:( It was sunday morning...I just opened my eyes and said who die???The smell was the smell of death..I saw this man walk by the door with a sheet in his hands and once again I said who die?? could it have been me???No I am alive...this man was six foot, blue eyes and he came back in the room to tell me he was sented by god to save me.:eek: what:confused: me??I was the one who didn't see the light but black. Yes it was minnie who die...He gave me the date rape drug and I went into a black hole..BUT ran into an old friend who showed me the good times I had in life and wasn't letting me go..So I told this man to go and he wouldn't..Broke window, hurt my dog and me..But finally someone called the cops and now he is in prison...what happens when he comes home????hopefully he will get the picture if he comes around I will call 911 and he will return to prison or will he really do what he tryed to do:angry: no way...I am not letting some crazy person kill me...That was the first and the last time a man will rest his hand to me or my dog.... If anyone has any ideas please let me know how to keep him far away...:cool:

MINNIE, i hear your cry for help and i pray that you let this site guide you.i can tell you this:LET THE AUTHORITIES KNOW OF YOUR FEAR.
alert your neighbors that if they suspect anything they should call the police...i am so sorry this is happening to you but we have to handle this meticulously..it may even be good to have someone you trust to come over or you go there for a while and then you will be able to proof your home with protection.i know the feeling of being afraid.i am proud that you are here MINNIE.we have some wonderful supporters who can help you find the right solutions to protecting yourself.okay?i will be praying for you and i got you in my prayers.

I am sorry that you went through that.

MY problem is I still love my abuser and I even wrote him a Dear John letter (break up letter) but I am having trouble trying to send it.

i also wrote a dear john letter,but i sent mine right away..the thing is my husband didn't physically abuse me very bad at all,but the mental abuse,he didn't call me names or cut me down,it was the attacks on my family,my kids,my mom,my dead dad..i was sexually abused by my dad when i was a child and my husband would say things like he should do to me what my daddy did,i can't believe i just told all of you this this is something i don't speak about..anyways the things he said were alot nastier than i put down here,my brother died of a drug overdose(herion)and my husband would say mean things about that,he picked on my kids to me constantly,he threated to beat the shit out of my then 20 year old son,although i told him if he did i would be in prison for life..thats the kind of abuse i got from him and more,and it was daily..he was a control freak,and somehow even though i always said i would never be in a relationship like that here i was in it,i couldn't and still can't believe it,now i am starting all over and i have to repair my 12 year old,because my husbands bullshit really screwed him up,he has so much anger and hurt inside..anyways if you really want to send the dear john letter,put it in a drop box real quick so you can't get it back out...good luck to you

Roxy, just wanted to tell you how brave you are for telling us your story, and for finding the courage to get out that horrible situation. I'm so proud of you! ((hugs)) :grouphug:

i really appreciate that peteysmom,but couragious i'm not,it took me almost 4 years,but he is in prison so it gave me help so he can't be here begging me..i have excepted a couple calls from him recently just to let him have a bit of my anger,but to my relief i have not heard from him in a few or more days,so i am hoping he will let it be.he thinks he has rights because we have a 15month old together,he will have a surprise when he recieves the divorce papers,only time he will see our baby is if he is supervised,i can't take a chance of letting my baby here all the crap that comes out of his mouth and let it hurt him like it did my 12 year old from previous marriage..anyways,HAPPY MOTHERS DAYS TO ALL YOU DESERVING MOTHERS!!and again peteysmom,thanks for your thoughts,it always helps...

Minniecas - how long does he have in prison? If he's got a few years, then if I were you I'd go the J-Lo route - take a nice long course in self-defense, monitor the prison site for his parole date, write a letter to the board to let them know you are suffering still. Start doing safety things now, so they're habits by the time he gets out - carry pepper spray, make sure you can get out of each room where you live (if you have to, buy fire ladders and keep one at the window). And talk to the police.

Minnie, my heart broke for you just now and I understand that fear becaus eI have it too for when my babys fahter gets out...I attend alot of counseling and they are teaching me ways to protect myself and my child--I suggest you talk to these people too because they have been there, done it ans survived to go on with their now better lifes. And DITTO to what Nimuay says ... (hugs) sokie

Well I tried to send that Dear John letter and sent him another love letter instead.

I keep looking at his last letter it was soooooooo loving.

Kalibabe64 I am sorry you went through all that. I wish you a lot of luck.

I am missing my man so very much he is the reason I am in the USA and yes I am the reason he is in jail.

No Steffy he is the reason he is in jail. Don't ever believe you deserved whatever kind of abuse he gave you--those are his issue's not yours. sokie

gee thanks sokiegirl (wipes tears from eyes) I got in big trouble from the prosecuter for sending 2 love letters to him.

((hugs)) I am sorry you got into trouble. I can't give you advise because see I went back time after time...it got worst. It took my husband beating me down real bad and not having any second thoughts about it even while I carried his child. And I wasn't even sure that what to move on until I came here and read other peoples stories about it never changing for them. The crazy thing is I came to this place to find out what would happen to him if he was sentenced to prison...I guess I thought this place was inmates or something...who knows what I was thinking..haha. You just be careful Steffy and know theres alot of understanding folks here. (hugs) sokie

minniecas i have trouble understanding just what you were expressing, but i believe if i understand right, hyou were drugged and raped. and this guy is in prison. i think nimuay has good advice, and i would move from where you are if that is possible.
Steffy, honey you arent the only one who loves their abuser. the guy that used me as rocket launcher, literally, boy he could throw me 20 feet across a room if he wanted to, he finally died a couple of years ago...and i think of him and i miss him, i cry, i write him lettters, take em outside, burn them, i talk to him and tell him i miss him and love him,i never went to dv counseling, but i'll be honest, i remember us with mostly happy memories now rather than thethings that almost nearly killed me. i have a friend who just broke up with her boyfriend for the umpteenth time..it takes what it takes, but it'sscary, because alot of us die from our abuser's and i pray it will never be one of us from here on PTO!

Ladies I beg you - please, please get out of these relationships. move as far away as you can and don't look back. When I was with my 9 year old's dad he was very verbally abusive. we were 19 so i put up with it. then it was like almost every time we went out to a party or with friends he'd get in a fight. then he started threatening me if i left him he'd hurt me or my family or take our son and i'd never see him again. it was more and more often and then one day he slapped me across the face. the look in his eyes was nothing like i had ever seen before. i called the police and then my parents. the police did not arrest him, the told me to go take a tpo against him and then he couldn't contact me or come around the baby. i had the cops stand there while my parents and i moved all of my stuff out of the house. a few months later i met someone else and moved in with him. i saw my ex one day following me home. 2 days later he called the apartment. i know this sounds like no big deal, but it was a violation of the TPO but again, the cops didn't arrest him. they told me to go back to court and tell the judge he had violated it. i didn't. i had that feeling in my gut and i took my kids and moved. and moved again and again. 6 times in 3 years. everytime he would find out where we were. finally he met someone else and left me alone. a couple of years went by. i ran into one of our old mutual friends and she was still friends with him and his new wife. he had been in jail 6 times in 2 years for DV against her. but they swore up and down he had changed his life from going to counseling and i caved and let them see our son a few times. they started having problems again so i didn't let them see my son anymore. she finally got sick of the abuse left him and met someone new. labor day 2004 she went to a picnic with her new boyfriend and when she came home he was hiding in her garage and stabbed her 187 times. she died instantly after the first blow the detective said. her brother was in the house asleep with her son who was 9 at the time and didn't find her until the next morning. It's been almost 3 years and he still hasn't gone to trial. Not a week goes by that I don't thank my lucky stars that I trusted my gut and got out of the situation when i did. I am here to watch my sons grow up, something that she isn't. I never got to warn her so I am warning everyone I can now. It only gets worse and worse until they snap. It was hard leaving, but it saved my life. It's still hard. I sleep with the TV on and only live in apartments or duplexes where there is someone next door and I make sure to know my neighbors and even though I don't tell them what happened, I ask them to keep an eye out and to let me know if they ever see anyone come around. sorry to go on and on, i just wanted to let you know to trust your gut and don't second guess yourself. they don't change, they only get worse.

Why do we still love them! I don't understand! I am in the same situation. He used and abused me, talked to me like I was a disgusting piece of trash, when the truth is, he is! I have lived a decent, responsible life. Took care of my family, worked very hard, did everything right. He, on the other hand, had 4 children by 3 different women, never paid hardly any child support, (owes over $100,00.00), and couldn't care less about them. Calls them, (the children) and asks them to send him money while he is in jail!!! Dr€inks, does drugs, (I've never touched them), gets high and has sex with whomever he can. Fights, steals, hits, beats whoever gets in his way of hm getting his drugs. And finally lands in prison because he robs. Why do we love them? Because they cry and sob, and say they're sorry and they really love us and they beg and plead for our help. They are users and abusers. They do this because they seek out loving and caring people like us because they know they can work it!! They use it on us and they know it works!! I feel so stupid, but he is now paying. Paying with 5 years of his life!! God works in mysterious ways. I didn't do anything to him but love him. He did this to himself, and I'm sure God had a hand in it too, to give me time. Time to sort out all my feelings and to realize that he is the user that he is. Why do we love them? Because we are good, loving and caring women and we get sucked in by these animals!

Hello again,

yes we are human after all. I fell for all my mans smooth talking, kisses etcc... flowers and even an engagment ring from Jareds. I plan to wait for him hopefully this will sort him out and he might actually be sorry for his actions. One can only hope cant one????

I know that they could probably kill us if they had a chance but this man is the only man I have ever truly loved and its really so hard to let go. I am crying now as I type this. I feel like you are all my new friends pelase PM me if you wanna be buddie!!!

Steffy I will be your buddy but just know we are on diffferent sides of the fence when it comes to how we feel about the men who abused us. I fell for all the sweet talk, gifts, promises and even lived on the hope that mine was going to change...mine didn't. I won't try to talk you down about how you feel about this guy but I can send you a picture of what he did to me and how Pamela looked when she was born because I believed in him so much. I know you man is not the same one who did this to us but I think they all use the same tactics to sway us back into loving, trusting and trying to believe in them. sokie

Let him go and get on with your life. There are other good fish in the sea or be by yourself. That is what I am doing at this moment and it feels great. I was always a strong, independent woman and he couldn't handle it. I am thinking of my 6 year old son for he witnessed the abuse and I don't want him to think that this what marriage is all about.
Send that letter and close the door on that relationship.

Let him go and get on with your life. There are other good fish in the sea or be by yourself. That is what I am doing at this moment and it feels great. I was always a strong, independent woman and he couldn't handle it. I am thinking of my 6 year old son for he witnessed the abuse and I don't want him to think that this what marriage is all about.
Send that letter and close the door on that relationship.

coffemaker is right steffy,as hard as it is the best thing you can do is move on with your life.get a piece of paper and write the pros and cons of being with him,the cons always win in abusive relationships.I or anyone eles can't say what is what in your relationship,but alot of us were married and have kids with our abusers,it was really hard for me to open my eyes and slap sense into myself and it actually took this dv forum for me to see i could do it,and i still have extremely bad days,but not because i want to be with him but maybe for being with him at all,the one thing i am thankful for in our marriage is my 15month old.i wish you luck with whatever decision you make and hope it is a safe one...

My dear friends

I sent that Dear John letter today. I am so proud of myself. Guess what I go back to Sydney on Friday and he is in jail for 7 years. Anyone wanna be buddies with me pm me.

;) Thank you all for those loving and kind words..I want you all to know that I am fine..He gets out july 25th 2007..I can't run cause I own my house..Payed in full..I just have taxes..I am not going to run for this man..I have learned that once a man hits you or try to hurt you with words, he will always do that..See he thought I would let this go on, and he would end up with my home and me..But I have a new man and he lives with me..He will handle this crazy man and tell him he is not welcome here and that if he trys anything I will daill 911 and back to prison he goes.. My guy knew this man before and he is afaird of him..But to tell you the truth he is afaird of men..So thank you all for those words of widson..But do me a favor :thumbsup: get out and far away from anyone who hurts you or your kids or your family cause he will always hurt you. They said they won't but trust and believe they will always hurt you..I will be fine and I well not even let this so called man in my yard..got a big dog..I also have talked to the prison parole office and the cops...It won't ever happen to me in this life time again...So if anyone want to talk to me or just fine out how I am PM me or write a message so others can learn to not believe in someone who saids they love you and then try to kill you..that is not love :angry: remember there are lots of fish in the oceans and I am sure you all can fine a kind and loving one..god bless you all and my prays are there for you all....must love and respect to you all....minnie:cool: PTO ROCKS

Never be predictable in your daily activities....dont go to the store at the same time everyday.....do overtime once inawhile...up-change your workout schedule.

What i found is that controlling people dont like anything that conflicts with the plan...their plan. They dont like radical change. They dont like problems. Any woman who is aggressive/ opinionated, i've noticed that they will call her a "bitch".....which either means, he knows he couldnt control her and take dominence....or he wants to control her and take dominence.

Some great advice on here......good luck......you are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

Steffy,

You are not the reason your man is in prison. I too am a survivor. Please take those "loving" letters and destroy them. They will only keep you in bondage to this man. I know it is hard but it must be done if you want to survive.

Hun, if you dont have any felonies go register for you a weapon and go get training on how to use it if you have'nt already God is too good and you're still here for a reason. God Bless:)
:( It was sunday morning...I just opened my eyes and said who die???The smell was the smell of death..I saw this man walk by the door with a sheet in his hands and once again I said who die?? could it have been me???No I am alive...this man was six foot, blue eyes and he came back in the room to tell me he was sented by god to save me.:eek: what:confused: me??I was the one who didn't see the light but black. Yes it was minnie who die...He gave me the date rape drug and I went into a black hole..BUT ran into an old friend who showed me the good times I had in life and wasn't letting me go..So I told this man to go and he wouldn't..Broke window, hurt my dog and me..But finally someone called the cops and now he is in prison...what happens when he comes home????hopefully he will get the picture if he comes around I will call 911 and he will return to prison or will he really do what he tryed to do:angry: no way...I am not letting some crazy person kill me...That was the first and the last time a man will rest his hand to me or my dog.... If anyone has any ideas please let me know how to keep him far away...:cool:

This is an old post. Telling someone to get a weapon is........
You have the right idea but what if it is taken from you.........