My husband has been in work release for about 10 months and has had a freeworld job for most of that time. He works at a resort/RV park just outside of Mobile, Alabama. I live in norhteast Mississippi, some 400 miles away. All of my family and most of Wayne's live here as well (within a 40 mile radius).

Wayne's boss has promised him a job and a raise and a place for US to live, if he'd come back and work there once he is released. We'd be living in an RV.

I am not sure if my husband is nervous about being around the "old crowd" (which most are either dead or in prison) and drugs, if he doesn't want to be around his family, or if he just likes his job that much. He's talking seriously about a parole transfer once he gets out - with my blessing of course - and the two of us moving to this place.

I've tried talking to him about it and he's not really being "open" with his answers. He just keeps telling me to, "Think it over." I can't get him to give me a specific reason as to why he actually wants to stay.

Is it better to have a whole new geographic change once somebody is released? I mean, for him at least, this isn't all new territory. He's worked there for months now and does like his job. For me - I'd be lost as a goose. I've been to the resort before and it's a nice place. I just can't imagine living in an RV! I've promised to support him no matter what, but I did not really realize that support might mean moving away from everything that's "familiar" to me and to him. However, what was all too familiar almost killed us. I'm talking about the dope.

I was willing to move to be closer to his prison camp, but I always thought I'd be moving back here - with him - once he's out.

Any ideas? Is it better to move away from the problem? Will it follow? Or is it better to attempt to maintain recovery here? For the record, since he's been gone, I've moved closer to my family and about 30 miles away from any of his family and old "friends." Even here, they're not in our back yard, but the few that are left are within easy reach. Also, his parents are elderly. I hate for him to be so far away from then when he's just started rebuilding that relationship.

I'm at a total and complete loss here.

When I was still working for the State, I offered to transfer to another hospital which is in my husbands home town. I thought he would want to move back there when released because his Mom and sisters are there.

Surprisingly he said NO. He wants to move into our little house all the way across state from the old haunts. His reasons were sound...new place, new faces, nothing to remind him of his old days and old ways.

Although Mr. D does not want the old life, I think he feels that if he's not anywhere near it, he won't be able to be tempted. I have no doubts about him either way, but it seems to be what he thinks is best for US.

I'm not sure I would like living in an RV....but heck....my house is a tiny little cottage!!! Maybe the RV could be temporary until you find something a little bigger!!!

Sally

my guy will be out in less than sixty days and he has expressed a desire to move somewhere new, his exact words were where no one knows us just you me and the dogs, start fresh i am all for that. i think it is a great idea, however he takes himself with him, what i mean moving away is great to start over but the desire to use or drink is an inside job. no matter where we ultimately live his sobriety is his responsibility. i do think think a new location is something that would work for us.

take care

carol

Bill doesn't have any old past to get away from and is innocent but wants us to move away from where I moved us to--closer to his family (most within blocks or a few miles) and closer to mine (a few hours)--as soon as we get a win/win and can move on. He wants it to be just our immediate family and to have our time and begin afresh to put the prison crap behind us.....

I'm a-ok with it. I just told him I'll need to find a position first wherever we'd go to etc...

Where your hubby is now has been all positive for him. It may be a very good thing as long as you guys are still doing meetings etc... Recovery can happen anywhere!

Deb

Getting a job is so hard for guys who have been in prison that I don't blame him one bit for wanting to keep his job there. He likes the job, the boss likes him enough to provide you both a place to live, and he's not going to have to worry about trying to find work as an ex-con. I can see why he'd want to stay there. Living in an RV isn't all that bad. Which would be worse, staying where you are and NOT living in an RV but watching him struggle and get discouraged and depressed because he can't find work, or living in an RV for awhile and seeing him blossom where he's been planted for 10 months? It's a secure start for him and nobody says it's going to be a job he keeps till retirement. There's a line in a song I heard the other day that I liked-------"life throws us curves but we learn to swerve".

I just keep thinking...when the trailer's rockin' don't come a knockin'!

I guess, in my mind, the rest of the world would be as happy as me that he's going to be home. Now I'm depressed. In PTO world it's ok to love a prisoner or to be an ex-con. I forgot that the "real" world isn't so accepting. :(

Crap. Reality bites.

Toi, I think finding work is not a problem (Monica will correct me if I'm wrong here)... I think Wayne's been promised a job (or two) back home too. Things like that are not usually much of a problem in small Southern towns where everyone knows everyone, where Monica lives & where I'm originally from...

Anyway, Monica, I have no idea what to tell you... as you know Brian will be returning home but he has lots of job opportunities there because of where he's from, and his old crowd has mostly grown up and/or moved on. Not too worried about that aspect there with his recovery - in that regard it'd be just as dangerous for him to come here as us live back where he's from.

But a new start could be a good thing... and goodness knows Wayne's current employer obviously thinks the world of him (after all you & I talked about today)... I dunno what the answer is, I'd be just as on the fence as you about it. Deb's right about one thing, recovery can happen anywhere.

Many {{hugs}}, I know this is a tough one...

Monica,

Living in a RV, I think a bit cramped, but since he has the job offer. I would go for it.

Sometimes, new surroundings are the ticket.

Now that I am on probation, I am giving serious reconsideration to trying to have it transferred back to San Francisco.

In alot of ways, I don't want to go home now - Linda says, I think this is silly, but I'm not sure she is not right, that I am afraid of failure - because of my record. Not gettiing a job, etc. To me failure is not acceptable, but especially, on my home turf.

But, I have to get away from Hampton Roads, can't handle the emotional upheaval of passing the spot every morning on the way to work - where my life took such a sudden downhill turn.

Then, I have to consider employment, housing, etc. - here I have it - so I am tied to Hampton Roads. It feels like by the neck!

So, Linda and I are exploring other options that is part of the reason for our mini vacation.

Anywhere, on the coast. I have even given some thought of trying to transfer my probation to North Carolina and moving to the Outer Banks, but I want to talk to Jodygirl first.

Employment is really, important, so, if he has the job offer, and it is valid, I would advise (and that is all it is advice) to grab it.

Hope, I made some sense! Linda says we have to get on the road again, so I better stop.

Good Luck to you both, Hon, ((Hugs))

God Bless

Patti

danielle,

I don't have the direct experience with this yet, but have thought a lot about it and Teddy and I have discussed it...

He would prefer to be in a new place - new life, away from potential old habits, surroundings, and people. Now this does not mean that he will not see any of these old friends from time to time but he does not want to be on thier doorstep - he does not want it to be easy...

I personally will go anywhere that he feels comfortable and thinks that he has the best chance.

Blocking out and forgetting history is wrong - we need to always keep our history in some focus so that we don't repeat the past - but starting new will keep us focused on the future and keep the past in memory only... my thought on the subject...

Lys, Patti, and Teb thank you for your insight.

I guess I had just been assuming many things and hadn't really thought that his homecoming would be anything but joyous. I thought - geez I feel so naive - that he'd come home, go to work, and we'd become Ward and June Cleaver. I've been living in a fantasy world!

So, when he mentioned moving back to Mobile - he's already coming home here, this would be a parole change - I was floored. It never even crossed my mind that he'd want to stay down there.

But, as deb said - it's all been positive for him there. Being here has been negative - for the past 30 years he's been in and out of prison. I'd never put much stock into atmosphere - just dumb luck and bad choices.

Wow! My eyes have been opened. I mean, literally, there's a light bulb over my head.

I just can't thank you all for your insight.

This morning he mentioned one of his sisters who lives about 2 hours from Mobile. He said he'd like to start communicating with her more. I have a feeling it's so that when/if we move he'd have some sort of family ties close by.

June Cleaver, (lol)

I think that the job that Wayne has now is a god send. The fact that he is happy with it and that his boss is supportive... Wow! Imagine the boss even offering a place to live - yeah, it is an RV but hey - this is support that you don't come across often.

Starting new may be the best thing that happened to both of you! I hope anyway...

If you are ok with it, then I would tell Wayne that you are and leave the final decision to him.

We will make you a special sign for the 'rockin' thing! LOL

OK WHAT IS AN RV ?????????? :confused: From what I read, it doesn't seem to be a nice place to live in, but I can't figure it out !!! :mad:

Well Monica, I would also think that moving and start all fresh, far from the past, can be positive for a better future. It's like a re-birth. I think if I was sent to prison then released, I'd move somewhere else.

And anyway, you'll be happy together, no matter where, even in a damn RV !! :D Gosh I really wonder what can an RV be !!!

Love
Phil xoxoxo

Phil - my friend. ((HUGS)) I just love you to pieces. :D

Here's an RV (though this is probably nicer than the one we'd be living in).

OHHHHHHHHHH NNNNNOOOOOOOOOO !!!!! Oh GOSH !!!! I thought of about everything but THAT !!!! Monica you mean you will LIVE in this all year long ????? :confused: Oh GOSH !!! I mean are there things like dishwasher, washing machine etc in this RV ?? And you will stay at the same place ?? Gosh !! I think I didn't quite understand what Wayne's job was !!! You say he works in a resort/RV park, is it like a camping place ?? Where will you plug your computer in ?? And your hair dryer ??? Oh Gosh !!! I didn't THINK of this !!!! WAIT before you take any decision, uncle Phil must get used to this new situation !!! :D

What does RV mean by the way ?? Road Van ??

Phil

LOL Phil!!! Recreational Vehicle. Oh Monica, this is such a tough one. From past experience with my ex, we moved all over the country and it didn't matter where we went, the same "type" of friends gravitated to him. Speed freaks and dopers. Add in a few alcoholics and we had trouble. The change in environment has to come on the inside, along with the spiritual strength to avoid the temptation. The positive part is the job, the fact that he likes it and his boss likes him, as well as how that will affect his self esteem. Men need to be providers for their families. Do you work and if so, how transportable are your skills? Can you find work just about anywhere? I would also check out the area for alternative housing. The RV thing would work for a little while, but get awefully cramped within a few months. If there is affordable housing nearby, then you could always look to move into something with a bit more room. Pray on it Monica. God will not mislead you. Sometimes He moves us for a reason. A fresh start for Wayne may be just what he needs. Sorry I can't really tell you one way or another. This is just too personal a decision. This is something you, Wayne and God have to decide. Bless you both in your decision.

Phil, sweetie... you're so cute. :D

Since Monica is not here I am going to try to help you come to terms with this... (LOL) :)

RV's don't usually have washing machines (tho some have dishwashers), but they can often have most other appliances - fridge, stove, microwave, etc. And a working bathroom!

Yes, an RV/resort park is a camping place, more or less. Just not camping with like tents/etc., certainly many more amenities.

And never fear, RV's can be hooked up to electricity! Monica will not have to be without her hair dryer and her only problem with the computer will be where to put it (might be time to look into that laptop she and I were discussing yesterday on the phone)!!

It's kind of like a small house on wheels! And apparently Wayne's boss is offering it free, so free rent is not necessarily a bad thing...

Luv & smoochies,
Lys

Lys thank you sweety !!! I'm @ work and still in shock !!! There's a big line of clients waiting for me to check them in, but they have to understand Monica and Wayne's future comes first !! :D

Where will she keep her evening dresses, fur coats and vacuum cleaner ??? Are there enough closets in those RV ??

Well, I'm kinda joking of course, but this is very unusual to me. I mean in France, an RV is for holidays you know ? Not for living in !! For instance, if Joey would ask me to live in an RV, I guess the first thing I'd think of is: this guy's nuts !! :D

But maybe this is common in the US ? And this RV park Wayne's working at, is it like a village where EVERYBODY live ALL YEAR LONG in RVs ?? Gosh this is so unexpected !!! I really thought of everything BUT that !!! Where will I sleep when I come to visit ?? :D

Anyway, I REALLY think that when you're in love, you can live anywhere as long as you are together !!! Even in an RV !!! :p

Phil xoxo

Some live there all year long. Others stay for a weekend, a week, a month, or longer.

There's a river close by, and people fish and canoe in the river. (I think the river runs right by Joey's prison) ;) . There's also and activities center and scheduled activities as well as a restaurant on the grounds. There's also a swimming pool, arcade, game room, etc. etc. etc. And Pookie could live there as well. :)

He's going back and forth with the pros and cons, as am I. I don't see myself living there forever, or perhaps not at all. Who knows?

Phil - according to Wayne, I am the dishwasher. Ha! At least there wouldn't be much to clean. OMG - am I really considering living in a tin can? Heck, he's getting out of prison, seems he'd want to upgrade in space!

Decisions! Decisions!

Phil - you're such a sweetie! And no, MOST Americans don't live in RVs! :)

I realize I am really late on this thread, but I just wanted to add something for you to think about...
In my youth (like 30 years ago) my husband and I sold everything---the whole 2 bedroom house and everything in it---and moved into an RV in a nice Park. We did this in order to be able to afford to go back to college. I ended up working in the park part time in between classes, too.

It was actually quite an adventure and a really fun experience. We were young and in love, and the space did not seem small at all for 2 people in love. You do learn to enjoy the outdoors, and you pretty much live in your lawn chair outside a great deal. You might prepare your meal inside, but then carry it out to the picnic table to eat. When friends come over, you entertain outside. In bad weather, you go to the movies or the mall if you are getting cabin fever, or go visit your friends who have room to entertain indoors. And you can clean your entire house in under 2 hours. And I mean really clean! :)

There were some drawbacks...
1.)everyone knows your business...everyone. There are always some who live year round in these parks and are nosey. It's like living in a small town, you know?
2.) Most RV's have VERY small water heaters, so plan on using the park showers ... you do adapt and don't really think anything of gathering your shower bag in the morning and walking to the shower. In fact, I never even thought of it as a bother after the first couple of weeks...it was just part of my morning routine, just like my shower is now.
3.) Not having your own washer/dryer sux. But you can adapt. I am sure they have decent laundry facilities. We just told ourselves it wasn't for the rest of our lives and we did okay, although I will never again live where I can't have my washer and dryer! LOL. That was probably the toughest part.

The good things?
1) The activity in an RV park starting on Thursday night and going to Sunday noon is amazing....if you're a people watcher, you'll think you've died and gone to heaven. It's so fun to see who is going to pull in for the weekend and watch what kind of camper they are (or aren't). People are amazing, just amazing! It's the greatest entertainment you will every find. And it is always different...every weekend. It was very cool.
2) I met some of my dearest friends while there and still keep in contact with some of them, spread out all over the US and Canada. I learned a lot about different places and different ways of life, and people were always willing to share.
3.) In a pinch, the RV community will pitch in and help...illness, emergency, broken down car, sad situation...they really shine when you need a neighbor. Very supportive group. Downright impressive.
4.) The price is right. It is a very inexpensive way to live.

So, I can't tell you what is best in your circumstance, I can only tell you what my experience in an RV park was like. We were there for 3 years and I do not regret a moment of it. I am glad to ramble around in my 3 bedroom home now, but it was a great experience and I have no regrets.
If you decide to give it a try, remember that nothing is ever written in stone, and if it doesn't work you can always move home.
I would probably go for it because having a job and new surroundings when just getting out sound like big positives to me. I know my son is just begging me to help he and his family go anywhere, absolutely anywhere, to get away from the old crowd and start fresh when he gets out. He said he didn't care what he had to live in or where he had to live as long as it was safe for his family and was new surroundings/people. But we are all different.

You will have to weigh the positives and the negatives and make your own decision.

Hope it helps!

Monica....
When I read your post, my first thought.... was perhaps Wayne is afraid that he won't be able to find another job?!? I am sure he feels a sense of security at this job as they obviously want him to stay badly....
I am sure you wouldn't have to live in an RV forever, would you?!?
I don't know.... I guess if I were in your shoes I would really need to know more about what he was thinking and feeling and his logic behind the decision....
Moving and establishing yourself in a new place brings with it a lot of stress.... But then again, maybe he is trying to avoid stress from not being able to find a job, or even having to adjust to a new job..... ?!? Just a few thoughts......

Monica,
Is there any way that you all could live close by but not in the RV? Maybe that could be the solution. I definately inderstand both sides here. I don't know how I'd feel about the RV thing but I can undersatnd him wanting to be where he feels comfortable. Maybe he feels more sure he'll do well staying where he's tested that waters so to speak

Well I know my man wants to move away from where he is from, so he's more than happy to move to my part of the state. It should be a new beginning for him and it helps that he has met some of my friend's before.