Hey Everyone,


Its Katie.... My stepdaddy is in prison for being a supposdly sex offender.... well i was wondering if he was gonna even serve out the whole 5-15 years... Alot of people are saying he isnt even gonna serve 5.. but my mom thinks he is gonna get the maximum. I dont know which 1 to think becausE i am only 12 and im still tryin to cope with him being in prison for something he didnt do. I wish he was here right now. But if someone you know was a sex offender how long was s/he in for?? did they serve out the minimum or the maximum??

PLEASE POST BACK!!!!
thanks,
Katie:fb:


Mommy
+
Daddy B
4-ever
:cuffs:

I know a lot of people in your situation and I wish there were an easy answer but there is not! Some people serve the minimum. Some serve the maximum. It's difficult not knowing exactly when he'll be home. You might ask your family who it is who decides how long it will be. A parole board? Parole boards sometimes decide and you could find out when they meet to decide. That would give you some idea maybe. What I've found is to just take it a day or month at a time and not worry too much about how long it will be. Write letters or send drawings and the time goes by. I know people always ask me "how long" before my husband comes home. I don't know how long so the question makes me feel uncomfortable. It helps to find someone you can trust to talk with about your feelings. A teacher, a friend, a counselor. Or write in a journal - that might help too. Good luck! You sound like a very caring person. Zelda

Zelda,

Hello!! Thanks for the information. I have been writing to the prole boards alot. My mommy said it makes Brian look good because im writing about how good of a father he was to me and how im still gonna change my last name to his because of how much i love him. I still believe he didnt do ANY of this i KNOW he didnt do any of this!!! its not fair that he is going through this. I know usually Kids hate there stepparents from start to end. But my sisters and I have a STRONG bond with Brian and we LOVE him he is a diffrent kind of stepdad he was nice and generous. and no matter howmuch we got on his nerves he never yelled...
Katie

Zelda has some good advice for you. I just wanted to say hang in there and he is lucky to have you in his life.

okay i am not sure , if mommy is writing for her or not !

but i have kids , we have folks we know , ect in jail or prison , i am 36 three kids , and my kids would never access this site , ( nothing wrong with site my kids are 10~~8~6~~ i watch all they do , if i was typing what one said i would state that ,,


i was concieved and born while my mom visited my dada , blood test proved it , IN CALI AT DA SQ ]
I HAVE BEEN TO DA ROCK QUEENS , I HAVE BEEN HERE AND THERE ,

BUT NOW I AM HOME WITH MY KIDS , WHOM I CHOSE AFTER I , GOT MY SHEEESH 2 GETHER !! AND I AM A PRODUCTIVE CITIZEN , ( TAXIN ME YEP THEY ARE )

MY KIDS HAVE NO INTERNET ACCESS , UNLESS I AM HERE AND WILL FULL STATE , MY KID IS TYPING WITH ME ,

QQ,

so are you calling me a liar and that my mom is writing this for me..

I think that pre-teens and teens do access sites like this and are often unsupervised on the internet. Hopefully, they have been taught the "safety rules" of not sharing personal information with strangers and reporting any inappropriate comments that are made to them. Whether or not a parent is with them while they type doesn't really have to be disclosed, I don't think. It all depends upon the parents' rules and trust of the youth. I would hope we would all respond to a young person respectfully and report anyone posting inappropriate comments to them. And to the youth posting here - you don't have to tell people whether your parent is doing this with you or not. It's none of their business. Let them guess all they want. (It may be their way of finding out if you're doing this alone, which they don't need to know.) Zelda

***QQ Looks like Katie accidentally posted under my name in her last post...but just to clarify things, I am Katie's mom. Yes I know she is on this site and that she posted this. She asked me questions, and I told her to post and maybe get some support and some answers to her questions. I don't expect people to talk down to her or treat her with disrespect because she is a preteen. You now have my Screen name, so feel free to PM me personally if you have a problem with my daughter using this site. She is going thru alot and just looking for some support from people who are in her situation (or one similar).

OK i'll step down off my soap box for now.

Thanks Zelda for sticking up for my daughter, I do appreciate it!!!

Michelle

Fabulous,


Hey Thanks for the comment. Yes I think he is really lucky to have my sisters and my mom as well. I have been trying to hang in there.. Thats what everyone is tellingme. I mean i know i should. But its really hard!! I dont see why Brian has to be in for something he didnt do... its not fair to him, to us, or to my mom just because his ex wife is the way she is. My mom has only been married not even a year before this all happend to him... it was there 1st year anniversry on Sunday September 7. What a great way to start off a marriage huh??

Katie

I ASSURE U MY COMMENTS WERE SINCERE , I have three children of my own , and i am very cautious about what they do , NOT because i dont teach them right and wrong , BUT because others ARE SOME BAD FOLKS !!

OF COURSE ,, I applaud the fact that she ( or u and both ) are trying to have open honest discussions , about the situation with brian , i commend her for standing up ,

but i still think , openly reading some of the things on this board , are not for children , if they are unsupervised ,
thats my opinion , o

QQ,

yeah well thats you opinion. i know u were just stating it.. But maybe opinions like that can get people mad.. so its better to keep comments like that to yourself. Yeah so what i am a pre-teen. Does it matteR? i only go onto "children with parents in prison" its not like i go into others, even though im aloud to i dont. I mean i guess that if you have a problem with me posting. talk to my mom about it. because i dont appreciate being looked down on and mis treated like that. Ya know its not like im gonna stop just because you are very cautious about YOUR children being online. but you dont need to be cautious about me because IM NOT YOUR CHILD. Well i guess thats all i should say for right now..


Katie

P.S. Zelda Thank you so much for sticking up for me!!!!! i reallly appreciate it!

I know it must be an awful feeling when you think about your stepdad being in prison for something he didn't do. I know I feel the worst about things that I just have no control over. My mom used to say that sometimes it is not a matter of understanding - just acceptance that we can't change it. Meaning we just have to accept sometimes things we cannot control and leave it up to the grownups to work on changing things. The one things we DO have control over is ourselves and changing the way we react to circumstances. Like, instead of being mad about what's happened, we can try to see what we can do today, just today, to help ourselves. Like you can list four things each day, for five days, that you are thankful for. Then send your lists to your stepdad after five days. He will see 20 things you're thankful for and that will make him happy when you share that with him. Then maybe he'll think of things he's thankful for. Or spend 20 minutes with your mom, making funny hair styles with your hair and making her laugh. It won't change the big problem of your stepdad being in prison but you can't change that anyway. You can change what you do with YOUR life. Hope this helps. Zelda

Hi Katie,
It was refreshing to read your posts. I have 2 children and my brother is in a texas prison. My brother wants to see me and his niece and newphew, but he put me through alot of hurt and I dont know yet if we will visit. But i commend you for doing what your doing, keep writing those letters, I know your Moms very proud of you and hopefully your Dad will be home soon.

Love, Louise

Louise1120,

Hi, Im sure you know my mom... shell021001 right? Thats my mommy!!! Anyways thanks for the support. how old are your children? Yes i could understand not going if he put you through alot.. what did he put you through? if you dont want to tell me thats alright. i will understand.

Love,
KaTiE

just wanted to remind everyone to keep a supportive and loving attitude...no matter what we are all here to lvoe and support eachother in our time of need and everyone is entilted to an opinion.

Love to All,
Amelia :D

The thought that younger kids do get on this site is great. I agree, there are probably posts on here that kids shouldn't read. Those posts will probably never be read by the kids because they are coming here for support and to find help in figuring life out with a loved one in prison. As are the rest of us. I don't think they are searching through the forums that include stuff they "shouldn't be reading," kids are on here to find commen ground and are probably going to lean more towards the things they can relate to. (Ex: CHILDREN with parents in prison) I think this site, if accessed by more children, would make a big difference in the confidence and strength they feel about the hardships they face for being the child of a prisoner.

I think it's sad that everyone doesn't see this site as a positive place for everyone to come, rather than just adults.

Katie I think you are a brave girl for reaching out to others in your situation, rather than keeping your feelings stored inside, like most kids do.

I also admire you for the respect you have for your parents and for the acceptance you've had for your step-father since he entered your family. It shows a high level of maturity on your part. Most mothers/father are not near as lucky as yours for having such a strong family bond when a there is a step parent in the picture.

I thing you are plenty strong enough to hang in there for this.
When your not, I think your family can provide for each other the strength to make it through the worst days.

I wish you the best of luck, and although your situation is a bit different, (I am a senior in H.S. with a father in prison) if you have any questions feel free to ask me. Your being a very supportive stepdaughter for Brian, keep it up!

-Carrie

hi katie,

I have been reading through your earlier post, my fiance's sister's husband is in a state prion for a sex violation, his sentence is for a 5 yr max. They are telling him he will be able to get into a halfway house in a 1 yr and a half. you have to write to your local halfway house to start that ball rolling if you can get your dad in one, it's something to check in to and if he would get into one he can come home a visit you at least it's like that in pa. you have set hours you can come and go, if he goes to work while he would go to a halfway house, i think in pa it's 7 am till 10 pm. it's hard on children when their parents are in prison i have a 5 yr old boy and a 7 yr old girl who miss their to be step dad like crazy. he only has a year left to his sentence. keep writing your parole board and bugging them for your dad and make sure your dad takes all the classes he needs for parole he needs so many points to be eligible for parole. so any thing he does while he's in prison and takes classes even attending church services will help him when he does come up for parole, usually a parole board will come in when your dad's minium sentence is up. but hang in there and give him all your love and energy cause he will need all that you can give him. i'm glad to see you are out her writing, my kids miss their step dad, when he gets home in sept 2004 our wedding is planned for april 2005, then we will be official and he will be their step daddy, My kids are very excited they are going to have him for a daddy!! keep your chin up and keep smiling !!! love beautiful

Carrie-

Thank you so much for all the support. I could really use it.
I usually do keep my feelings stored up inside but if im on a site like this i know i can trust people, cause other people such as myself and my mom come to this site for emotional help. But it's like sometimes i do actully feel like just giving up on myself for some reason. I can't accept that he is in prison for something he didnt do. If i had my way.. kandy and her girls would be DEAD right now.. but yeah that wasnt so good to say but thats really what i feel like. I mean I feel like i have lost a bestfriend as well as a dad. Because i consider him my real dad. he treated my sisters and I like we were his real daughters. My REAL dad never did that. and now i feel like Kandy took that away from me. I mean is it really are fault that she has messed up problems but she has to accuse the wrong person??

Katie

Beautiful-
Wow!! my stepdads max is 15 years :-(
I dont even know what a halfway house is. But i think i will look them up. But wouldn't i have to do that for like the year before he was scheduled to get out?
Well here is the thing.. because of what he was charged with i wont be able to see him because im only a minor.. and they even denied me to go see him right now. Yes it is VERY hard for children to lose someone they really love. I mean Brian was like my best friend and i could talk to him about anything but his ex wife took that away from me:-(
Your Daughter and Son?? I thought you said it was your fiances sister's husband?
I mean its weird how some kids can just get a really strong connection with there stepparents.. then its like POOF there gone:-(
Well i don't think i can do much though because im only 12 years old. Unless the parole board favors.. sad,depressed kids.. then i could change alot.:-)
Yeah he told me he was doing alot. He goes to church on Sunday Mornings and on Sunday nights.. then he has bible study on like wendsdays i think. and im really really proud of him because he stopped smoking!!!YAY! he gets double points from me:-)
Im happy for you and your children. I think my mom and Brain are going to get married again. because it wasnt even a year before this happend. There anniversy was on Sept.7th and he has been gone since March i think.. I have never seen my mom so happy when they got married. but now shes back to the way she used to be. sad and miserable.. which is making me sad and miserable. Since Brian has been gone i have been getting bad grades, and ive been getting really sick. I also have to go talk to a physcitrist at the U.of.M because of all this. I can't even stand being in school. I always think of when i get home he will be home waiting for me and he will ask me how school was and what i learned. and now that's gone. :::::::crying:::::::
I dont know what to do with myself anymore:-(

--Katie

hi katie,

My fiance is in prison for a dui related accident, my fiances sisters husband is in state prison for a sex violation, sorry for the misunderstanding on my part, My to be sister in laws kids cannot go see their father either because of his offences, but their mom is going to court to fight that so that they can go see them, soo far she's not getting anywhere on that, it's hard on kids when a father goes to prison or a mother, and i can understand how your feeling by watching my kids go through their emotions that they go thro, my son is very close to his to be step dad, he's like a real father to him and my son breaks out in fits of rage because his step dad isn't here, and it's hard to get a child to understand things sometimes and to get the adult in prison to understand how much they are really missed, my son still waits for the day to come home and his step dad to be home waiting for him to go fishing or hunting or just to hang out, i see his little face lose all the light in it and it breaks my heart alot. and i understand how your mom is feeling too it's a big big missing spot in your life when you do not have your other half of you there with you. you go thro things alone , adult things that are hard to explain to a son or daughter, parents go thro things together and you get used to that together things and when it's gone you get empty and frustrated and you do lash out on the ones you love most and forget sometimes how much you hurt the ones you love most, it's hard to explain to you, but as to how you feel i understand totally and i can understand your grades going down and you have to talk to a dr about all your going thro, but you have to keep your grades up and your spirits up, i know it's hard gezzzzzzzz.. do i know, i'm a mother and a father now.. ARGH!! it's a very stressfull job for 1 person to do, as what to do with yourself stay really busy thats what i've been doing with my kids, i enrolled them in sports, my daughter i put in girl scouts, anything and everything i can get them involved in i do, even local church functions it helps them alot to stay active and sort of keep their minds of their dad being going, their dad only has a year left to do sept 2004 he will be home!! keeping my fingers crossed on that!! but i'm glad to hear your dad is taking classes and going to church, it will help him when time comes for parole or even to get into a halfway house, and yes do check into that , maybe if you get active with sports or what ever you like to do just to be yourself again it really will help you katie, you just have to do it for yourself i know it sounds selfish but sometimes you have to take a stand for yourslef and get your inner self back together, let your self heal from a big trauma you've been thro. go out go shopping hang out with your friends, have fun and don't feel bad either that your having fun!! your almost a teenager go out and have fun with your friends!!! dont grow up too fast or you'll miss alot of fun in your life. and it's ok to cry if you don't cry you'll get all fuddled inside, i cry all the time.. it helps relieve alot of inside stress your having and conflicts with your inner self. ok i talked enough , katie you can email me or pm me if you would like or if you have aol instant messenger you can im me my handle is lonaone66. i'm always open for a chat or just to listen. ok well i hope this makes sense to you if not question what you don't understand and i'll get back to you on the question. talk to you later
beautiful.

Katie

My dad has been in prison sence '99 and he has not really had the chance to be there for my family because he has been in prison for about 4 years now. some people might be rude and things but dont give up trying to get help from people cause other people are or has been in the same sitution as u so please keep in touchwith me and dont give up.

Patrick

Patrick-

Hey my stepdad just got sent to prison in i think september. it's to depressing for me so i havent kept track. He is in for 5-15 years:-( Yeah we are doing this angel tree project at my church with other kids with parents in prison. I mean yeah i feel like nobody else is going through what im going through. but i know that alot of other people are. Is your dad innocent? my stepdad is very innocent, but the people who put the false charges against him denied getting a lie detector test to prove their case. I haven't seen my stepdad since March of last year. well i saw him when he was at the jail for 20 minutes through plexi-glass, and i saw him at the court dates but even then i couldnt hug him. He was like my best friend. I could talk to him about alot of stuff, and every day i look forward to coming home and having him there waiting to ask me how my day was and what i learned. and we made jokes out of that. but when i get home my sparks are gone because i know hes gone:-(
How old are you Patrick??

KaTiE

Katie

Im 14 and my stepdad is also Innocent because he had a buissness and some people wanted a refund but my dad dind not give a refund because he thought he was going to court against them. Instead the cops arressted him 4 theift he even talked to the cops before he was arressted and the cops said that he just had to go to court. He should have only gotten 6-12 years if he was guilty but he got in trouble when he was younger so they gave him longer. Oh and yes we can be friends. Were are also doing the Angle Tree Project too but if u havent done it before i think it is pritty cool cause u can get presents from ur Stepdad.

Patrick

Patrick-
Hey That sucks. so he has like?? well i mean how many years does he have?? yeah i think that the angel tree is a cool project. my pastor made me and my mom cry though :(
yeah i remember the whole court situation. did you go to the court dates?
Katie