I was just wondering if any one has any success stories. Where their love one has never hurt them again.

Yes! After several years of bullying,intimidation, emotional abuse and an almost forced addiction to cocaine (He'd get uberpissed if I would not get high with him) and I lost count of how many incidents of semi rape... the last year of that relationship, his friends were telling me I deserved better, and telling him he should appreciate me before I wised up and walked...I tried to leave several times, but he tracked me down to whatever friend's place I'd fled and I didn't know I could contact the womens shelter (up to the last few months, he never put a physical mark on me) It escalated to pinning me against walls while screaming in my face, sometimes bruising my arms, a few times putting a knot on the back of my head where I hit the wall... Ya gotta know this for the next part to make sense.. I am 5'2" and back then weighed 105, fully dressed and soaking wet... He was 6'3", about 250, not much of it fat... one night, I'd finally had enough and when he had me pinned against the wall, waiting for me to grovel out the apology he wanted for whatever imaginary wrong I'd committed, I asked the dumbest damn question of my young life...."Does it make you feel real big and bad that you can bully a girl my size?"... the lights went out....Recalling my previous "escape attempts", I laid low for a bit while my jaw healed from the hairline fracture and made him believe that we could make a fresh start a few towns up the road and convinced him to let me go stay with my mom while I saved up enough to rent us a place... It worked. I kept up the charade for about 3 months, slowly moving all my stuff to mom's place and saving for my own apartment. The look on his face when I explained that the cute little studio was "mine" not "ours" was priceless... I made a few other poor choices after that, but he never brought me another minutes harm.
About 5 years after I got out, I heard that he'd been shot and killed outside a Southern California bar and was surprised that I could honestly mourn his death... about 5 years after that, a mutual friend called and told me to sit down... reports of his demise had been greatly exaggerated and he was back in town... This friend facilitated a face to face on neutral ground to spare me the shock of seeing him out of the blue and possibly alone... It was very sad, he had gotten very old in that decade and the bravado and flash now seemed more desperate than authentic....Sometime in the years since then, he either suffered a stroke or the booze and drugs caught up but if he survives another few years, I'll be surprised... and I'll send flowers when the services are announced.

HAHAHAHAHAH LeBeau said uberpissed, that made my day!!!

He'd get uberpissed

My ex who was abusive to his ex wife never laid a hand on me and after prison,counseling,anger management classes and getting off drugs has not laid a hand on anyone else in the 2 years since we have been split up from what I understand

mine doesn't understand that what he put me though was abuse... but I moved across the country away from him he does know I am in Florida but he doesn't know where he also thinks that I am on the street and have blown all the money I got from the selling of the house.. he keeps calling my sister and step mother and asking about me but they don't tell him anything... or at least I hope they don't.. he keeps telling everyone I didn't hit her so why is she saying I abused her when I didn't?! I am not hiding from him really but he would have to look for me to find me and if he wanted to he could also write George cause he knows how to find him too but then he doesn't want to do that :D though George sure whats it..;)

I didn't blow the money I bought a house outright so no one can take it from me, my car is paid off and I don't have any debits at all. :D I even get 50% of his military retirement each and every month direct deposited into my account by the Military! that shocked him that I would even know about that let alone go after it...

I stayed because I never believe that I could take care of myself out here without him.. I had been under his thumb since I was 15 years old. I had no children because I couldn't have them without them killing me and he was to selfish to have a child of anyone elses that "might be flawed" so when I went to a shelter, I couldn't get any help unless I wanted to leave everything for him and they would give me a bus ticket that I would have to beg from a church and I would be stuck somewhere that would have me on the street there... they wouldn't even help me with getting into a place to live because I didn't have kids... I refused to leave with nothing and I also refused to run I think that shocked him more then anything as he always thought I was to chicken to leave him and to stupid to take anything with me if I did happen to get the guts up to run... or GOD forbid try and kick him out....

If I ever win a lot of money I will be sending that shelter money to use for women that have no children so that they have a way out where I didn't... :(

I have never been happier here without him in my life and I feel at home here something I have never had... I still have some bad times that I am at a loss to figure out as having more then 30 years of someone telling me what to do..

its hard to understand that not everyone thinks the way he did..
I think that is the hardest thing I am dealing with because I contrubute his thinking to George and that is so far to the left that its not even funny.. I don't know how long its going to take to get out of that mode of thinking but I am trying..

It makes me cry at times to think that George has to pay for what that a$$hole did to me because what I get from George is something I have never had in my whole life. its so nice to be called something that isn't a fowl name and when I tell him I love you George, he doesn't grunt at me and say what ever be itch...

These post actually brightened my day- the way you ladies made it out and have found happiness- really did put a smile on my face. LeBeau, Cali.Sunshine, hmm and or-mt , just keep moving forward because life is a gift and it wasn't meant for anyone to abuse you, hurt you or make you cry. I just felt the need to tell you guys that this morning! (hugs) and I'm clapping my hands to know you 4 made it out....sometimes the mother in me comes out and I can't stop it. (haha)

This is the way my day started. Well, that was end of it....its 9:30am in the freakin morning and he already called drunk off his *&^*&^ and he is on his way home. I can't take this anymore. SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. HELP!!!!!(*%^*@(#)*^%$#_(*@#$_)q@&@%^@$*^$)($+@&#^%@_)$(*&$%*&^@+$@$%#@$#@^%@(#_#@+)*^%@^!)&#^$). I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. HE IS IN MARYLAND I AM IN OKLAHOMA AND HE Wants me to get him home????? Everytime he leaves we go threw all this sh....i feel like i am drowning and i can't reach out for help........ i don't think they ever get better.

Girlfriend, it sounds like you need to reach out and ask for help somewhere-anywhere. Uh, honestly, you need to thank your lucky stars he is all those states away from you and you aren't having to deal with him in person if he is being as mean as you expressed above. Personally, I wouldn't give him the money to get across the town he is in, let alone across the states to terrorize me, but thats your choice. Don't let it get to you, spend some time with your friends and family so they can see what this relationship is doing to you so they can offer you advise, help and the strength to move along...no one deserves the way he talked to you.

Thanks and you are right. I have it all, i just am being stupid and not cutting the cord. This has been going on too long, I do need help, probably more than he does. Thanks. Again.:(

I did not mean to make you sad or make you feel stupid, that was not my intention. I just hate it when I see, hear or read about a man being disrespectful to the woman he is supose to love. I don't find alcohol or drugs a good excuse for it, but thats me and I do not intented -on purpose -to hurt or make you feel uncomfortable. I agologize if I did.

aandtpa - I'm sure these aren't the kinds of successes you were hoping to hear about. You wanted the stories where the guy wakes up, the light bulb goes on, they see the error of their ways and never raise their hand or voice to someone again.
I've been through two of the abusive type relationships. My husband, the first relationship, beat me and kicked me mercilessly, accused me of every kind of infidelity (when I was 8 months pregnant, no less). 20 years later, I heard just briefly from his second wife. He never laid a hand on her. Instead, he had become born-again, and used religious words to beat her into submission. That's as close as you're probably going to hear to something like a success story.

My only success story is within myself as of right now!!! I have always believed in the Lord but through my misfortune and survival, I have found the Lord once again!!!!! Without Jesus guiding me and placing his love in me I might not that made it through my situation!!! My daughter was baptized on Sunday and I was touched by the overwhelming love I felt from strangers!! I cant say I'm over Ray but in time and with God's help I will begin to heal from my abuse and recognize the warning signs earlier and find my own strenght. I realize now the only reason I stayed with Ray was because I was lost!!! I am now found and am determined to stay this way!!!

I do hope that Ray decides to change for the better but I doubt it will ever happen!! I have no doubt he loves his child but he wont love her to death!!! I can sit here now and tell everyone, YOU WERE RIGHT!!! I had to wake you before I could fully understand what happened and what could have happened!!! Thank you all!!!!

Hello Ladies,
I'm new to this forum and very happy I found it. For so long I've looked for a place where I could go that people could relate and understand my story and abusive situation. I know this topic is about "Success Stories" and I can say part of mine is but still fighting through the recovery with much difficulty.
My ex and I had 10 years together with 5 kids between us (my 3 and his 2) and most of those 10 years were great and very happy. We were best friends and connected at our core, at least I thought, and had great kids with a real good family life. I remember being happy and content. But then, hard times began to fall upon us, and those last 3 years we were together turned into a nightmare...it started with a push and then the next thing I knew was I was in a rape crisis clinic getting treated for a violent attack and he was gone. I thought my entire world was destroyed. I didn't understand how it could have ever come to this I was completely devastated and still am at times. I immediately took my kids and fled for awhile. After some time had passed I decided to return but I moved out of our place we had for 10 years and decided to just start over. And I have but unfortunately the aftermath of this incident has left me more distraught then the incident itself. My kids are having the hardest time though, they resent me and have acted out against me in ways I couldn't ever imagined but I know it's because they want and miss their dad and so do I. Life for me now is more miserable than I've ever known. But I guess where the success story is, I manage to get up everyday and go to work and take care of all 5 of my kids alone. I love my new place and have a better job. Although, I can't seem to be really happy even though I know I'm blessed. I know and understand the "why" he did what he did, it's the "how" could he that I still question, we were a family and he took all that away in moments.
It's been about a year and a half now since I've been living this way and not one day has gone by that I don't miss my best friend. I want to believe that he will heal his rage and recover but I guess I'll never really know. And I can't pretend that I don't still love him because I do, I just have to learn to FULLY accept he's gone and it wasn't meant to be, they say in time...I just hope it comes fast because it's killing me. And since this incident, we've talked, through letters, and of course he's expressed his regrets and love while trying to sort out how we move from here with the kids. He loves his kids and misses them and I understand that but he's getting out soon and I don't know if I'm ready to face him??? I'm still very angry but still very much in love and I know I shouldn't be so, I'm trying my best just to let go and let GOD.
So ladies, PLEASE pray for my strength and for my children's to face what's to come.
Thanks so much for reading. I needed that.

Kennedi - how very sad!! Have you taken the kids to counseling yet? They need so very badly to understand why things are the way they are! Many hugs to you as you keep trying to understand and heal!

Heather ..keep shining !!

kennedi .. I feel for you and agree that the kids and you need to have a well qualified counselor to help you get past this and I hope before he gets out all will be better for you and your children

I can't imagine what could be worse than feeling your children resent you , I'm almost certain they are just too confused to sort the true feelings out.
Anger is caused by
hurt
fear
and/or
frustration

Yes these are probably not the type of "success" stories that were looked for but
These are success stories none the less

Thanks ladies so much for the comfort and positive words, I needed that. And yes, all of us have gone to counseling and I'm going back in very soon. I'm trying to get my kids to go back with me but my oldest just got arrested and locked up now so I'm dealing with that and one of my twins refuses to go back with me but at least isn't giving me hell at the moment as he has been so, that's some success. But all in all, it is just tough right now and it is the worst feeling to have your kids blame and resent you, but just as you said they are confused frustrated and very angry with our new life without there Dad! I know I just have to hold on to faith and allow God to do his work and keep praying that we make it through. I'm doing my best to stay strong and righteous until I can make this right for all of us. So, again, thank you so much ladies, hearing the stories really help from feeling completely alone and inspire me to get through.

My hubby's mother was "abused" by his real father. She left him when his brother was 5 and he was 3 and married a man who spent 10 years abusing my husband (they always go after the baby for some reason). She has lived happily ever after for the last 30 years (yeah right), but her 2 oldest kids feel as if their family was torn apart, even now at the ages of 38 and 36. She sacrificed her youngest son to save herself...

Both she and their real father remarried and had other kids. My hubby and his brother, have only each other. It's all been really sad because my husband is truly a wonderful person. He is dealing with his childhood and holding both his mom and stepdad accountable...it's taken a long, long time for him to get to this point because kids always love their parents unconditionally and he's struggled to get their approval all of his life and his worst fear was losing his mom. He's realizing now that he's never had her to begin with, not the way a child should have.

He no longer wants to be an A**h*** (his words, not mine). They were said to me not in anger but with the hope of getting counseling to help him deal with the hurt and anger of the past so that he can live happily in the future.

It will take a lot of hard work on his part, but I believe in him and wanting to change is taking the first step.

Ray wrote me a letter the other day and stated " this life is getting tired, I want to be a good person Heather, I'm getting too old to be acting like this. I want you in my life but I only want you to be there if you want to be there! I'm getting too old to be acting like a stupid child. If you'd please give me a chance, I'd love to show you the man you fell in love with still exists and he just got pushed aside. I hate what I did to you and I will never forgive myself even if you do. I sometimes wonder why you did forgive me?"
Sometimes I wonder that myself, but I think if God can forgive him shouldnt I at least try?
ANd Cindy you are so right wanting help IS the first step... after admission.... I pray all of our guys seek a true premanant change for the better of themselves and for the greater good. I will pray for all of you!!!

Well forgive him Heather and keep moving along, forgiveness has nothing to do with putting yourself back into a situation like that. You can forgive those who trespass against you but it doesn't mean you have to be their buddy or a part of their life. You do whatever makes you the happiest and what you can live with but please don't believe he has changed.

Well forgive him Heather and keep moving along, forgiveness has nothing to do with putting yourself back into a situation like that. You can forgive those who trespass against you but it doesn't mean you have to be their buddy or a part of their life. You do whatever makes you the happiest and what you can live with but please don't believe he has changed.
Oh I dont believe he has changed, I believe he wants to. He may never change, I know that. I'm not going to let him back into my life but I will always consider him my guy and I will always love him, but loving him doesnt mean we have to be together. I hope he does change for the sake of our child, but if he doesnt it's his loss. She is a wonderful, beautiful, and amazing little person!!!! It kind of pains me at times to know he will never know her!!! But like I said it's his loss!!!!:)

I will try my best not to type my entire life story out here but as we all know, when telling a story of someone's life, it tends to be a bit long. As most of you know through reading some of my other posts here and there throughout the site, I have had a lot of drama and pain in my life as all of us have it seems. My ex husband( and father of my 3 children) and I were once very much in love and when I am thinking about this or even typing it now it seems strange because all of that is dead now inside of me, how I felt about him and how much in love we once were. he came from an abusive childhood( and I am sorry to me, this is still no excuse to know what is right and wrong) My own Father and Mother divorced when I was a baby and she was carrying my little sister. My father abused my mother. As a kid, she would tell me some very bad stories about my dad and I could never understand why a man would even want to harm a woman. naturally, I always feared being in a relationship with a man because I was always scared of this happening to me, or my sister.
My ex used to really be one mean SOB, was very abusive both physically and emotionally to where I didn't ever understand the transition that took place from , loving man to monster. he is also an alcoholic, but I don't think that is a fair excuse either.To me, drugs and/or alcohol just make them more of an a**hole. but, I never have said, oh, he was drunk so... that is why. So not true at all.
I can sit around every last day of my life now and say, well I should have listened to all of my family and friends and left after the very first sign of abuse. I could dwell on what I didn't do, or what I should have done or said, but that doesn't take away what happened and it doesn't help to heal the damage that has been done. I was so lonely for attention in the last 4 yrs of our marriage. I wanted so badly to be able to talk to a " real" man and have nice things said to me, or have someone compliment me. I never really looked for an affair as that would be instant death if he ever found out for sure!! In the last year of our marriage, I met someone who had taught me that I didn't deserve this type of treatment. he never thought badly of me as some people do when you stay in an abusive relationship. He was kind, loving and always complimented on how beautiful I was and that he wished I was his. Just the little things he said made all the difference in a day for me. I fell in love with him but never said anything as he was my mom's best friends son. I thought that it was wrong to feel the way I did even though My ex wouldn't give me the type of love and attention I needed nor wanted.

About 6 months later, I finaly left my ex. ( and in case you are wondering, I did not have an affair with Anthony yet, we were only friends) It was very hard as we do share kids together. I was scared to death now even more for fear that he would also hurt my Mom as I was living with her.

Because he did make good money, we went to court, he had an attorney and got all 3 ofmy kids from me, even though I had told the Judge that he was very abusive and that he also was an alcoholic... this judge heard none of it and he won!!! I was devastated. I wanted to die. All that time I had stayed to keep our family together. All of the crap I took off of him and all of this time I was miserable and only my kids made me want to live.

And now, I had nobody...... except Anthony. Though NO man or woman for that matter could ever take the place of your children, he seemed to sort of fill a void partially to where I could stand to feel love. He was there to comfort me and help me realize that one day it would be different. Anthony and I had a VERY special relationship together. He was in CYA ( California Youth Authority) from the time he was 10 til he was 21 years old!!! he never experienced love from a woman. he never really felt good about himself until he met me. he didn't have much self worth or felt that anyone would ever truly love him for him. but, I will say, he put up a good act to people. he acted really cocky sometimes and somewhat arrogant, i suppose that was to make up for what he felt inside he was lacking. maybe he never learned really how to act from being inside all that time.
I fell madly , head over heels in love with him and him me. he was my moon, stars sky and the air that I breathed. he was my food, my sleep my water I needed to live my life. We moved to las Vegas in 1996. I suppose the party scene here was more than we had bargined for. We got into the meth and the party scene a little too much......(Keep in mind, that all of this time I was growing to hate my ex husband more and more everyday because he had my kids and I felt like he didn't deserve them, much less be out on the streets. To me he should have been either dead or at least serving time in jail for all the crap he did to me.)
Anthony and My relationship came to a halt when I found out he was cheating on me. The pain and despair was unbareable. I had thoughts of suicide. i wanted to die for sure and I never thought I would ever love anyone again. EVER!!! I secretly vowed to myself that I would hate the thought of loving anyone.
A man who worked in the apratment building where we lived apparently had his eye on me. We had talked a few times. and Him and his GF and Anthony and I had all gone out on occasion.

After Anthony and I split up.... I started to date my current Husband. by now you must all thing I am some kind of lost soul..LOL but really I am not. There is obviously much much more to the detail of the story, but hell I have already written a book here... so to save ya'll from complete boredom... I will spare you the really long version...LOL:thumbsup:
Darrin and I got together. I still loved Anthony so much. he was still the one I wanted to love. but, I knew I would never trust him again and he just hurt me too damn much to want to try again. I never stopped loving Anthony....... even today as I write this and darrin and I have been married for 9 years in august.

Within this time, is where my success in ME as a person, as a woman begins. I have learned so much about myself. I have learned that we don't have to give all of ourselves in order to feel loved or be loved. In order to heal, fully heal from everything, including my ex husband and the loss of my kids to him, I learned to FORGIVE myself. but in order to come to this point... I had to forgive their dad. i had to look within myself down deep and really forgive all that he had done to make me feel like a worthless soul. Then came the part of the forgiveness to myself. I had to forgive myself for allowing men to hurt me. I had to forgive the guilt I felt for not being there for my kids when I really wanted to be no where else but couldn't be. But, most of all I had to learn to really love me, and self love is a very hard thing to do when you have been hurt and beaten down for too long.

I came to realize that in all of us, we have a hero. There is a soldier in each and everyone of us that was hiding all of the time.
And very lastly....... My success today is this.
On December 28th 2006... my life love, my soul mate got killed in Ely state prison. I mourned his death.... I think I may still be mourning now,... But. I have accepted it. And I never thought my heart would know happiness again if if I ever heard that he was dead ever.
Darrin knows that I will always love Anthony. he accepts this because I am a very loving and giving heart. When I love someone it is forever... that is just me. But, I have survived the loss of my long love... the man who I felt saved me from hell.

And I have the most loving, caring and Understanding Husband a woman could ever ask for. he has been so supportive in the past 9 years now..... it's almost as if I have been reborn, but just have all of the beautiful memories still in my soul. I have a husband that will love me for life. I miss Anthony, his letters. I will never see his smile again. or be mad at him for making those stupid remarks he used to make.:p ..... All i feel now is LOVE and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have been given the blessing of knowing so much love in my life.......:o Sorry this was painfully long. I got on a roll and kept on going....:rolleyes:
I can't say enough how much I love this site and the people who post here. You all are so wonderfull. Thanks you my PTO family, for listening and showing true compassion for so many here..... I wish the world could learn from our Site here.:thumbsup:
Peace Out!

Thank you Laura so much for sharing that....In my own situation I can completely relate and in 110% agreement when it comes to forgiveness and selflove. You and your words are an inspiration for me today because if a person can finally find love and forgiveness within themselves, that is the true success. Bless you.
PS. I love butterfly's

Thank you Laura so much for sharing that....In my own situation I can completely relate and in 110% agreement when it comes to forgiveness and selflove. You and your words are an inspiration for me today because if a person can finally find love and forgiveness within themselves, that is the true success. Bless you.
PS. I love butterfly's

Thank you Laura so much for sharing that....In my own situation I can completely relate and in 110% agreement when it comes to forgiveness and selflove. You and your words are an inspiration for me today because if a person can finally find love and forgiveness within themselves, that is the true success. Bless you.
PS. I love butterfly's