Hi,
I think this is the first time I'm saying any of this aloud, & I'm not sur how I feel about it...

Hi everyone,
Scrolling down forum list a few days ago, i noticed this one (D.V.) i'm sure its been here for a while i just have never noticed it (or maybe didnt want 2) ever since i cant seem 2 get it off my mind... I guess i FINALLY for the 1st time am thinking, hum,maybe i'm in an abusive relationship. I read thred "why do we stay?" I started crying & cannot stop. Because i hear,me in these posts. It sacres the HELL out of me to come to terms with it, for 1 we are still together 2. I love him so very much,& iguess i feel i'm too old & will nwver find anyone !!! Are you guys all saying that they can NEVER really change. Nothing will ever get through to them? What do you do? I'm sorry I cannot stop crying. I better go.....

First you can't go by what happens in other relationships. I've been in an abusive relationship, my husband was in an abusive marriage with his first wife (on both their parts). There is NO ABUSE in this relationship.

guess i feel i'm too old & will nwver find anyone

You are never too old to find true love/happiness. I married Mr. at the age of 51 and I've never been happier in my life... he was worth the 50 year wait too!!!

An abuser can change, but one of the first steps for them is to admit what they have done and WANT to change it.. you can't change them. If he recognizes the wrongs he has does and shows you that he wants to stop then give him the chance... but you can't make him do it nor should he do it for YOU he has to do it for himself.

Some times the 1st step is to realize that you are in a abusive relationship. He can change himself but no one can change him. As for being to old that is crazy. I'm 36 3 kids and for the 1st time in my life I'm in love with a man that loves me just as much... My ex use to say who would want someone with 3 kids then the next guy would say no one would ever love you and your kids your lucky to have me. The only Lucky thing that happened in that relationship was I made it out and I found PTO be cause of it.. You have to Live your life for you not for anyone else!!

I was in a abusive relationship it happened on different occasions not all the time but what I can say is that... God does'nt want any of his children abused in any way shape or form. But what I can say is that being in that type of relationship will tear down your self esteem. Love your self and your kids even more. Dont block your blessings by being un-happy! The devil loves to hinder us in any way he can. The love you have for that man is fine but the love you have for you and your kids should be greater. God has a plan for you and a man that will love you un-conditionally!

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 but the lightbulb has to want to change.

I tell my hubby that all the time. He can be mean and he hates it. He's admitted everything he's done and he's now planning on getting DV counseling through AMEND when he's released in February. I hope he means it because this is the first and last time I ever do something like this for anyone. I respect and love myself too much to go through the drama ever again. :thumbsup:

NO EXCUSES!

Awww... Booh Don't cry. I completely understand your confusion. Many years ago before my husband and I got married he was very abusive. He has a couple of assault charges on his record that were agains me. I can't say what your situation is or how bad it is so I wil NOT say to stay because I don't want you to be unsafe. I left mine for 9 months straight. Not even so much as a hug for him. The last time he put his hand arond my throat I told him I would stab him in his sleep because I was not going before him and I was not kidding. I was so scarred I would have done it. IN that 9 months I dated another guy for 2 of those months (he was a jerk too). That's when my he decided not to treat me ugly anymore. When he realized I would go on with my life with out him and not take him into consideration. I used to find my happiest moments back then were when I would cut him out of my life. It was always the drugs and alcohol that started it with him. I don't know. You really should dig deep in your heart and sometimes even if it hurts really bad you have to do what is best for your life. You don't want to end up really hurt or trapped. I've been there. I can say that Eric (my husband) was that way for 5 years and we have been together 10 years. He did change but it was a long battle and to this day I can not say if he will ever go back to that. I know for me I always know in my heart that he is my protector now and my love but at the same time I know what he is capable of and that will never go away. Sorry for rambling. I guess just try to think outside of your heart if you can to keep your self safe. Sometimes you have to. Also, mine always knew I would never call the cops because he would go to jail for so many years if he got into trouble. Well girl, you have to remember that he is well aware of the trouble he is making and let him know if he gets out of line that you love him but if you have to call the laws on him love is not a factor anymore. That's a decision he will have to make then. Good luck and don't cry.

MYHB... I think you know what kind of relationship you're in, and admitting that there's a problem is a step in the right direction. Don't cry. Rejoice in this day that God set your feet on the path to recovery. That's right.... Recovery! A thousand mile journey starts with that first step. It may not feel like it right now, but you've already taken that first step. Breathe... Get the support you need. But don't make any rash decisions right away. It's not going to happen over night and it doesn't have to. You don't have to stop loving him today... So don't feel guilty about that. You're going to need some time to break this cycle and to plan your way out of this thing. And you'll get there... one step at a time. You've already shown extraordinary courage and love for yourself just by acknowledging the abuse. I applaud you! :hifive: God Bless and Keep your head up!