Hey,
Just wanted to let you know my experience so far...
My son got out this past July we were/are still nervous. He was home less than 2 months, well, long enough for us to set him up with new shoes, clothes, (lost weight) and a car (sold his when he went in). He was 16 when he went in tried as an adult sentenced 6yr (2 in 4 on paper).
Maybe I should have know not much had changed since I literaly chased his *ss all over to state of FL to visit him. He & I have seen 7 different prisions in 2 years. But I've tired to be there for him support him the whole time basically wait for my son's return.
I'm sure he feels "shorted" 2 years of his life, but so do I! I wasn't ready to "lose" my son at what 15 to drugs then the legal system! I guess I'm just "stupid" to think he'd want to stay with us when he didn't want to at 15. So he's home for 2 months or less moves out with 3 guy in a run down apt. (no hot water!) in a not so nice area. Then quits his job he was making decent money at. And last night I find out he get into a car wreck. It was his fault, $2000 in damages to his car no one hurt I pray! He won't be able to afford insurance now even when he gets a job. It will take $400 just to get it running (I said I'd loan it to him). He has to get to work once he finds a job and to his PO.
I thought he'd be okay at first... He was going to church on his own, looking like he wanted to change, even managed to get his GED Certificate before he moved out. We were not charging him rent. All we asked is that he keep his room neat, do a chore a week, and be home before 2am on the weekends. This way he could save money to pay his restitution and save for a deposit on a decent apt. WHAT WAS SO HARD? :fb:
I felt we were letting him live his life, guess he didn't. Damn sometimes I could kick myself maybe we should have just got him a bike and told him "good luck!" and if your running late pedal faster!:pissed:
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? IS IT POSSIBLE TO LOVE SOMEONE TOO MUCH?:argh cheryl

((hugs)) I think some of them need to learn things themselves by experiencing their own choices and learning the hard way.... I guess we parents are supposed to love them and let them go to experience their life and be there when they come for advice etc... Hopefully, they mature and "get it" soon...

Deb

Ditto to almost everything you said Cheryl except my son is older and made it almost 4 mo. He's moved out and violated parole and I have no idea where or how he is. You seem to have a good attitude and that will help alot.It's all a horrible nightmare.And of course I always think "What did I do wrong" I wish you well and I hope your son "Gets it" soon.

Valerie

There is the "help that helps" and the "help that hurts"; its figuring out which is which that is difficult. It sounds like you are beginning to do just that!!!

cheryl....i don't think you can ever love anyone too much...it's just that we try to make their life easier too much.....your son sounds very much like mine...we went through all that...and i do know change is possible...but my son has spent possible 2 years on the outside since 16 and after his last stint of 4 years in atlanta usp.....i thought this would have been the changing factor....but .....NOT.....he was only home 2 months and doing everything right....the only difference was that he didn't have a car...he had a girl....out long enough to procreate and now...another little one on the way...AAAGGGGGGHHH!!! i hope your son gets his act together before he winds up like my son....my son is now 26 and is facing 10-15 years depending on his case out come...in the mean time...like all moms i cry....i hope you can find peace for yourself...and that your boy gets some common sense....but damn it you still love the little jerks...lol....if you ever need to talk....please pm me and maybe we can find an easier way to chat than like this

my son is only 26 and has already done 7 years.he is out again and i fear that it wont last.no-one wants to hire him and i do what i can.the only place that did hire him,was a car wash and then kept sending him home because he was low man on the totem pole and they had too many guys there.i dont want to do too much for him(i cant)we are from ohio.please let me know if anyone has any suggestions?

My prayers are with all of you, as the mother of two grown sons, I truly understand your wanting to help as much as you can. But maybe it's time for a dose of tough love, as difficult as it may be, you might just have to stand back and make him suffer the consequences of his actions. I don't know if I'd be forking out the car repair money that quick. But like I said I'm a mom and it's easier said than done. So whatever happens, know that you have lots of company on PTO of moms who love their kids too much.

(((((((( Hugs )))))))))))

What you are going through I don't think I could go through again. My younger son is due out Feb 2005. He's been doing sooo good while he's been in.He would be so upset with me right now if he knew I was posting this about him because it would be like I didn't have 'faith' that he could do right.
Actually there is no reason why he can't do good and stay out of trouble.....but will he?
I have watched my nephew (his fav cousin) do a year. Got out and like you said above worked a couple of months and did pretty good. After a couple of months he started giving his parole ofcr dirty tests. He did 6 mths-1yr for the parole violation. When he got out the last time he didn't even work. Didn't really do much of anything but exist. He's back in again for more dirty tests. Suppose to do a month from what I heard.
Living like he is and being my sons favorite cousin, my son is bound to end up with him at one time or another. My son can't afford to get into trouble again because it would be a 3rd strike. If he were to do drugs I really don't think he would think about the 3rd strike and what it would mean to his life.
My son doesn't want to be paroled back into this town...that's one point in his favor (getting away from old friends). Maybe I'm just worrying for nothing, I hope so. I read the posts above and thought about my nephew but I guess that doesn't necessarily mean my son will do the same. -I swear, if I don't have something 'real' to worry about I'll find something somewhere!
Okay...vented, feel a bit better!

No slight intended toward any father at all. But, I say being a mother is the toughest job there is--and ever will be. From birth to development--it continues to hurt and doesn't cease. To all you moms--I wish I could give you PEACE that would last forever.