked up, he thinks since we had sex all the time if we stop for like a day or two im not "as i was b4" like looser its like he thinks someone else has been in there and im like do you know womans anatomy, he says that he's been with women that have done him like that so every sign he takes seriously he had 2 childern with a chick and he walked in on her screwin his best friend.....now i can understand he's insecure and since i did admit to doin him wrong, i had also admitted to calling a guy just to talk to i never gave him my number and i blocked it when i called, then my sister hates him so she had gotten some guy at 3am to call me while my man was layin next to me and he didnt even know who it was! so he's like wth is goin on! so i know i didnt see it like he did but he said he has forgiven me he just wants me to admit to cheating on him when i said i didnt.....i admitted to the one time but i havent cheated on him since and would you consider talkin to some dude on the phone cheatin? i get where hes coming from but i just want him to trust me and see im being totally honest and faithful, sigh

As long as I can remember, I had trust issues.. I trusted me but no one else. It has been hard to maintain a marriage when I can not trust..Lovinme, you are a beautiful person and your kindness shines through.

You know I read this post and see so much of myself in it. One of the barriers that are in my relationship with Keith (my former inmate) are trust issues that carried over from my previous marriage. I was married to an alcoholic and he was abusive and so when we did get money i would have to hide it to keep him from drinking it away. I still do that. I still hide money to keep it from going away. And believe me banks aren't safe enough. Now in this relationship he wants me to trust him completely and i know that i probably should trust him a little more but he's a recovering addict (as am i, over 2 years sober) and there were times that i would wake up to nothing. No tv, no jewelry,no nothing. And then it would be me to work like crazy to get it back. Yep that lost my trust, no that's wrong. The trust wasn't there anyway but that made it even worse. So now that he's been sober (a little over a year now) he thinks that I should start to trust him. I understand that. But it's sooo hard. For example I had $100.00. We both knew where it was. It came up missing and the first thing i did was accuse him even though he never left the house. After 4 days of being suspicious and angry, come to find out it had fallen from the spot it was in and was right below it. I did apologize to him. But it's hard to trust. Real hard.

When trust has been betrayed it is difficult to rebuild. As a child, I was shy and I never knew where I really belonged. I never felt accepted anywhere and eventually I just did not feel anything anymore.
Emotions were something I did not show to anyone. I only felt comfortable alone . I have always had a hard time with relationships.
If anything is typed with double letters, please forgive me, I have misplaced my reading glasses.

For a long time I had really bad trust issues but over time those issues have gotten better. Like someone said earlier... it was more that I didn't trust my own judgement. 1) Rape when I was a teenager (which still haunts me to an extent), 2) short relationship with an alcoholic who exploded in my face one night and then 3) another alcoholic years later who also exploded in my face. Both times I left right away... I didn't wait for it to happen again.

After the third "incident" I guess I learned a lot because after that last one I started reading everything I could get my hands on about all of these issues. Nim is so right - educating yourself is the key to trusting YOUR judgement again.

That said, I don't know if "being aware" is the same as not trusting? Where is the line drawn? I don't know. I do know this... I have LEARNED to trust my boyfriend now. He's just amazingly patient and tolerant of my constant "awareness" :)