Its been a year and we have 3 more to go. Sometimes I feel like an empty shell, emotionless. Other times Im overwhelmed and the tears flow. To some its not a long wait. For him and I its like an eternity. We are both behind our own prison walls trying to remain strong and focused. Hes doing time and Im a Correctional Officer in another prison. We are both discriminated against in our own ways for our positions in life. We are both in a certain amount of danger because of this position as well. To anyone out there that feels the pressure, the sting, the never ending stream of judgement, know that you are not alone. Know too, that you will survive it and come out in the end the victor if you handle yourself with dignity, honor and sense of personal pride. Im extremely proud of my husband and Im proud of myself. Together we have overcome many obstacles because we communicate, listen and never stray from our path. Keep your faith alive, everything will be fine.

Reading your post really chocked me up. Amazing how 2 people on the toal opposite of this life can hold a marriage together and remain in the hopes that all will soon be normal again. I admire your strength and fully understand the weakness. I know for myself, I try to treat all of the DO's at estrella where my wife sists with respect and keep an open mind even when they do not return it. It is a job that must be done, and unlike my wife, I am sure you deal with plenty of unpleasant and down right mean inmates.

God bless you for hanging in there, I hope the future brings you great happiness and your marriage will flourish after surviving this. I know mine will.

sincerely,
rob

Appreciate you!!! As a C.O. it must have been a hard decission to make to put your message on here. We all understand that C.O.'s are not the bad guys. Some may get full of themselves sometimes but as a whole they are fair people doing their job. An inmate becomes a number because of the crime they commited----nothing before or nothing after. We as their family know more than that and the circumstances that put them there. We who stand with them and support them because we do know the whole person, not just their crime, seem to become an extension of their crime although we may not have had as much as a speeding ticket.
You hang in there because "you know" you have someone worth hanging in there for.

I feel your pain................my man is in SMU2 I am a lawyer and get some static about it quite frequently.

Bless you. It is very hard. Everytime someone asks me what my husband is doing for a living now I have to figure out how to change the subject quick. My 6 year old keeps telling me - Every day is one day less.

I have the same problem when someone asked me what my son is doing. Right now I tell them he is in construction. Actually, he is in construction of a sort, constructing is life over again. I'm no embarrassed of my son but I don't want people to think less of him

I use "...he's at a secure location in the desert" ...everyone has their own idea as to what that means and I don't explain.

I was first embarrassed, but then I realized that this is the path God has chosen for us, this is the path that has saved our son's life. And he is doing so well ~ he has come home to his family in his heart ~ he wants to succeed. I am so proud of him. So now if I am asked I tell the truth and I tell them I am very proud of my son ~ who is working hard to turn his life around. He is fighting drug addiction and it is a disease, just as cancer is a disease. If they do not understand then it is on them. I will never, ever be ashamed of my child.

mammasita, I like your answer.. 'constructing a new life'. At first I was I guess embarrased that my son is in prison. Certain things aren't too bad to admit. I mean drugs are bad, but so prevalant today that it would be no surpirse. But a murder rap ? But then I realized, first that he is our son and we love him. second, he is innocent of this crime. Now I don't care what people think anymore. If they are friends, they support me and even hurt with me some. if not, I say to them..'tough deal with it'. people where I work - most know. most say nothing. oh there is probably gossip. But now I hold my head up. True, I still have a hard day & feel mopey, weepy. but its ok. I know that God has His hand on us and will "work all things together for good to them that love Him" (romans 8:28)

I am very proud of my son, but unfortunately, many people are very judgmental and I don't want him to suffer the rath of others because he does have a disease, drug and alcohol addiction. I talk to those that I know love him and will pray for him, the other, not so much. I love my boy more than life itself and I still try to protect him from judgmental, hateful people who have no idea what he had to deal with to get just where he is at right now: CLEAN!!!

Mammasita, both my son and my husband have been in prison. My son is out and my husband has a few more years. I tell people that he is in prison and then I ask them not to judge them until they know them. Unless you under stand the reason, even though no reason is a good one, don't judge them. They are both there because of misplaced love of an other person. It is not our place to judge so just let the Lord handle it with the inmate. That is his job. God Bless You and Give You Peace.:)

I'm feeling kind of cold, but I tell it like it is. My husband is the best of the best and the worst of the worst. As a con-man, he deceived and hid truth in order to take advantage of others, he has avoided admitting faults/dealing with them. Though it is embarrassing, I have seen him hide the truth for 7 years and make his life a lie. :mad: I think that by acknowledging what he has done or facing it, he will be better off. If he can do it, he will soar. :) he is intelligent, has a perfect memory, is charismatic in nature, knows people and is well educated... in any case, he has a lot going for him. His pride has been a motivating source to his conning, stealing, etc.

For us as the wives, friends and family, we have our own humiliations, pain, and forms of "prison." Additional humiliation and pain are definitely not needed. :(

This situation is a bit different, though I feel shamed... I have been homeless, filed bk, not finished a great education in pre-vet studies, etc etc as a result of my love for my husband. It is more humiliating to me to not acknowledge the truth after this hurt... it betrays my own hurt heart and would help him to con others.

I wish that concealing his faults would have allowed him reprieve and a chance to reform, but he needs something that is beyond me to help him.

I commend all of you for the love you have and perhaps even wish for more softness in myself. I am so burnt and jaded at times though I love him so deeply. I do not know what to do to help him, or if he will choose to change /continue doing what he is claiming that he is striving to do. This is my greatest wish and hope of all.

May all of your loved ones be more honest with themselves and others, learn quickly, live happily with you and your lives be filled with goodness.

Glad you are all here.