Another question here. My boyfriend (as you all probably know by now cuz since I have found this forum, I have posted about a billion times) is back in prison on a parole violation. His original sentence that he was on parole for was car jacking, armed robbery, and fleeing and alluding. Now, as bad as that all sounds, all these charges occured together when he walked up to a lady at a gas staion, pretended to have a gun, and asked her for her car. She gave it up, and he took off. Of course after trying to outrun the police, he gave up. (man, that sounds so bad and I can't even IMAGINE him doing something like that, but he did) Now, his parole violation I think is for leaving a parole ordered rehab center. So, my question is, when he actually goes in front of the parole board in a few weeks, are they sentencing him on what he violated his parole for? I mean, are they seeing him as a violent offender because of his past crime? Or will they see him as a guy who left a rehab. Does that make sense?

When my husband had his hearing a couple of months ago (in Alabama) they did not focus on the crimes related to his original conviction, but rather, why he was back - why his parole had been violated by his PO.

In 1990 he received a 20 year sentence for a non-violent crime (attempted auto theft) and served 6 years before being paroled. He had been out 6 years when he failed a drug test and then a few months later was charged with grand larcney. The grand larceny charges were dropped but there was still enough to violate him. Just being charged was enough to violate his parole. The parole board reviewed his case and revoked his parole with a 3 year set-off - which means it will be 3 years before they'll consider paroling him again. My husband has 8 years left on his sentence and could flat time and do the whole eight years or could be paroled again in three. One can never tell what the parole board will do.

A lot of states (I don't know about Michigan) have relapse programs for people with a violation related to drug addiction and no new charges pending - sort of like a prison rehab. The problem with these - at least in Alabama and Mississippi -is that there is a long waiting list to get in - and they have to spend that time waiting in prison before they ever enter the program. For example, a person here could be sentenced to the 6 month relapse program, but spend another 6 months waiting to get into the program and wind up doing a year.

Sorry if this sounds bleak, but continue to hope for the best. Do you know when his hearing is? Has it been scheduled yet? Let us know! We're here for you!

Thanks for your response. I think the not knowing is what is so hard for me right now. But, in actuality, he has only been in prison for about 2 weeks. He was in a county jail for about 2 weeks before that. It seems like forever, even though I know it's not. I work at a restaurant here in town for my parents, and that is how I met Robert. When I met him, he was in what we call the "center", which was for guys that were out of prison, but not actually paroled. (kind of like work release I guess) He had the option of getting out of prison and being tethered for a few months, and then going on parole, or just going to the center, bypassing the tether, and then going on parole. He chose the center because he didn't want to wear that damn thing around his ankle. Well, the restaurant where we worked together emloyeed alot of guys from the center, or that were tethered. I have seen many many guys get violated for ridiculous things (like being late to a parole appt.) From the ones that I have seen, the majority haven't done that much time for violating. There is one guy that Robert is in with now that we both know, he was on tether, and was late for a parole appt. So, they considered him as an escapee and went and picked him up. They took him directly to prison (no county jail) and this was back on Mother's day of this year. (May?) Well, his earliest release date is September 1 of this year. He has already transferred down to a very low security level, so it looks like they will be letting him out on time. So, that was about 4 months that he had to do. But then, there is another guy in with Robert that we both know, who was also tethered, and dropped dirty, and Robert says that he is looking at a year. So, I dunno. I guess it just depends on a lotta luck! I don't know if they take into account that Robert never actually committed a crime, he was never actually arrested for anything. But I know that to the DOC, a violation is a violation. I hate it because if anybody else, that wasn't on parole, had done what Robert had done (left a rehab) they wouldn't be looking at prison time. I know that Robert has done some stupid things in his life, but he has also paid with a few years of his life. He hasn't even done anything to anybody else now, but they don't care. UGH! It is just so frusturating! But, I know you ALL know what Iam going through, and I shouldn't even be complaining because I don't have it half as bad as alot of you do. If I knew how much time he was looking at, I could start counting down the days. But I can't do that yet. Plus, I expected to hear from him on Sunday, or definitely on Monday. But, I haven't. So that makes me a little nervous too. I am just not used to this whole system. Sorry this is so long!!! Thanks for listening!

danielle, YIKES years for a parole violation. That sent shivers down my spine, & I began to shake. Thats insane!! In Cailf. the worst time you can get on a parole violation is a year flat time. You only get flat time if there is a weapon or violence involved. Everyone else get half time.

Jeni, I don't know about Michigan, but here when you get a violation they really only concern them selves with the violation not the controlling case. Walking away from rehab here is nothing maybe 6 months with half time be out in 3 1/2 months, & thats harsh. But then again it depends on the PO's recomendation, past violations etc.------Ken

The not knowing is by far the hardest. Even though Wayne's parole result wasn't what we hoped for, it was an answer - finally. He was in county jail 3 months, at prison a month before his hearing and then it was 2 more months before his results were handed down. When I found out the results, I was devistated - it seemed every dream I had for the future had been crushed. I had to grieve, come here and vent (a lot!), cry, and then find some inner strength inside of me and move forward. I also came to realize that those dreams I thought had been crushed had only been postponed for a little while. It's all baby steps and taking it one day at a time. People here kept telling me to hang in there - that it would get easier for the both of us. You know what? They were right. Finding out he would be there (right now he's over 250 miles away, but should be moved soon to I don't know where) for three years was a shocking blow - but knowing it makes it easier to deal with.

I don't normally give a lot of advice - mostly I post my own experiences, but I want to give you a word of advice. This was told to me early on from people here at PTO and I took it to heart. In all that is going on with your boyfriend, don't lose yourself. Even though he is important to you, you are more than the girlfriend of an inmate. You are a unique human being and in this temporary separation be sure and have your own support system. Sometimes I felt like I had the world on my shoulders - between the taking on the responsibilities that we once shared (I didn't even know what day they picked up the garbage!) to being strong for him to running around like crazy hiring him a lawyer, getting support letters, etc. Somewhere I lost myself - and eventually crumbled on the inside. I was no good for him or for me. Keep your own support system strong and if you don't have a hobby - take one up! Take a moment EVERY day and meditate, rent a movie, read a book, get a manicure - do something that only you will benefit from.

Sorry this is so long! Hang in there!

Good luck and keep us posted!

Ken, I could totally handle a 3 month sentence! :) I won't get my hopes up though. If it's a year, then it's a year. I guess all I can do is wait it out! (but damn 3 months sounds good. 6 months sounds good!)
Danielle, that was a wonderful post. It seems that once Robert started using drugs again, I was completely gone. I didn't even feel like I existed anymore, and worse, I knew that I didn't exist when it came to him. At one point, all he cared about was getting his fix so he wouldn't be sick. I honestly don't know how he did it, day after day, driving into Detroit to get what he needed. What an insane way to live! I don't know how he did it, but he would spend alot, and I mean ALOT of money, every day on that crap. And then all of a sudden, I got stuck with the bills and everything else. So, in terms of finding myself, I have been gone alot longer then he has been. (know what I mean?) So, since I have been spending time alone lately, I have started doing the things that I forgot to do before. I have started reading again, my diet is a WHOLE lot better. (I don't know if you know anything about heroin addicts, but they crave sugar. So, we know what my boyfriend was bringing home every day, and what I was eating) So, there's no more candy in THIS house! :)
So, I have come to the conclusion that I do believe that my boyfriend can beat his addiction, that he can learn to stay clean. But, I have waited for him long enough. If he comes out of prison and uses again, I am gone. I don't think that he will use, because my God he has got to know what will happen to him if this happens again! Plus, he wants his life back. SO, I will wait and see. I appreciate your words! And I totally understand what you are saying! Your husband got a really bum deal for a violation. I read somewhere that like 45-50% of the guys that are locked up here in Michigan are locked up on stupid parole violations. That is why they have to keep building more and more prisons. If the system would just relax a little bit, and not lock someone back up for something so minor, we wouldn't be having all the problems that we do have. But, like I said, 3 years for a violation is outrageous. It really is scarey how much control the DOC has. It's awful because Robert doesn't have a say in anything that happens to him! I can't imagine what that would feel like. I was on probation for a DUI I got a couple years ago, and I'll tell ya, every time I saw a cop, I got scared that they could get me for something. And, that was just probation! (I'm a chicken) Well, this is long. So, thankyou again! And keep your chin up! I like to think about Robert's time like this.....instead of going day by day, or week by week, I go second by second. So when I am sitting at home at night, by myself, and I start thinking that next week seems too long to think about, I just think, "oh, another second closer, and another, and another, and so on" It might sound kinda....stupid :)...but it helps me pass my time! :) Keep the faith!

Jeni,

It doesn't sound stupid at all, we all do what we have to do to get through each day, & nothing is stupid or silly. Bless you for the strenght your showing getting through this.

Monica,

Your advise is so right on. Very insightful. You have to take care of you, because with out you there is no one else. everyone should set aside time & money, to be spent only on themselves, if nothing else to know your still alive & not just existing. Well said Monica----Ken

Hi I left you a reply where you posted this the first time!