Hi my friends
I was trying to read around to see if my questions has been asked or answered before,but I did not find anything.
1. Does a person have to be assaulted first before they can take out a restraining order? Where do you get a restraining order? How much money do they cost?
I live in nc. thanks for any answers,and thanks for all the help and support I recieved from a few of you nice people.
Jade

In NJ you can obtain a temporary restraining order for a number of reasons, you do not have to be assaulted in order to be granted one of these. If it is during normal working hours you go to your county court house to the domestic violence unit and make application. A judge is contacted and decides if it is warranted. You can receive a restraining order for harrasment, threats, things of that nature. If it is after normal business hours, you contact your local police department and it can be processed there. If the DV unit thinks it necessary, or you think it is necessary, a permanent restraining order can be granted, but you must appear before a judge and the judge decides whether to make it permanent or not. They do not take domestic violence and restraining orders lightly. You will speak to a counselor and he/she will advise you. Listen to them, they know what they are talking about. Also, there is no cost to the plaintiff, the defendant on the other hand normally gets a fine, court costs and is normally ordered into anger management classes. Good luck.

Jade, go to the counselors, as Bondsai said. They have all the information for your area. It does vary by state, and sometimes even by county. You don't have to be hit to ask for an order; what you need is a reasonable fear of him. Which you have.

I went to the local courthouse & tried to file a complaint to receive a restraining order (as advised by the magistrate). The judge had to review my statement to find if there was reasonable enough cause to issue the order...& have my hubby removed from the home...pending the court date. HA! I had court documented records of a couple of previous domestic violence offenses against me by him....BUT the judge didn't think him telling me he was going to "blow my brains out" when I got home was sufficient! I got a court date...for a week later! The judge that heard my complaint in court (a different judge) agreed with me...I take someone (especially with a history) threatining my life seriously! I guess they have to beat the crap out of you or worse...before you can get anything done! Good luck!

Ok Thanks,see what I can do. but thats the way it seams to go,ya gotts have the crap beat out of you first.
Councelors? Are you guys talking about lawyers? They do do a free first conversation huh? Oh well he hasnt been mean yet,but I know the day is coming,he drinks too much and is mad at the world,and so so nice,the nicest man I ever met sober,but thats part of the sickness huh?
Thanks ladies,you all have a great day.
Jade
Im glad you all have made happy lives for yourselves,I know I can too.

Jade, the couselors that I am talking aboutare at the DV unit where you go to file for the temp. order. (that's in NJ anyway). Normally someone speaks to you and advises whether you need one, they call the judge and the judge decides whether it's warranted. Then they counsel you on whether a permanent one is in order. If so, and it is up to you, they put in for a court date for it to be made permanent. You can return anytime to remove it, but it must be done before the judge, and he makes the final decision whether to remove it or not, it depends one what your reasons are, but he works with you, especially if your spouse is doing something to end the cycle of abuse. Good luck.

Ok Thanks I get it now!! Now I just gotta get through the fear and do this!!. Hope I;m as strong as yall are. Thanks again,i will keep you informed,and another thing is time,and procrastination,Im very good at that,and work is work work work,all work no play,and days off,I will need the most energy to do this. I just gotta do it huh? Ok thanks again.
all of you.
Jade (I hate booze when abused!)

You won't need a lawyer to get a restraining order, but any women's shelter or center will have people who can provide information, moral support, and quite possibly a safe place to live if you need one in the short term. And no, you most certainly do not have to be assaulted first or anything of the sort.

Not sure about other states but in Minnesota at least, there is no charge for seeking a protective order against a family member or someone with whom you have had a relationship (this is abused at times, but there are obviously good reasons for it as well). If you are dealing with a co-worker, neighbor, or someone else you believe is harassing you, there is a filing fee.

Generally one receives a temporary restraining order which is valid until a hearing can be set, at which time both parties are allowed to tell the judge why the order should or should not be granted for a longer period or even made permanent (women's centers are pretty good about sending someone to be with you at the hearing--and they generally know all of the judges). As a general rule the order will be granted.

In some areas it is difficult to get a protective order enforced should someone violate it. Should this be a problem, once again, the staff at a women's center can be of help as they'll know who to talk to. If you cannot get your local police to help you, try the county sheriff or go directly to the nearest office of your county or district attorney. Follow your visit with a written complaint.

In addition to all the good stuff above, once you get the order, go down to the local police station and show them. Give them your number, and ask that any 911 call from there be given maximum attention because of the threat. Promise not to misuse it. Thank them for their attention. Put them firmly on your side, protecting you. Make it personal for them. It will help.

Very good point. If you've had problems with the police in the past especially, they can be very unsympathetic. But give them a copy of the order, be polite (even though that may require biting your tongue REALLY hard), and try to establish a "relationship" so to speak. If you do need that, it can be very helpful. If need be, have someone from the women's center go with you or at least call the station--the police will know them (and vice versa) and be more likely to take the matter seriously.

You won't need a lawyer to get a restraining order, but any women's shelter or center will have people who can provide information, moral support, and quite possibly a safe place to live if you need one in the short term. And no, you most certainly do not have to be assaulted first or anything of the sort.

Not sure about other states but in Minnesota at least, there is no charge for seeking a protective order against a family member or someone with whom you have had a relationship (this is abused at times, but there are obviously good reasons for it as well). If you are dealing with a co-worker, neighbor, or someone else you believe is harassing you, there is a filing fee.

Generally one receives a temporary restraining order which is valid until a hearing can be set, at which time both parties are allowed to tell the judge why the order should or should not be granted for a longer period or even made permanent (women's centers are pretty good about sending someone to be with you at the hearing--and they generally know all of the judges). As a general rule the order will be granted.

In some areas it is difficult to get a protective order enforced should someone violate it. Should this be a problem, once again, the staff at a women's center can be of help as they'll know who to talk to. If you cannot get your local police to help you, try the county sheriff or go directly to the nearest office of your county or district attorney. Follow your visit with a written complaint.

Everything that DaveMoff said is right. My state does restraining orders the same but they are called Protection From Abuse. I am a DV and SA Advocate and want to say one more thing to you. I know in the State of Kansas one is only allowed two PFA's per year. So please make sure to think about it and make sure to attend the final hearing. If you one misses the final hearing the judge will drop it and 1 PFA has been used. However, once the PFA is granted by the judge at the final hearing it is good for one year (in the State of Kansas, other states may be different) and should be good statewide and nationally. Also always, always call the police, make records, and make sure to get an advocate who can help and support you.