FriscoLady
09-06-2003, 05:59 AM
Wow!
I have been trying to deal with this for a few days now, I even went, as far as, asking Softheart and Cherrie, if they thought I should post my road home . Well, they said yes, for my healing and maybe I could help someone. I thought some more about it and decided that the best thing for me is to do this.
I have to admit that my concern is that - what can I offer to others or their loved ones, who have been in this nightmare of prison far longer than I. I don't know, but if anyone can come up with even a ray of hope or something that could help them from my story, then it is worth it.
Cherrie, said that this may be a healing for me, well maybe, hopefully, it will be....
I guess I should start with the one lucid thought I had over and over on the way to prison. I am not asking for pity here - this is just where I want to start my road home - while I was on my way from home.
As we were rolling through town and I saw my beloved Bay for the last time, I kept thinking what in the name of Sam Hades is happening here! Here I am a 49 year old woman who had never been in trouble before - on her way to prison. What has happened to my life?
Was I innocent? No, I did exactly what I was convicted of. It was a matter of interpretation - I saw it as defending my daughter and myself - the jury thought otherwise, so my dance card was rather full until I was almost 56 years old.
Looking back on everything - I have been so fortunate! My road home started the night of my "crime". What I was orginally charged with could have bought me a life sentence. But, by the time we made it to court the charges had been drastically reduced. That is what the state got the conviction on.
I am no longer that woman on her way to prison, I've changed - alot!
You see, my defense of my daughter and I, though highly questionable, was, I think, not what got the conviction, it was how vicious I was in the course of our defense. But, extreme anger and hatred does strange things to people. I know, I've felt it. I've seen the results of my extreme anger and hatred.
So, fast forward to March 17th.
The day I came home, I could not believe that it was here! This whole day is a blur, I can't tell you anything about it in particular, but I'm in the car with Mom, Dad and Linda. Going Home!
I am not allowed to say much about what happened in court that day other than there were doubts in the Judge's mind, he ordered that I be released pending the results of my appeal. But, as some of you know, I am now home for good, I am never going to allow my life to come to that point again.
Where I think my success comes, is what I have done, so that I never come to that point of my life again.
Oh I could talk about, how my family, friends, my employer, and alot of wonderful people saw me through this, but that is not my success.
My successful transition to life in the free world comes from a court order and a decision I made on March 17th. As part, of being allowed to wait for my appeals at home, the Judge ordered that I take Anger Management Classes and therapy for my anger. I resented that order at first, but it is the best thing that could have happened to me!
The decision I made on March 17th - I want me back, the Patti I used to be, before my niece's conviction and all the hatred and anger in me that I allowed to build up.
The Patti that I could respect not the person that I had allowed myself to become.
To be honest, I thought my anger and hatred was for the people and system that put my niece where she is today. It's not - I was angry and hated myself because I thought I had failed her.
I have a long road ahead, I still have problems with my beast - anger and hatred. But, I will never allow it to consume and almost destroy me again!
My success lies in the fact, that I can see from the people who know me the best, my friends, my family, and most importantly Linda, that there is change in me.
I think - change for the better, I hope for the better.....
God Bless,
Patti
I have been trying to deal with this for a few days now, I even went, as far as, asking Softheart and Cherrie, if they thought I should post my road home . Well, they said yes, for my healing and maybe I could help someone. I thought some more about it and decided that the best thing for me is to do this.
I have to admit that my concern is that - what can I offer to others or their loved ones, who have been in this nightmare of prison far longer than I. I don't know, but if anyone can come up with even a ray of hope or something that could help them from my story, then it is worth it.
Cherrie, said that this may be a healing for me, well maybe, hopefully, it will be....
I guess I should start with the one lucid thought I had over and over on the way to prison. I am not asking for pity here - this is just where I want to start my road home - while I was on my way from home.
As we were rolling through town and I saw my beloved Bay for the last time, I kept thinking what in the name of Sam Hades is happening here! Here I am a 49 year old woman who had never been in trouble before - on her way to prison. What has happened to my life?
Was I innocent? No, I did exactly what I was convicted of. It was a matter of interpretation - I saw it as defending my daughter and myself - the jury thought otherwise, so my dance card was rather full until I was almost 56 years old.
Looking back on everything - I have been so fortunate! My road home started the night of my "crime". What I was orginally charged with could have bought me a life sentence. But, by the time we made it to court the charges had been drastically reduced. That is what the state got the conviction on.
I am no longer that woman on her way to prison, I've changed - alot!
You see, my defense of my daughter and I, though highly questionable, was, I think, not what got the conviction, it was how vicious I was in the course of our defense. But, extreme anger and hatred does strange things to people. I know, I've felt it. I've seen the results of my extreme anger and hatred.
So, fast forward to March 17th.
The day I came home, I could not believe that it was here! This whole day is a blur, I can't tell you anything about it in particular, but I'm in the car with Mom, Dad and Linda. Going Home!
I am not allowed to say much about what happened in court that day other than there were doubts in the Judge's mind, he ordered that I be released pending the results of my appeal. But, as some of you know, I am now home for good, I am never going to allow my life to come to that point again.
Where I think my success comes, is what I have done, so that I never come to that point of my life again.
Oh I could talk about, how my family, friends, my employer, and alot of wonderful people saw me through this, but that is not my success.
My successful transition to life in the free world comes from a court order and a decision I made on March 17th. As part, of being allowed to wait for my appeals at home, the Judge ordered that I take Anger Management Classes and therapy for my anger. I resented that order at first, but it is the best thing that could have happened to me!
The decision I made on March 17th - I want me back, the Patti I used to be, before my niece's conviction and all the hatred and anger in me that I allowed to build up.
The Patti that I could respect not the person that I had allowed myself to become.
To be honest, I thought my anger and hatred was for the people and system that put my niece where she is today. It's not - I was angry and hated myself because I thought I had failed her.
I have a long road ahead, I still have problems with my beast - anger and hatred. But, I will never allow it to consume and almost destroy me again!
My success lies in the fact, that I can see from the people who know me the best, my friends, my family, and most importantly Linda, that there is change in me.
I think - change for the better, I hope for the better.....
God Bless,
Patti