Joy
06-28-2002, 06:13 PM
UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW
by Paul Colella
May 25 – June 2, 2002
May 25
6 pm – Well it’s the last week of the scheduled protests out front. We watched as the DPs pulled over a couple of people again (frown). This is nothing more than an arbitrary abuse of authority, but it is also a sign that some are taking notice of the protests and it is drawing attention – hopefully, as many of you have told me “You must not quit now, you have to keep going because you are making a difference. I know it may not seem like it but you are.” This applies to you protesters out there also. You’re important to us as well.
I still don’t understand why more people are not getting involved. I know a lot of us have family out there who should be involved and I know there are other activists out there who could be and SHOULD be involved. That’s very discouraging that they are not, but it should not keep the rest of us from staying strong in what we believe, and if my 67 year old mother in her wheelchair can be out there, so can many others. We just have to keep trying to recruit them.
May 26
Another one of those days. I’ve written letters and read till I cant read and write no more. I enjoy both but it gets very old after day in and day out.
That is my main problem with this place. I’m too hyper and active to have so little to do. Sit around and stare out of the window or at the walls. I guess I’ll pull all my pictures out and go traveling. I hate days like that (frown).
May 27
Memorial Day. Well you would think we would have something half decent for lunch because of the holiday but nope, as nasty and bland as ever. A meatball called Salisbury Steak, rice, blackeyed peas and greens, 2 pieces of white bread and water. Wopee!
I guess being prisoners, holidays and their festivities aren’t suppose to be celebrated by us.
I watched out of my window today and saw many trucks go by pulling boats and jet skis and campers. These windows are a blessing and a curse. To watch the world go by and not be able to take part is pure hell sometimes, especially when the memories of previous holidays spent with family and friends play in my mind. I can relive all of those memories, but it just gets me to feeling all blue.
“To suffer unnecessarily is masochistic not heroic – Victor Frankl”
We heard about half of D Pod is still going on with that protest. It was just that one pod, so all the officers just laugh and ignore them.
Even though unity is being shown, no one is paying that protest any mind at all. I just wish that we could get everyone together under 1 flag for 1 protest in which we all have a common agenda until we do it. It seems pretty hopeless. Yes I’ve became discouraged by our lack of purpose and means of protest.
I read article after article about police/guards brutality, inhumane conditions and treatment and the only time any changes are made is if there is such an outcry from the public. Then “they“ don’t have any choice but to make changes.
Fifteen to twenty people at a protest isn’t going to do it. Passiveness by prisoners isn’t going to do it .No matter how much that small handful of people yell, scream, get beat up, it wont make a difference. Yes, I am very discouraged.
We have a small handful of you out there who put all they have into fighting for us. We need more. All the ones who say they fight need to show it, because I know I’ve read about several abolitionists who say they fight, yet when asked to attend a protest “can’t be found” or are too busy.
Yeah my friends, it’s very discouraging and frustrating, especially with the rate of executions this year and all the dates that are being set. How long will it be until it’s your loved one or friend? Get active, take part, ask what you can do to help.
May 28
It’s getting harder and harder to write stuff because there’ so little going on here. The whole purpose of this forum was to let everyone know how things are here, and I think I’ve done that. I struggle daily to find things to write about, and our struggles seem to be accomplishing very little. It seems we’re right back to where we were in that we’re all just “here”, just existing without purpose or gain. The food is right back where it was. The staff, though not as bad, are still bad. We cannot even get a response from the officials when we present an issue. I don’t know what else to do. Truly I don’t. I’ve written the board, Gary Johnson, Governor Perry, and several senators and congressmen.
I wonder how long it will be until I lose my mind? Will what little I have to occupy my mind sustain me and keep me from going over the edge? Ah but I shall not stay so despondent, my spirits shall rise again. I just sometimes wonder, is it worth it?
May 29
Heard today they will quit taking photos in the visiting room June first because some of the officers here bringing in their own films setting the states aside and taking the $$$s. Again officers misconduct causing a loss for us. If it’s true. I hope it is not. I like getting photos for my friends and family. So it will be sad if they do stop.
Give me some suggestions of what you all want to know.
They did kill Johnny Martinez and Napoleon Beazley (frown).
We get news so late back here, we don’t even know if they kill someone until 2 or 3 days later (frown).
May 30
I’ve been slacking in my responsibility to you out there, the frustration has been wracking havoc on my every day life. I keep hearing guys around me talk about this and that issue but always missing the point. And that point is a unified thrust at the conditions here. We
will change nothing without that one thing, unity, a concerted effort.
I spoke with an officer today who told me if everyone would have joined the non violent protest it would have made heads turn. Just the handful that did it and continue with it have turned heads. A list was made and a report written and sent to Huntsville. Will it make a difference? Maybe it will, maybe it wont, but at least they’re trying something. The officer made an excellent point too. He said everyone going to rec and shower (as one suggested form of protest) is not unusual, but to refuse recreation and showers after being locked in a cage! That will make someone say “hey, now why would they refuse?”.
We need more voices at the prison board meetings, phone calls and letters to them , emails etc.
Our protests both in and out have shown we can work together. Well, it’s time to do so and stop going 10 directions at once. (frown). I’ll continue this column, but don’t be disappointed at how little there is to say. Being repetitive wont do not good, so I’ll write what there is to write.
May 31
Last day of the month. Again a day of despair and frustration, but I was able to relieve it a bit by going to recreation this morning and a walk to the clinic. I have been having some dizzy weak sweating spells for awhile and trying to figure it out, so I can stop them. Been down there a couple times now, got some tests done, tried some medication. No go, so we have to keep trying.
Don’t know yet if they murdered Stan Baker. This guy does not fit the profile of prisoner, quiet, laid back individual. Don’t talk much, bit of a book worm, slight build. I see guys like him and wonder how they could end up in prison.
I heard today that Warden Massey, who was over Death Row, was replaced by a Warden Jones, so I’m sure there may be some changes. Maybe. We shall see.
As the end of May comes to a close I leave you with a verse from Victor Frankl’s book “Man’s Search For Meaning”: “We must never forget that we may all find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation when facing a faith that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential as it’s best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn ones predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change
ourselves. .” Powerful, isn’t it?
June 1
9:33 pm – I know one wasn’t planned but I was at my window watching for protestors today. Didn’t see none. Shame too, because Warden Jim Zeller had him a backyard party of some kind. Lots of people at his house today. Sure would have been cool to see a group of you all walk to his house today. Bet he would have had a cow. I wonder if he had planned it like that? I wouldn’t doubt it at all. Maybe next time (frown).
I’ve been doing a lot of reading and research. As much as I’m capable of anyway, and I’ve noticed that Texas in 90 % of its ways is behind in times. Texas prison system especially. Texas is one of the only states that don’t pay inmates to work, yet makes billions off of inmate labor. Texas system doesn’t allow smoking, it doesn’t have payphones, 2 things which would bring the millions in profits. Yet TDC whines about money. I don’t at all understand that. Then I read about Texas citizens views on crime and punishment, especially the death penalty. Polls say the majority of Texans approve of the Death Penalty. That’s a sad statistic to be proud of, but they are Texans and have no problem executing, murdering mentally handicapped people, children and women. Texans don’t care about the possibility of executing an innocent man or a man who has never before nor probably never again get into trouble with the law. Claims of innocence or rehabilitation are given no merit. The Texas abolition movement is entirely too small, and only a small handful of those who say they are against the Death Penalty actually step to the front lines to battle it.
Texas is a sad state of affairs, isn’t it?
June 2
Well it seems the powers that be are trying to stir a hornets nest. Limit Level I stamp purchase to 30 every 2 weeks from 50 each week. BE GOOD boys now so we can take more from you. Be good now! Don’t worry it wont hurt. TAKE! TAKE! TAKE! When will it stop? When will these people give a little bit? It’s okay though. They know they can do what they want when they want because Death Row has become too passive.
I can send 15 letters in 3 days time, that’s 30 stamps oversea rates. FIFTEEN LETTERS for a two week period.
Lets see what we do. I can almost assure you it will be accepted with nothing more than a few grumbles and complaints. TAKE, TAKE, TAKE! It’s a truly sad state of affairs that Death Row has become. They took all we have and still take more. Eventually we will be left in these cells with nothing and still be sitting around thinking “Oh, I will be good, and they have to do this or that.” BULLSHIT. WAKE UP! They will continue to take, take, take. Sad state of affairs. :-(
Can we get together and fight this issue? Death Row spends more $$$ on postage then any other part of TDC. HELP!
That’s it for this week. You can bet they’ll take something else soon.
In struggle and solidarity
Paul Colella
# 999045
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 South
Livingston, Texas 77351
USA
paul@deathrow.at
Paul Colella # 999045
by Paul Colella
May 25 – June 2, 2002
May 25
6 pm – Well it’s the last week of the scheduled protests out front. We watched as the DPs pulled over a couple of people again (frown). This is nothing more than an arbitrary abuse of authority, but it is also a sign that some are taking notice of the protests and it is drawing attention – hopefully, as many of you have told me “You must not quit now, you have to keep going because you are making a difference. I know it may not seem like it but you are.” This applies to you protesters out there also. You’re important to us as well.
I still don’t understand why more people are not getting involved. I know a lot of us have family out there who should be involved and I know there are other activists out there who could be and SHOULD be involved. That’s very discouraging that they are not, but it should not keep the rest of us from staying strong in what we believe, and if my 67 year old mother in her wheelchair can be out there, so can many others. We just have to keep trying to recruit them.
May 26
Another one of those days. I’ve written letters and read till I cant read and write no more. I enjoy both but it gets very old after day in and day out.
That is my main problem with this place. I’m too hyper and active to have so little to do. Sit around and stare out of the window or at the walls. I guess I’ll pull all my pictures out and go traveling. I hate days like that (frown).
May 27
Memorial Day. Well you would think we would have something half decent for lunch because of the holiday but nope, as nasty and bland as ever. A meatball called Salisbury Steak, rice, blackeyed peas and greens, 2 pieces of white bread and water. Wopee!
I guess being prisoners, holidays and their festivities aren’t suppose to be celebrated by us.
I watched out of my window today and saw many trucks go by pulling boats and jet skis and campers. These windows are a blessing and a curse. To watch the world go by and not be able to take part is pure hell sometimes, especially when the memories of previous holidays spent with family and friends play in my mind. I can relive all of those memories, but it just gets me to feeling all blue.
“To suffer unnecessarily is masochistic not heroic – Victor Frankl”
We heard about half of D Pod is still going on with that protest. It was just that one pod, so all the officers just laugh and ignore them.
Even though unity is being shown, no one is paying that protest any mind at all. I just wish that we could get everyone together under 1 flag for 1 protest in which we all have a common agenda until we do it. It seems pretty hopeless. Yes I’ve became discouraged by our lack of purpose and means of protest.
I read article after article about police/guards brutality, inhumane conditions and treatment and the only time any changes are made is if there is such an outcry from the public. Then “they“ don’t have any choice but to make changes.
Fifteen to twenty people at a protest isn’t going to do it. Passiveness by prisoners isn’t going to do it .No matter how much that small handful of people yell, scream, get beat up, it wont make a difference. Yes, I am very discouraged.
We have a small handful of you out there who put all they have into fighting for us. We need more. All the ones who say they fight need to show it, because I know I’ve read about several abolitionists who say they fight, yet when asked to attend a protest “can’t be found” or are too busy.
Yeah my friends, it’s very discouraging and frustrating, especially with the rate of executions this year and all the dates that are being set. How long will it be until it’s your loved one or friend? Get active, take part, ask what you can do to help.
May 28
It’s getting harder and harder to write stuff because there’ so little going on here. The whole purpose of this forum was to let everyone know how things are here, and I think I’ve done that. I struggle daily to find things to write about, and our struggles seem to be accomplishing very little. It seems we’re right back to where we were in that we’re all just “here”, just existing without purpose or gain. The food is right back where it was. The staff, though not as bad, are still bad. We cannot even get a response from the officials when we present an issue. I don’t know what else to do. Truly I don’t. I’ve written the board, Gary Johnson, Governor Perry, and several senators and congressmen.
I wonder how long it will be until I lose my mind? Will what little I have to occupy my mind sustain me and keep me from going over the edge? Ah but I shall not stay so despondent, my spirits shall rise again. I just sometimes wonder, is it worth it?
May 29
Heard today they will quit taking photos in the visiting room June first because some of the officers here bringing in their own films setting the states aside and taking the $$$s. Again officers misconduct causing a loss for us. If it’s true. I hope it is not. I like getting photos for my friends and family. So it will be sad if they do stop.
Give me some suggestions of what you all want to know.
They did kill Johnny Martinez and Napoleon Beazley (frown).
We get news so late back here, we don’t even know if they kill someone until 2 or 3 days later (frown).
May 30
I’ve been slacking in my responsibility to you out there, the frustration has been wracking havoc on my every day life. I keep hearing guys around me talk about this and that issue but always missing the point. And that point is a unified thrust at the conditions here. We
will change nothing without that one thing, unity, a concerted effort.
I spoke with an officer today who told me if everyone would have joined the non violent protest it would have made heads turn. Just the handful that did it and continue with it have turned heads. A list was made and a report written and sent to Huntsville. Will it make a difference? Maybe it will, maybe it wont, but at least they’re trying something. The officer made an excellent point too. He said everyone going to rec and shower (as one suggested form of protest) is not unusual, but to refuse recreation and showers after being locked in a cage! That will make someone say “hey, now why would they refuse?”.
We need more voices at the prison board meetings, phone calls and letters to them , emails etc.
Our protests both in and out have shown we can work together. Well, it’s time to do so and stop going 10 directions at once. (frown). I’ll continue this column, but don’t be disappointed at how little there is to say. Being repetitive wont do not good, so I’ll write what there is to write.
May 31
Last day of the month. Again a day of despair and frustration, but I was able to relieve it a bit by going to recreation this morning and a walk to the clinic. I have been having some dizzy weak sweating spells for awhile and trying to figure it out, so I can stop them. Been down there a couple times now, got some tests done, tried some medication. No go, so we have to keep trying.
Don’t know yet if they murdered Stan Baker. This guy does not fit the profile of prisoner, quiet, laid back individual. Don’t talk much, bit of a book worm, slight build. I see guys like him and wonder how they could end up in prison.
I heard today that Warden Massey, who was over Death Row, was replaced by a Warden Jones, so I’m sure there may be some changes. Maybe. We shall see.
As the end of May comes to a close I leave you with a verse from Victor Frankl’s book “Man’s Search For Meaning”: “We must never forget that we may all find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation when facing a faith that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential as it’s best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn ones predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change
ourselves. .” Powerful, isn’t it?
June 1
9:33 pm – I know one wasn’t planned but I was at my window watching for protestors today. Didn’t see none. Shame too, because Warden Jim Zeller had him a backyard party of some kind. Lots of people at his house today. Sure would have been cool to see a group of you all walk to his house today. Bet he would have had a cow. I wonder if he had planned it like that? I wouldn’t doubt it at all. Maybe next time (frown).
I’ve been doing a lot of reading and research. As much as I’m capable of anyway, and I’ve noticed that Texas in 90 % of its ways is behind in times. Texas prison system especially. Texas is one of the only states that don’t pay inmates to work, yet makes billions off of inmate labor. Texas system doesn’t allow smoking, it doesn’t have payphones, 2 things which would bring the millions in profits. Yet TDC whines about money. I don’t at all understand that. Then I read about Texas citizens views on crime and punishment, especially the death penalty. Polls say the majority of Texans approve of the Death Penalty. That’s a sad statistic to be proud of, but they are Texans and have no problem executing, murdering mentally handicapped people, children and women. Texans don’t care about the possibility of executing an innocent man or a man who has never before nor probably never again get into trouble with the law. Claims of innocence or rehabilitation are given no merit. The Texas abolition movement is entirely too small, and only a small handful of those who say they are against the Death Penalty actually step to the front lines to battle it.
Texas is a sad state of affairs, isn’t it?
June 2
Well it seems the powers that be are trying to stir a hornets nest. Limit Level I stamp purchase to 30 every 2 weeks from 50 each week. BE GOOD boys now so we can take more from you. Be good now! Don’t worry it wont hurt. TAKE! TAKE! TAKE! When will it stop? When will these people give a little bit? It’s okay though. They know they can do what they want when they want because Death Row has become too passive.
I can send 15 letters in 3 days time, that’s 30 stamps oversea rates. FIFTEEN LETTERS for a two week period.
Lets see what we do. I can almost assure you it will be accepted with nothing more than a few grumbles and complaints. TAKE, TAKE, TAKE! It’s a truly sad state of affairs that Death Row has become. They took all we have and still take more. Eventually we will be left in these cells with nothing and still be sitting around thinking “Oh, I will be good, and they have to do this or that.” BULLSHIT. WAKE UP! They will continue to take, take, take. Sad state of affairs. :-(
Can we get together and fight this issue? Death Row spends more $$$ on postage then any other part of TDC. HELP!
That’s it for this week. You can bet they’ll take something else soon.
In struggle and solidarity
Paul Colella
# 999045
Polunsky Unit
3872 FM 350 South
Livingston, Texas 77351
USA
paul@deathrow.at
Paul Colella # 999045