HE SAYS HE WILL WRITE BUT NEVER DOES THOU.

Tina....
This sounds like something you really need to address with your hubby..... It would really bother and upset me if JD ever made promises to me and didn't follow through.... To me, that would say something about our relationship or his interest in it.... If he doesn't do what he says he is going to do NOW, how can you think he will do what he says he is going to do later (ie: after his release?) I don't know what others think, but this is not something I would take lightly....

In general when a person stands me up (or doesn't write after a promise) it would tell me they do not care about me or my feelings. Now do I really want to continue and have anything to do with someone that does not care about me or my feelings? Nope. Just something to think about.

I kinda have to agree with Torrey on this one. Sorry girl, but in our situation, we do more for than then the other way around. It isn't so much to ask to write a letter now and then and if they can't do that, well it makes you wonder....

Yes, I think it's something that you need to talk to him about. There is something going on in his mind for him not to write to you. Make him lay all his cards out on the table so you know what to expect in the long run. Let us know what happens.

I might have another 'reason'...I know you had posted some threads about MCI...Do you and your husband still talk a lot or regularly on the phone? The reason, I'm asking this is because Vic used to write several time a week, now we talk on the phone a lot (too much) and he tells me its harder to write, but I still get two letters a week from him, maybe not as long as before, but I appreciate them just the same.
If you are still talking a lot on the phone...try to cut that back and see if he follows through on the letters...

Hopefully he'll write soon...!

i think your reply was a bit harsh, torrey....there can be a LOT of reasons why he isn't writing beyond blowing tina off! when my penpal ended up in the hole, he just wasn't in a frame of mind to write for a week....these guys can run out of funds for paper and envelopes and stamps....maybe he ended up in segregation and CAN'T write. i don't know what the story is, but, in prison, there are always millions of reasons why these guys can't do something as simple as writing a letter....

tina, hang in there!

Try one more time to make sure he has money for stationary, is not in segregation and not allowed personal property items, is not sick in the infirmary, etc.
Then maybe a letter asking him directly why he has not written. It could be that he just doesn't know how to deal with the situation he is in right now. Maybe he just doesn't know what to say??
Hang in there, Tina.

tina, i agree with v- make sure he is in a siatuaton where he is able to write- not in seg, infirmary, has paper stamps, etc--once you know that he does-write one more letter-then the ball is in his court

I think Sheri has the right idea!Steve&kids

SEXESWEET

EACH OF US HAS AN OPINION. THAT IS ALL IT IS IS AN OPINION.... NONE OF US KNOW WHAT GOES ON INSIDE YOUR HUSBAND'S HEAD. NOT EVEN YOU KNOW THAT.

BUT, AS LONG AS THINGS ARE O.K AND YOU KNOW HE IS NOT IN SEG OR EVEN IF HE IS HE CAN WRITE AND YOU ARE NOT GETTING ANY INFORMATION FROM HIM, IT IS VERY HARD NOT TO ASSUME THAT HE DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU.....

MAYBE THE APPROACH SHOULD BE, JUST LET THINGS CALM DOWN FOR AWHILE AND SEE HOW LONG IT TAKES HIM TO WRITE TO YOU...

I KNOW YOU HURT RIGHT NOW, BUT REALIZE TOO THAT THINGS ARE NEVER LIKE THEY SEEM.

MY LOVE AND PRAYERS TO YOU

DONNA

we were talking alot on the phone and he does have prolems writting to me to.

WHAT KINDS OF PROBLEMS?

Maybe the phone conversations just leave him wondering what to write when you may have already talked about all the latest events in your lives? I know a guy who is like that. It never means he doesn't care about his friends!

tina, some guys have a gift of gab/opinions and others are the "here and now" type. Once the here and now is taken care of, there's nothing else of interest to talk about, like vnv said.

What was, is something to forget and the furture is a bridge too cross then they get there.

I guess one can say, I've been on both sides of that fence. Most of my life, I was a "here and now" type.

Some guys will gather a rath of good usable information, but the "fear" of being WRONG, (a put down), they don't share. BTDT too!

So, tina, if your phone calls are a good time, be satisified that he is doing what he can and in his mind, everything is COOL.

There are many reasons why he isn't writing. Albert only writes to me once a week if I'm lucky. When we are able to talk on the phone I don't expect any letters from him. I know that basically he's not the type to write only if it's our only means of communication. ....But if you talk to him a lot then maybe it's because he feels that since you talk on the phone, there's no reason to write. Yet I think you should talk to him.

Amy

think aboutwhat he is going through all the thoughts and stuff, gosee him and talk

Sexesweet,

I am so much like your husband. I mean, to be honest, I don't recall a single personal letter that I have ever written in my life. Even at times that one was absolutely necessary! I'm 34 years old and I mean EVER in my life.

I was introduced to my fiance who is in prison and the intention of the minister was to have us kind of help each other with our various issues. I intended to MAYBE write her a SHORT note every six weeks or so. Well, here I am and I write nearly EVERY day now and sometimes several times a day.

Now, having said this, it is very important to explain to you that we do not and never will have any opportunity to talk on the phone at all. If we were able to talk on the phone, I seriously doubt I would write to her much if at all.

I'm very very sorry for what you are going through and any anger you feel, you should feel free to unleash on me. See, I caused the kind of pain you are experiencing from your husband's lack of written communication myself to those who loved me and needed some feedback from me.

Can I offer a suggestion to encourage him to write? I wish I could. It may help to suggest that he send you a small greeting card with a hello once in a while. If he gets started, he may begin writing, but if he is like I am/was (whatever) then even that may be looked at as a challenge too tough to handle.

I wish you the best and my prayers are with you.


Jim

If he doesnt feel comfortable writing, then ask him to draw you things. That way you will know, or atleast have an idea what is up. I yell at James if he doesnt write atleast 3 to 4 letters a week. But he likes to write. Just ask him what makes him comfortable.
Sherry:)

IM KINDA IN THE SAME SITUATION HAVE BEEN FOR ABOUT A MONTH.I USED TO GET A LETTER EVERY OTHER DAY.I DIDNT GET ONE FOR 21/2 WEEKS AND THEN I GOT A DRAWING FROM HIM FOR MY BIRTHDAY.I WENT TO SEE HIM THE NEXT DAY AUG.22 AND HE TOLD ME HE HAD ONE IN THE MAIL FOR ME.STILL HAVENT GOTTEN IT.WENT TO SEE HIM LAST WEEK THE SAME THING, STILL HAVENT GOTTEN IT.HE CALLED TUESDAY STILL NO LETTER BUT I GUESS WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON HE JUST DOESNT WANT TO WRITE I DONT KNOW BUT HANG IN THERE IT WILL GET BETTER FOR ALL OF US

WHEN MY FIANCE FIRST WENT IN I HAD A LETTER EVERY DAY, THEN THE PHONE CALLS STARTED AND HE DIDN'T WRITE AS MUCH BUT NOW THAT HE IS IN RECEPTION CENTER, HE WRITES ABOUT 3 TIMES A WEEK, AND I VISIT. THERE WAS A TIME THAT I DID NOT HEAR FROM HIM FOR ALMOST TWO WEEKS I WAS A WRECK, THEN ONE DAY I GOT 10 LETTERS ALL AT ONCE, HE WAS WRITING, BUT THEY DID NOT SEND THEM OUT. I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG, HE LOVES TO WRITE AND HE DRAWS ME BEAUTIFUL PICTURES, RIGHT NOW HES WORKING ON MY BIRTHDAY DRAWING, AND HE WRITES IN BETWEEN. HANG IN THERE IT WILL GET BETTER.

Be glad you get those phone calls. They may be enough for him...but if they aren't enough for you, communicate that to him. If I were in your shoes...I would flood him with letters and cards and pictures! Well, I kinda do it anyways. :) Not a day goes by-except Sunday-that I don't put a letter in the mail to my husband and receive one from him. Flood him with words of love, comfort and support. It may not fix the situation, but it sure won't hurt it.

i agree with april, there is many reason why one may not write, even though we do the time with them, those in the inside has the worst end of the deal, i know that if my guy did not write me, i would think something was wrong. we have that trust and know that something is not right when we have not heard from each other. talk with him, communication is all we have sometimes while doing time

I'm in the same kind of situation except on the opposite side of the fence. here lately I find it hard to write Jerry, I feel terrible for it cause he was writing me almost everyday but as soon as my letters started to slack off so did his. I know I should write more than I do and gosh, do I feel just plum rotten fo it, but here lately I've been so depressed that I'm afraid that I will get him all down and gloomy and I know that would just make things worse on him and he would be worrying about me. He called tonight and sensed that something was wrong so he kept calling back until I broke down and told him our house was just lonely and I hated to even come home anymore, and now I feel terible about telling him cause I know he'll be worrying about me when he has enough to deal with but if I dont rell him when something is troubling me the I feel like I'm keeping things from him, I always thought I was stronger tan this and could handle anything but here lately it seems to be getting harder and harder and I dont want him to feel guilty cause i feel this way. well, I kinda got side tracked with my own problems ...LOL when what I really was wanting to tell you was to just hang in there and lend a friend to talk to and let you know that we are all here for you!! As long as there is LOVE, ANYTHING is possible!

Girl take it the way you need think you need to take it. My fiance' has been down that road too. He has told me that he will write and he does but not like it used to be. I told him I dont care if it takes him 2-3 days to write a letter at least I am seeing that he is putting in an effort. But sometimes you get really busy up in there. I know my fiance' was going to school and working. Now he works 12 hour days 5 days a week and he sees me on one of his off days. and he works out 7 days a week. so i know what he is doing its not like he is just screwing off. but talk to him and find out what his life is like up in there find out if he is bettering himself or if he is just not writing and find out the reason. WHY?????

Hi Tina,

When my husband was in reception, I used to receive a ton of letters from him. Now that he got to where he'll be for the next three years, he doesn't write hardly ever. I see him almost every weekend, and we get to talk on the phone now. He actually only writes when he's on lockdown, so I wouldn't worry. Just let him know how you feel. I told my husband that I like when he writes because it keeps the closeness in our relationship going, but he only writes sometimes. I feel bad, too, because I haven't written much at all since I have been seeing him. I used to write every other day when he was in reception.

I know one of you were saying that he might not feel like writing because of the situation. This is so true. Sometimes my husband says he's so frustrated that he can't write. It depends what mood he's in. Maybe this is a time where your husband is really going through stress. Also, my husband said it's loud, so it's hard for him to concentrate. Let him miss you though. That's the key. Don't talk to him for a few days and the letters will come, believe me.

Hang in there, I know it's hard!