A Mother's Wish Somebody pinch me so I can wake up from this bad dream! Why am I not waking up from a bad dream? I rub my eyes, look around my room to see familiar things around me, inhale and exhale and…"whew"! I'm so glad it was a dream and I'm awake, back in my bed again, back in my room. Then all of a sudden you get hit with this huge ball of pain, hurt and sorrow!!! Noooo! This is real! I'm not dreaming! Why can't this be a dream? This happens to other people, not me, not my children, not me! My firstborn is not the little boy I raised, he's become someone else. He's so different now. He's all of a sudden on his own agenda, his own mind that seems as though it's being driven by something unfamiliar. I wish peer pressure was none existent, negative outside influences, the wrong crowd, bad choices, the drug dealer standing on the corner flashing a wad of money in 20's with a rubber band around it, bright and shiny designer tennis shoe's, bragging about not having to work a 9-5, carrying a big bad looking Uzi stuck down in front of the drooping pants, and smoking a black-n-mild that may or may not be lit. I wish he were my little boy again.WITHIN THE SOUL OF A MOTHERA Mother's Hug It's been 4 months since you have seen you son and he's seen you. You've talked numerous time's over the telephone and you've exchanged photo's back and forth. Finally he call's and hear's what he's wanted to hear for month's... "Yep! I'm coming to see you! With anticipation, you arrived at the prison, entered into the large reception area to stand at the end of the long line that look's as though it goe's on for miles. Finally you're next to enter into a small closed room for an unwelcoming physical search down. That's over, you quickly grab your key's and roll's of quater's which is all you're allowed to bring in and you hurry down the mile long hallway and enter into a large area with old tables,and chair's. Over to the left side of the room stand's about seven vending machine's that carry's from sandwiches to chip's,candy and soda's. You grab the nearest table to the door that where all visitor's eye's are on watching for your precious son's face' in this small square window that they stop in. As you look with fixed eye's on him , you anixously stand up smiling when your heart speaks loud enough to hear,"there's my little boy"!. He stand's still watching your every move, waiting for the guard to tell him he can go, then he calmly but anxiously break's toward you as though it was his last chance to see you. You both walk toward each other quickly and finally...you rap your arm's around him and he pull's you close to him and his head drop's on your shoulder with his face buried in your chest. Humility breaks in his stance as you feel his heart's every beat and a silent cry that pour's from his soul that say's "ma, don't let me go"! One of the most important treasure's of the visit to your son is ..."A Mother's Hug"!

My eyes are tearing up here. Thanks. That was ........ both heartfelt and heartbreaking. A mother's love, how precious. The Father's love is deep and wide and all encompassing. He uses us to express His love in a real, physical, comforting sense, as only a mother can do. We are nurturers by His perfect design.

Thanks so much for sharing.

Thanks for sharing. I just had to cry when I read your post. I remember the first hug and all the ones I get now. I never want to let him go. I just want to hold him just like when he was a little boy, but I just have to take the hugs once a week. I keep my faith and remember that this isn't forever. God will take care of him and all of us.

Thank you for sharing. I didn't want to remember :) "Sigh"

Thank you for that post. I thought that the first hug, after so many, many months, was almost like the day he was born and they placed him in my arms. Yes, it felt that wonderful. Thank you Davidsmominva, it was a "good" cry.

That was beautiful!

Jill, I did not plan on crying today..that is so beautiful...I miss holding my son! I miss his hugs so much. This is so hard not being able to touch your own child. The last time was when he got sentenced over a year ago and I could not let him go then. what am I going to do when I get my first contact visit? I'm sorry if I am sounding so heart broken but I am because the punishment is deeper then him just being locked up.

I think we are all trying so hard to feel happy today so that we work toward a positive new year. Thank you for sharing....Jeannie

. As you look with fixed eye's on him , you anixously stand up smiling when your heart speaks loud enough to hear,"there's my little boy"!.

He stand's still watching your every move, waiting for the guard to tell him he can go, then he calmly but anxiously break's toward you as though it was his last chance to see you.

You both walk toward each other quickly and finally...you rap your arm's around him and he pull's you close to him and his head drop's on your shoulder with his face buried in your chest.

Humility breaks in his stance as you feel his heart's every beat and a silent cry that pour's from his soul that say's "ma, don't let me go"!

One of the most important treasure's of the visit to your son is ..."A Mother's Hug"!
That is EXACTLY how I felt each time I visited my son in prison.
In fact I use that experience as a "guage" when I am faced with difficult situations.

I think that I have had a pretty "normal" life until my youngest son started to get into trouble with the law.
Prior to that, when difficult situations came my way I always thought that each one was worse than the other.
I always thought that I could not "make it though" that pecular difficult situation.

Now, when difficult situations come my way, I say to myself,

"Phyllis, if you can go to that prison each week and go through the humilition from some of the guards and pain from your heart breaking upon seeing your son---this other problem is nothing in comparison to that.

I know that being in prison itself is very difficult, from what my son has told me. But it is also a heart breaking experience along with joy in visiting your loved one in prison. It almost feels like you are in prison with them.
You know what I mean? :confused:
Oh, I am getting stronger from my experiences in this life. If I get any stronger, I will look like a piece of steel!!!!!!!!!!!;)