WE ALL GET ON HERE AND TALK ABOUT THE SYSTEM HOW MESSED UP IT IS OR OUR LOVE FOR OUR SON BROTHER HUSBAND WIFE FIANCE' BUT I HAVENT SEEN ONE POST ON HOW ANYONE FEELS ABOUT TAKING THEIR CHILD TO SAEE ONE OR BOTH OF THEIR PARENTS IN PRISON. MY FIANCE' SOON TO BE HUSBAND IS CURRENTLY IN JAIL FIXING TO BE SHIP OUT AND I TAKE OUR 3 WEEK OLD SON UP THERE TO SEE HIM BUT I KNOW HE ISN'T OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW WHERE OR WHY HE CANT TOUCH HIM OR GET/GIVE KISSES TO HIS DADDY LIKE HE DOES HIS MOMMY I KNOW HE KNOWS ITS HIS DADDY BECAUSE HE KNOWS HIS VOICE BUT HOW DO YOU KEEP THAT SACARED BOND BETWEEN A FATHER SON CHILD WHILE HE IS LOCKED UP WHEN DO YOU OR DID YOU START TAKING THEM TO SEE THEM.

Mine went right away... Your son is young, but daddy still needs to see him....

Deb

I think up till the child is a few years old, you're doing it more for the father and yourself than for the child in many ways, but it does help to keep family bonds tight when you take a child to see his father or mother right from the start. I'd do it but not on every visit, since it gets really long and boring for the baby or young child and they don't understand. If they get too bored and start acting up, then you run the risk of getting your visit terminated early, plus none of you has a very good time.

WE GET 2 30 MINUTE VISITS A WEEK SO I TAKE HIM ONCE AND I GO BY MYSELF ONCE A WEEK

3 DAYS TIL I KNOW WHERE HE'S BEING SHIPPED I MISS HIM SO MUCH ALREADY

I think all ages can go. We went to a counselor for advise on this and she said especially if they are asking, to take them. And always be honest about the situation. You don't have to elaborate but keep your answers short and direct...and honest. My personal opinion is not to make too much of the situation. It's hard on kids, no way around that.

THANK YOU I TRY TO BE HONEST WITH EVERYONE I JUST KNOW ONE DAY HE WILL BE OLD ENOUGH TO START ASKING QUESTIONS AND I DONT WANT HIM TO THINK JUST BECAUSE HE'S IN PRISON HE'S A BAD PERSON OR DID SOMETHING HORRIBLE TO BE IN YOU KNOW I MEAN HONESTLY MY MAN IS GOING TO PRISON BECAUSE HE DROVE A CAR WITHOUT A LICENCE TOO MANY TIMES

My daughter has been going to the prison to visit her uncle since she was a week old. She went and visited her dad in county jail and she goes with me to see Corey. This is all part of her entire families life.

Your post sounds like your child's father is in county jail and you visit through glass. If he's in a place where there is contact visiting, I think it's very important that an infant spend time with his/her father and bond with him. No other way for that to happen except in visits. I took our son to visit his father in prison for the first time when he was 3 weeks old. We've been visiting ever since and our son is 14 years old now. The age where it became a bit more difficult for him was when the guards start telling him what to do directly rather than asking me to tell him (and being unreasonable with him at times). His dad was great at helping him deal with that - to talk about inner control and not letting them control him by pushing his buttons. I always emphasize to him that his father being in prison has nothing to do with him. It's a circumstance we just deal with as a family. He even wrote a wonderful paper for his 8th grade English class on "love" which described people visiting in prison. Zelda

I know that when I took the kids to see Frank in Ohio I knew that the only thing important to them was seeing thier daddy. They could of cared less where or anything else as long as they got to see him. they were 5 and 7 at the time. And they had a super time, there was a library for them to "check out books" and also had crayons, color and activity pages for them to play with too.
CJ

My son went right away too, he is seven, but I don't believe we will be doing the visits this time.

Our daughter is 2 1/2 and she has been going every time that i go! we go 4 times a month so once a week. she did not go every time while he was in county because it was very hard on her she did not know why she could not give her daddy a hug but she goes every week with me now and she does really good! we go from like 930 till 3 and she plays with him and stuff and has done really good! she can get books and get papers to color!

I agree with Zelza50. If he is in county then it is good for the childs dad to see him. If and when the daddy goes to a prison, then it is imparative that they get the physical contact for the bonding and to to keep up good relationships no matter what age. I think it is great that you take the baby to see daddy.
Kebela

I also agree with the visit especially the little ones as they will hear Daddy voice nd bond with that until they are old enough to understand that who he is exactly. Because of the distance and inability to drive I was unable to see my daughter or take her baby to se her. It was not until June of 2002(while mom was at work release) when she got to see her in person since she was 3 months old. When Mom was sent back to prison and came to our county jail for a court heraring I made a special visit to the jail and the glass windows in June o9f this year. That was intrumental in order for my grandddaughter to understand where her mommy is now behind locked gates and not working. She no longer asks to see her for now and is content to color her pictures and "mail Letters". We have mommy picture on a cabinet and she tells her goodnight and good morning every day on her own. and sometimes during the day she will waalk past it and say Hi Mommy! She knows for now Mommy s n "Time Out" for a while so she can learn to be good and not break the rules. She will turn 4 in Feb, but wise beyond her years.
GSP

hi everyone i am 12 years old and i have been going to see my father in prison since i was 8 years old! if u look up my scrren name dont worry i am not lying its just that this is my mother name not mine if u really wanna know how us kids feel about ging to see our fathers in those places then reply and i will love to reply to anyone with questins i've been though alot that some kids havent! thanx for listening

everyone my son is almost 3 months and said his first word it wasnt mommy mama it was DADDY sonow thats all he says and if i havent been or have a visit left i take him to see his DADDY and if i dont i get out a picture of him and his daddy and he looks at it am i crazy doing this? i just dont want him to forget him

I do not think that you are crazy! when my husband first went in. My daughter always carried around a 8x10 picture of her daddy. She would kiss it and huge it when she wanted her daddy. and she would huge and kiss it at bed time. IF you asked her where her daddy was she would go get the picture. I think that it made it a little easier for her.

I have taken my daughter since she was 2 months old to see her Daddy. But now that she is 11 months it is a little harder since she wants to crawl around and check everything out but I will still keep taking her.

My sister and I both go to see my mom I'm 20 but my sister is only 13! I also take my 2yr son! For me and my son it's no problem but my sister is at that age where it tears her up to see her mother in prison! I don't think the age really matters it just depends on the child and how well they can handle the situation! Each child is different and each child can handle seeing their parent in jail differently! Also I think it depends on the enviroment of the visitation like wit my mom we get contact visits but with my dad it was behind glass and that was lot harder for all of us.

When we had contact visits I took our 13 & 11 year olds. Reid even explained WHY he was there(the nut shell version-he did something wrong and now he had to take reponsibility for his actions) I know they're older but I wasn't sure how they'd handle it. They are not his biological children but you'd never know by looking at the 3 of them together during visits. Now we have non contact- 2 a month~Reid and I both explained that they shouldn't miss school so on days off from school they go with to visit him. The guards have been really good to them when they visit also.

[Most of] our families have never let jail/prison come between relatives. Our lives have been disrupted enough by the restrictions of incarceration. It's so hard with them being there and us here! We take the kids to visit - regardless of age. We're a family and we belong together...no matter where some of us are calling 'home' these days!

:p
Hi I'm new here my husband has only been in prison for 1 month. I took our 2 and half yr old to see him. luckly its a contact visit so she sat on his lap the whole time. I would love to hear a child's point of view on seeing daddy only 1 time a month. I do let her have the extra phone when we talk so she hears his voice. She seems to really enjoy that.

I have a 13yr old stepson, 5yr old daughter, and a 3yr old son. My husband's ex-wife has custody of the 13yr old and won't let him fly out to see his dad, but I have been taking the two younger children to see their father and as far as they are concerned, we're visiting Daddy at work and he can't leave until he's finished his job. So far, so good. He's serving 2 1/2 yrs and hopefully he'll be out before our daughter starts to figure things out.

It seems that my opnion is very different from the one's I've read here. My ex has been in for about 5 months,we have a 2 year old son and I have not taken him for visits. I feel that prison is no place for a child to go. He had plenty of chances to straighten up. He made his choices and must live with the fact that he may not see his son until he gets out. I feel that taking my son there will benefit his father more than it will benefit our son. I'm still debating this issue with myself and could change my mind at anytime. Am I just being a hard-ass? I find it hard to believe that I am the only one who feels this way.

I take my 2 children when we visit my brother.

Hi I know we are all intitled to our opinions but children shouldn't be punished for their parents mistakes.
I know my husband is inoccent and doing anothers time so yes she goes to see him.
The visits are contact and he holds her the whole time. I've only told her that he is at work and can't come home for a while. She is also only two and loves getting ready to see daddy. She only cries a little know when we leave.
Children do need their Daddys. And if anything it will show them you do have to pay for your mistakes. and it may make the child a better adult in the long run!!

Next week I will be taking my daughter to see her daddy in prison for the first time.
Any advice on how the visitations with children are set up. I have been hearing about people getting their visits stopped for a few weeks. Is there anything that could my child could do wrong that would cause this to happen?
Our daughter will be three in April and since she is young I am worried that they may pick on a little ones behavior to cause her not to get to see her daddy.


What is the normal steps taken during a parent child visit?
Any advice or suggestions would be helpful.

:wave:

I take our daughter all the time to visit her dad. First get there really early about 11:15 os so. once you get in sometimes the search you but have never searched my child. they have a big room w/tables you get a table. They are contact visits my hubby holds her the whole time. She sometimes acts up but they have never said anything.
Only way you can cause loss of visits is to bring in contraband. You can only take her in diapers,wipes and sippy cup. visits are 4hrs so I bring some money to buy out of machines but they do cook lunch there also.
Don't carry a purse or diaperbag I just put it in my pocket and carry in diapers and cup.
This is at Varner unsure about anywhere else. I hope Calico is the same thts were my hubby will be next week.

My sister's ex was in for a few years for possession, and my sister never once took his son to see him. the whole thing was handled as if it were something to be ashamed of. I had this feeling at the time that it was being handled wrong, but I didn't know then what I know now...My nephew is now 19 and an emotional wreck; he says he wants to be a cop but has dropped out of HS and seems to be headed for the other side of the bars if anything, resents his mother enormously and thinks his dad must be really awful if he had to be hidden away like that. It rots. Obviously there's more to it than the prison thing, but I think visits would have helped in a lot of ways.

i just thank god that my son isnt old enough to understand where daddy is! and he will be back at home bf he's 3...but i still get a lil uptight not so much with the contact visits now, but when they were behind glass, my son used to reach for him.....

Hello my name is Mark and my wife has been in McPherson Unit now for 6 months. We have a 3 year old son who gets to visit his mom on most of our visits. He is still young and I think he needs to see her, and she needs to see him.
I also have 2 other kids from my first marriage, I have full custudy of them and they come to some of the visits as well. She may only be their step-mother but she is all they had for one other then me. Their real mother is not involed.

Some people may think it is not good to take the kids into a prison and I used to be one of those people. However since all this has has gone on I have changed my thoughts. I don't take my son only for myself, but for my wife and son. I could not have him live the next 8 years or when parole comes up waiting for her to get out and say by the way this is your mom. He is only 3 right now and would not remember her by time she would be released. This also helps my wife deal with where she is. She will place my vote on kids should see their parents.

Just thought I would share my thoughts.
A lonely father of 3 now playing the roll of mom & dad.


Mark

Originally posted by JJH
I think all ages can go. We went to a counselor for advise on this and she said especially if they are asking, to take them. And always be honest about the situation. You don't have to elaborate but keep your answers short and direct...and honest. My personal opinion is not to make too much of the situation. It's hard on kids, no way around that.

I agree wholeheartedly with the above and just wanted to add that it's hard on everyone involved, unfortunately, but we do what we have to do ... my husband and I don't have children together, I have a son and he has a son and two daughters ... my son has never been there, although he has visited a prison before to see his cousins' dad. His children are teenagers/young adults and have basically grown up while he's been in. They have been sporadically over the past seven years and the pain over the separation, on both sides, is one that is going to take awhile to heal.

My 2 cents.......I started taking our daughter the moment he was incarcerated. She was 8 months old. I ALWAYS talked about her daddy when he couldn't be around. I did this by showing her pictures, and when I write letters she gets to write in them too. (scribbles of course) but it keeps her involved, connected, and allows her the memories she so deserves. She has ALWAYS talked to him on the phone. She is almost 3 yrs old now, and they have a WONDERFUL bond. She doesn't understand everything....but that's ok. She will in time. The point is that they (the child and parent) stay connected. You start this connection in the womb and after birth and continue it thru life!! The bond b/w a parent and child is extremely important to both!! I also have an 8 yr old son (his step-son) and I have encouraged their relationship as well. They were "buddys" since my son was 2....they continue to be buddy's today. My son looks forward to these visits. And he does know the circumstances of my Husband's incarceration. On an 8 yr old level tho. Hang in there, soon you will have contact visitis and things will get better and better as time goes on!!

Stacy

Stacy

i put this post up so i would know if i was the only one who thought that taking a 3 month old at the time he is now 5 months old and huge to visit was good for both of them i had this confirmed on december 18 2003 when i married my husband at kcdf in a visitation room and he got to hold his son for the first time in 2 months and my son knew him i know he knew him because my soin doesnt go to just anybody but he not only went to his daddy he wanted his daddy to hold him and i got to see the bond that they have grow a little stronger you know that special bond that nobody is supposed to see and i felt like an intruder he talks to him on the phone and i write letters for him and let him scribble i translate so he know what he is saying andour sons first word was not mommy or mama it was DADDY as plain as day

OUR DAUGHTER IS 10 AND SHE HATES IT SHE ONLY GOES ONCE EVERY 2 MONTHS AND THEN SHE WANTS TO LEAVE RIGHT AWAY. SHE SADI THE CO'S MAKE HER FEEL LIKE HER DAD IS A BAD PERSON AND SHE KNOW HE ISN'T. THE WAY CT PRISON SYSTEM IS RUN IS REALLY MESSED UP. THEY NEED TO MAKE IT A MORE POSITIVE PLACE THEN MAKE THEY MIGHT DO SOME GOOD. THE WAY CO'S FAVOR SOME OF THE INMATES MAKES ME SICK. OK I FEEL BETTER THANKS FOR LISTENING

I guess I have been lucky. I have fought at each of the facilities we have been at for child friendly areas or activities. Even at the "close" security level we were able to get a tv and vcr with kids movies. We have 5 children and it can be a challenge at times but we all visit every weekend and have for the past 4+ yrs. I do let the older kids go to friends some times though because I would never want them to feel any sort of resentment for having to go or miss out on other things. Our 4 yr. old took her first steps to her daddy inside a visiting room and I know that was one of the best days of his life. I would never change my mind on how important it is to keep the family structure together. It will eventually help in the long run when he comes home too-they know each other and there will be less problems with him being an authority figure in their life. Does that make sense?? Sorry to ramble, just giving my 2 cents(and then some! lol)

I haven't taken the kids to visit dad yet. There are a lot of reasons for this, but their first visit will happen later this spring. I am nervous about how it will go because the facility their dad is in, is NOT family-friendly in any way shape or form. It's not a max facility, it's a step down from that, but still it leaves much to be desired. No vending machines. If the offender or myself or one of the kids needs to use the bathroom, that terminates the visit. There is no table, you sit in chairs across from the inmate and cannot touch him other than at the beginning and end of the visit, briefly. He CAN hold the youngest (any child under 6) in his lap. No activities or toys there and none can be brought in with you. And they say they are in favor of maintaining family ties and encourage children visitation. What a joke.

I used to take my 2 sons to visit their dad from the time they were born til we divorced when they were about 6 & & yrs old. -They are both in prisons themselves now. (I have no thoughts on whether this could have afftected them or not. I'm no psych. so I just leave it alone).

My youngest son has a daughter that is over 4 yrs old. He hasn't seen her since she was only a few months old when he got locked up. Her mother says it's not a 'good enviroment' for her. It was a good enough enviroment for her mother to take her to visit her father while growing up, keeping a bond between them, but with my son and his daughter she seems to think differently.

Teri

Funny This Post Came Up. I Took My 2 Kids, Ages 11(boy) And Age 4 (girl), To See Thier "step-dad 4 The First Time Today.they Couldnt Go Before Cuz We Werent Married Yet..got Married 3-3-04:) ... Hes All My Kids Have Known And Love Him Very Much. We Had A Great Visit Until The End, My 11 Year Old, Not The 4 Year Old, Cried..thats How Much He Loves Him..we Were There 4 Seven Hours And Not A Complaint From Them The Whole Time! Now They Cant Wait To Go See "daddy" Again...

I haven't taken the kids to visit dad yet. There are a lot of reasons for this, but their first visit will happen later this spring. I am nervous about how it will go because the facility their dad is in, is NOT family-friendly in any way shape or form. It's not a max facility, it's a step down from that, but still it leaves much to be desired. No vending machines. If the offender or myself or one of the kids needs to use the bathroom, that terminates the visit. There is no table, you sit in chairs across from the inmate and cannot touch him other than at the beginning and end of the visit, briefly. He CAN hold the youngest (any child under 6) in his lap. No activities or toys there and none can be brought in with you. And they say they are in favor of maintaining family ties and encourage children visitation. What a joke.
MY GOD, WHERE R U AT??? SOUNDS LIKE THEY TREAT YOUS WORSE THAN ANIMALS...HOW CRUEL. IM IN MICHIGAN AND WE CAN KISS, CUDDLE, AND THEY HAVE 4 VENDING MACHINES AND A PLAY AREA. SO WHAT R U SUPPOSE TO DO IF U HAVE TO PEE? I FEEL U ON THAT CUZ WE ONLY GET 1 BATHROOM VISIT, AFTER THAT IT COUNTS AS ANOTHER VISIT:argh

I think if you are going to maintain a relationship with your significant other while they are behind bars and they are coming to a home where those children also live, well they need the time he/she is incarcerated to form a bond with each other. My youngest daughter is closer to my husband than she is to her biological father. She says, 'Chuckie is all the time Daddy, and MMMM is her sometimes Daddy." She is only 4 years old, kids are a lot smarter than some give them credit for. We keep are family bond very strong, it is important not only to him, but also to me and our children.

This is just my personal opinions and experiences.

Much Love

Becki

My son and his father are so attached when his DaDa got sent away he was devastated and the county jail was awful I only took him once, But I will have to say the facility he is in now is all family oriented. And my son who is 3 thinks Daddy is working at the airport. I guess it looks like that to him.
But since he sees him my son has totally changed. Before he was unruly now he minds and is so much happier it is so important for children to have both parents in a loving atmosphere.
I never had that, so my son will.

hey guys. i have a quick question. does anyone know anything about montgomery county correctional facility?.... thats where my father is . and theres a lonnnnnng story - but i was jsut wonderin if they can get visitors.... hes on work release if that helps. please help me. if ya wanna know the story - write me and ill tell ya. please help guys!

Acorsgirl: I used to always take my sons to visit there father in jail and prison and tell them he was working also. Maybe it wouldn't have made any difference at all, I don't know. But, I keep wondering now if I would have told them where he was really at and they realized that he never got to come home from there for so long maybe they wouldn't have gotten into trouble themselves. -It didn't help of course after not seeing him for years (we divorced, he went to Federal in Texarcana and then Kentucky) then at 11 and 12 yrs of age getting to know him again. Him telling my sons how great it was in Federal cause he met alot of people in there that had money and could do so much! And, how it wasn't bad at all in there! He made it out to seem like such a great place! When I got on him about it he said "I just wanted to make the story better!" He should have been telling them the opposite, they had never been into trouble before that but it only took about, well, within a year, before they were both in trouble the first time. When I was married to him he was a rotten husband but one of the best fathers...or so I thought! My oldest son idolizes his father always has! Still does as he sits at Pelican Bay doing 10-14 yrs for bank robbery with his dad.
I think if I were to go back in years I would still take my sons to see their father but I would make sure they knew exactly where he was and drill it in their heads that that is what happens when you do things that against the law!
(I know everyone is different and I'm not saying for a second that all children that are kept in the dark about where there father is are going to get into trouble. And, I know that not all fathers, or ANY fathers that really care about their children will help them get prison time. This is just my thoughts and experience).
Teri

JusMom: I understand your position on that.
Lets just say my husband tells his son that this job is awful and never to do bad things.
I wish you well thoughts.

you know i made this topic and thread before pto v2 ever existed i am so happy that everyone is voicing their opinions. this subject is the most difficult and least talked about my son is now 7 months old and one day he woke up mad and i think he was thinking about what he wanted to say for so long that when he did he was just maaaaad he wakes up and with this mean mean face he starts yelling da da da dam da da da love da da and so on he was 2 months when my husband was locked up and he is now adjusting to visiting once a month and he loves it good luck all jayme

I take my 2 yr old son & he has a wonderful time with his daddy!

I was very hesitant to take my 3 1/2 year old to see her dad in prison. But I must say that now that I've done it a couple of times, I'm glad I did. She is always asking for her dad, she knows he's away. We told her Daddy's in a very long time out. She enjoys the time with him, as she always did. The prison where he is at has a childrens center with games and toys so they can interact and play with each other, and not just sit at a table. I've changed my mind and have decided it is very important to keep the bonding going, and maybe he'll think twice before doing something stupid after he gets out.

starzzmom
Thats great that you take your daughter to see her dad. I have three young children, and I liked what you said about daddy having time out. I told mine daddy was in a special hospital, and they were DEVASTATED when they found out he was in prison, especially my 4 and 5 year old.
Where I went, they had the playground for the kids, and they put a disney movie on the TV so the kids could sit there and watch a movie, which I thought was great, cause it gave us time alone as well.
Its good when the prisons actually think things out, and make visits for families easier.

Our Daughter was 5 the first time her father was in- he has pretty much been in low security so it was basically all contact visits except for a few weeks in county with the glass-and-telephone routine. The first time he was in for 10 months about an hour and a half from us, so we'd pack up a lunch (you could bring in food) and go for one day each weekend. We both enjoyed the little trip. The second time, when she was about 8 or 9, he did about a year split between a medium security and a low camp, both about 30 miles away. These were both cafeteria/vending machine setups with outside yards, but the one in the low was certainly a lot more pleasant. They did provide cards, Yahtzee, etc., and had a couple of arcade games, so she was happy. This time, he's right on the edge of town and the facility is actually quite pleasant- they have a nice cafeteria and an outside yard that's set up like a reaaly nice backyard, with grass and trees and playground equipment at one end, and comfortable benches and umbrella tables all around. The fence is only about 4 ft. high and no wire, so the atmosphere isn't like a jail at all. They even have a playroom with kid videos. The problem is, now she's 14, and I can hardly drag her out there because she's bored. She, like all kids her age, would rather be with her friends than her parents whether it's the only chance she has to see him or not. Other people there with children that age tell me they have the same experience. The point of all this? Good idea to take the little one- they change so fast, if you don't take him often his dad will feel like he's always meeting him for the first time, and vice versa. And you need to establish that bond now, because if you wait too long, your child wil be in the pulling-away stage and then it will be too late.

I take all my kids ages 8,7,5,4,3 and each visit seems to help them cope alittle better with the situation, like it is a release for them..my youngest was 11 months old when stephen went in and they have a bond even though he has been "out" of his everyday life for so long..I think helping them to keep a connection is so important to the children!

Amelia

I've taken my son to see his father since he was 2 days old. But since he got moved so far away I haven't been able to go see him as much as I would like. The last time my son got to see him was back in January. I know when my son was a few months old he knew his daddy by his voice but I'm so scared now that he won't know who he is. B.c at the last visit my fiance tried to hold my hand and hand our son on the table with is arm around him and he (our son) just threw a fit. He didn't want him to touch me he would go over and take his hand off of mine. I didn't know a child that was 18 months would do something like that. Then after the visit my mother had him in her arms and my fiance' and I was huging and he just started crying like he was hurting me. I think I'm going to have it hard when his father comes home July 26th (a day after our sons 2nd birthday), I know everytime I get a phone call my mans like, he doesn't even know me all depressed, and I'm like well he will when you get out. It was scary to bring in our child to see his father.

Mayte -

What a mature 12 year old!

I have an 11 year old that I WILL NOT be taking to visit her Dad. She loves him and misses him, but I (and he) don't want HER to be subject to the whims of the CO's, nor do we want her to be behind razor wire, or go through the search to get in to see him. Just my opinion.

I have taken my kids a few times...It was really hard on them. my 6 year old son didn't really talk to him to much and my 2 year old daughter cried for him for weeks after...so we both decided not to take them anymore...they talk to him on the phone every sunday but it breaks my heart and pisses me off at the same time.....

My son will be 17 months tomorrow and we have been going to see his Daddy since he was bout 6 months! He loves visiting with his Dad

My son has been visiting his father since he was 3 weeks old. He need to bond with him A.S.A.P. It was the right thing for US. 'Cause when he see a picture of his dad now, he lights up with the biggest smile.

I take my boys ages 3, and 4 to see their dad at least once a week. They see him for 2 hours. I started taking them as soon as they we're allowed to go. My daughter who is 10 from a previous relationship also goes with us. I think it helps them to keep that bond between them.

My kids father is in Federal Prison and they are 2 & 7. We go at least one day every weekend. My kids call this day "daddy day" and look forward to their visit all week long.
They are able to hug and kiss their dad all they want. They can hang all over him. Boy I am jealous!!! LOL
If it wasn't for these visits my kids would have a rough time. One weekend I didn't take the kids and the following week was HE**. They missed their dad.
Taking my kids was a hard decision for me because I didn't know how they would react. But now we count down the days till "daddy day".

i take our 4 year old and our 12 year old all the time when i go, needless to say our 4 year old doesn't know exactly where he is he just knows he is in "a bad place"...well, our 4 year old is suspected of being bi-polar and he was asked to drop out of preschool because he was " a danger " to others and himself, so he at 4 dwells on "being kicked out of school" so he asked dad one day... are you in the bad place because you were being bad at school too?... so now our lil one tells everyone "my daddy is in a bad place because he wasn't listening at school." it is too cute but yet a lil heart breaking knowing he wants to be in school and can't be there due to his "suspected bi-polar"

I think it all depends on the facility. Where my fiance is, I would definitely take our child if we had one to see him. The children can walk around with their father's, sit on their laps and give hugs and kisses all day. My daughter's father is in a federal facility, and I have not taken my daughter there yet because it is states away, and I am not sure if it is family friendly. I also think that if you start when they are young, they won't dwell on it as much, they become used to it. When i went to see my fiance with his little cousin who has been going since he was two weeks, thinks that he goes to "Dre's House" the have the trailer visits, and he can spend 72 hours with him. He is completely comfortable with it. My daughter on the other hand in six, and does not want to go see her father in "prison".

My twin girls have just turned 9 months old. My husband has been in county for six months and is waiting to go to prison. It breaks my heart when Lexi stands on the counter and taps the glass with her little hand trying to get to her daddy. I know though, that she knows him. I truely believe that they need him. This way they know that daddy loves them and misses them.

My children's father has been in federal prison for about 2 weeks now...I have taken my two older children (11 and 6) to see him and it went rather well. My youngest who is 4 has not been yet, although we are planning to visit this saturday and the 4 year old is going to go with us...I am sure that visit will go fine as well.

Just a thought for a parent who doesn't believe a child should visit their parent in jail. What if YOU were in jail? Would you want your child to visit you so you could maintain contact with your child, continue your bond, and so your child knows that you love them, no matter what?

Hi! My man has been in out of jail 3 times since we had our children . The second bit I took my oldest who was 3 at the time and the baby was 2. They don't remember that at all. This time he is gone for long time and just this past April[2004] I took my now 6yr old , 4yr old and the baby who is 1{I was 5months pregnant with him when he went to jail]to see him. I felt like I owed it to my kids for them to see their daddy. The baby went right to him and stayed with him the 3 times we visted. My 6 yr old who was having a difficult time and still is did a complete turn around ever since the visit cuz now he knows daddy is okay and that we will see him again. It was very difficult to leave cuz I know it will be another 10 months before we will see him again. I think it is the own personal dession of whom ever to choose at what age to take children to see the parent or parents. :angry:

When my husband gets to his parent prison I will be definatly taking our son (he is 15 months old) to visit him. My husband & him have already missed so much. I know my husband needs to hold him and kiss him and just bond with him. They both do really :heart: My husband is still in the county but he will be going to CRC soon and thats when me and our son will have our first contact visit :yay: I just hope our son doesnt cry on him. That would serious be horrible for my husband ya know.

Personally I think that any age child should go and see their loved ones in prison or jail. When my father was in my sister and I took our children to see him (they were from 1 year up to 6 years old and there were four of them all together).

However, I have seen other parents go to the prison and let their children run around the place, and not once try to calm their children down (this happens a lot).

So I am saying as long as the parent can control the child/en to where they will visit, then any age is fine. That is unless there are some kind of rules that say they cant visit.

Hello All,

I have taken my children to see thier daddy. He is not their daddy by blood but he has raised my two children like his own. From the first time my daughter met my boyfriend she called him daddy. Yes I wanted to die and pass out from this. But he took it as a honor to be her daddy and my sons as well. It has helped them see that unless they stay on the correct path in life that this prison is where they will end up. My son has told him I want to stay with you Daddy when it comes time to leave and as much as it breaks my and his heart he tells our son to never want to come to a place but that he wishes he could come home. The reason my children understand why daddy is not home is because he helped to save our lives when their father was going to hurt us, but the system did not care becuase he had a previous strike. Where is the justice for our children?

For myself as of right now...I think it is wrong to put a child in that atmosphere no matter how old they are. There are child molesters and all sorts of crazy things going on. You never know how safe it will be in there, especially if you have visits surrounded by other inmates. And I'm not willing to take that chance. My baby's dad got caught up when I was only a few months pregnant and then went to prison. He is still in there and my baby is 6 months old. In my opinion, which I believe for myself and not neccesarly for anyone else, is that he made a choice, knowing he was about to become a father. He chose to screw up his parole and knew that he'd go back in. So what right and privledge does he deserve to see his child...He could have seen him everyday if he wouldn't have been stuck on what he wanted (getting messed up). So that's how I see it. But hey, don't get me wrong, we keep in touch and I send him letters and pictures once a month.....

I took my daugther Madison to see her dad in prison when she was one week old.

You dont stop just becuase a parent is away, and your son wont remember so at this point it is for his dad. I used to take my daughter all the time but the older she gets the less she wants to go, which is natural. When my daughter would come see me I had to respect her time frame. I wished that she could stay all day, but in reality an hour or two was about all she could handle. We need to respect the kids first and foremost. It may be a long drive and you may only be able to go once in a while but the grownups have tio sacrafice for the sake of the kids.

I take our three year old every visit, ya know it really depends on the child and the prison your visiting. Thankfully, the kids have activities to do and they can way
watch videos, the CO's are great!!!! I'll continue to take her until she says she doesn't want to go anymore, after all she is a toddler and you can't expect a three year old to sit in a chair for 8 hours, it's just trial and error. Check and see what DOC policy is. Maybe you can bring crayons and coloring books. Ya know, honesty is the best policy, at first we said he was away at school, beleive it or not three year olds are very smart, now she knows where he is, which she doesn't have a problem telling anyone and everyone, along with singing the theme from cops. Ya know children don't understand to the full extent, but she enjoys the visits and so does he.

I've been taking our daughter since she was one week old. She got to met her daddy for the first time on Fathers day 2003. She's almost 16 months old now. We go every other weekend to see him. We have pictures of him and of both of them every where. She always kisses his pictures. She knows who her daddy is. I think it's important for them to have contact as soon as they can so they can establish that bond. Steven has lwop and I plan on taking Jenesee every other weekend until she's old enough to tell me she doesn't want to go. Hopefully that will never happen.

I took my son to county and state he goes when I go, I think it's importent for both my husband and my son. We are family no matter where we are.

Hi I have a 19 month old little girl with Cory and she was I week old when i took her to see her daddy. I think they deserve parental rights too. plus she loves her daddy sooooo much.

I take my son who is now 3 up to see my man. He is not my sons biological father, but he loves my son as if he were his own. My son calls him daddy and always asks to talk to him on the phone and to go see him. My son will tell you that his daddy is on lockdown, he got arrested. You should them together. They play and read and color and stuff together. It's so cute!

Im Pregnant Right Now And My Boyfriend Has Been In Jail Since I Was 4 Weeks Pregnant So He Has Been Around To Help Or Enjoy The Arrival Of Our Baby But I Record All The Heart Beats And Play It On The Phone, I Send Every Ultrasound Picture And I Plan On Taking My Baby To She Her Dad As Soon As I Get Home From The Hospital The Nxt Day We Wil Be Going To See Daddy

i had my first child when my husband was sent to prison i was Pregnant when he went to court and that was hard i thought for sure i was going to have her right there in the court room. but anyway ever since she was born i took her to see her dad. She is 5 now and she still goes up to see her dad every chance she gets cause shes in school now but before that she went up 3 times a month to see her daddy.she has not yet question me about how he got there or anything .but i do know it ways on her mind cause ever time a song comes on that is her and her dads she starts to cry .one that i know of she crys to is by lonestar"i'm already there" she just right away breaks down. she and i love him so much and it hurts to see a child hurt cause she wants her dad home. i feel for everyone that has to go through this with a child. and i'm glad to know i'm not the olny one going through this alone.

I am raising one of my granddaughters. My son, her father, is in Santiam Correctional in Salem, Oregon. It has been about 6 weeks now and we are still waiting on her visitation approval paperwork. Very frustrating.
I totally understand the pain you feel watching your child. My granddaughter is 9 and for various reasons has not seen her Dad for almost 2 years. So, the first time she sees him in a long time he will be in prison. One thing I am thankful for is that he is in close contact by phone and letters with her.
Lindsy's emotions run high at the same Lonestar Song!!!!
We just pray every day for her Dad's safety and protection.

I have taken both my 4yr. old and my 2 month old to see their dad in prison. They both did good! My 2 month old was born 2 months after hed been in. So, he was excited to see her for the first time. I would not deprive him of seeing them, he loves them and it makes him happier to see them.

My daughter is 11 years old and my husband has been in jail for 10 months and I take her with me every weekend. My mother does not agree with me, she thinks prison is no place for her to be but my daughter needs to see her father and spend time with him. We get contact visits and she gets to hold her dad and kiss him and she is just all a glow when she sees her Daddy.

She would be really upset with me if I kept her from seeing her Dad and I am not going to do that to her. Also we are just approved for Family Visits so we will be having those in about a month and I am definitely taking her to that as well.

My family does not agree but I am the one that has to make that final decision and I think I am making the right one.

well since he was incarcerated when i was 3 wk preg... i would think that she wouldnt have a good bond with her. but as soon as she developed in the womb if i was to arguing with her dad when he called she used to kick me so hard until i actually said i was sorry to himm.. which he loves .. even when she was born she took up for her dad talk about him in a negative way and she would cry.. It was so cute... as soon as she got her 2 mths shots i took her up too see her dad.. and from the time she saw him she lit up like she have seen him so many times before... he of course cried as soon as he held her.. but he recently got his contact visits taken away for 6 mths as far as we know so we dont go 3 times a mth anymore .. its more like 2... but she sits and talk on the phone with er dad with his face leaned on the glass and she would lean on it also and hold the phne and it is so cute .. when he gets quiet cuz he just amazed at her.. she says hewo.. hewo daddy .. hewo.. she is 15 mths and that is his twin... he says when he sees her its like looking in a mirror aint no denying her.. we just love him

you know i had just had my son when i started this thread to see if i was the only one who thought it was ok to take babies to see their dad in prison.well my son is now 13 months old and he sees his daddy once a month(the drive is long long long) and talks on the phone 3 times a week and he gets his own letters addressed to him. he is the beat in out hearts and the air that we breath im just glad everyone at pto has found this thread and uses it to share their stories with us. god bless

Daddy is still daddy regardless of the circumstance. This is the only life that our daughters have known with their father. They are 13 & 15 years old now. We have trailer visits in NY so it has been easy to help maintain some semblance of real family life.

When the girls were younger they didn't really understand where we were going and why Daddy couldn't come home with us. But they are teenagers now and they know that Daddy did a bad thing years ago, he has to pay his debt to society and God-willing one day he will be able to come home with us.

I think it does the entire family good to keep the family bonds alive and the communication very open.

My husband has 2 months left of the one year he ahd to serve in prison.I take my 15 month old to see him once a month, but our 4 yr old and 6 yr old have not seen him the entire time he ahs been gone.This was OUR choice together.They belive he is away at work and they talk to him on the phone.My husband did not want our boys to know where he was.I know some people dont agree with lying to kids, but we felt that we were protecting them, if he had 2+ years to do I think we would have taken them down there to see him.Someday they will find out that daddy has been to prison, but not any time soon. :o

That was our plan when we thought my wife was going to get 1 year. The days leading up to sentencing we told them she may have a new job in Nebraska. However, they gave her 5 years, so we had to let them know. I hear you.

i dont know exactly how i feel about this . i took my son when he was born till 9wks then daddy got out for 2 1/2 months then he got locked up again and i havent had any contact with him for almost two years and myson of course is 2 now. i dont know what is more important his daddy lied and stole but not from me, and i just dont know if he will ever change . when i was prgnant i went to see him in jail but it eventually got to hard to handle to realize he missed everything and the worst part was seeing the other moms takin their children and it was so sad, they cried and screamed not from being their but b/c they didn't want to leave daddy, they didnt undrestand and this was all ages, even one girl about 6 or so told the police officer on duty that she wasnt going to leave that she wanted to stay in the jail and sleep with her daddy in his room that she wanted to live there in jail.....but these are just my observations and i am still not sure what to do. besides my whole family is against it.

My sons dad has been in prision all his life, he has only seen his daddy in prision and he is 9 years old now. He has been going since he was born and goes every weekend to visit him. We get a contact visit, which makes the visit alot better than having a non-contact visit. I just believe in letting my son know him and have the best relationship that they can have while he is there. At first we told my son that his dad was at work, but he soon figured it out and we tld him. His dad has a 20 year agg. case, so its kind of hard to lie for that long.

I've taken our son to visit his father in prison for the past 15 years. It is the only way he can be with his father and we want him to know his father and have the close bond they have. There have been difficulties at times with unreasonable cops in the visiting room but even those times have taught our son invaluable lessons about internal control and how to handle authority appropriately. The experience has changed for our son as he grows older. As a teen, he has a lot of social and sports activities and visits a bit less often but the relationship he has with his father is so positive because he has been able to be with him in the visiting room. At this age, I just leave it up to him as to when he wants to come with me to visit. Decisions about this have to be based upon individual situations, of course. If visits disturb the child or if the inmate does not parent appropriately, then I think it has to be reconsidered. But in most cases, I think it is good if the child can be with the parent in person if possible. Zelda

My daughter would throw a major fit if she cant see her Papa Bear. Its nice in WA too, they have programs starting, where the child can join the boy scouts or the girl scouts and they have special troops where all the members have parents in prison. Then once a month they have a troop meeting at the prison with the parent and do art and crafts and normal scout stuff. I think this is one of the best ideas anyone ever came up with. This way they get to be 'NORMAL' for a while, and to a kid thats important. Also at the womans facility here, if the woman is pregnant and gives birth in prison, depending on her crime, most women, get to go into a special unit where they get to raise their babies for the first year. So those innocent babies, get that important first year to bond with their mom. After the first year, they go to a family member of course and then come for trailer visits and regular visits. These things I think should be in EVERY prison, everywhere. Kids are innocent and need that parent regardless of what that parent has done wrong. Like in Jackie and he Papa Bears song, Butterfly Kisses "Of all the things i've done wrong I must have done something right" They deserve to have each others love. No matter what.

My son doesn't know anything (he is only 11 months old) our daughter (5) thinks that daddy is working hard in the good ol' U S of A. (in a way he is)
I think that it's better in a way because she is taught at school and heard from other people that only bad people go to jail. Obviously we never imagined that he would end up there. This is a lie we have to tell, her daddy isn't a bad person, he has only made wrong decisions in his life.

I will be taking our daughter to see my fiance this summer, she will be 5 or 6 months depending on what month I take her.
And I see nothing wrong with it. She'll be 2 when he comes home, and I want her to know who her daddy is. I have had friends in the past whose young children threw major fits being scared as hell of the man that all of a sudden just popped up..... these are girls who never took their children to see their fathers in jail and therefore the child freaked out when he came home cause they didn't now who the hell the guy was.

I want to take my son, he is almost 3. He is already asking where Josh is! My fiance is not his biological father and I have no idea what standards the Federal system has about this??? Josh has been more of a father to my son than his bio father!

I want to take my son, he is almost 3. He is already asking where Josh is! My fiance is not his biological father and I have no idea what standards the Federal system has about this??? Josh has been more of a father to my son than his bio father!
In our case, our grandchild was born in federal prison, and he is my daughter's biological child. That actually makes no difference--just background.

My wife and I are on the authorized list; his father is not (ex convict, not married to her, but he's still trying to get on the list). The baby is not on the list--they simply ask how many children under 16 we are responsible for. They only ask us for id. This is how it works at Carswell FMC.

I do suggest you talk to Josh as well as contact the prison by telephone. Regs vary at different prisons, and they change in how they are enforced every trip. The types of things we have been very concerned about are taking in diapers (3 are allowed), food or milk (infant foods are allowed if in a mfgr-sealed container). I'm not sure what we'll need when he's 3, but I'm sure it won't be allowed in.

Carswell has been a very baby-friendly facility for about the last year. Prior to that they were all sadistic baby-hating monsters (I mean that literally)! I'm afraid you may find some of the men's facilities the same way. For your sake, I hope you're looking at a very friendly prison. About 15 months ago I got so frustrated that I pulled a stinky diaper off the baby and threw it at them. :angry:

Good luck.

That Is Awsome Child Of Mayte My Daughter Is Also 12 He Is Her Stepfather And My Two Youngest Are His But I Think It Is A Good Thing To Visit Haveing That Bond

I dont feel that any age is too young to take your child to see their father. It is all about keepoing the bond there between the two of them strong.
My kids are 11, 10 and 6... we are planning to go and see my honey (who isnt their father) during the Easter. I have tried to explain to them what to expect, but i dont think they could comprehend what it will be like in reality. I dont know how they will react to it, but i know one thing for sure... it will strengthen the bod that they have been building with Jerry via phone and mail.

Morghann and I have been visiting her daddy since he got locked up when she was 4 months old(she's 19 months now) She talks to him on the phone when he calls as we can't have visits yet since he was moved to another yard. But i think it is important to visit right from the start if you plan on your significant other being involved in your childs life.

My son was 3 weeks old when my husband was busted. I took him with me every day visit and overnight visit and I'm SO GLAD I did. They made the transition from not having daddy around to daddy home everyday a WHOLE lot easier. Then just popping into our life from one day to the next. I thank God for overnight visit. More for my son then myself.

I Take My Step Children, Who Range From 3 Yrs To 13 Yrs Old. Here's A Quote I Just Found......."visits Are Important,children And Parents Willtell You Over And Over Again How Important They Are. And Research Backs Them Up. Consistant, Ongoing Contact Reduces The Strains Of Separation, Lowers, Recidivism, And The Single Most Important Factor In Determining Whether A Family Will Reunify After A Prison Term...prisoners With Regular Visits Are 6 Times Less Likely To Reenter During The First Year Of Release.


I Thought I Would Pass It On.

Ok I guess I will put my two cents in, My x husband the natural father to my four children is in prison, for molesting all of them, I will not take them to see him until they are ready to go in front of a judge and ask permission, then I have NO problem taking them up there if that is what they wish.

My fiance is in prison as well, He gets out in 2008, my children have taken him in as their dad and LOVE him to death, I am planning on taking them up there for the holidays to surprise him.

All my children ages 13, 12, 9, and 5 know where their natural father is and where Travis is. I do not HIDE anything from them, they need to know the truth FROM ME!!!! I would feel awful if I lied to them and they found out from someone else. ITS NOT RIGHT. I give them the choice to visit with Travis or their dad if they want. But with their natural dad there are rules to follow considering the situation. I will not allow them to go see him until they are of legal age to approach the courts for permission, I believe it is 14 here in california, not sure but they know I SUPPORT what ever choice they make. I wont hide the fact that they have LOVED ones in prison, its not right to hide or cover up that.

Tell the truth from the beginning dont lie and dont make your children FEEL ASHAMED that they have a loved on in prison. Just tell them the truth that their loved one broke the law and has to serve time.

My ex husband and I were seperated when we found he went down and for a long time. I have always tried to keep a line open for my kids and their dad whether he was willing to wake up from the drugs to take it, Well a 14 yr sentence is a hellava wake up call. My kids were 6 and 8 when he went in and will be grown adults when he gets out, I was honest from the start where Dad was and why. I hope it will be a lesson they can learn and take with them as they grow older. I took them on the day and a half trip from MI to GA within 6 months of him arriving. It went well and now my kids and I go about 2-4 times a year and now they are both teenagers and it is hilarios to watch them interact. ( YES we are that loud family you all look act cause we are acting like clowns). Unless it is for the direct safety of the kids I think if the child wants to go then take them. My ex husband is the man I had fallen in love (and better) years ago and he says it is knowing he needs to be for the kids that has helped.:)

i won't lie in the begining i was a bit aprehensive about taking my 2 yr old son to see my husband that first time....but it wasn't just because it was a prison!!!!! my son was meeting my husband for the first time....and that would determine alot... but now i take my precious boy with me all the time...it be so many kids there...it almost looks like a daycare....so i'm very secure now...and to make matters even better...my boy loves and adore my husband.

I plan on taking my baby until her first birthday. Growing up My dad was always in jail and i will forever remember how it felt to leave my dad all the time:cry: . He was in and out every two years. My sister and I used to cry and beg the guards not to take him, but to our disappointment he always left and not once did it get easier especially if the child loves her parents. I don't want my daughter to have those issues so she'll know who her daddy is, that he loves her, talk to her on the phone but after the second year a child starts developing a memory and her memory of her father should be at home where he was supposed to be in the first place:angry: . It's not her fault this has happened. Shoot she's not even born yet and he can't even be here. By the time he comes home she'll be starting school. Just in time for her to start asking where daddy is and by then he'll be on his way home

i take our boys up twice a month , and they love the little bit of time we get to spend with him and miss him like crazy the day after, but the day of the visit we all are on cloudy nine for hours !!!!

ages 1-3 cause they wont remember it as much when they get older

I had our econd daughter 20 days after he was incarcerated. She was 7 days old when she met her daddy for the first time! It was bitter sweet for us both. We have a 2 year old too and she misses him so much. She always asks to go see him...And he talks to her on the phone! Kids need their parents no matter where they are!!!

In my opinion, all ages should go. what harm is it to the child. they need that special bond as babies all the way up till they are grown. Kids need they daddies and moms at any age. My boys are 8 and 5 and they have been going to the prison since he first went in,and they are just fine.~~~Brandi

It all depends on if my son wants to go or not. Some times he wants to go, other times he doesn't want to at all because he hates seeing him in that place. His school counselor said it was good to keep the bonds tight, and wouldn't mess him up in any way unless I took him and he didn't want to go.

i will be very blunt and honest, when my fiance was going thru his trial i told him flat out, i will bring our son up there, and you can call and tlak to him, he is 6 months old! But if you get a very long time, when our son starts realizing where he is at; he isn't coming anymore! I am sorry call me whatever you want, but i refuse for my son to sit in a prison and think that, that is an ok place to be! children interpret things alot differently then we suspect that they do! but because he is so little he goes and see's his daddy and talks to him on the phone for right now! I will always let the phone calls continue. But he only gots 2 more years so everything will be fine!!!

My daughter was 3 when her dad got locked up and she has went to see him every week. I just hope that their bond can make it through the time he has to be there.

When our little man was born I would always take him to see his daddy he's now 9 1/2 and he doesn't like going anymore and says he likes family visits better.

I took my son to see his dad when he was in county and he was 18 months old. I couldnt go see him in prison until recently and now he is 2. He acted up but my son can point at a picture and say thats my daddy. I dont want him to forget who he is or think someone else is his daddy. He only has one daddy and no matter what he will know who he is. Even tho my son acts up alot there I will continue for hte next 8 months to take him to see his daddy. At least once a month is all I can afford and he will remember.

Hi everyone,

I have 2 grandkids, 2 & 3. Both thier dad's are inside. I also have a 7 year old daughter. Thank goodness the kids mothers dont object to taking the kids. It is both good for them and my sons. You should see thier little faces light up when thier dad's walk in the room. At first they cried when we had to leave but you would be amazed at how much they adapt and understand if you are honest and explain things to them. It is really the hardest on my daughter to leave her brothers and go home. She is really a sensetive person to begin with and has a big heart. My sister has a son inside and the mom won't let his boys see him, or let them get letters. Those boys are more emotionally unstable than my kids. I say let them visit at any age and keep the parental bond strong for when they are released.

lori in Texas.

I've found with my son that whatever it is that I worry about he always seems to go the opposite way. I think you're basing that on a fear. Open up a little bit and wait until your son doesn't want to go. And even then you still might not know if it's the right thing to do. My son threw his first tantrum about not being able to take things into visiting and the day before that I was worried that he was internalising his feelings, and I think he knew it too, but I also think it was for real and him not just acting out for my benefit, but also a good thing he needed to do for himself. He's 7, and his dad has been in and out since he was one. He's always dealt really well with it, other than the side effect of his dad not being home. I truly beleive that is the most damaging thing to the kids. so, see what I mean? Are you afraid your son will think it's okay to be there when he grows up? I don't think so, being without him at home is enough to make someone understand that it's not okay. Plus, visiting can be a miserable enough thing to make people not want to go at times, and then go and feel better anyway. If you keep the dialogue open you might be surprised! I dont' understand why you would assume that your son would think it's an okay place to be?

i will be very blunt and honest, when my fiance was going thru his trial i told him flat out, i will bring our son up there, and you can call and tlak to him, he is 6 months old! But if you get a very long time, when our son starts realizing where he is at; he isn't coming anymore! I am sorry call me whatever you want, but i refuse for my son to sit in a prison and think that, that is an ok place to be! children interpret things alot differently then we suspect that they do! but because he is so little he goes and see's his daddy and talks to him on the phone for right now! I will always let the phone calls continue. But he only gots 2 more years so everything will be fine!!!

i took my son as soon as we were approved. our wait was long b-cuz it's feds. my boy was only a lil over a year old and when he was old enough and started asking questions why daddy's there i just told him that he did things that were not right.

I feel a piece of a dad could be better than no dad at all, so I support the children going. If they don't go and don't see their father, they grow up with too many questions and too many problems that revolve around "hey ma, what's up with the other half of my identity, like, where's my dad?!" If they do go and do see their father, they'll still have questions 'n stuff but at least they'll also have some answers.

I have been taking my kids at every age, but I did used to feel sorry for this little girl who went to death row to visit her dad two days every week and the guards were not sympathetic at all to kids. She had to be very quiet and there wasn't much for her to do. When she started school she wasn't allowed to bring her homework in even though it was just some papers like kindergarteners get. I thought it was probably too much time for her to spend in a place like that.

I have been taking my son to see his daddy since he was 5 weeks old..now 4 1/2.
It's really hard some times, but it keeps us a family.

I personally see nothing wrong with taking your children to prison for a visit. This is reality, the real world. As they get older they will want to know why you didn't take them.

our oldest was 3 when her daddy was arrested and in county for two months, and she was devastated. they didn't get to say good-bye and she thought that she had done something wrong to make him go away. they don't allow family visits until after 6 months of good behavior. we weren't sure what to do because they wanted to see each other so badly, but he was worried about her seeing him that way (the glass and phone)and remembering it, not to mention not being able to touch. he has been home on bond and she knows that he has to go back soon, but that this time she will get to say good-bye and that we will take a long car ride to see him and stay in a hotel. we told her that he made a mistake and did something wrong, and that he has to go to an adult time out. we agree that he's a good daddy that is a big dork and did a dumb thing, but we still love him and he still lvoes us. she knows that he is really sorry for what he did and hates that he will have to be away from us, and doesn't want to be. she is 4 1/2 and much too smart for her own good. she keeps coming up with ways for us to hide him so that he doesn't have to go back, and we had to correct her at one point because she thought when i said that i was going to get daddy out (on bond) that i snuck him out. it made sense why, after all these months, she would tell him to hide every time she saw a cop. *sigh* funny but sad, huh?

I love taking my son to see 'daddy' (he's daddy to me and him;) ). And if I showed up without our son, then he probably would make me leave and go get him LOL:D

And my son thinks its all a game. i'm sure he's really clueless about where daddy 'works'. He does make the funniest comments. Like, they allow us a kiss at the beginning and end of visit. And well, while we're waiting for his dad to come out, people are all around us kissing (madly,passionately) and he screams out: "If one more person kisses in here then I'm going to scream and walk out! They act like they've been hit by a kissing rock!" And I'm dying and laughing cause he's 5 going on 50.

All in all, he crawls all over his dad the whole visit. And if there is one thing I appreciate about the facility he is in is that they allow the men to be very demonstrative with their children (if not the wives:rolleyes: )

All children need to bond with thier parents either at home or if they are locked up

I took mine when our youngest was 1. For me, since he was in jail when I gave birth, I though it was time for him to meet daddy instead of me reading letters to them or him talking to him on the phone.

I have always taken my grandchildren to see my son. I feel that bond has to be there no matter what. Someday he may grow up and want to be a real dad. Not just the one who comes and goes. I have custody of my oldest grandson. He is now 7 soon to be 8 and I have been totally honest with him about where his dad is and why he is there. If anything he may learn from his fathers mistakes. He talks to him on the phone and when he was in County. I took all 3 with the help of their moms to the jail to see him. Now that he is in prison, he doesnt want the kids to come but I have been trying to tell him that now more than ever he needs to keep that physical bond with them. He was sentenced to 2 1/2-12 and that is a long time for a child not to feel thier fathers arms or look into his eyes. I want them to know their father and love him no matter what. As I love my son no matter what

well i would start as soon as possible if the baby were younger, and whenever she or he was comfortable (if at all ever) when they were older.

I take my son to go see his dad. my son is 1 year now but he was 5 months when i took him to county before we bailed him out. And now we go every weekend for the past 2 weeks. my son loves to see his daddy and says dada dada and my husband loves to see his son it is a good thing all the way around.:)

I took my daughter to see her father for the first time when she was 3 days old. Now she is almost 8 months and we go to see him once a week. She knows he is her daddy and gets really excited to see him. I want her to know her father!
ginger

You know this was a hard one to answer because I believe it a personal choice whether or not to bring your children. To me it is important for the connection with both parents at all times. The age thing is hard to determine because I would bring mine at any age after I had the first visit by myself to check out how visitation would be so that I knew how to prepare my child for what they would have to go through.
I hope that make sense.
Toshacat

I take mt son to see his dad almost every week (except for the rare occasion where I get to go by my self). It is very important to keep my husband a part of our life. I think it would be far worse on my son to never see his dad then all of a sudden him get out and be living with us and them never of had a chance to bond.
But to each his own I guess everyone just has to do what they think is best for their child, no one can tell you if it is okay to take them or if it is wrong to take them you have to make that decision on your own. :)

I take my 4 y/o up every other month to see his step dad. Jordan completely understands what is going on and understands that daddy will be home the day after his b-day. The first time he went he wasn't sure what would happen towards the end of the visit he looks at his daddy and asks if he wants to come home with us so he can play with his new transformers. Other then that one time of making my husband cry it all goes good. I have seen children cry hystericaly when it is time to leave i have seen others throw tantrums. I dont think its a matter of bringing your child to see who ever its more of if your child can understand and handle it.

I have taken my kids to see my husband. So far he has only been able to see one of his kids. He really enjoys it. For me personally, I don't know if I would take a very young child or infant. I just don't like the fact that the C.O.'s have to hold the baby, check diapers and so on. It looks sometimes like they are handling a package. I just don't like it, but one they are alittle older I would definitley do it, so that the other parent would be able to have that time with their child.

I plan on taking my baby until her first birthday. Growing up My dad was always in jail and i will forever remember how it felt to leave my dad all the time:cry: . He was in and out every two years. My sister and I used to cry and beg the guards not to take him, but to our disappointment he always left and not once did it get easier especially if the child loves her parents. I don't want my daughter to have those issues so she'll know who her daddy is, that he loves her, talk to her on the phone but after the second year a child starts developing a memory and her memory of her father should be at home where he was supposed to be in the first place:angry: . It's not her fault this has happened. Shoot she's not even born yet and he can't even be here. By the time he comes home she'll be starting school. Just in time for her to start asking where daddy is and by then he'll be on his way home
After my daughter was born i changed my mind i take every chance i get which isn't very often but after seeing them together how can i keep them apart

I took my boys when they were younger. I took them with me the last time we went back in November. That was at county where we were in a little room so the ycould run around. I don't know if I will take them anytime soon just because they are 16 months now and dont sit still very well. I want them to know him but I still want to be able to visit him without the interruption of 2 active toddlers.

i started my kids from the time they were infants right out of the hospital it wasnt the smartest of choices but whats done is done i really dont bring the kids anymore because it is not good for them to see it is hard on them emotionally when they go to see their parent and dont understand why mommy or daddy cant come home with them and seeing how emotionally distraught some children can get behind that is extremly heart breaking.:thumbsup:

My daughter's biological dad got locked up when she was 18 months or so and we went to visit him right away and for almost 2 years after that. We went weekly at a minimum but mostly a couple times a week. Now her dad (step-dad) is locked up and she is 4. She didn't go at first but now that she is more comfortable around him she comes with me every week. i have to beg someone to watch her just to get some qt (quality time) with him.

my daughter is 3 and when he was in county, she went with me on mondays bc visitation came right after gymnastics class was over and i would usually have to wait in line for about and hour just to spend 20 minutes with him. i didn't want to drive her 30 minutes to my house from gymnastics and then i wouldn't get home until about 9pm, so i would just take her with me. thursdays i would try to go by myself. now, i don't take her everytime i go see him at hutchins bc we didn't get contact visits until now. so this will be her first time to see him since december i think. and i'm also taking our brand new baby--he's only 2 months old but this will be my husbands first time to hold our new son.

I have been taking my son who is now nine years old since he was two. He didn't really know where daddy was at first but now that he is older he knows but he still wants to go. He enjoys the time with his daddy. We don't get many contact visits since he is still in county but we do get non contact three times a week. He used to call behind the glass "In the ice." He told his daddy that he needed to be good so they would let him out of the ice. It was cute!

My situation is different in that my two children, ages 9 and 6, never knew my husband before he went to prison. For the longest time, he was adamant that they not come to see him b/c he didn't really want them to see him where he was, just to know that he was "gone for a while." I had to take them to county once b/c I couldn't get a babysitter and I wasn't about to miss out on my visitation time. Both kids were so shy that they wouldn't talk on the phone to him. Since we found out that it was going to be longer than a year before he gets to come home, he finally changed his mind and decided that he wanted to meet them. So I first took the 9 y/o daughter out and you should have seen the two of them. She sat on his lap the entire visit. You have to know that I have fostered a relationship between them by having the kids write letters when they wanted to and by talking about Daddy. Now they both call him Daddy by choice and are always asking when our next family visit will be. I take them out with me once a month and as always, my daughter stays planted in her "Daddy's" lap the whole time. This has given them the opportunity to bond that I think all three of them needed. It does my heart so much good to watch their relationships bloom into what they are today. I just can't wait until he is home to be the daddy they've never had. Thanks for letting me ramble. I am glad I found this thread and intend to share it with my husband...to confirm that he made the right choice when he decided to let them come visit. He smiles and laughs so much during our family visits. I know it is good for all of us to share these times.

My situation is different in that my two children, ages 9 and 6, never knew my husband before he went to prison. For the longest time, he was adamant that they not come to see him b/c he didn't really want them to see him where he was, just to know that he was "gone for a while." I had to take them to county once b/c I couldn't get a babysitter and I wasn't about to miss out on my visitation time. Both kids were so shy that they wouldn't talk on the phone to him. Since we found out that it was going to be longer than a year before he gets to come home, he finally changed his mind and decided that he wanted to meet them. So I first took the 9 y/o daughter out and you should have seen the two of them. She sat on his lap the entire visit. You have to know that I have fostered a relationship between them by having the kids write letters when they wanted to and by talking about Daddy. Now they both call him Daddy by choice and are always asking when our next family visit will be. I take them out with me once a month and as always, my daughter stays planted in her "Daddy's" lap the whole time. This has given them the opportunity to bond that I think all three of them needed. It does my heart so much good to watch their relationships bloom into what they are today. I just can't wait until he is home to be the daddy they've never had. Thanks for letting me ramble. I am glad I found this thread and intend to share it with my husband...to confirm that he made the right choice when he decided to let them come visit. He smiles and laughs so much during our family visits. I know it is good for all of us to share these times.
Ramble away I like hearing postive visits that happen and it sounds like yours are very positive. I'm so glad he changed his mind about them coming to see him. It sounds like it is helping everyone.
Tosha

Ramble away I like hearing postive visits that happen and it sounds like yours are very positive. I'm so glad he changed his mind about them coming to see him. It sounds like it is helping everyone.
Tosha


Tosha, Thanks so much for your kind words. It really has been a great thing for our family. And for the first time ever, I feel as though I have the happy little family I have been wanting so desperately. There really can be happy endings to all these sad stories...if we just continue to share them with each other.

Take care,

Kristi

I think it's personally fine to take your kids to visit, I will take mine when the time comes, and I would never think twice about it. It's not ideal, but it's no reflection on who my kids are either, and they shouldn't be punished for some thing that their father done, and they still want to see him, no matter where he is. They love their dad.

once our daughter gets approved to visit I will take her to see him. She's 2 months now, I believe she needs to begin a bond with him now so when he comes home he wont be a stranger in her home. I think children need to bond with both parents regardless of the location of them. Isabella (our daughter) will have a bond with her father and later she will, on her own, decide to continue or discontine that relationship with him. Her choice! I think we as mothers/fathers need to at least provide that avenue for the child(ren) so in the future they don't end up hating us because we "kept them away" from they're father/mother. and that of course is just my opinion!

Tosha, Thanks so much for your kind words. It really has been a great thing for our family. And for the first time ever, I feel as though I have the happy little family I have been wanting so desperately. There really can be happy endings to all these sad stories...if we just continue to share them with each other.

Take care,

Kristi


Your Welcome Kristi. I agree there can be happy endings with all stories.
Tosha

once our daughter gets approved to visit I will take her to see him. She's 2 months now, I believe she needs to begin a bond with him now so when he comes home he wont be a stranger in her home. I think children need to bond with both parents regardless of the location of them. Isabella (our daughter) will have a bond with her father and later she will, on her own, decide to continue or discontine that relationship with him. Her choice! I think we as mothers/fathers need to at least provide that avenue for the child(ren) so in the future they don't end up hating us because we "kept them away" from they're father/mother. and that of course is just my opinion!

I agree with you there.
Tosha

my loved one has a 4yr old daughter & an 8yr old son (who is not his by blood) but hes been there for him before being locked up (since he was 4/5) & we have not yet to take the kids to see him as he is in N FL and we are in S FL. but when visitation is renewed in december i plan on bringing the kids to visit as a christmas present. for him & them

I can truly tell you that any age is okay. You are really doing it for him at first if they are too young but really for the child as well. The first three years of a child's life are the most important in forming bonds therefore, his smell, his voice, and his touch/feel is something that your child is actually putting away in his/her little brain. My son was three (my four year old was not biologically his so he did not visit until 5 yrs. ago when we got married) when he began to visit. He remembers too. He had many questions about how and why things went the way they did, we explained and he learned. His father and him always had their own special time during a visit, whether it was reading books, playing board games, or with some of the toys, and then we had family time and played games. I always kept my husband up to date on what was going on. I mailed report cards, pictures, and sports schedules. My sons had a special folder growing up of things they made at school that was just for him! At one point my son began crying about not wanting to go see his father, and I respected it. THere was times he broke down to want to see him...then we would go, and then he did not want to see him. It was hard. If you were to see them all together now (the boys are almost 14 and 15), you would think they all live in the same house. They all know each other so well!!! It was a tough decision for me too in the beginning. I have no doubts and sooo glad I made the right choice for me. good luck

i take my partners 3 children to see him once or twice va mlnth for a 2 hour visit...we in the uk so their allowed cuddles and kisses nd to sit on his knee ec. its heartbreaking to leave tho watching them cry and try and keep hold of their dads leg...it breaks my partners heart to see themlyk that and that alone has put put him off reoffendin..its important for children to still se and keep in touch wiv their parents even when in jail xx

My son was 4 and a half when i found out about his dad and since he had been seeing him pretty much since birth, i decided there wasnt any reason to tell him *dads dead* like some people would likely have. Now he is 6 and when we attempted to see him shortly after he arrived at his permanent place, my son started with a *I dont want to do this* but then he got over it right before we found out we got there too late. This place is kind of big and scary but at least we wont have to deal with glass between them which i figure had alot to do with it.
I know plenty of people would say there is no way any child of any age should be *in* the prison system regardless but we have to do what we feel is right and okay and safe.

My husband has been in prison for three months now, and I have not taken my four & six year old to see him, although I have visited him. My husband only has 12 months left, and I'm unsure if I will take the children to see him. The kids talk to him on the phone three times a week, so they know he's okay, but they don't know that he is incarrcerated. My four year old daughter is very attached to her dad and I think it might be traumatizing for her to see him in prison, and she might not understand why he has to stay there when we leave. At the last visit there was a five year old that was visiting her dad and when the visit was over she was screaming for her dad, I just don't want to do that to my children, but I also don't want to keep them from their dad. My husband wants to see them, but doesn't think its a good idea either. I really think it would be too hard for them to see him like this. If he had more than a year I would definately take them to see him, but he only has 12 months left, so I feel very conflicted, any advice?

hello all, I take my 12, 10 and 5 year old and have on and off since 1998! My ten yr old was 2 yrs and 2 months when he went to county on XMAS Day and he hasnt been out yet! They dont like to go EVERY weekend, which we dont cuz I have to make sure they have their own life to live. But, they enjoy going about once a month. I would like to go more and can go more and bring our daughter who is 5, but the boys who are 12 and 10 like to do their own things like Bball games, roller skating , etc. Which I believe is very important for kids. It is hard enuff for kids with a father or mother in prison, I dont think they should have there whole world changed cuz of a mistake they didnt make. It is bad enuff that they pay for the mistake in a way by losing their mother or father to the system.

i agree with olenzfiance.. my son is gonna be 3 in june and will be about 12 when daddy gets home and i dont know how its gonna be once he starts playing baseball and wrestling.. he adores his daddy but i doubt he would wanna go every weekend and i dont have anyone to leave him with if i wanted to go by myself cause i have no family in california...but for now i'll just take it a hour at a time and enjoy the days i get to have my family together..

it's good to hear from you I have an eight year old grandson who's father is in prison and his mother will not let him go visit. he seem's so sad he does have a step father at home . would you think he should be allowed to gohis dad misses him so much and loves him more than anything I love to hear what you think .I sorry you have been through so much . life not fair sometimes but you know that all ready

hi I have an 8 year old grandson who is not allowed to visit his dad his mom and step dad refuse to lst him visit do you think he should be allowed to go . How will he feel about this when he get a little older if he not allowed to see his dad who has allways been there and loves him more than anything I am sorry you've had to go through so muchI hope tiem will heal your pain

My son was 5 weeks old when his dad went to jail. I used to take him with me for visits, but once he was walking, it became impossible. My little guy is SOOOO active, and can't understand why he has to stay sitting on a lap for 3 hours. They have NO toys there for young children, and you aren't allowed to bring anything in with you. The only thing they have is a tiny playroom........which would be great except for the fact that the visitors aren't allowed in there......only the inmate and the child......this doesn't work for us because my son is 2 1/2 and in that very clingy stage where he won't let Mommy out of his sight for anything. Because we haven't been able to visit much (since he was 18 months old and walking), he doesn't know his father, and he cries and screams if I so much as set him down.....he won't sit on his lap, won't go to the playroom with him, and in general seems very upset by all the people and noise in an unfamiliar place. Also, once you are in, they only let you out at the halfway mark (1 1/2 hours into the visit) and at the end (3 hours). So if my son is really upset, or having a massive tantrum or something, we can't even leave (we had this happen on our last visit......he was a VERY unhappy little guy, I couldn't get him to stop crying and screaming at the top of his lungs, and I had to restrain him on my lap with him screaming for another 45 minutes before we could leave.....it was a nightmare). Luckily, his dad is only in prison for six more months, but if it was longer term, my son would have to be about 4-5 I think, and able to understand that he needs to sit where they tell us to, and not act like a banshee (in other words, a normal toddler.....lol), before I would consider taking him again.

I have brought my son once so far.The first time I had a contact visit.I have 7 year old twins and my daughter has always been a daddys girl but she was the one who handled it better than any of us.my son is a mommys boy and he lost it when daddy had to go away.I had to brig him to a psyc. referred from school to help him deal with it.Hes doing better now and to actually get to see him in person again helped alot.Their birthday is in a little over a week on his visiting day, so im bringing both to visit.the following weekend is fathers day which im also planning the trip.But I dont think bringing them every week would be good only because the goodbyes are so hard.I dont want them to hurt anymore than they already do.

My man has eight kids! They are his world, it hurts him so much to be away from his children. One is eighteen and out of the house, she hasn't been to see him yet, but it's only been two months since he's been gone and she hasn't even called or stopped by since see moved back to her mother's house. His 12 year old and 9 year old have a mother that was incarcerated for most of last year up until this feb. so they're already familiar with prison visits. I take them up every other week. His six year old is daddy's little girl and she it taking it the hardest, she still calls his cell phone and asks to speak to him! She's been to see him once, but didn't stay long because she was "bored" sitting at the table. My 18-month old daughter comes with me about once a week to see Daddy because she lights up his world right now. She'll sit in his lap and hug him and sing with him and play patty cake like there's no one else in the room! We also have a two month old son that comes with me. It's amazing to see the baby recognize his Daddy's voice and be calm and look at him. Holding the babies give Daddy some much needed affection and love, but the older kids make him sad because he feels like he let them down. Hopefully it will be over soon, if not it will be seven long years before Daddy gets back.

My husband has been in jail awaiting a his trial/sentencing since December 27, 2006. I just took our 2 boys ages 8 1/2 and 11 1/2 this week. It is not something that I am comfortable with and will not do it all the time. Once he is sentenced to the prison I will bring them a little more. I know visiting in prison is not "normal" but it is better than through glass and on a phone.

I took them as soon as I could to see him. My 5 year old had so many questions to ask him like why didn't he follow the rules and she wasn't going to listen to me...she needed to hear it from him! And the baby I didn't want to forget him:(

I took my daughter when she was 10 days and old and our son was two at first my daughter would always sleep but as she got older i would take her every other visit because she would be restless but one day I noticed that she would just cry when ever her daddy would hold her so now I take her every visit she is only 13 months and she recognizes her daddy and is happy to be in his arms she cries when he tries to give her to me during our visits so he keeps her the whole time and that makes me happy knowing a bond is forming at times he would look so heart broken when she would not let him touch her. I beleive taking a infant is good so they can build a bond of trust with their parent and it will be easier for the child and parent upon coming home.

we Visit Teeloks Everytime We Can And I Always Take My Daughter With Me Because Tee Always Ask For Her Sometimes I Get Jeolous That He Always Want Me To Take Her !! J/k The Firsth Time She Went To Visit Him Was 2 Years Ago When Tee Went To County Jail For His 1st Time And She Was Only 1 Month Old, Now Shes 2 And I Always Take Her With Me !!

I have taken my daughter once to see him in county--it was the first time he got to see her and he was transfered that night so we are waiting for him to be transfered out of the reception center so we can continue our visits. I cant wait for him to be able to hold our baby girl for the first time

our son was 2 when daddy went away. he's 4 now, and still thinks it's school...he really doesn't understand jail. he thought county visits on the phone were fun. he does well during visits & they get to play together. for Christmas i have even ordered online some of his favorite toys from the prison & he knew they were from daddy. it was great!

I Know My Son Brings Happiness To My Husband When We Go Visit Him...honestly I Do Not Like Taking Him...when The Co Call The Last 15 Min Before Visiting Is Over My Son Is A Mess And Cries Non Stop... My Son Was 2 When He Went In And Now He Is 7... Kids Are The Ones That Lose Out The Most...

My grandson is 4 his Daddy has been in since March of this year. We take him and his mom to see my son once a month. He has a calender that he marks off till the next time, that seemed to help. It's a 8 hour drive for us but it's so important for them to be together. God bless you all and be safe. Muttsmom

My mother has been in and out my whole life. It never affected me going to see her at any age. when you are young and see other people and families going to visit too, it doesnt feel too strange as a kid. Everyone talked to me and explained that people make bad choices sometimes and they are taking care of that now. Im 22 now and have my own child that gets to meet her dad for the first time in prison. life can be hard, but im stronger then most people i know because of what ive been through.

right away, they need to know their daddy. my mother-in-law is gonna take our son to see him since i cant visit till january and hopefully he'll be out of the county by then

I took my daughter from the first time we were able to visit. The first 2 were behind glass and she was only 14 months/16 months. The first visit was also the first time they got to see each other ever and it was kind of cute when she was trying to get through the glass to see him. She is 4 now and she goes to almost every visit. There is a small play area where he is and she has made friends with some of the other kids her age that have been there since we have. She is a daddy's girl and also has half of his unit mates wrapped around her finger.

I'm sorry, but I would never take a kid to a prison for a visit. EVER JMHO

Mostly I have read about the younger age children. What about the
kids age 7 and up that KNOW what is going on and where they are?
We have chosen to say that the parent is just away, has to work, and
is going to school and we have phone conversations and write letters,
send pictures and things like that. Both the parent and I have discussed
it and can't seem to figure out if it would be good for them. The drive
there is almost 4 hours and then when they leave if they were depressed
about it, the drive would be a long way home full of tears with 3 children.
They are ages 3 to 10.
I would really appreciate some other opinions please...the length of time of
absence would be approx. 2 yrs. and a few months. (depending on all the
things they count or don't count in between?)
Thank you

I take my 8 year old grandson to visit his uncle. He understands that Uncle E can't come home right now but will soon. When my son 1st went in my grandson would cry because he missed his uncle. We only had 1 1/2 drive, now it's less than that. I'm not sure how I would handle a 4-4 1/2 hr drive. He doesn't cry anymore because he occassionally gets to visit but he will periodically say he misses him and can't wait for him to be home.

Kids are more resilient than you think and suddenly being shut off from someone they love and who loves them is worse than them going into that "horrible" place. Grandson behaves very well going in to visit, has a great conversation with E and behaves very well leaving. To me the benefit of having them know each other out ways any negative.

We have an eleven year old daughter. She has always been a daddy's girl. I did alot of thinking about taking her to visit and found websites about children with an incarcerated parent. The bottom line was that visits were very important for children in order to really deal with this trauma in their life. I took her to see her dad last month. She was scared before we went but I tried to prepare her before as to what was going to go on. The second she saw him all fear flew out the window! Yes, there was a few tears after we left, but she said it helped her so much so see where he was and that he was ok. We're going again at Christmas. We are in Florida and he is in Iowa and after seeing how much it helped I will do what ever it takes to make sure she gets to visit at least every 4 months. It helped all of us! I just want to be sure that the relationship stays strong between her and her dad so that when he comes home the transition will be easier. I even tell him when she needs him to come down on her, like about homework, and he'll write her and tell her she better be listening to her mom and she listens to him! I want him to feel that he still has the responsibilities of raising her and for her to realize that she still needs to listen to her dad. I think visiting was the one thing that really made it easier for her to cope with this situation. When she cried after the visit I took her out for a large pizza and we both tore it up!! Hey, whatever works!

I took my 5 kids this past weekend to visit their grandmother. Their ages are 14, 13,11, 8 & 6 weeks. I was suprised as to what the visiting area looks like it reminded me of a school cafeteria. One thing that was nice was they had a place where the kids could watch a movie and it was a little quieter than the visiting room and it gave my mom and i a chance to visit and we could actually hear each other! It was our first visit my mom has been gone almost 4 months and my kids went from seeing her everyday and befoe I got remarried she was like the second parent because she kept them while I worked in the evenings. It has been hard on them but they were happy to see her and she was happy to see them. I cant wait til the next time we go!

i think it's important for the kid as well as the parents.
but once the kid is old enough to decide resonably, its important to let him or her.
at the same time, my man has a 2 month old baby (not with me. long story) and i would want his son to visit him.

I have taken all 3 of my children to visit my husband. They are 16, 11 and 9. I have taken his son to visit him, he is 4. He has been able to see his daughter she is just a little over a yr old. I think its a positive thing for him to bond with the kids. It allows him to be part and active in their lives. He has time to talk to them. Hug them. I don't see a problem with kids going to visit someone in prison. Now I don;t take them all the time, but before it was becuase he was almost 9 hours away. Now that he is much closer, they have asked to go see him.

When my now boyfriend asked me to bring your son to see him at first I thought he was crazy. I didn't want him seeing his dad like that. But he wants to see him and miss him so bad. I have tried to get him on the visiting list but he was denied because his name is not on the birth certificate. He has signed a paternity acknowledgement and I am in the process of getting it taken care of. My son will be 13 in January and he is at the age when he really needs his dad. Its not the same as him being home but at least he will be able to see him and get a hug.

Honey I know it is hard right now. Be thankful that yours is only 3 weeks old. I have 6 and 8 year old sons and it is very difficult. I think that is why we don't talk about it so much. It is a reality we aren't ready to face. Thank god my two boys can touch their dad they can sit on his lap they can kiss him we play games and eat together our visits are 4 hours long. If not for this I don't know what we would do. Best of luck to you.

My sons are 6 and 8 do you think it hurts or helps them to see their dad right now. I mean I think they enjoy it but they are always so sad when we leave and I don't want to go anything to cause them pain? Thank you.

To the little girl who replied:
I really would like to hear from you about how you feel going to see your parent in prison. I have two grandchildren, 4 and 6 years old. I took them to see their Dad in prison when they were 3 and 5. He got out and now he is back in, and I am not sure I want to take them through that again.
I want to do whatever is best for them.

I took mine when he was 1 month. He had never gotten to see him since I had him while he was gone. I think a father wants to see your kid a whatever age and whenever its possible

Together we have 4 boys ages 10months, 9 y.o and two 11 y.o and you better believe we are up there every weekend and holidays it is important for my family to spend as much time as we can together.

I

I think its important to start right away

When my daughter's father first went he didn't want her visiting. It was behind the glass and he didn't want her to see him like that. After he got moved, for awhile she was going alot but now...his sister hasn't been taking her. I can't bring her cause I'm on probation myself. I'm kind of glad though cause I went up there once 6 months ago they let me have a special visit & it was horrible. My baby was 2 years old at the time and she showed me everything I had to do. Fill out the form, bring it to the window, what door I had to go threw, etc. It was kind of good cause I had no clue what I was doin and she helped alot. At the same time though it broke my heart that my baby knows the drill at the prison. When I finally got out of there, I got in the car and just cried...

I went to see my Dad from the time I was was 3 weeks old until I was 13. Sadly he passed away in there but we developed such a incredible love and bond that at 47 I still miss him everyday and would give 10 years of my life for another 1 hour visit.

Children accept what the adults around them accept. My Mom and grandmom always made Saturdays a happy time. I'm sure they cried but not around me.

Looking back the only negative I see is it makes going to see my hubby much easier and I am more accepting at waiting then I think I would others wise been. Saying that we have a 26 year old daughter who has been going with me to see her Dad since she was 9 and she is the opposite. She swears she would never wait.

my son goes thru the same thing. the first time his dad went in he was 5. his dad just went back in 2 years ago. he doesn't know how to handle it. he is full of anger. i don't know what to do

how do tell thier child their dad is going to go back after he's been out for 15 months, he finally got to bond with his dad and then he's gone again. can anybody help?

I was 7 months pregnant with our son when my man went in, he got 5 yrs. My son went to see him every weekend from the time he was 4 days old. When he got out he was only out for a year and only lived with us the last 5 months of that year, now he's in again for 4 yrs but in another state so Icant take him to see him. Thatis whats hard on him. He is 6 1/2 and doesnt understand why he could see him last time and not this time, he says lets just drive mommy, it breaks my heart. He has always been told exactly why daddy was in jail. We never kept it from him. We're not ashamed, he will even tell his friends like its no big deal like his dad was at the store, my dads in jail, but he'll be home again one day. That kills me, but he also knows daddy isn't a bad person, just made bad choices. Dont drink and drive, and you have to do what the cops, people in charge tell you or you go back to time out!

I take my 5yo son every weekend to see his dad it helps keep their strong bond but also helps for him to see his daddy is doing ok:)

My fiance was in prison when our daughter was born. I took her too see him as soon as I could. She was 2 weeks when he first saw her. He was still in County at that time so he laid eyes on his daughter through a glass window for the very first time..it was so so so hard but he insisted that i bring her. He finally got moved to a place where we could have contact visits and he got to hold her for the first time when she was 6 weeks. My daughter is now 3 and she goes regularly to see her father. She asked questions and we have been very honest with her from the beginning.

I take our daughter at least once a week. He needs to see her, she is only 10 weeks old and I think him seeing her is making him feel better. At least he doesnt cry when she is with me.

I took my son when he was about 2. He was about 15 months old when his dad went. I waited only because of the hurt and feelings I was going through on the reason why he went. I took my son for the next 4 years. His dad got out, and has been back and forth ever since. And I have never taken my son back. I never will. It was confusing for him. I explained and explained. But when my son was fighting and wanting to get in trouble so he could be with dad, that was it for me. They don't really get to see how bad it is. My daughter came and seen me and it was great. But I never went back. Like my son's dad. It portrays that it is all good and it is ok to go to prison. Look at me son, DADDY IS IN PRISON AGAIN. So I guess the first time is ok. But when they are in and out all the time. I don't believe it is ok. My opinion only. No disrepect to anyone. God Bless all the children who have to go through this.

I was 4 months pregnant when we began our prison journey. I was so afraid that my daughter would never really know her father or be afraid of him. All i can say is to continue bringing him for visits. For me it is only 1 day a week sometimes 2 for about an 8 hr visit. I have to say my daughter knows exactly who her dadddy is. She runs to him now when we visit. She is crazy about him. She is now 17 months old and I have been taking her she she was born. Believe me it works.

As soon as my husband is out of lock down I'm taking our youngest daughter, she'll be a month old then and her daddy needs to see. Our oldest is 9 years old and she is very hurt and mad at him, so she refuses to go and I"m not going to make her. SHe'll come around...My husband is still in county so its only a 15 minute visit from behind glass but I think that it is important for them to have a bond.

hi everyone i am 12 years old and i have been going to see my father in prison since i was 8 years old! if u look up my scrren name dont worry i am not lying its just that this is my mother name not mine if u really wanna know how us kids feel about ging to see our fathers in those places then reply and i will love to reply to anyone with questins i've been though alot that some kids havent! thanx for listening

Yes please, I would like to know how you feel. I'm the grandmother of two children ages 5 and 2. Both kids have always lived with me. Both parents are in and out of jail all the time and even when they're not in jail, they rarely see them.

The five year old knows that we aren't his "real" parents and that his daddy is in jail...the two year old has never spent enough time with her parents to understand. Please tell me how you have always felt. Tell me the good and the bad.

Thank you,
Terrie

hi everyone i am 12 years old and i have been going to see my father in prison since i was 8 years old! if u look up my scrren name dont worry i am not lying its just that this is my mother name not mine if u really wanna know how us kids feel about ging to see our fathers in those places then reply and i will love to reply to anyone with questins i've been though alot that some kids havent! thanx for listening
Does it bother you to see him? Like do you feel worse or better after the visit? My granddaughter is four, will she get to give him a hug?

My son went to jail when his daughter was 4 months old. I took over raising her. I took her with me every weekend for a year to see him. These visits were behind glass, but as she got older they interacted more. When he was found guilty and sent to prison it was far enough away that we only got to go one a month. Since that time she has seen him behind glass, in chains (when he was in the hole) been able to play with him, hug him, etc. Now he is 9 hours away so we only get to go about twice a year. She is now 7. Even though they have not had a daily contact type parent/child relationship, through the visits, his writing to her, them talking on the phone twice a week, they have developed an amazing relationship. He just recently has made a point to talk to her about his situation. Not explicit details, just that he made wrong choices, did something bad, and now he is locked up. I think children visiting their fathers or mothers is a good thing for both parties, as long as that is what the parent wants. We went through a period where she didn't want him to hug her or talk to her. He was very good through this and she would loosen up and they would start joking around and then off they would go to play. He is in for 10 more years and she knows that she will be in high school when he gets released.

Coming from a child with a father whose spent most of his life in prison, it amazes me how much I remember of our trips to prison. I remember the exact process my mom had to go through, her sitting beside me filling out the paperwork, the color of the paint on the walls, and when he was transferred, I remember making the drive out there and sitting in my mom's lap, her on one phone, me on the other. It was just a way of life. I knew daddy didn't live with us and I knew I would see him on the weekend. I didn't think it was weird or strange, I was too young to know any better. As an adult, I have decided to cut ties with him, but visiting him in prison is something that has stayed with me all these years.

I didnt take my daugther at first while he was in county i just told her her dad was working somewhere out of state but once he was sentenced for 15 mo. I took her i mean i knew she had 2 see her dad and she is 5...its hard cuz everytime we go and then once we leave she starts crying and she wants him 2 come with us but i tell her that he cant and that he will be home soon and it hurts me when she crys cuz its hard to explain to a child all those things but i do take her always...

I will have our daughter while he is in prison and will take her to see him the first chance I get. He won't be out until she is about 4 months old and I don't want him to not be able to see her until then, it's not fair to him. However, I don't take my 15 month old to visitation.

My brother left behind two little girls, age 3 & 5. He was the world to them, and vice versa. The single hardest thing about going to prison for him was having to leave his children. We're talking a river of tears.

He ended up far away, pretty much a day on the plane to get there, but in an okay facility with contact visits in a pretty family friendly space. Every time I go I see tons of kids in the visiting room. He's less than a year into a 3 year sentence.

His wife hasn't gone to visit him yet herself, and so far won't consider bringing the girls. I have to say the fact that she hasn't wanted to visit him came as a total surprise to me, since she completely stood by her man through everything they went through before that. They decided mutually that they wouldn't tell the girls where he was (other than that he did something wrong and had to go away to work to fix what he did), and that they wouldn't bring the girls to visit.

Now I know how much he misses them, but he won't ask his wife to visit because he feels like it's completely up to her and he knows how hard it is to be raising the girls and going through all this on her own. I guess all of us in my family feel like that, like it's really her decision and not our place to interfere, but I have to say that the situation makes me CRAZY! I feel like it would be SO good for all of them to be able to see each other. I'm afraid they're making a terrible mistake and that the children will suffer so much more and lose their connection with their father because of it.

But one thing I'm getting from this thread is that maybe visits help keep the bond if they're regular and frequent. Because of the distance, they'd probably only be able to see him a few times a year, at best. Maybe it would just be too traumatic, too hard for mom to deal with for a long time after they get back home, I don't know. But my gut says it would be better for them to see their dad.

Wow, I really needed to vent about this. Thanks in advance for any insights on how to help or just deal.

Our daughter is seven. When he was arrested I told her what was going on and then he called later that night and explained it to her. She goes to every visitation with me. However, this new facility that he is being held in pending his revocation hearing does not allow anyone under 18 to visit. So she is having a fit! I think it does a family good to keep the children involved. Gives the inmates hope and shows them the reason they want to behave and get home and it teaches the children that the parent didn't abandon them and run away. They still love them and miss them as much as the kids miss their parent. It also gives them a sense of who that parent is. Every child deserves to have parents in their life, whether incarcerated or not. A marriage and family doesn't end when one becomes incarcerated...just my opinion.

Im really glad I found this post! I hesitated to bring my daughter of 3 weeks only for sanitary purposes. I was worried about her getting sick. I brought her to see her daddy for the first time today! It was great seeing him hold her for the first time and seeing how happy he was and how attached he became so easily. I am going to continue to bring her every weekend! She will be 6 months old when he gets out, and well I need her to feel comfortable and to form that bond because after all he is her father and he will be home very soon!

and I totally agree with you Jessesgirl. People really look down on you for having your husband or baby's daddy or whatever you want to call them incarcerated, but that doesn't make their love for their child, or the child's love and bond with their parent disappear. If anything it DOES give them hope and a better reason to want to come home and do right. I honestly believe that my daughter was born to change my fiance's ways. He was headed for a life of destruction(he was only 18 when that stuff happened,he's now 20) and now with me and her in his life, he has so much more to live for.

Our Babiis were 11 months and 23 months when he got locked up.... Now they are 4 and 5. But listen... I have been taking them since day 1! Every month at least. They talk about him all the time. THEY LOVE HIM THROUGH AND THROUGH...

Yester day came the BIG QUESTION from my 5 year old.....

" Daddy y cant you come home with us??"
HEART BREAKING....


D-BOy said.." I got in trouble and made your mom mad haha..."
NOT TRUE!!

LIL MAN said "oh no dad. You dont do that agian!"

I mean adventually the truth will be told to them but for now were trying to make it funny for us. I gues.. my family loves to laugh so thats how we deal.

But your kids will want to know why hes there but regardless, THOSE MEN NEED TO SEE THEIR CHILDREN.... Thats what gives them the strength not to revert back to old ways....

I am currently helping to raise a set of twins. Their father is serving time right now...they are 1 year, 8 month boy and girl. Their daddy wont be out until july of next year....a couple months before their 3rd birthday. Im not technically family with them. They are my new step dad's nephew's kids. Their mother is seen once in a very long while. She runs in the streets and we feel that the kids have a better life over here, with us. Anyway, i am the strongest support system for the twins' dad, and i feel that they need to see him, no matter what people say about it being wrong. However, i took them to see him numerous times in san bernardino county jail, and it broke my heart into pieces when the boy twin tryed to kiss his daddy and hit his head on the glass. :[[ i cried for hours and thought that i was making a mistake by putting them through that. Now, he is in tehachapi state prison, waiting to be shipped out to his new home for the next year. He wants me to take the kids to see him there but i dont want them to have to see him through the glass again. So i think im just going to wait and take them when they can have face to face visits to hug and kiss their daddy as much as they want. Hopefully its soon.

Our son is now 2 years old and loves his daddy to death runs around with his picture all day and he goes to see him every other weekend. I started taking him at a young age.

My son sees his daughter several times a month and we wouldn't have it any other way. She loves her daddy and he loves her as she says "All da way to da moon" LOL She is 2 years old now and she knows by the time we are within a few blocks of the prison that we are getting close. She says "Daddy's House" I know that there will come a day when we have to explain to her why daddy can't come home with her but for now she is ok with how it is and she has not asked any questions.

Our kids were 5, 7 and 8 when Dad was arrested. Since we have a blended family, his son, the 7 year old, has not seen him since his mother has custody. My son, 8 and our daughter 5 have been seeing him from the moment he was locked up in county. They also know why, it was a big deal and kids at school were repeating rumors from conversations overheard between their parents. I explained everything to my kids in the most simple terms and they know that Daddy has consequences for his bad choices. When my husband was in county, the kids saw him once a week minimum then when he was transferred to CDC custody and we couldn't see him, it was a living he** for my kids. That regular time with Dad each week reassured them that he was ok and loves them. It took about 5 months to get visits approved and we just went to our first contact visit last weekend. It was awesome and did a world of good for all of us, especially our kids. Now we have visits to look forward to and count down towards. It makes things easier on all of us.

My grandson was 5 when this happn with his Dad, he is 11 now and any time I was there to visit he was there to visit his Daddy. When he ask question about why daddy could not come home with us, I told him Daddy had made some bad choses and he had to take care of them, now he is fully aware of what his dad did and understands why he is away completely.And thank the good Lord in four months our long road will be walked and we all can say we walked it together and came out stronger at the other end.

I was visiting my brother in Fed in Ohio this past week end and sunday they had the fathers who had children visiting them to sign up to have a parent time at a "Table".
I saw the Dads get up and go get the yellow sheet of paper fill it out. Then as i passed by to go to bath room I saw children and there Dads sitting there reading to each other or coloring together " The Mom were not included" which was good as it gave Dad a one own one time for about 30 min to just do something and be with Dad alone. Of course if there were 3 children than Dad had all 3, reading a book to them, coloring, etc, It warmed my heart to see this. They than came back and sit with Mom again and was so excited, showing her what they did. Each child got to pick a book and Dad read it to them then they got to keep the book, to take home with them--a memory of Dad reading it to them, Which I think was awesome.
The reason I am posting this is I saw a valuable lesson being learned that day. Children getting time with Dad. As my sister and I were leaving and the guard took us to the first stoping point where they got our driver license to I D us all as we leave, A mom is standing there with her children and I saw a little boy about 3 1/2 yrs old--Turning to the lady next to him and he said-Look what me and my Daddy colored together! He was so proud of that little page, he was telling us all. Then there was one with his little book, Daddy read to him.
Please give the children a chance to love Dad in person, no matter where he is. You want regret it when you get them grown and they leave home at least you let them see and hug Dadddy. It is the right thing to do. God Bless our little children.

I met my husband while he was in prison. Early on in our relationship he told me that we needed to build our life together now so that he walks into the life we have already created. I didn't understand, exactly, what that meant but I trusted him and I intuitively knew he knew what he was talking about. For us that included bringing my kids (9, 7 and 3 at the time) to visit him and get to know him. He now has a relationship with "his" kids and two of them have chosen to use his last name. He is more of a presence in their lives then their biological father who is not locked up, at least not physically anyway.
My oldest son who was 21 at the time, had a fit when he learned I had taken his siblings to a prison. However, as he got to know my now husband, they built a relationship and now understands the importance of family in my husband's life. Honest, age appropriate communication is what works for our family. And even my ex has come to respect and even admire our marriage, the relationship my husband has with the kids and though it is not the ideal situation, it works for us.

Keysgirl, You are a blessing to your children and to your husband. Most of all God is watching! He is proud of you. I understand what you are saying. I wish everyone in the world could have that love for one another. When my husband died i thought back own our 36 years together he raised my 4 girls- and I told the Army Officer they sent out to be there for me to help with arrangement's and take me to get things done-I reflected own this life I had shared with him, and I told him " I just wish everyone could have the love we had together" He too was my chidren father. more than there Dad was. Your a awesome Mom, and God Bless you.

when my daughters father first got caught up....i was prego!!! when my daughter got out of the nicu, i took her right away....and i've taken her at least once a month for two years now....i never knew my "biological" father...so i don't want that for my daughter....most people i know don't agree with my decision...but it's not their decison to make....

hi everyone i am 12 years old and i have been going to see my father in prison since i was 8 years old! if u look up my scrren name dont worry i am not lying its just that this is my mother name not mine if u really wanna know how us kids feel about ging to see our fathers in those places then reply and i will love to reply to anyone with questins i've been though alot that some kids havent! thanx for listening

I have an 11 year old daughter who's dad was just put in jail about 6 months ago on her visitation weekend with him. Please tell me how you feel and how you deal with him being in prison and how you feel visiting in this environment. Thank you very much for allowing a concerned mother to ask these tough questions.

As soon as my husband gets to his permanent camp and we get our visits approved I'll be taking my boys 11 and 9. Though the first visit I'm going alone to check it out. The kids are excited to see their father. It's been four months today since they've seen or touched him. Four months since I've touched him and just over a month since I've seen him. I think it's important they spend time with their daddy but we have decided to do it on their terms. In other words if they don't want to go they won't be forced or the days they want to and if they want to leave early, we leave. I hope the visits will be positive. I do worry about the guards and if they mistreat my kids they are in for a world of trouble!

So, the father of my two children ages 10 and 5 was locked up 4 yrs ago. I allowed him one collect call a month as well as allowed him to send as many letters as he likes, but have never actually taken my children to see him. Lately I have been through alot of misfortune, losing my mother to cancer and my home to the economy and have not been in contact with him for almost a year now. My kids moan and groan when I tell them to sit down to write daddy a letter or draw a picture as tho I'm making them do some horrible chore.
I am not on good terms with my childrens father...he was abusive both verbally and physically to me, and often in front of the kids...when he was around. I personally don't care if I never hear from him again, but at the same time, I don't want to punish my children. They deserve to know who their father is. They ask questions about why he is locked up, but I have no facts on his case, only what he tells me, which is most likely about 30% accurate based on what I know of him from our relationship. He was sentenced to 22years....I think that means hes got like 17 or 18 left. My children will be adults by the time he gets out, and from what I hear, early parole will not be an option for him judging by the way he talks of his daily life inside...more often than not hes in solitary confinement for fighting. Am I ruining my children by not making more of an effort to include him in their lives? I don't know what to do....

I take our kids, Our oldest is almost 8, and we have an almost 4yr old and a 7 month old and they have all went to see him

I hardly ever reply to threads but as soon as I seen this one I knew I had to because this is a big topic in my life and has been for awhile..
I dont have any children so its not there parent in prison but I do take my niece who's 4 1/2 and my nephew who's almost 3 to see my man and have since they were born..
I always wanted to keep him in their life just so they knew who he was seeing as how he is going to be there uncle.
I have always got the negitive 'I wouldnt take my kids to a prison' from everyone but the choice is up to all of you who have the children..
The whole time I have been taking them thankfully they are still too young to know where they are when we visit and 'Prison' is never spoken in front of them.
I never wanted or want them to know their uncle is in prison until they are way older and if they find out than they are old enough for it to be explained to.
thank goodness my man will be home in 44 days and I wont have to worry about them asking where 'Uncle' is!!
Now if there is ever another 'Prison Rodeo' in the future these kids will not be visiting nor know where 'Uncle' has went they are getting to old mainley my niece she will be 5 this year and I know if this went on any longer than she would figure it out!
She already drops little comments like why are those cops there?Lol So we are done with the visiting and thank goodness he will be home soon:)
But bottom line I say take your kids if thats what you feel you should do and cut the ties when they start figuring things out more and more or let the visiting go on only you can make that choice!!
Thanks for listening to me go on and on for so long Lol

Well i saw this topic n wanted to voice my oppinion! I only got one daughter who is almost 4 n shes been going every week with me almost! She gets sooo much out of it with him! Hes not her bio dad but in the 6 months we been together hes done more for her then her real dad ever did! He writes her letters that i read to her n she just loves it! Saturdays are our days to go see her will! We also get my niece n nephews involved with it! They all write him letters every now n then n send him lots of pics! It really helps him n them so that they can keep that bond! So she dont forget him in the next 7 months! Thank god he gets out in april so he can come back again n be a family! n yes for those who are wondering! lol hes been in for 5 months! i met him a month before he got sentenced! We met online n like 6 days before he went to court he came here n spent 5 days with us! It was the best time ever! So i learned hes worth the wait! Sorry if this is in the wrong section but i just had to say it is good for them to see the parent no matter what! ~MEL~

I believe it is good to take the children to see the parent, if you are comfortable with it. I will be taking my son to see my husband atleast once a week once our visits are approved. My son thinks he is working right now. My son is almost 4, so he doesn't understand. He thinks only bad people go to jail or prison (thanks to my mom) so I chose to let him think my husband is working.

My three year old girl has been visiting the county for the past year and calls it "the machine".......guess because of talking on the phone through the glass. I tried to make a game out of it, while we would wait for his name to be called, we would play "who is talking to daddy first" and she'd get excited and scream she is talking to him.....she always asked him to see his nails and was quick to tell him if they were dirty or if he needed to cut them. He would check her nails too. He just left for reception this week and will be starting a 15+ year sentence. I've tried to explain to her that Daddy is moving farther away so instead of seeing him every weekend, we will take special trips to see him occassionally, but that its important to draw him many pictures. This a.m. I was reading a recent card from him and she got very upset that it was to me, not to her. I showed her some of his necklaces and she remembered one that he use to let her wear, so right this minute she is wearing it. And she said "it smells like Daddy".........for the first time, I dont mind the amount of cologne he use to wear, because a year later we can still smell him on it! :-)

I am going to continue taking her and always talking about him. With such a lengthy sentence, even with a reduction in time and credit for time served, he will be gone for all of her adolescence.....I dont want her to ever blame me for not knowing him, by not taking her to see him.

I've took my daughter as soon as i could take her after she was born. he went in when i was 6 months pregnant and she went every 2 weeks with me, it would have been every week if he was closer- i even took my 6 year old son (his step-son) he asked many questions and a lot of times was bored being there.... the kids would get restless after a while but it gave my daughter a chance to know her daddy, she was 9 months old when he was released....she is 18 months old now and has grown very attached to daddy- my hubby just went back in two days ago and we gotta go through this whole process again and now i'm 5 months pregnant! i will also take this new baby to visit him as soon as i can as well as the other 2 kids... its their daddy and tho i'm judged by family and other people for putting them in that enviroment- they deserve to know daddy they are all his pride and joy and i'm not going to be the one to take that from him. lord i wish he was home.

My man went in when i was 3 months pregnant and a week after i had my daughter we went up to visit him and every week after that til they moved him to state prison. I didnt care that it was only behing glass i just felt that it was important for him to see her!!! Now he's in prison and hasnt seen her in almost 2 months because im still waiting to get approved but as soon as i am we will be there as often as i can!!! The bond is important, but luckily by the time she realizes daddy's not here he'll be home......

you know..

i will be honest and just come out and say this, i'd look at other women bringing their children to the prison and i'd get sad.. i'd think, "why would you bring a kid that small to a prison?" you never really understand until you become a parent.

well, now i'm a parent and i understand. my daughter is only 5 months old and i want to take her to see her dad so bad. it's not just about "why are you bringing them here they are so little" it's also to help the inmate. it also helps them cope and see their kids.

i felt so horrible thinking that way and now i am that statistic. i will never judge a book by it's cover again.

just wanted to say thank you all for your feedback. I just sent a letter off with pics of the kids to him this morning for the first time in almost a year. I have also given him the new phone number so he can call and talk to the kids. Most if not all of you basically said the same thing, and your right, my personal feelings and resentment toward him is mine, and shouldn't prevent me from allowing my kids...our kids...from getting to know him and making their own assessment of the situation. I have requested visitation forms too...so hopefully in the future I can plan a trip to take the kids to see daddy by next spring. It will be the first time they've seen him in almost five years. It's time....thank you all again.

So, the father of my two children ages 10 and 5 was locked up 4 yrs ago. I allowed him one collect call a month as well as allowed him to send as many letters as he likes, but have never actually taken my children to see him. Lately I have been through alot of misfortune, losing my mother to cancer and my home to the economy and have not been in contact with him for almost a year now. My kids moan and groan when I tell them to sit down to write daddy a letter or draw a picture as tho I'm making them do some horrible chore.
I am not on good terms with my childrens father...he was abusive both verbally and physically to me, and often in front of the kids...when he was around. I personally don't care if I never hear from him again, but at the same time, I don't want to punish my children. They deserve to know who their father is. They ask questions about why he is locked up, but I have no facts on his case, only what he tells me, which is most likely about 30% accurate based on what I know of him from our relationship. He was sentenced to 22years....I think that means hes got like 17 or 18 left. My children will be adults by the time he gets out, and from what I hear, early parole will not be an option for him judging by the way he talks of his daily life inside...more often than not hes in solitary confinement for fighting. Am I ruining my children by not making more of an effort to include him in their lives? I don't know what to do....

Its up to you how does it make you feel ? how do your kids feel about it? If your forcing them to write him talk to them about it see how they feel . i have six kids and they go to see him by choice i can only take three at a time they wont let more then that go back but they argue over whos turn it is to go visit him. their ages are 17 male ,16 female ,13 female ,10 male ,10 female and a 5 month old . now when it comes to writing him they all write at least once a month but my middle two write him daily. he has not been but 5months as soon as i brought the baby home and two days later we were visiting him in county. now we visit him in prison as much as we can. If its an issue about you having to go with them talk to the prison hes in and see what you can do for them to visit and you wait somewhere .

I think children need to see their parents, i take my son every chance i get he just turned 7 and seriously enjoys seeing his daddy. He knows why his dad is there and knows what his dad did is wrong i am completly honest with my son.

My family takes our son (8 months old) to see my husband every other weekend. They really enjoy it and they need to build that bond. My husband left when our son was 4 weeks old and didn't get to see him for about 5 months. He definately knows who daddy is and they got their picture taken too.