I really don't believe I am writing this but here goes.
I met him while he was at the halfway house after doing three years. He had a girl friend and I really was only looking at is as a sex partner because his girlfriend lived five hours away. He would always accuse her of cheating while he was away and that the relationship was going no where they have a child together and she would come and visit twice a month. But I really didn not care at first as time went on I fell in love and him and her broke up and we were a couple. The first time he showed me his mean behavior was one night after he got drunk and got into an arguement with his sister. He said I was not paying him any attention and with his fist knocked the corn out of my hand while I was eating it. Needless to say he scared me and I went running up the steps to calm myself down because I did not want my son to know what was going on. (I was in a relationship for five years with my son's father that was abusive I only left because he chocked me and I thought I was going to die and he gave me a black eye. I used to say don't mess with my face) So my new man knew this and I told him to leave before I called the police and it was over. He continue to say that he was sorry and he really started drinking after that break up. I mean his mother was like can you come and talk to him so he can get it together. And told him that I was coming the next day and to sober up. I would talk with his sister and she said he was a mess. So we got back together. Now we are living together and I notice the drug use and drinking. I would fine the empty bear cans hidden and we would argue alot and he would cut the phone cords when he thought I would call the police. He was not abusive then. But he was always so thoughtful and loving. Would not let me lift a bag. So caring. I mean I was treated like a queen. I worked more hours than him and made more money. But he would have dinner prepared when I got home and the bath water in the tub. And when we found out that I was going to have our baby nothing changed. He would come to my job when he was not working and bring lunch. Picked up another job because I was always sick and he would get upset because I would not take off from work. But four months later he snapped. Told me that I did not love him that I was cheating with my boss and punched holes in the wall would not let me or my son out of the room. I mean broke the Televison and took the table and tried to hit me with it. Took my head and hit it on the wall. The police kicked the door in and came in the room with their guns drawn and that is when He took me to the floor at the time I swore he was chocking me now I wonder if he was trying to protect himself from the police. Needless to say that is why he is in jail now. I refused his telephone calls and would not right him back. I did put money on his account a few times. I said that it was over and planned to move where could not find me. Well I gave in after our child was born. I sent him pictures and went to visit. I knew that he was happy about the baby eventhough I was not. Over a year latter I decided to give us another chance. He should be coming home in about five months and I am wondering if I made the right choice. No matter what he says I can not believe that if he decides to drink or do drugs that I or my son can be hurt by him. I love him but don't trust him. And I know he loves our child because that is all he talks about to his family and in the letters he do write. How can I know what can he say that can prove that I don't have to worry about that night happening again?

aandtpa

Im sorry honey GET OUT now before he does. ONCE a woman beater ALWAYS a woman beater. NO matter what he says He'll never change.

Think about your children now, and what they need, ..defenitlly dont need to be in a abuse enviroment. Just remember ( He might KILL you this time)

and dont fall for all that "Ive changed BS" cause prison does nothing but make them harder.

Please think of your CHILDREN first.

I hate to say it, but I believe that the odds are very slim that this relationship will work out. But since the odds are probably pretty great that you will try, I just wanted to respond to your post. I’m so sorry that you are in this situation, it must be terrible. It happens all too often that good women become involved with men who are violent. PTO is here for support and not judgment, but sometimes support means saying things that you know others won’t want to hear. I am not going to tell you that you are foolish not to leave him or that he is a totally bad person. I know you have feelings for him and it’s not our place to tell you what to do. I am a firm believer that people can change radically. I’m a recovering addict and it would be very hypocritical of me to ever say that people can’t have a future that is very different from their past. It is hard for addicts to get and stay clean, but it does happen. You hope that he will stay away from drugs and that this will mean that he will not be violent towards you. A "dry drunk" can be just as violent and abusive as one that is drinking. While drugs and alcohol bring out the worst in people, I don’t think that it is a total explanation for violence towards you. I was around a lot of people when I was using and violence towards women is not a given. You described his need for attention, his jealousy and his rage and these things are very deep rooted and come from low self esteem. While stopping the drugs usually allows people to have more self control, it doesn’t, by itself, cure these underlying issues. Time in prison may (or may not) mean that he has been sober for a while, but it probably won't help with self esteem and anger issues. If anything, it is likely that he will experience a lot of stress and frustration when he gets out and this lack of control often triggers violence. If you are able to walk away from this relationship, I think it would be in your best interest, and the best interest of your children to do that. But, if you chose to stay involved with him, you must have strong boundaries that include zero tolerance for violence or abuse of any kind. When you talked about arguing and his cutting the phone cord, you immediately said "he was not abusive then". Just because he isn’t hitting you, doesn’t mean he isn’t being abusive. I will say that the most important thing is for you and your children to be safe from physical violence. The next most important thing is for you to be happy and secure emotionally. Your man will need to do a lot of work to stay clean and sober and to stop the pattern of abuse. You will need to do a lot of work to stop allowing yourself to be victimized. I believe you would need counseling and support from alanon and naranon. If you decide to try to maintain this relationship, you will need to be very honest with yourself and not be in denial about how well it is working. Thanks for sharing your story with us. I know it isn't easy, but hopefully you will get support and not feel so alone. I hope I didn't offend you or hurt your feelings. I wish you all the best.

Thank you INHOUSECOUNSEL. I am not offended and think you to time to express yourself very well. And I am making a mental note of everything that is said. He is not out yet and who knows what will happen in the new year. But I must do what is best for myself and children. I have explained to him that the first sign that things are wrong I will remove myself from the relationship but also will make sure like you said to stay true to the facts and not what I want to see. I have sent him stories of abuse against women and ask the simple question "Is this what I can look forward to" I have not received a reponse yet. Thank you again.

I'm so sorry to say, but I think that he'll be abusive again. My children's father would promise me the moon and everything else while he was locked up. It's just Jail Talk. They have nothing else better to do than to bunk with jesus or allah while locked up and think about you. I've tried believing these lies many many times, and I always end up the one Hurting in the end.
Try Reading some books. I did and they actually helped me realize that It's about Me, not him and I don't owe him a damn thing.
Books: "Inside the Minds of Angry, Controlling Men" and "Men Who Hate Women and the Women that Love Them"...
Might Help You Realize Why You Allow Yourself to go through Abuse.