Hi,
I figured I should talk as I am beginning to feel out of sorts here of late..I found out Justin is in the county jail..It seems he has other charges in two other counties as well. I guess he went all out this time..He has not contacted us at all, only his girlfriend. We get bits and pieces from her. After all she is the one that lead us to believe he was in prison already. I did write him, and asked that he put us on his visit list. So we can find out first hand what he is facing. I also encouraged him to call us, when he is able..
We missed him at Christmas. But, we made the best of it for our other two kids and our Granddaughter. I know life must go on, no matter what and it wouldn't change a thing to stagnate ourselves, which I refuse to do anyway..
I read up on the information at the jail he is in, so found out do's and don'ts. Funny thing is, I heard a former co-worker works at the jail. But, I know she will keep quiet. Shameful isn't it for me to feel this way..Not wanting anyone to know that perhaps I wasn't the greatest Mom after all. At least today I am feeling this way..If I had only hugged Justin more, ect. ect..I can feel my head with all the logic in the world today, and know for now, I must grieve Justin's choices. This is not the life I wanted for my son. This is not the life I had envisioned while holding all ten pounds of my chubby baby in my arms..BTW, he was such a good baby, content too..I could go on and on, today..
I think I will try to get out in the elements today, and enjoy some of the snow that is falling. Thanks for listening, and being here..I hope you all have a nice New Year..Justins Momma:o

Hi,
Shameful isn't it for me to feel this way..Not wanting anyone to know that perhaps I wasn't the greatest Mom after all. At least today I am feeling this way..If I had only hugged Justin more, ect. ect..I can feel my head with all the logic in the world today, and know for now, I must grieve Justin's choices. This is not the life I wanted for my son. This is not the life I had envisioned while holding all ten pounds of my chubby baby in my arms..:o
Hi Justins Momma,
I have felt the same way as you are feeling today. And I know that you will tell yourself as I had to tell myself " It was not my fault that my son made these "choises". I was the best mother that I was capable of being under the circumstanses. I treated my three sons the same and gave them all my love. And I don't know why their lives did not turn out the way I had hoped for either.
Sometimes my youngest son seems so self-centered and his family seem to come last on his list of priorities. But I have to forgive him just as I have to forgive myself for not being the perfect mother that I had set out to be.
I know one thing. No one, absolutly one one in this world could love my children as I do. My "shame" is that I forget tp love myself.
I also am a child of God, full of dignity and grace.

I have to go now because my son needs a ride over to his girlfiends house.
God forbid that he walk the 2 miles to her house. It is beautifull in Boston today.
Oh Phyllis, you are such a wonderfull mother. haha

Justins Mom and Phyllis, Happy New Year to the both of you. Justins Mom, Don't be so hard on yourself. Phyllis, how can you expect your poor son to walk 2 miles..sheesh!!..LOL... Ladies you are both Great Mothers and don't you ever forget that. Jeannie

two miles? give him a ride it's new years eve ; crazy people out there.

I have been feeling a little out of sorts myself lately. It hurts my heart to think my son can lie and not seem to have a conscience. It's not so much that he is back in jail or that he will more than likely be sent back to prison; what really hurts me is that he may have fallen back into his old ways again. Even the lying is a good indication that he was headed that way. He seeks what is important to him (finding a girlfriend), goes out on his own, but when he ends up back in jail, who does he look to for financial support? Good old mom and dad. I do not want him back in prison. Regardless if his getting put in jail was justified or not, if he was heading down the wrong path, then I praise God for stopping it before he got in deep. If he wasn't, then there still must be a work the Lord needs to do in him, and maybe this was the only way to get his attention.

Justins momma, do not feel guilty or blame yourself, nor be ashamed. Like I told my grandson, his dad is not a bad person. Not everyone in jail or prison is bad. People just make mistakes; they make wrong choices and sometimes they get caught up in things they can't seem to break free of. They have to pay consequences. It doesn't make them "bad" (as his mother used to refer to my son as being). We can't live our sons' lives for them. Both my sons got caught up in drug addiction; they're the only two we have. I know the Lord didn't give them to us to have their lives be worth nothing. Some day, they will bring glory to God. So will Brian, Phyllis, and so will Justin, Justins Momma. Keep faith and hope and keep the prayers a comin'! We will see miracles in our sons' lives yet. And, we will be proud of the testimonies they will have. I think God will use everything our sons go through to help others.

It took me a long time to stop going over every mistake I made as a Mom. One memory would set off another. So I started writing a favorite Bible verse down & putting it in my pocket. When I was on the verge of tears, I would get it out & read it. I took recipe cards & wrote verses on them & put them on my nightstand. Then I would lay in bed at night & look at those verses. Psalm 63: 6 says When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches. One time my father told me that the answers sometimes come in the morning. I think he is right. The Lord's Word has been a tremendous comfort for me. "Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing." 1 Thes 5:11 Happy New Year!

, then I praise God for stopping it before he got in deep. If he wasn't, then there still must be a work the Lord needs to do in him, and maybe this was the only way to get his attention.

I know the Lord didn't give them to us to have their lives be worth nothing. Some day, they will bring glory to God. So will Brian, Phyllis, and so will Justin, Justins Momma. Keep faith and hope and keep the prayers a comin'! We will see miracles in our sons' lives yet. And, we will be proud of the testimonies they will have. I think God will use everything our sons go through to help others.
Terri,
You are such a "blessing" from God yourself.
When you speak the Lords words, the words seem to come "alive" to me. I actually feel calmer and more peacefull inside.

As for my son Brian, I feel that the Lord is "working" in him. Sometimes when he is "down" and says that he has "ruined" his life because of his "wrong deeds", I tell him that maybe God has other plans for him. With his knowledge of drugs and the consequences of them, other young people can relate to him and he could help them. God would be "working" through him.
He seems to "tune people out" when they talk about God, but for some reason he seems to listen to me.
( sometimes it seems to go in one ear and out the other). And most of the time I have a "captive" audience because he is in either prison or jail.

Well, my second son (Michael) and I are going to go over my girlfriends house in Cambridge with chinese food to celebrate New Years Eve.
I know, I know, Chinese food? haha
I am starting my new food plan Jan 1, 2007

God bless you all :)

Justin's Mom please please try and not feel guilty. I too have been there and still fight it. Justin will come around. He needs you! I feel your love for him and he knows that you love him. Hang there one day at a time. I will be lifting you up in pray! God bless you

I am sitting here with my youngest daughter. I had huge plans tonight. Great dress, just picked the wrong guy. He said he was depressed and not in the mood.

Well............ I sit here missing my son. Loving my daughter and praying 2007 brings us all miracles, joy and peace. I know I need to pray more for my children. That is my new year resolution!!!!

Phyllis.... you go girl..... remember to be gentle to yourself and do it just for today!

HAPPY NEW YEAR YA'LL

LOVE,
JILL

Brokenvessel; Please do not feel guilty! you can't be held responsible for your son's actions, whether they are correct or a mistake. Guilt makes you feel sorry for yourself; and have self pity; direct your pity towards your son and channel that into making his time easier; guilt isn't helpful- no one is perfect, the only perfect Mom is the blessed Mother, Do you think she felt guilty for Jesus's choices? she accepted his plight and followed him through his persecution ; no guilt- just help. You are his Mommy and you love him more than anyone else! Chin up and be strong and your strength will give him hope! God bless you and a Better New year ahead!

Thank you Mamas Love for speaking to me. I was getting discouraged and probably a little paranoid too thinking no one here would speak to me. I've posted before that I have peace and hope, but I also have my days when I do feel guilty, self-pity, discouraged, just down. How can I describe it? On Saturday, I had a great day listening to Christian radio feeling the Lord's love and presence and then boom! The next day I felt low again. I know I can't stay on the mountain, but I'm tired of the valley too. (tearing up here) The first time my son was sentenced, I was the only one in the courtroom for him. When the judge said he would be turned over to the Department of Corrections, it felt like he had sentenced me too. My son walked out of that courtroom with chains on his wrists, waist and ankles, and I had chains around my heart. My son and I have been battling to be set free (on the inside) ever since. The hardest part is suffering the consequences of past mistakes. Self-pity has been my enemy. I read were the other Moms want to walk and diet. I need that too. I've kept myself prisoner in my own home with no friends and strained relationships with my extended family. It is hard to humble myself at times. I know I need to stop striving ... and be still and know that I am Lord (Ps 46:10) Sometimes easier said than done. I'm not trying to act like a know-it-all here or preach to anyone, but the Lord is my only hope. Thank you for listening this morning. May you all have a better year.

abrokenvessel, we understand exactly how you feel. Don't you ever worry about preaching to someone here: "The word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword" (Heb. 4:12). I think that's what I have loved about this site and this parents forum: I can freely express my dependence on the Lord and testify that He he the One who has sustained me and kept my hope alive.

I think we all have our ups and downs and times of being in the valley. Satan loves to have us wallow in self-pity, fear, doubt, and thoughts of hopelessness. The key is to capture those thoughts, take everything to the Lord in prayer, and keep our minds stayed on Him!

Hold your head up and be confident in the Father's love and ability to make all things work together for good. You have lots of friends here, and you can freely express whatever feelings and thoughts you have. We are here for you and each other.

God bless your day and this new year.

Thank you Believing. I have been praying and asking the Lord for some Christian friends. It is so good to hear encouraging words. I've battled depression for years and I've created alot of my own problems. I just want to reach out in obedience ... to be friendly and to encourage others too. You know, reading your post is like taking a long drink of cold water on a hot day! Thank you so much.

Good Morning precious ones HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007 will bring us ALL unmerited blessings--TRUST HIM--
Ladies who are you kidding?? WE ARE ALL GOOD MOMS--Are we perfect not hardly but we LOVE our children unconditionaly and they love us.We have stepped up to the plate with all our love and encouragement to show our loved ones just how much we do love them.I have read today's posts--very sad indeed to think that ANY of you have 'doubts,guilt' about how things have 'turned out'.Come on girls--ALL OF US get off our 'pity pots'--the devil is playing hell with our minds IF WE LET HIM--CLOSE THAT DOOR--
LAdies don't you know by now that the Lord chose YOU just to be that son/daughter's mom?? HE knows things--who but YOU would love your child so very much??
You precious ladies,get that armour on--the WHOLE armour of God--HE has and will continue to sustain each of us AND our loved ones--YOU LADIES ARE REALLY AMAZING--and Terri I am really blessed by your posts.
Do I sound 'growly'?Not meaning to at all-my heart is broken as well BUT HE's the God of ALL COMFORT--HE KNOWS our pain and HE will make it 'alright' and He's 'put us incharge' to interceed for our loved ones--
Put that smile on,dry those tears (mine dried on my face as I was writing this:):):) and 'grab hold of the horns of the alter,and PRAY THROUGH'
Group hugggggggggggggggg each of you are so very special to my heart
God Bless and HAPPY 2007:):):)

You don't sound growly at all, Faith. We all need to be pulled up by our bootstraps once in a while!

Faith, thank you. Two things popped into my mind when I read your post. One ... an image of you slapping me on the back of the head and saying, Knock it off! :) Two ... Proverbs 3:11 "do not despise the chastening of the Lord." I don't today. I just got back from a visit with my son. My husband and him high fived to my statement, "I guess I need to get a life." So my New Years' Resolution is to find my life again.

Your welcome brokenvessel; You speak so much of the Lord, yet you must question his true meaning; Faith is done blindly; you will never know his intentions; his actions are bigger then we will ever know; thats where faith comes in; if you believe; then you must be strong; Self pity is the work of Satan laughing at you; don't ever let anyone get the best of you;
Mommies are the strongest people on earth; we are tested constantly and I personally refuse to fail! Your sadness will only hurt your son; and I know you don't want that! Protect him like Jesus does, follow in his path and all will be well; Come on brokenvessel; what seems hopeless is not! Where is your faith girl? take out that Mommie strength and use it!!!!!!!!!! love always mamalove

Broken vessle I would NEVER tap you on the head:):):) that's the Holy Spirit's job :):):) and I thank YOU for the scripture you shared with me--.Atleast some of you moms get to see your sons I haven't seen mine since Dec.11th 06 but I do have MANY photos of him --Get a life??Hey you have a life dear,just re-prioritize (sp??)Keeping HIM in your waking moments will keep you focused on the real important issues--like being a Prayer Warrior:):):)
Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen:):):)Blessings brokenvessle (have you read Jeremiah 18:1-16?? it fits ALL OF US:):):):):)

You guys are awesome.... I'M FLIPPING OUT HERE..... JEREMIAH 18! Wow, do you know how many times I've heard that chapter, verses these past few days! I read it, then I heard it at least twice on Christian radio, saw a reference to it in article on internet and now you, Faith! :) WOW! OK, Lord, you have my attention! Are you gals ready to grab a cup of coffee? This post might be long...

Mamas Love, You are right in a way, my spritiual battle is wrapped up with questioning... sorta like Job (w/o the righteousness) I have no doubts about God, the Lord Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit. No, my problem is one of forgiveness. I can't seem to forgive myself. You see, my sins are not before I was saved, but since I've been saved! Therein lies the battle for me... I will give you an example (this is important to me because I want to be an good role model for my children) I accepted a credit card, run up the bill and have not paid off the balance. The credit card company wrote me off as a bad debt. And I know what Proverbs says...the wicked borrow and don't repay. (Funny I don't have that chapter/verse handy)

You see, my son also has financial problems. How can I help him if I can't even do the right thing myself? This is the bottomline for me.

Am I a hypocrite. Yes, I guess that I am. And that is not easy to admit. Everything I've posted is true. I do have peace about my son's sentence and I have hope. But I have battles, too. And man, those battles are ugly sometimes!

Who do you think you are beating up on yourself?? God don't make no junk--O.K. so you messed up---no--we have never messed up--not us--:):):):):) RIGHT lol lol lol lol How do you think HE can teach any of us unless we are broken and yes that means messing up--I have messed up royaly so don't go there--YOU dear one are a unique person and while we are all on the Wheel of pain and hurt it is also a Wheel of FOURTUNE--BECAUSE when HE hath tried us WE SHALL (not may or mabey but SHALL) come forth as gold. Ladies WE ARE REFINED--he hath refined us in the furnace of affliction. Who is accusing you dear one?? it is old slewfoot himself,he comes slip sliding at my door too but I tell him---TA_DA_ GO TO HELL where you belong and take your hands off me and my 4 sons AND the PTO members and their families--say we are standing in the gap for eachother and HE Father God is standing in the gap for us--how awesome is that??:):):):)
Next time you want to 'go a round' with doubt,guilt and all the negative,just remember this--the devil comes to kill,steal and destroy,BUT--BUT Jesus came that we might have life and have it more abundantly--James says: RESIST THE DEVIL and he WILL FLEE--so there:):):):):) I LOVE YOU IN THE LORD--HE'S GOT YOUR BACK:):):)

brokenvessel; PLeaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! you have a bad debt?????????????? oh shame on you what a horrible person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
listen, stop it right now, "he who is without sin may cast the first stone"
and the credit card company is not a thief? check out their fine print interest rates!!!!!!!!! My son has left me with over 30,000 dollars in debt. and a huge mortgage on a house he had just built. the 30,000 came from all the appliances and stuff he bought on credit cards for the house. You know what i do? i pay the minimum on each one, rented half the house and pay what I can, what i can't pay, i can't pay, that's it! so far, i am doing it with alot of faith and struggle. i don't know if i'll make it by the time my son is out, but i'm trying not to ruin his credit.You quote some very beautiful verses from the bible; but I follow one rule; I TRY. that's it!
No quiting, no whining, no complaining, no regrets, just keep going. Every weekend i travel 1000 miles with my son's girlfriend to see him. I leave at night to get there in the morning. So far, ( thank God) I haven't missed a weekend. I bring him food and things. I hold him and kiss him. He is my son I love him that's it, period Amen. I owe no one anything, no reason no excuse. He is my son , I brought him into this world and have enjoyed him. Now I must help him. No Bible, No person can tell me I am wrong, or bad.
I don't give a damn, He is my son and I will do anything in my power to help him, Love is sacrifice. Love doesn't need conditions, it just is. Hold steady to your Love for your baby, that's it. Bible verses will never read anything else but Love and faith. They all say the same thing.
God give you strength..........mamalove

Hey ladies..... quite a heated conversation. Mamalove... everytime I see you have posted, I rush to read it. Your words and your love are so powerful.

Again.... the guilt. I have spoken about this. I am reading a daily devotional by Joyce Meyers..... Battlefied of the mind. It has helped me so!

We cannot allow anything or anyone to get in our way. We are called to this nightmare having children in prison. What do we do? Do we run away scared and think of all we should of done? Hell no we go to battle. We put on our armor and we fight! This is our kids lives we are fighting for.

We have to be strong, we have to be fit, we are all that they got. Its okay to fall just get back up. God will and has given us all that we need to win this war!!!!!! No sense in thinking about debts, guilt, shame. It will get us no where! We have to think of the future and yes our sons have a future.

I NEED AND LOVE EACH ONE OF YOU! When one is weak one of us can come along and help them. I rely on each and everyone of you. I feel strong today but tomorrow I might stay in bed.

Know that the battle always starts in the mind! We can turn it around.
Have a blessed day.
Love,
Jill

Broken and Momalove & Jill,

Guilt only weighs us down and keeps us from moving forward. set all guilt aside. did someone mention debt? credit cards?
I will share my good news..I finally paid them off..yeahoooooooooooooooo!
that weighed me down and caused me to want to go crazy. I might not have any more money but I sure as hell do not owe any credit card companies any more of my money.

Jill, your words of wisdom are so enlightening...when one of us are down the other comes and picks the other right back up. This is why we are here ladies. we too need love and support and we as Moms are very strong but we all have our bad days. I Love each of you and I wish you all a wonderful, positive Happy New Year!!
May God continue to watch over our children and keep them safe and warm!

You see, my sins are not before I was saved, but since I've been saved!
abrokenvessel, running late this morning, but I just wanted to remind you that we all sin, even after our salvation. Jesus paid the price for all our sins: past, present & future. All we need do is repent and accept the forgiveness that has already been given. Don't beat yourself up. If we all dwelt on things we could have done differently, we would never move forward in Christ. He is a loving, forgiving and just God. He is merciful and full of grace. He remembers our sins no more; they are as far as the east is from the west.

Here's Scripture that should encourage you and free you from all doubt: James 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Now, walk in that forgiveness and have a blessed day!

brokenvessel; PLeaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! you have a bad debt?????????????? oh shame on you what a horrible person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
listen, stop it right now, "he who is without sin may cast the first stone"
and the credit card company is not a thief? check out their fine print interest rates!!!!!!!!! My son has left me with over 30,000 dollars in debt. and a huge mortgage on a house he had just built. the 30,000 came from all the appliances and stuff he bought on credit cards for the house. You know what i do? i pay the minimum on each one, rented half the house and pay what I can, what i can't pay, i can't pay, that's it! so far, i am doing it with alot of faith and struggle. i don't know if i'll make it by the time my son is out, but i'm trying not to ruin his credit.You quote some very beautiful verses from the bible; but I follow one rule; I TRY. that's it!
No quiting, no whining, no complaining, no regrets, just keep going. Every weekend i travel 1000 miles with my son's girlfriend to see him. I leave at night to get there in the morning. So far, ( thank God) I haven't missed a weekend. I bring him food and things. I hold him and kiss him. He is my son I love him that's it, period Amen. I owe no one anything, no reason no excuse. He is my son , I brought him into this world and have enjoyed him. Now I must help him. No Bible, No person can tell me I am wrong, or bad.
I don't give a damn, He is my son and I will do anything in my power to help him, Love is sacrifice. Love doesn't need conditions, it just is. Hold steady to your Love for your baby, that's it. Bible verses will never read anything else but Love and faith. They all say the same thing.
God give you strength..........mamalove
You go girl:):):) You're one strong lady for sure--your son is blessed you're HIS mom (he may never tell you so but it's true:):):)
Thanks for the upbeat post--keep 'em coming:):):)

abrokenvessel, running late this morning, but I just wanted to remind you that we all sin, even after our salvation. Jesus paid the price for all our sins: past, present & future. All we need do is repent and accept the forgiveness that has already been given. Don't beat yourself up. If we all dwelt on things we could have done differently, we would never move forward in Christ. He is a loving, forgiving and just God. He is merciful and full of grace. He remembers our sins no more; they are as far as the east is from the west.

Here's Scripture that should encourage you and free you from all doubt: James 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Now, walk in that forgiveness and have a blessed day!
What a blessing you are--have a blessed day and member--HE'S GOT YOUR BACK:):):)

Faithwalker,
Golly, I am blushing! My son tells me all the time! "you are the best mamalove!" (he named me that when he was about 13) I am not special.
I just love him to pieces! When I get to the prison in the mornings after travelling all night on a cramped bus I feel abgout 120 years old. Tired & swollen feet . But when he walks in that visiting room, I am 23 again and he is that beautiful baby in my arms. No one knows who he is and wher he comes from. But I know, and I will never let him go after all I own him!
He laughs when I say this cause he says he belongs to the state, Ha!
Not for long, they have to give me my baby back because I have to make his favorite dinners, and buy him nice things to wear! God has given him to ME and I will cherish him, he is too yummy for that nasty place anyway! lololol!!!!!!!! Thanks to all of you, keep the faith, Mommy power!

Hi Everyone. Well I skipped out for awhile... thank you for all the encouraging words. My doubts are in checked today. I'm ready to get back up and get back in the battle! But I just hate conflict & I sure didn't mean to start anything. I quote Scripture cuz I love the Word. Hehehe...it works on me real good & whips me in shape... I know that Sword cuts both ways! So I'm not down today, but might be another day. Hope not. But even if your words are hard to take at times... I'm trying to learn to be more friendly. Oh yeah, and about my debts... well, even with all my self pity...guess what? I still have those darn debts! So I'm trying to develop a budget plan (ugh!) and I did go for a job interview today (even a little bit more will help). Oh, and that job interview was a part time job at a CHURCH! I wonder if I'll get that job? All for tonight!

Nice to see you back, abrokenvessel. I pray the Lord provides just the right job for you, and if it's His will, let it be the one at the church. You're stepping out in faith, and I think that pleases the Lord. May your day be blessed and may your joy be made complete in Him.

Thanks believing :)