07-03-2002, 10:04 PM
I wonder if the time goes by quickly--the first week hasn't.
I wonder if the time goes by quickly--the first week hasn't.
View Full Version : Does the time go by quickly?
07-03-2002, 10:04 PM
I wonder if the time goes by quickly--the first week hasn't.
07-03-2002, 11:01 PM
Hopefully you will both settle into a routine at each end. Life will keep you each busy, I hope! That should help a little. I'm sure you were both scared when you had to drop him off! Not something I think I could do! Has the initial shock worn off yet?
07-04-2002, 12:32 AM
Based on my experience... it does get better... time seems to go more quickly now than it did in the beginning for me... but it's almost like an ebb and flow... it's not constant... one week will fly by and the next will crawl... Times when I am worried about JD for some reason go much slower... Staying busy definitely makes time go faster....
07-04-2002, 08:55 AM
AS TIME GOES ON, IT DOES NOT GET ANY QUICKER, BUT IT DOES GET EASIER TO HANDLE.... YOU WILL BEGIN TO KEEP YOURSELF BUSY INSTEAD OF THINKING OF YOUR SITUATION 24 HOURS A DAY....
KEEP YOUR MIND OCCUPIED WITH OTHER THINGS.... WHEN YOU DO NEED TO THINK ABOUT YOUR SITUATION, THEN YOUR MIND WILL BE FRESH AND YOU CAN HANDLE WHATEVER COMES UP...
MY PRAYERS TO YOU AND I HOPE THINGS GET BETTER SOON.
07-04-2002, 09:42 AM
I agree with Donna. It doesn't go quickly but it does get easier especially when they've stopped moving him and he's in one place. Billy is in the middle of his sentence. He's been down for 2 years and he has 2 years 8 months left. So after the 8 months are up, we will be in our final stretch.
Just keep your chin up. Write often to him to let him know that you're standing by him and tell him things that go on out here. He will appreciate it.
07-04-2002, 11:02 AM
First 1-3 months are always the hardest, in my book.. Everything is culture shock for him right now..
07-04-2002, 11:24 AM
What are those first days really like?
07-04-2002, 02:11 PM
It's been 6 days and no word, however, I am a proactive person and called the facility. I spoke to a councilor in his area who told me that they didn't have all the information--PSI hasn't arrived, his visitor list cannot be located, etc. The person, however was very kind and told me that they would go to his area and look into it and I could call back. When I called back--they not only checked into the status--but spoke to him and told him that I called. They said that he cannot make calls yet because his # has not been assigned, but they would see if they could get it done tomorrow. He will only get 1 call per week--as they do not have a bed available, but we should be able to visit next week. I asked how he was doing and they said "fine". I was very happy to hear that they conveyed to him that they spoke to me. I know it made him feel better. In the meantime, I sent 2 cards--which he should have tomorrow.
Fed-X--can you elaborate a bit more on the first 1-3 months? We are very fortunate that he will only be away for 20 months--while I believe 1 day is too long, I am all too aware that so many others receive a longer sentance. How did the time change/affect you?
vnvdvc--The first days are very difficult--for me and I know him as well--but I can only share my thoughts at this time. My husband and I have a truly special spiritual relationship. We are almost never apart as we work together side by side. I am very fortunate that he had a business that I learned and am now running while he is gone. He worked very hard--7 days a week to build a successful business that I continue. He made so many provisions to enable me to be okay--he dotted all the i's and crossed all the t's before he left (he said when he returns and takes over the reins that I can retire and concentrate on my art--I don't intend to let him carry the load for both of us, but it's nice to know that he would--I did say I was taking some downtime when he gets back though) While he is away, I am living with his parents--it's an amazing support system. This morning, I was feeling quite sad. His mom called her best friend--who is very dear to both my husband and I-- and she came over to cheer me up. My mother-inlaw also picked some beautiful flowers from her garden for me. My family is not in the loop as we have not spent as much time with them and would rather they get to know him as a person with out judgement--tough call, but we felt it was right for us. We are both very strong people and I know we will get through this and have a wonderful life. Right now however, I feel like they ripped my heart out--my best friend is beyond my reach and that is difficult. Our story is first of one of friendship, trust and love--unconditional. We have been through much--grown stronger with each obstacle--he has said a thousand times and I agree "together there is nothing we cannot acomplish or overcome" Today, in speaking with his mom, she said that in all the relationships she has seen her son in--he has never been so happy and laughed so much. She said that before I came into his life--he didn't feel he had a future--yet I walked in--accepted him for who he is--stood by him--and now he knows there is life beyond 1 mistake. She said he still lights up when he talks about me and she enjoys watching the banter between us.
07-04-2002, 06:39 PM
For me, the first year or so just went on forever. Now we're more than half way through and I don't think about it as much, so it seems to move a little quicker now. I guess the last few months will slow to a crawl from what I've been told, but I've made it this far. The waiting is the hardest part. After that you'll be off and running.
07-04-2002, 07:58 PM
The time does drag some days and other days it's not so bad. He says the same is true for him. Right now my husband is still in the classification center and has been there for almost 4 months and has no idea where he will wind up or what custody level he will receive or how long he will be there. For the both of us it has been the not knowing what's going to happen that's been the worst. Neither one of us has ever been known for our patience.
This isn't my husband's first rodeo, so he knew what to expect and how to cope. In the beginning he sort of shut down completely, but as a little time has passed and he's gained acceptance of the situation, he's started opening up again. He's reaching out and I am reaching back. It's mutual in that he supports me when I am down. Even in prison, he's still my rock.
I think the main thing for the significant other of a prisoner to do is be supportive and loving. I try to devote as much time to him - to us - as I would if he were here. He would do the same for me.
You both will get through this. I don't know how many times the people here had to tell me that but I believe it with all of my heart. I have to in order to carry on and maintain some sort of sanity.
Hang in there girl!
07-04-2002, 08:09 PM
the time really depends on both of you.. you will need to be patient that p word you're going to learn to hate. Just know that he is ok and things are to get better. I have been doing this for over 2 yrs now.. it is still up in the air but his sentance is not up until 3/2005.. so it is just something I try not to think about.. I focus on the day at hand and that is what has made it easier for me personally
07-05-2002, 07:49 PM
Molly, I have to say I agree with what everyone else has said here, about the time getting better. With Kris cuz we can't talk on the phone everynight(he has to call collect) waht I do is write to him everynight before I go to sleep and I tell him what the day was like, just as if he was here. I compile all the leeters and keep them in a running order and send them to him either at the end of that week or the beginning of the next. Doing this has really helped me maybe it will for you to. Keep your mind occupied and try not to dweel on the time, also for me once I found out what his release date was helped. Kris is due home in October 2002 and luckily will only have to do 4 of his 6 month sentence, which will put him off of probation. I hope this helps you some.
07-05-2002, 08:04 PM
i think things are always harder to adjust to in the beginning-time always seems to take forever when you are waiting for something you want-this is no different- the key i think is not dwelling on it, and staying busy doing productive things-i keep busy with my and my kids activities and now that ron is working in the barber shop i think it is a liitle easier on him too-twenty months is really not that long in the grand scheme of things-it will get better for you both i am sure- at any rate, we will be here for you the entire ride-hang in there!
07-05-2002, 09:11 PM
Good point Sherri - encourage him to sign up for any and everything possible. Jobs, classes, or whatever he can do. Wayne is on the "clean up crew" and does janitorial work around the dorm. Doesn't really help with his sentence, but helps pass the time and maintain some sanity along with a few other perks - he's allowed to roam the facility a little more for supplies and now knows everbody in laundry so he can get towels, linens, clothes, etc. a little more often. They gave him a clean suit of clothes for our visit yesterday!
07-06-2002, 04:00 PM
my friend in florida says time flies ~ i had to think about that one...it would seem the same old, same old would make time drag, but then i thought about it ~ on death row, i'm sure time does fly. it breaks my heart to think about that :(
07-06-2002, 04:11 PM
Thanks for everything so far.
I haven't heard from him as of yet. I do know that he will keep busy--he would take any job--doesn't care if he washes floors. He plans to read and expand his techie knowledge as well. He had a good mind set when he left and is a very positive person.
07-10-2002, 02:01 PM
Staying busy is the key. For me, time drags right before a visit, as I am only able to manage about every 3-6 weeks depending on my travel schedule. We made a "dream" list together. I always wanted to take harp lessons, so I am! We both love to read, and will read the same book, then send a "book report" of our interpretations. We both also signed up for the same online class (he is finishing up his degree) and can compare notes, or pick different topics to write our papers on. Besides writing almost every day, using every available phone time (Federal system only allows 300 minutes monthly and we budget them) these things help.
Hope it gets better.
07-10-2002, 09:52 PM
Time does go by slowly. Sometimes it is hard to cope. My anticipation builds up so much when I am waiting for a letter. (takes 1-2 weeks) But when the day comes that I DO recieve that letter, I couldnt be happier! One thing I do to cope, is at night, I close my eyes, and imagine, dream, of what it will be like after his release. I know when that special day comes, it will be everything i've ever dreamed of.......
07-11-2002, 12:37 PM
For me I have days sometimes even weeks when I feel that the time flys by for me. Those are the times when I get to hear my fiancee's voice when he calls me, I get letters almost everyday from him.
When the prison is on lock down or right now he has been in segregation for close to 2 weeks the time is dragging on. :(
I worry about him in the cell w/nothing but his fan & the constant letters I have been sending him since I found out he was put there. :( :(
I think though things get better w/time. You learn how to cope a little better w/your loved 1 being away from you.
07-11-2002, 09:08 PM
For me I think time has passed quickly its been 4 months and it doesnt seem like it . Thank goodness for letters lol!
They help alot and keep me busy. Hang in there and be strong.
10-03-2002, 12:13 AM
My fiance had to do 6 years and we are down to the last 2 years. i cant believe it. i have done 3.5 years with him and it has been long and stressful but we managed and realize this is meant to be. it is hard at first. but if you both stay strong and keep your head up and keep the communication open and be honest with each other..... just remember every day that goes by is a day closer to him coming home.
10-03-2002, 01:27 AM
I think I can truly empathize with you. My husband has only been gone for three weeks and and each day does seem like a year sometimes.
Where is your husband doing his time? We're in CA. If he is also in CA, then while in classification it takes about a week to get a number assigned. Then they are given medical exams, reading comprehension exams and such.
The mail there seems to take forever. Take heart, I get his letters in about two to three days. My letters seem to take 2 weeks. He just got the bundle of letter from the first week as well as the paper and envelopes I sent.
Figure about the second or third week when the shock has worn off and reality kicks in. I found great support from all of these other strong ladies.
I also believe that keeping busy helps a lot. Chris and I also worked together side by side. That's real hard sometimes when two people are together nearly 24/7 and then to have that taken away.
Everyone will tell you it gets better, easier, etc. It's definitely true. I found that I didn't really believe it until I heard/read the words of encouragement from him.
One other thing we do helps, at least it does us. At night at a certain time we all stop what we're doing and think of each other and send a sort of "psychic love message". In classification it's hard for them (no clocks), but we can still feel it.
We come up with idea when we were in the hallway outside of the courtroom waiting for his sentencing. I wanted to be able to have some kind of connection for us and our children.
He has written in his letters that it has really helped him and he can feel the love and support. He has been more encouraging to me than I think I have been to him.
I also write to him nearly everyday. I just ramble on about what I did, how I'm feeling, how the kids are. I pretty much write him as if we are having a conversation.
Oh yeah, envelopes and paper are gold there. If possible call the prison mail room to find out what he is allowed to have. I send blank paper with each envelope and just sent a batch of envelopes today.
In CA, they can't get stamps in the mail. They can only get the envelopes with the postage embossed (printed) on them.
Well, I hope some of this helps from one newbie to another.
10-11-2002, 05:46 PM
I AGREE WITH IT DOESNT GET ANY QUICKER,BUT IT DOES GET EASIER TO HANDLE.MY DAD TELLS ME ALL THE TIME JUST THINK ITS NOT GONNA BE AS LONG AS IT HAS BEEN.THEN THE DAYS THAT REALLY DRAG I JUST READ ALL MY LETTERS FROM JESSE.IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER