I've read so many sad and disturbing stories here. I too, am a survivor of domestic violence. My man's physical violence was always very quick and ended quick, out of rage and excessive drinking from unwarranted jealousy out of nowhere. I am thankful he never "beat" me and if he did I seriously don't think I could have gone back to him. The hard thing with leaving is that when he's not drinking (which is most of the time, he doesn't drink often) he treats me like a queen, better than any other man I've been with and I feel his love for me. I know he has problems and is very insecure and jealous, which is what triggers his rage and has nothing to do with anything I do. He has been locked up for 14 months and should be out this November. It took him being locked up this long to open his eyes, fully admit what he's done, be accountable for it and nows he truly wants to change for himself and for us. He has been working toward positive change the past 6-8 months. He attends AA and behavior classes on his own inside. He signed up for a bible lesson course he's been doing for 3 months now. He's become closer to God and prays and reads the bible daily. He cries daily for what he's done. He recognizes his patterns and he's reaching out to get all the help he can. I had a book mailed to him for the men who abuse titled "Stop hurting the woman you love". Another good one is "Violent no more - Helping men end domestic abuse" by Michael Paymar. He absolutely loves it and thanks me daily in his letters for sending it to him, even though the guys inside tease him for reading it. He says he's learned a lot about himself and he does the exercises in it and keeps a journal for behavior modifications and he's also working on his 4th AA step too. I wrote him a list of committments I need from him in order for me to stay with him when he's out to include weekly AA meetings, weekly counseling, full-time job, never ever abuse me again or I'm gone for good. He thanked me for writing this and he's set his goals. He truly wants change in his life. He feels the time is now and he wants a forever life with me. I told him if he keeps his committments when he's out, I will marry him 2-3 years later. I figure it will take him this much time to really get it all under his belt and to prove to me he's serious. I am not blind to what could happen and we talk about it all the time. We communicate so much better now and that's one of our goals together - to sit down at the table together every evening without the tv or radio on and talk about our day and what we could each improve on and talk about our thoughts and feelings. I do believe our men can change, but only if they truly want it and do the necessary steps each day to show that by their actions, not just their words. So I'm giving my man this chance. He knows it's his last, and I feel him putting his all into it, because we do truly love each other deeply. I would recommend if you can, to send your man one of the books I mentioned and see how he reacts and if he reads it. Sorry for the long thread, but wanted to get it all out. Thanks for listening!:p