View Full Version : My Exhusband is going to prison for not paying Child Support


2_getha_4_eva
05-22-2007, 12:45 AM
OKay, my ex husband never really has paid child support like he was suppose to. I mean maybe 3-4 a year, if we were lucky. Well, now he is going to court on June 19th to see if he is going to DOC. The state is asking for him to do time in DOC. I know I wont get $ if he does, or doesnt. He just wont work. I am wondering if anyone knows what level prison he will go to and for how long? He owes close to $40,000! Over 10 yrs and I was wondering about how long he will do? I am hoping this will scare him so he will do right by the boys. All the cs went for college and he knew this, he would rather just make life as hard on me as possible. Thanks for the help.

Christy
05-22-2007, 09:05 AM
There is no telling what kind of time he will do. Chances are if he is willing to go to prison for this, it won't scare him out of it. If he is willfully not paying, then he could get more time, and depending on the time depends on where he will be. More than 7 years, most likely a level 4 or 5. I think that most of the nonsupport inmates are in level 2 and 3's, but it's up to the judge and the circumstances.

You will get nothing while he is in and when he gets out and continues to not pay, he will go back, so you likely won't see money from him for a long time...if ever.

Like I said, if he is that unwilling to provide support, then prison won't scare him.

soccermomoffour
07-17-2007, 09:59 PM
I am on the other end of the child support issue. I am a woman who is being sentenced to 4yrs in WERDC starting on 7/20/07. I am now remarried and have 4 children under 6 yrs of age. its not that I didnt pay I just couldnt pay as much as they wanted me to. I dont work I am a stay at home mom.

HardHeadedWoman
07-18-2007, 12:16 AM
male or female makes no difference to me. If you have a child you are obligated to pay. If you cant pay what the court says then you file to have it reduced. Judges around will flat tell you. if you want to stay out of jail then take your ass to work and pay it.

Im female and have 11 months left to pay. I have never been late with a payment. I have remarried and I work full time not because I have to but because I choose to. I pay my support knowing good and damn well my ex uses it for beer and cigarettes but it keeps me out of jail.

They are my kids not my second husband so why should he have to pay my bills when I am capable of working and paying that responsibility myself.

Christy
07-18-2007, 07:56 AM
male or female makes no difference to me. If you have a child you are obligated to pay. If you cant pay what the court says then you file to have it reduced. Judges around will flat tell you. if you want to stay out of jail then take your ass to work and pay it.

Im female and have 11 months left to pay. I have never been late with a payment. I have remarried and I work full time not because I have to but because I choose to. I pay my support knowing good and damn well my ex uses it for beer and cigarettes but it keeps me out of jail.

They are my kids not my second husband so why should he have to pay my bills when I am capable of working and paying that responsibility myself.


Rather harsh to tell this to a woman that will be going to prison. She knows she messed up, no need to rub salt in the wound of a woman scared to death of going to prison. She was paying, just not enought and not everybody is able to get it reduced. Without knowing the situation, she is just slammed. Not exactly the supportive attitude one looks for on PTO.

While I commend you for working hard to pay support for your children, it's not up to anyone to judge or make blanket statements without knowing the backstory.

Child support situations are as different and individual as the criminal cases that our loved ones are serving time for.

Please, let's not judge here.

My ChRiStOpHeR!
07-18-2007, 08:06 AM
amen christy but i do agree with part of what Jamie said if you have a child you should support it if you cant then there are programs that can help you.

Christy
07-18-2007, 08:17 AM
amen christy but i do agree with part of what Jamie said if you have a child you should support it if you cant then there are programs that can help you.


I am not disagreeing at all with the obligation to pay the support and probably should have made that clear.

june5
07-18-2007, 08:39 AM
Jamies, you are right--everyone who has a kid should be working and supporting the kid (mom and dad). I understand there are some real deadbeats out there who refuse to work, but all situations are different. A non-custodial parent could get laid off a few times, and maybe be out of work a month or more each time. During each non-working period, those child support arrears add up, and unless the person is making a decent wage, it can be hard to impossible to catch up those arrears and some end up in jail over it. What seems wrong to me is that if a custodial parent doesn't work, there is no law against it. If the kid suffers or is living in poverty because the custodial parent doesn't work, oh well. But if the non-custodial parent doesn't work (or gets behind), that can be prosecuted. Doesn't make sense to me.

soccermomoffour
07-18-2007, 10:29 AM
Ok I will tell you my situation. I have been paying my support like I said before and I did get a modification. I did work but the companies I have worked for all went out of business. I have four little children with my new husband and I stay home with them. My husband now does pay the child support but again it is not enough for the courts in the state of MO. Its not like I am not trying to pay they just wont give me a break at all. I dont consider this a crime on my part. I have not seen my son in 3 years dont you think my ex should be in trouble for that? I just think making someone go to prision for child support is wrong but thats just me. Its not like I owe him a lot either its only 8 thousand. Also what good is going to do if I go to prision he is not going to get any money then.

MrsPhillips
07-18-2007, 01:57 PM
Ok I guess I am the odd ball out here. I have custody of all my kids and my youngest's father doesnt pay child support. I have made it to where he doesnt have to pay so he doesnt end up in jail. There are some situation where it just doesnt do anyone any good exspecially the child if their parent is behind bars for not paying. Yes I think it is a good scare tactic but taken away there drivers license or something more tangible is better then taken away there freedom. Just a thought who is going to pay the childsupport when this woman is behind bars no one. At least she is paying something. Yes it is her choice to stay at home but she is married now so I bet her husband had some decision to make with that choice so it would be just as much his responsiblity to pay as it is hers. I cant judge this because Iam not in her shoes. Isnt this supposed to be about what is best for the child and not the parent taken care of or providing support for the child just a thought.

I chose to be the care giver of my child and if that means providing all the support for her because her dad cant and still having a good relationship with him so my child can grow up mentally healthy then so be it. Heck yes I wish he would provide something but he cant or want doesnt really matter to my child. What matters is I do the best I can with what I can provide. Everyone has a choice, and a reason for there choice behind there situation no one person can be judge for that.

soccermomoffour
07-18-2007, 02:53 PM
I wish more people felt like you did. You are right it is not going to do anyone good if they put me in prision. I have had my liscene supspended too. The whole system itself makes no sense to me and I guess it never will

mjd
07-18-2007, 03:20 PM
I didn't think they could put you in prison for being past due on your child support pymts when you are still paying your current pymt amount on time. Have you hired a private Lawyer to help you out on this? It's the private Lawyer who will also help on visitation issues and they will bring up in front of the Judge the point you make that you haven't been able to see the child in 3 years. It will cost us tax payers more to house you in prison than the amount you owe.

Another option would be for you to try a get a job with opposite work hours from your husband's to bring in a little extra income. I some time listen to Dave Ramsey and have actually tried this method to get out of debt. This would help you pay down the 8k faster to avoid going to prison. Or may has your Husband tried to get some type of small loan from a Credit Union to cover this amout. Now that's not one of Dave Ramsey's suggestions.

With only 2 days left until the hearing I understand that time is being limited maybe you can ask for a Continuance to be able to gather some more money.

Isn't there some type of wage assestment that you and you ex do to come up to the monthly pymt amount?

I wish you luck this is tuff situation to be in

HardHeadedWoman
07-18-2007, 03:36 PM
I dont work I am a stay at home mom.

thats the problem when you only get half a story. I understand not wanting to put your business out there for everyone but its worse when you only get half a story. had she said she had been working then it would have been more understandable.

Just saying "I'm a stay at home mom" sounded like I dont or wont work. If I stepped on your toes then I apologize but with the half story put out there it irritates me to no end when it appears they are avoiding paying support for a child they helped create.

Might I suggest to the "stay at home mom" until you can find employment that can satisfiy your obligations in the future, you might want to look into possibly cleaning homes.

I did that for quite some time when I was unemployed and it actually pays very well and in some homes the customer doesnt mind if you bring your children with you which saves you from having to hire a sitter.

trust me when I say been there and done that. Good luck and stay strong during your upcoming incarceration

soccermomoffour
07-18-2007, 06:33 PM
I do have a private lawyer she had done everthing possible for me. The judge just doesnt like me. I was on probation for the child support already and now they are going to sentenced me to prision. I tried to get a personal loan but with bad credit it doesnt always work. I guess I will just have to pay my time even though I dont think its fair. I dont care who you are I dont think you should go to prision for child support its not a crime.

ram63565
07-18-2007, 07:06 PM
This is one of the few times that I have found myself standing on the fence.
Does it do anyone any good for you to be put in prison for not paying ...well no. The debt doesnt get paid and little children will suffer for it.
Is it a crime? well the people we put in office says it is..we all know how to change that if we dont agree...write and vote, write and vote.
Now for a little reality check...not bashing on you.....you were given plenty of notice that bad things were going to happen ie you lost your lic., been put on probation...and you managed to hire a private attorney so when "it got down to it" so to speak you gathered some funds. Maybe you couldve put that money toward a lump payment to show the judge you had good intentions of clearing this up.
Could've and ifs dont help you..I'm aware of that..just hoping to give you a heads up so that this doesnt come back at you yet again when you come out.
While I am no big fan of the judicial system, I dont think any judge WANTS to put people in prison for non-payment...but its the law.
Best of luck to you and your family in this difficult time

soccermomoffour
07-18-2007, 09:46 PM
I have given lump sum payments to my ex husband 2500 3000 and then some. NOTHING was ever good for him. I am only 8000 behind. No one is ever going to give me a break it is just plain and simple that judge was in for me. He let 2 other non support payees get off that day but not me

mrschris
07-21-2007, 11:04 PM
i am not standing on the fence on this issue...i believe that it should be a crime to not pay child support. thousands of children go without every year because of a parent having very little to do with the person that they helped to create.

it's true that you won't gain anything because he or she goes to prison, but the child support does not stop accruing in nj just because of a prison sentence, unless the sentence is longer than 4 years. at that time, it is postponed until the inmate is released.

it is good to have a child support claim on file. that way, all and any monies outside of a normal paycheck (inheritance, income tax, insurance, etc.) go to the child/children.

i feel that more children shouldn't be created when the ones that are here are not properly taken care of.

i am all for imprisonment if the obligations for child support are FAIR and not met. i have seen grown men in prison change their attitudes from "i don't care" to "ma please help me get the money" when they found out they could not be released until their financial obligations to their children were met, in full, cash only. and some of these men owe thousands upon thousands of dollars.

soccermomoffour
07-22-2007, 10:20 PM
I just wanted to drop a quick line. I am soccermom's husband. She was sentenced to 4 years on Friday and will be heading shortly to Vandalia. I won't get nasty here, but no one should ever be incarcerated for not paying child support. Assuming that a parent that is not paying is a dead beat is not the right thing to do. THere is no need to make a blanket statement that all parents should be sent to prison if they are not paying their court ordered child support. Sometimes the real issues keep that from happening, but the system does not allow for the real issues to come forward. All the damn system cares about is that the support is paid. No one cares if the custodial parent is a dead beat and living off the system, but if the non-custodial parent doesn't pay, then oh my goodness they are a dead beat and deserve to be in prison. Somewhere the system needs to be completely overhauled. A mother of four does not need to be in prison leaving her family scrambling to get kids taken care of. I am an over-the-road truck driver. It is not very easy for me to just stop what I am doing to care for the kids. I end up living off the state and losing my job if it were not for the help of family. Does the judge care? Not one bit. He didn't even take into account that she has other children. It is all about the one child that she owes money for. I say what a bunch of BS. As a matter of fact, I plan on filing a complaint with the missouri bar association against the judge. I will check back when I get back in town next weekend.

MrsPhillips
07-23-2007, 03:30 PM
I just wanted to drop a quick line. I am soccermom's husband. She was sentenced to 4 years on Friday and will be heading shortly to Vandalia. I won't get nasty here, but no one should ever be incarcerated for not paying child support. Assuming that a parent that is not paying is a dead beat is not the right thing to do. THere is no need to make a blanket statement that all parents should be sent to prison if they are not paying their court ordered child support. Sometimes the real issues keep that from happening, but the system does not allow for the real issues to come forward. All the damn system cares about is that the support is paid. No one cares if the custodial parent is a dead beat and living off the system, but if the non-custodial parent doesn't pay, then oh my goodness they are a dead beat and deserve to be in prison. Somewhere the system needs to be completely overhauled. A mother of four does not need to be in prison leaving her family scrambling to get kids taken care of. I am an over-the-road truck driver. It is not very easy for me to just stop what I am doing to care for the kids. I end up living off the state and losing my job if it were not for the help of family. Does the judge care? Not one bit. He didn't even take into account that she has other children. It is all about the one child that she owes money for. I say what a bunch of BS. As a matter of fact, I plan on filing a complaint with the missouri bar association against the judge. I will check back when I get back in town next weekend.

I am so sorry to hear this is happen to you and your family. I totally agree one size doesnt fit all. The system does need to be overhauled and there may be people who dont like this but heck come on one person cannot be judge without knowing all the facts, which we do not have. Until you have walked a mile in someone shoes you need to be careful of how you condemn people for their actions. Just because you live or have been in a similar situation you have not lived this lady’s life I feel sorry for her family and loved ones. I feel sorry for all of her children not just the one who was not receiving the money.

Sir, I wish you and your family nothing but the best. Hang in there it is not easy to have to take care of children as a single parent and even though you are married you are now a single parent house hold. I know there are many women on this site who knows what that is like and would give their eye teeth to have their man home with them to help out. No matter what the situation is. Hang in there.

mrschris
07-23-2007, 06:17 PM
again, if all obligations are fair, it should be a crime not to pay. IF THEY ARE FAIR considering the financial circumstances of the household. if they are ridiculously large and hard to keep up with, then i'm all for more lenience concerning what is fair penalizing. but i am not going to sit and sulk for someone who is not living up to their present responsibility and then making more responsibility, and not being able to keep up. we all make our beds to lie in. should my children go without eating because their father decided that he wanted to marry a woman with 3 of her own children, have one with her and another woman, in addition to my 2? my ex takes care of 6 children, 3 of which are his biologically. i have contacted my cs caseworker to make sure his check is garnished and i'll do it again until i am satisfied fairly. i remember not having enough money to buy my girls pullups and baby milk while he was out making more babies and buying cars. not my problem that he "couldn't pay". i couldn't feed my girls at one point without my family helping me, and it wasn't his problem.

not to be unsupportive sounding, but to owe thousands of dollars in back child support is a feat that takes years to accomplish. no judge is going to make someone pay 1000.00 per month in cs when they only make 1000 per month. the worst case scenario i have seen is a guy owing 200.00 per week in child support and bringing home about 1200 every 2 weeks after taxes. that was the worst case scenario. and he paid his support faithfully every week. some people owe maybe 30 bucks per week and don't pay. should they be arrested? damn right. like i said, regardless of how many children there are being taken care of, there are those who aren't being taken care of. while i agree that it is NOT fair for your 4 children to go without their mom, i also agree that it's not fair for their mom to own up to the fact that she has another child she is obligated to financially. her screename is soccermomoffour, not soccermomoffive. therefore, she obviously considers herself having only 4 children. does that mean she shouldn't have to have partial responsibility for the 5th child? i don't think so. i am sure that she knew before she had the other 4 children that she owed money for another child.

i am sorry your family is being torn apart like this, however i still feel that it should be a crime with penalties to not pay child support. there are thousands of families that are just as torn as yours is because they don't get the financial help they need.

soccermomoffour
07-28-2007, 05:18 PM
I will agree that not paying child support should be a crime. I will STRONGLY disagree that jail is the answer. The prisons are way too overcrowded to be worried about breaking families apart because some hasn't paid child support. Jail does not solve any problems. No one is helped by sending the parent to prison. I say that if a parent is willing to go to prison, there may be some other issues. As for me, I can't wait to take that sorry SOB of an ex-husband of my wifes to court. The system that gives the custodial parent all the power is wrong when both have joint legal custody. I have filed a complaint with the bar association against both the judge and prosecutor for unnecessary prejudice. Having all of the facts, there should have been some leniency than you aren't paying so you must go to jail. There are other alternatives. When judges and prosecutors are not willing to entertain other alternatives, then I see that we have a problem with the system. Just my humble opinion.

ram63565
07-28-2007, 09:05 PM
Welcome back socceermomoffour's husband. I was wondering if you would post again. I'm not going to comment on the in's and out's I just wanted to ask how you and the kids are doing as well as your wife?

I hope you take advantage of the support you can find in the Missouri Forum and in the Wives and Girlfriends Forum.

Take care and my best wishes,,if you have any questions just ask.

soccermomoffour
08-04-2007, 10:41 PM
Well, I'm back again. With my job as an over the road truck driver, I am home basically only on weekends. I usually get back on Friday afternoon and leave early Sunday evening. The kids are doing about as well as they can. Mary calls once a day and I enjoy hearing her voice, but its hard to tackle everything without her. My sister moved in for the short term, thank God school starts a week from Monday. We are keeping our heads held high, knowing that at some point in the near future, Mary will be back home with us. I hate being away from the kids, but I have to keep the job that pays the bills. Thanks for thinking about me. I will be back next weekend.
David

Christy
08-05-2007, 09:54 AM
David, I hope you check in often. I would like to encourage you to do a few things. First, it would benefit you greatly to create your own screen name so that we won't get confused! We are a bunch of women that get easily confused round these parts! That way, when your wife comes home, she will have her account waiting for her!

The other thing I would like to encourage you to do is check out the forums in PTO that are for those with wives in prison and the one for raising kids while parents are in prison. These members will be able to help you so much as they are in the exact same situation as you are! But never feel as if you can't come to the Missouri forum as we can help you with questions about the system here in the state and just about anything else you want!

Oh, and start a thread and introduce yourself properly! :) It will open you up to much support instead of being buried in this thread! If you have any questions about anything, please feel free to private message me anytime! I'm here to help you in anyway I can!

ghostsbabygirl
08-05-2007, 09:01 PM
i am a big believer that jail/prison is NOT the answer to get child support. I raised both of my kids without child support. My oldest daughters sperm donor owes over $100,000 dollars now.but , i do not complain. I chose to have her and raise her on my own. I meet numerous women who have kids just to collect a check for them to continue their own bad habits and not care for the kids. I was even told by one caseworker that the mother can get high at home all she wants and the state doesn't care. that mother is on her 5th and final kid. when she can't collect a child support check she gives the kid to someone who will take them off her hands and the ones she does get a check for she keeps and spends their money at casinos or drugs. that woman's favorite victim is a man fresh out of prison. makes no sense at all; no job, no money!

I know there are tons of women who actually do the right thing with the child support. But it bugs the hell out of me when women threaten men with jail time. the majority of men told the female he didn't want kids and yet the female gets pregnant anyways. when we get a divorce, the first comment usually made is your going to owe me child support not how are we going to care for the children as 2 separate families.

If two people separate on semi-good terms, i agree that each should pay support for their children. it just depends on each situation. I am just unlucky to meet the women who it comes down to how much money and not the kids and they have kids just for that one reason. it would be helpful if my childs sperm donor paid child support but we only have 1 year to go. He (sperm donor) does pay his ex CS for their son but she also has 7 kids by different men and is having to force him to pay by threat of prison time. i am sorry for those who i offend io really don not mean to. This topic came up this weekend at a gathering and the comnets made just upset me. I am just venting so delete if need to.

ghostsbabygirl
08-05-2007, 09:53 PM
Feel free to delete previous post since i am dumb in that area. I help pay my husbands child support on 5 kids. it is not much but the courts in Ok judge the payment on the womans income not whether he is working or not. Example: man has no job but the woman makes $5,000 a month then the courts say he makes $5,000 a month and that is how the child support is figured even though his actual income is $0. that is not fair in my opinion only. 4 of his kids were with his wife of 12 yrs. Their step dad takes the money and spends it on his drugs. The other one I quit paying til she allows a paternity tests since i have found papers of other men being with her at the same time. when the test shows my husband is actually the father, we will gladly pay and court battle begins for custody. I do not take well to being threatened.

My mother received support from my sisters dad and used every dime on her to help provide everything my sister needed. My mother never received anything from my father even when the army would of paid it for him but she never complained. I knew the truth and realized who did all the raising of me with no help. I admire my mother for all she has given to me.

Good luck to everyone and especially soccermomoffour hubby. hang in there!

1dayatatime
08-06-2007, 01:55 AM
I believe that you shouldnt go to prison for non payment but you should be punished soccer mom said her license was suspended and apparently that wasnt enough. She didnt work from her words, she continued to get pregnant but didnt worry about feeding the first one she created? I am sorry but think about it---how fair is it to make the first born do with out and you go out and keep reproducing?

My ex owes over $14,000---he smokes cigarettes, has a cell phone, new clothes......yet cant pay child support.

Did soccer mom smoke? Have a cell phone? Internet service? Cable tv? Eat out? Use the air conditioning in the home? If she did anyone of those---she could have easily paid child support for ONE child. Sacrifice a little to make sure your child is taken care of. PERIOD, if you cant take care of one why have more----thats what I am dying to know.....

I am betting there is more to the story but its her business to share. I just think its crappy not to take care of your kids. Get a job honey. Babysit, clean house, work on the weekends when your OTR husband is home, give up on some of the luxuries you have and pay CS. Oh and go to the local health department and get some form of birth control.

1dayatatime
08-06-2007, 01:57 AM
So maybe work release is the answer. You work and give your entire check to pay back child support. So you are being punished and paying your debt at the same time......yes this is a touchy point as you all can see.

And to the person who started this thread.....how did your ex come out in court?

Oh and one more question----you have no money to pay full CS and you have arrears but you can afford an attorney?

Christy
08-06-2007, 11:40 AM
I believe that you shouldnt go to prison for non payment but you should be punished soccer mom said her license was suspended and apparently that wasnt enough. She didnt work from her words, she continued to get pregnant but didnt worry about feeding the first one she created? I am sorry but think about it---how fair is it to make the first born do with out and you go out and keep reproducing?

My ex owes over $14,000---he smokes cigarettes, has a cell phone, new clothes......yet cant pay child support.

Did soccer mom smoke? Have a cell phone? Internet service? Cable tv? Eat out? Use the air conditioning in the home? If she did anyone of those---she could have easily paid child support for ONE child. Sacrifice a little to make sure your child is taken care of. PERIOD, if you cant take care of one why have more----thats what I am dying to know.....

I am betting there is more to the story but its her business to share. I just think its crappy not to take care of your kids. Get a job honey. Babysit, clean house, work on the weekends when your OTR husband is home, give up on some of the luxuries you have and pay CS. Oh and go to the local health department and get some form of birth control.

Just to clarify, this member is in prison as we speak. There is probably nothing you can tell her now that would make that better nor change things for her. This is just salt in the wound that is already there. She has stated that she was paying, just not paying enough. She tried and it wasn't good enough. Thus in the life of the criminal justice system.

The person posting under this member's name is her husband who is now an OTR driver and trying to raise children while their mother is in prison. Hopefully he will start his own account and we can be here to SUPPORT him as his wife does time.

Christy
08-06-2007, 11:42 AM
So maybe work release is the answer. You work and give your entire check to pay back child support. So you are being punished and paying your debt at the same time......yes this is a touchy point as you all can see.

And to the person who started this thread.....how did your ex come out in court?

Oh and one more question----you have no money to pay full CS and you have arrears but you can afford an attorney?


Again, this member is in prison and as with all the stories on PTO, we don't know the whole thing and can only speculate which will leave some people hurt.

Hopefully soccermomoffour's husband will find support and understanding as well as questions to answers about the system he may have. He is the one left behind now and raising the kids.

prayingformyson
08-06-2007, 03:32 PM
I too hope that soccermomoffour's husband is able to get the same kind of compassion and understanding that the rest of us have received in this community! The "crime" is NOT the point, the point is he is someone trying to adjust to life with his wife incarcerated, not to mention the four small children he now has sole responsibility for! Let's not forget our purpose!!!
Hugs to all-

chattycathy
08-07-2007, 09:23 AM
If jail is not a suitable consequence for purposely avoiding paying child support to their own children by hiding assets, changing social security numbers to avoid wage with-holdings and getting paid under the table by employers then what do you suggest?

Christy
08-07-2007, 12:28 PM
The member stated that she was paying child support, but was behind in it. She was not hiding assets nor any other underhanded thing to avoid it. For those that make a concious effort to hide money in order to get out of paying child support, then yes...prison is a perfectly reasonable option.

mrschris
08-07-2007, 02:53 PM
i am a big believer that jail/prison is NOT the answer to get child support. I raised both of my kids without child support. My oldest daughters sperm donor owes over $100,000 dollars now.but , i do not complain. I chose to have her and raise her on my own. I meet numerous women who have kids just to collect a check for them to continue their own bad habits and not care for the kids. I was even told by one caseworker that the mother can get high at home all she wants and the state doesn't care. that mother is on her 5th and final kid. when she can't collect a child support check she gives the kid to someone who will take them off her hands and the ones she does get a check for she keeps and spends their money at casinos or drugs. that woman's favorite victim is a man fresh out of prison. makes no sense at all; no job, no money!

I know there are tons of women who actually do the right thing with the child support. But it bugs the hell out of me when women threaten men with jail time. the majority of men told the female he didn't want kids and yet the female gets pregnant anyways. when we get a divorce, the first comment usually made is your going to owe me child support not how are we going to care for the children as 2 separate families.

If two people separate on semi-good terms, i agree that each should pay support for their children. it just depends on each situation. I am just unlucky to meet the women who it comes down to how much money and not the kids and they have kids just for that one reason. it would be helpful if my childs sperm donor paid child support but we only have 1 year to go. He (sperm donor) does pay his ex CS for their son but she also has 7 kids by different men and is having to force him to pay by threat of prison time. i am sorry for those who i offend io really don not mean to. This topic came up this weekend at a gathering and the comnets made just upset me. I am just venting so delete if need to.

so does the MAN hold no blame for creating that child just as much as the woman??? is that serious?

if he didn't want kids, he shouldn't have had unprotected sex with her PERIOD. he made that baby, he ready to pay. obviously, that's someone that he chose to have sex with, so at one time she wasn't as horrible of a person that she is now.

when you get with a man that has baby mama/money/child support issues, you take it all and deal with it. it's just as much HIS fault as it is HERS that the problems are the way they are. because if he wasn't ready for her attitude and the threats and all that madness, he shouldn't have had that baby.

condoms work.

mrschris
08-07-2007, 02:58 PM
I believe that you shouldnt go to prison for non payment but you should be punished soccer mom said her license was suspended and apparently that wasnt enough. She didnt work from her words, she continued to get pregnant but didnt worry about feeding the first one she created? I am sorry but think about it---how fair is it to make the first born do with out and you go out and keep reproducing?

My ex owes over $14,000---he smokes cigarettes, has a cell phone, new clothes......yet cant pay child support.

Did soccer mom smoke? Have a cell phone? Internet service? Cable tv? Eat out? Use the air conditioning in the home? If she did anyone of those---she could have easily paid child support for ONE child. Sacrifice a little to make sure your child is taken care of. PERIOD, if you cant take care of one why have more----thats what I am dying to know.....

I am betting there is more to the story but its her business to share. I just think its crappy not to take care of your kids. Get a job honey. Babysit, clean house, work on the weekends when your OTR husband is home, give up on some of the luxuries you have and pay CS. Oh and go to the local health department and get some form of birth control.

GREAT post. blame needs to be put where it's due. any and all 'issues' that come with raising a child stem from both parties.

if i even figured that my hubby would have been in a heap of drama because he didn't pay for his other children, i wouldn't even waste my time having a child with him. what makes me think he's going to crap on his other 3 kids and then love my 2 and my 1 with him so much more? women who think that their man is going to take care of HER kids with the desire that he don't have for his other kids are in for a real surprise. that's a super red flag. and instead of making up excuses and defending that trifiling behavior, she needs to be figuring out what's going to happen when SHE pops out one of his kids.

mrschris
08-07-2007, 03:03 PM
eta: the above posts are in no way directed at anyone in particular, just my thoughts on the topic of the thread in general.

Christy
08-07-2007, 03:59 PM
eta: the above posts are in no way directed at anyone in particular, just my thoughts on the topic of the thread in general.


Ah, stopped me in my tracks! Thanks for clarifying that!

chattycathy
08-08-2007, 07:23 AM
I believe that the "system" needs to address the differences between the two types of "deadbeats" (for lack of a better word)..thsoe that "can't" and those that "won't". Jail is a great deterrent for those that "won't" when used. Unfortunately, many times it is not used by the state or family court level judge and seems to be used on those that "can't" making the whole process useless.

lesismoore
08-08-2007, 11:50 AM
"What seems wrong to me is that if a custodial parent doesn't work, there is no law against it. If the kid suffers or is living in poverty because the custodial parent doesn't work, oh well." :rolleyes:

That is not true at all. If the children are suffering neglect and the custodial parent won't do anything about it, the STATE will come in and take them away. The parent can be prosecuted for neglect. On the other hand, if the NCP won't provide for the children when they are able, that parent gets a little slap on the wrist - maybe. It can take YEARS before a willful deadbeat is forced to be responsible for their children.

lesismoore
08-08-2007, 11:52 AM
how did you end up being ordered to pay C$ in the first place? is your ex unable to work or did you earn more than him? Just trying to understand how your situation got so messed up.

lesismoore
08-08-2007, 12:03 PM
"I believe that you shouldnt go to prison for non payment but you should be punished..."

There are some people for whom prison is not the answer because it creates greater harm than good. For others, prison is the ONLY answer.

soccermomoffour
08-11-2007, 10:30 PM
Well I am back and will create my own account shortly, but I had to jump in and clarify a few points. When we got married, my wife was working. She processed insurance claims. WHen we moved to the middle of missouri for a job that I had, she was able to work from home for the same company. WHen she was in the hospital with our first child, she was laid off and her company relocated it's entire St. Louis operation to New York City at 1 world trade center. About the same time, almost all of the companies in St. Louis either closed their doors or drastically reduced the number of employees in St. Louis. THis left us with only my small income. I soon took another job, closer to St. Louis but for less money. My wife looked for work, but found nothing. Living in a rural part of St. Charles county in a town of about 300 just didn't have many jobs.
Then the dreaded day came when we moved in with my parents and I found any job I could to pay bills. Ultimately in the seven years of our marriage, we have had four children and I have had ten jobs in four different fields. I no longer use the masters degree that I have and work as an over the road truck driver to take care of this family. Now, I am forced to cut back on my driving because I have to deal with the issues that my wife took care of before she was in prison.
Ya know, the one thing I just cant stand is a CP who forces the NCP to jump through every freaking hoop possibly known to man in order for the NCP to see the child. Even if that means that the CP violates every point in the custody agreement to make the NCP see the child. The courts won't do anything about it. They say you have to hire a lawyer. When you don't have the money to hire a lawyer, how can you force the CP to follow the rules. But OMG if you get behind in the child support, look out. You are heading on a road that leads to jail. It doesnt matter that you cannot afford to pay the child support you owe. It doesnt matter that you jump through every hoop the CP puts in front of you so you can see your child. It doesnt matter if the CP accuses you and your new spouse of child abuse. All that matters is that the money is paid. I am sorry, but there needs to be a system in place to protect the NCP from issues like this. I can honestly say that in two years, I put over 100,000 miles on a car because we had to do all of the driving in order to see my wife's son. We had to drive to pick him up. We had to drive to take him back. Oh and the idea of meeting us half way, oh no, that aint gonna happen. Sometimes you just want to put a bullet in the head of the CP so they go away. (not that I would do that and jeopardize my children anymore). But when you have DFS show up at your door to tell you that you have been accused of child abuse, your heart jumps into your throat. To have it happen twice and also in court is a real nightmare I had to live through. Thankfully, both in court in in the DFS process, I was found to be not "guilty" of anything. My wife's ex and his family were barred from calling the child abuse hotline. But I had to endure this. It's not good when you are serving as the pastor of a church to have this happen. This mess also cost me a job. So maybe I am a lot bitter towards my wife's ex, but if you were in my shoes do you think you might be just a little bitter.
I miss my wife desperately. I can only hope that the system allows her to come home sooner than later. I don't know if I can trust the system. It seems that if you can't pay, you can't afford a decent attorney and then you end up in HELL (as my wife puts it).
Thanks for allowing me this short rant. But it just isn't fair to me nor my children for their mother to be in prison.

june5
08-11-2007, 11:14 PM
soccer mom's husband--I know this is a hard time for you; your wife is lucky to have you stand by her and I hope you get a lot of support here.

biggdawg
08-19-2007, 12:03 AM
Ok gang, I am back with my own username. This is soccermoms husband. I have had an extremely hard week. Yesterday was my birthday and I had to spend it without her and I just had a bad few days. I miss her terribly. She is my best friend and she takes such good care of my children. It takes four of us just to do all of the stuff she does around the house. Sometimes its hard to get through each day, but we try to be strong for each other. Even though she is in prison and I am in my own version of HELL, we fight almost every day. I hate what it is doing to me and to her. We never used to be this bad. I hope and pray that she comes home very soon. Actually, the way I feel, if she came home tomorrow it would not be soon enough.

ram63565
08-19-2007, 08:27 AM
First, Happy Birthday! I'm sorry you are having a rough time, I wont say it will get easier but you will both eventually will come to terms with it. My husband and I fought alot at the beginning but I thinkit was because we are best friends (like you 2 are for each other) and its easiest to take out frustrations on a person we love the most. You both are in a situation in which neither one of you have any control and it gets overwhelming....you have extra responsibilites and she has guilt and helplessness...you'll get past this!
I think you'll get into a routine and find a way to muddle thru this...I found that writing helped alot. It gave me time to sit and think and written communication is much more deliberate than just "running off at the mouth" at him....maybe writing her will help you both remember what you love about each other and take the focus off the immediate disagreement.
With 3 years for a non-violent offense we can hope that once she gets to a camp she will get a hearing within a few months and she might not have to be gone too long. There is always something to look forward to.
I hope you keep coming back...I'll keep you, soccermom and the kids in my prayers...let us know how we can help or if you have questions. With all the experience in this forum someone will be able to get you the answers you look for. Stay strong!

nursecrachit
08-19-2007, 10:06 AM
happy late birthday! welcome back! i know it is rough, but ram is right. eventually the 2 of you will get to a place where the guilt and the overwelming responsibilities will subside and you will figure out away to muttle thru. I live by the motto, it is what it is, and there is nothing i can do or say that is going to change this. i focus on getting thru one day at a time and yes on days i do have a pity party for myself. i have come to realize it is not always best to share everything that is going on here at home with him because he becomes more upset with himself for not being here to help. I do write lots of letters also. those are nice ways to put into words all the love you have for each other and my husband has them to read over and over when he is feeling down. hang in there...

Urinmythoughts
09-24-2007, 09:37 PM
Wow this is the right forum for me.
This is my fiance's story.

He is in jail for 3 yrs but only has to do 120 day shock. I am so fearful they will come up with something to keep him longer.

He got a probation violation for traveling out of state which by the way he had a permit from an old p.o.

He was on probation for child support. He has had his paychecks garnished. Finally had a good job out of state and could pay his bills in full. PO made him come back. He went without a job for a couple months while trying to find one. Finally had one again for not even a month and his probation was revoked. He got behind $2000. He paid $500 to courts and then $375 before court. I think he is behind about $1200 now. He didnt get probation revoked due to child support but due to a technical violation. He was working 6 "d***" days a week 12 hr days. By the way his paychecks were being garnished $370 x 2 for 2 different kids. He has only 2 yrs probation left and now this. Just because this court system doesnt like him and yes even his public defender said this.

Some info for you all and this is going to help us out alot. If your loved one is in jail for child support pay even a little bit for them. Anything will help each month. If you owe more than $5000 it is considered criminal or if you are behind any 6 months out of a year. I know they think by keeping him 4 mos he will be behind 6 mos or more when he is supposed to get out thus another criminal charge I guess. But im making small payments for him while he is incarcerated. I hate this system so much. Incarceration for child support is definitely not the best option. I loved another post saying make them work and all the pay goes to cs instead of jail. If they want money get a second job. I am just so frusterated with MO system and feel for each and everyone of you caught up in it.

PS. on top of working and making his payments he is doing this with seizures, severe diabetes, degenerative disc disease and a torn rotator cuff at the time-manager in a fast food restaurant. And yes he lost his job now. Grrrr- how many times can I say that? ;-)

My favorite poem when times are rough footprints in the sand-google it if you never read it.

Kim

chattycathy
06-17-2008, 02:29 PM
I am going to jump in here and make a cry for injustice! My ex (living in MO) was allowed to accrue child support arrerages over $120,000. The state did nothing. Nothing. It wasn't until he moved out of the state that the Feds jumped in. He did go to prison for a 90 day visit. He is paying now, every month, with the constant threat of going back held over his head. Where was the state of MO? Injustice because he had the money to pay and just didn't want to-these guys sound like they don't have the money to pay and the state of MO is all over them squuezing every drop they can get. What is going on?

The Fox
06-19-2008, 09:02 PM
My ex just spent 8 months in jail/prison for not paying child support. He was at the time behind by 19,000 he just got a letter the other day saying he was behind by 23,000 now because of him being locked up. He just got out about a month ago, and his parole officer keeps asking if he's found a job yet, not only is it hard to find a job, its even harder to get one when you are considered a felon. The state that I am from (IL) if you are behind in child support all they do is take your license away I do believe, they don't serve jail time, but I could be wrong. But best of luck to all of you!

Wooly Rhino
07-05-2008, 08:06 PM
First of all, let me say this. I believe in paying childsupport, what I do not believe in is FELONY convictions for such. Missouri law use to say if you missed six payments in a 12 month period or were $5000 behind you could be found guilty of a class D Felony.

In my case a mistake was made and my son recieved the child support directly. When the mistake was found out, I paid the money a second time through the proper channels. As the mistake was an on going thing I had missed (according to the division of Child Support enforcement) six months. I was arrested and charged with a felony. I appeared in court and requested a lawyer. The state said no. The judge ordered me to get one. I returned to court three times. Each time telling the judge I could not afford one. He told me the last time to get a lawyer by 1 pm that day or go to jail. I had one by one. He told me a trial would cost me $10,000 while a guilty plea would be $2000. He also said, in the town we were in MARSHALL I would be found guilty anyway. So stupid me plead guilty. I was given a SIS, 5 years probation with a full 4 year back up. :angry: I did 4 1/2. Then as my son is at the time 18, I get notice from the state that I am done paying child support so stupid me I stopped paying. The DA calls the Divison of Child Support Enforcement and gets them to reinstate my child support order. My son had joined the National Guard and was in Basic Training. DCS had sent me a copy of MO law which states Child Support ends when a child "enters active duty in the Military". I asked for an explaination. I got a hearing. The Judge ruled that the National Guard is NOT military service. It is just a partime job. As a veteran, I tell you he is wrong. He said because my son was in College I should have paid the two months he was in Basic, even though I recieved notice to stop paying. I said the law also states that a child in college must enroll for and complete 12 hours per college semster. My son enrolled in 13 hours but never went to class. He did not complete anything. Judge said to take me off to prison. At the time my son was living with me. 4 years with no priors works out to 8 months. I was in prison, not owing anything. Paid Child support for 18 years. There I met one other in prison for Child Support. He owed $40,000 plus and got 2 years, out in 4 months. As I am on parole for 6 more days, I will let you guess what I think of the judge and DA in Saline County.

Angelbaby8599
07-05-2008, 08:13 PM
I only wish FL was as strict on Child Support as some other states. Many of my friends can't get the father's to pay support. These "men" thought it was perfectly fine to lay down and have sex, but as soon as the novelty of being a father was over, that was it. I, too, am one of those have a child support fight. He's $5,000+ in the hole and won't be coming out anytime soon, if ever.

A friend of mine's ex decided he was willing to sign over his rights because he didn't want to pay all of the back support. Whatever! The part that really ticked me off was because he left my friend for a minor he was screwing around with, eventually married the girl, she got pregnant with baby #1 (who just turned one), is pregnant with baby #2. The kicker of it all is he says he has a new family to take care of and they are more important! WTF!!!!!!!!! Are you kidding me?!?!

Ladybug801
07-06-2008, 01:19 AM
Saline county ...Marshall is actually where I moved from...where my boyfriend was sent to prison from and really not my favorite place in the world either but all of Missouri pretty much is like that not just on specific place.

Christy
07-06-2008, 10:26 AM
Saline county is one of the worst in the state. They do things so strange there sometimes that you just have to shake your head and wonder what the heck?!?!