hmmarshall
12-19-2006, 08:58 PM
I've posted alot here in PTO but no one really knows the whole story. I think it might be theraputic to get it all out!!!
When Ray and I met, I didnt really like him. I thought we could be friends but the 14 year age difference kinda bothered me. His mother was ill and introduced me to him one night. We sat on the porch and talked for hours. The next night, same thing! I was growing to like him! I told him everything. He was one of those guys that you felt you could tell your life to and they'd understand and not judge you.
One night I went to work and he came with me (I cleaned red cross buildings). I got home and my roommate said that Will my ex had called. I took the phone (and Ray) and went to the garage to call him back. He said some rude things and Ray was getting mad at that. The kneeled down, started kissing and licking my arm. Then he bit me and hard!!! Then he walked out the door. After I got off the phone with Will, I had a few drinks at home then walked across he street to Ray's mom's (where he lived). He took my drink and poured it down the sink said to me " you dont need to be drinking". He apologized to me for biting me and said he didnt like guys that treat women like that!
We watched tv for a while and he asked me to stay the night and I agreed. We got intimate. He and I fell asleep. Next morning he went to work, I stayed.
About three weeks after we first met I was having roommate trouble and wanted to move. He insisted I move into his home. His mom had just died and he was depressed! I was reluctant to agree but caved after he begged me.
A few more weeks past by and things were great. We had talked about getting married and trying to have a baby. He was working and doing great. I was working and loving my job! It was almost christmas and I decided he should meet my family. We drove to mom's and right away she told him if he hurts me she would kill him!! He just kinda laughed and told her he'd never hurt me and he hated guys that did that!!
things went great for a while, then we had a fight he backed my up to the wall yelling at me and I punched him in the mouth! He threw me onto the bed and covered my mouth because I was screaming. I scratched his ear and face to get him off because I couldnt breath. After he got off me I told him I was leaving. He started crying and begging me to stay. Telling me he just freaked out and his anger got the best of him. Promised it wouldnt happen again. I told him if it did I'd be gone!!
On March 19th, after he had been up all week almost smoking meth, (not an excuse) he told me he was tired of me not loving him. Just out of the blue like that. I asked him if he was f**king stupid. I had quit my job because he didnt like me being out after dark. He slapped me around a bit and sat in front of me and snorted a line of meth and was smoking it too!!
I was tired of his drug use and decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. He had Seriquil for his bi-polar, to help him sleep. I opened the bottle and took a whole handful! He said what are you doing and I told him I was going to die to prove to him that I loved him!! Later he locked us into the bathroom and told me I was gonna die so I better start praying! He was asking me how the "other guy's penis felt inside me". He was being parinoid. He kept slapping me in the had and I told him if I was gonna die it wouldnt be by his hand. About 7 hours later (about 9am) my mother was calling and wanting to talk to me I was almost comatose. The left side of my face was paralysed from the meds. She said she was on her way and he told her what I did. I was rushed to the hospital almost dead!
After I was discharged, I slept for three days.
Things were ok after that. On May 5th we found out I was pregnant. I was 10 weeks along and ray cried and held me for hours!!! Things were going good from then on untill I found out he was doing drugs again. I yelled and yelled at him. He just cried and said he was sorry. That he'd get help. Of course I believed him, Ibelievedin him. I thought we were going to be a family! I gave him the choice to go to IOP (a psych hospital) or I was gonna leave him!! He said he'd go tomorrow! It was always tomorrow!
the drugs got worse, the fights became more frequent and the accusations of me cheating became more intense. On my mother's graduation from college, he hit me with a broom handle and told me he was tired of me screwing around!! I had to wear long sleeves to her graduation that it was like 85 degrees in the auditorium. And me 3 1/2 months pregnant.
I continued to stay and love this man. On July 1st we went to wal-mart and he just walked off and left me in the store. When I found him he was mad because he was "looking for me". We went to the car and I let him have it. I was tired of him disappearing on me and tired of him leaving me for hours at the house while he was God knows where! I was mid sentence and he slapped me in the mouth. I had it! I opened the door of the car and stepped out he grabed my shirt and ripped it, I just kept walking! He ran after me and I screamed. He was freaking out. Begged me to get back into the car and go home to "talk it over". So I did. I sat outside the house smoking a cigarettee and debated with myself if I should go in or go to the neighbor to call my mother. He was crying and begging me to come inside and talk this out.!!
When I finally went inside he locked the doors and closed the blinds. told me to get naked!! I didnt understand why. He slapped me and repeated, Get naked! I did. He hid my clothes. Told me to sit in the rocking chair. He told me I was gonna start talking about who I was cheating on him with and what was going on in his home. He got the broom and told me to hold my feet out. I was crying and told him I'd tell him anything but I wasnt cheating and I wasnt doing anything. He hit my feet with the broom handle. And then went to the bathroom and got soap, two bars of Irish Spring soap. Put then in a sock and told me it wouldnt leave bruises! He swong the soap and hit the top of my foot, he then hit the top of my head twice and I put my hands on my head. He hit me two more times and my rings (apology gifts) were crushed onto my fingers. He threw a small towel at me and told me once I got over the discustingness of my body I could leave. I tried to get the door unlocked but he ran out of the kitchen and threw my head against the steel door, busting my lip. Knocking the $85 picture (that I bought) onto the floor. Not sure if it was the broken glass or the butcher knife in his had that cut me but my left hand between thumb and forefinger was cut open. I was trying to swollow the blood and tell him I was sorry for that. He grabed my hair and pulled me along the floor!! Made me stand at the end of the hall way and threw kitchen knives at me like the magicians do. I kept ducking into the open door next to me. I told him I had to pee and he told me to pee right there in the hall way. Then I told him I didnt have to anymore and he told me that when he was done, all he'd have to do is say "boo" and I'd piss myself. So I squatted and peed on the floor. He told me to lick it up and I begged him not to make me. He said to do it and while I was drinking my urine he was gonna "f**K me in the a** like I had been doing him these past 7 months. I cried and begged him not to. and he told me if I didnt let him he was gonna use the broom. I leanded down to do what I was told and he said "I'm just kidding, dumba**!!" Laughing he asked why I wasnt crying, I told him I couldnt cry anymore. He said he'd make me. He got right in my face and told me if he found out I was cheating or the baby in my stomach wasnt his he'd kill my family starting with my 4 year old sister. I lost it. I cried and begged him not to! He took me into the living room and told me to "s**k his d**k". So I tried. It wasnt good enough. He threw my head off him and told me to get on my hands and knees. IU thought he was just gonna have sex with me. That's how it started and then he was trying to sodomize me. I kept pulling away and he said the more I fought the more he'd hurt me. He took a towel and put it over my eyes and began to sodomize me. I burried my face and cried! I thought it would never end. I cried and begged him to stop. He said tell me you love it. So I just repeated "I love it, I love it". Then he just stopped. he took the towel and cleaned himself off. He saw my hand was bleeding. HE took me to the bathroom and cleaned my hand and was kissing me. He said I was his everything and he couldnt bear to be with out me. I was in such pain and I couldnt sit down right. He put a towel on the toilet seat and told me (nicely) to sit down. I could feel the blood dripping off me. I stood up and he saw the blood, he laughed! We got into the shower and he was not apologetic, he was more trying to justify his anger. We went to bed and I thought it was over.
The next day I tried to pretend it never happened. He mowed the lawn and I cleaned the house. It was about 7pm and we decided to call it a day. We got in the shower (together as always). Got out the shower, got dressed to go to dinner. We were laying on the bed and he asked me to hand him his shorts that he had on earlier. I did, he pulled out a voice recorder. Hit play and asked who's voice it was on there with mind. I told him I didnt know!! He said it was Travis. His friend. I said no it wasnt. We hadnt seen Travis for a few days. He got the knife (again) and held it, pressed to the back of my neck and me crying and played the tape 15 times in a row. He punched me in the mouth and screamed at me to tell him who it was. Just then the phone rang. Only thought was thank you GOD!! It was my mother. She had been calling for the past two days and Ray had unplugged the phone. He let me talk to her on speaker phone. I was talking to her and he tapped the knife on my knee. I started to forget he was there! And just talked to my mom. She invited us over to her house for the fourth of July. Ray shook his head and I told her we'd be there. After I hung up the phone I realized that the "unknown voice" was mine. I told him exactly what I was doing and what was said. He dropped the knife and the recorder and cried. He said why I hadnt told him that before. I told him I didnt remember untill I had calmed down. He fell to his knees and cried. He held me as we both cried. He said he needed help for his drug use and his anger. But he never apologized!!! The only time he apologized was in court at his sentencing hearing because the judge made him.
I'm sorry this is so long I had to tell the whole story!!!!
When Ray and I met, I didnt really like him. I thought we could be friends but the 14 year age difference kinda bothered me. His mother was ill and introduced me to him one night. We sat on the porch and talked for hours. The next night, same thing! I was growing to like him! I told him everything. He was one of those guys that you felt you could tell your life to and they'd understand and not judge you.
One night I went to work and he came with me (I cleaned red cross buildings). I got home and my roommate said that Will my ex had called. I took the phone (and Ray) and went to the garage to call him back. He said some rude things and Ray was getting mad at that. The kneeled down, started kissing and licking my arm. Then he bit me and hard!!! Then he walked out the door. After I got off the phone with Will, I had a few drinks at home then walked across he street to Ray's mom's (where he lived). He took my drink and poured it down the sink said to me " you dont need to be drinking". He apologized to me for biting me and said he didnt like guys that treat women like that!
We watched tv for a while and he asked me to stay the night and I agreed. We got intimate. He and I fell asleep. Next morning he went to work, I stayed.
About three weeks after we first met I was having roommate trouble and wanted to move. He insisted I move into his home. His mom had just died and he was depressed! I was reluctant to agree but caved after he begged me.
A few more weeks past by and things were great. We had talked about getting married and trying to have a baby. He was working and doing great. I was working and loving my job! It was almost christmas and I decided he should meet my family. We drove to mom's and right away she told him if he hurts me she would kill him!! He just kinda laughed and told her he'd never hurt me and he hated guys that did that!!
things went great for a while, then we had a fight he backed my up to the wall yelling at me and I punched him in the mouth! He threw me onto the bed and covered my mouth because I was screaming. I scratched his ear and face to get him off because I couldnt breath. After he got off me I told him I was leaving. He started crying and begging me to stay. Telling me he just freaked out and his anger got the best of him. Promised it wouldnt happen again. I told him if it did I'd be gone!!
On March 19th, after he had been up all week almost smoking meth, (not an excuse) he told me he was tired of me not loving him. Just out of the blue like that. I asked him if he was f**king stupid. I had quit my job because he didnt like me being out after dark. He slapped me around a bit and sat in front of me and snorted a line of meth and was smoking it too!!
I was tired of his drug use and decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. He had Seriquil for his bi-polar, to help him sleep. I opened the bottle and took a whole handful! He said what are you doing and I told him I was going to die to prove to him that I loved him!! Later he locked us into the bathroom and told me I was gonna die so I better start praying! He was asking me how the "other guy's penis felt inside me". He was being parinoid. He kept slapping me in the had and I told him if I was gonna die it wouldnt be by his hand. About 7 hours later (about 9am) my mother was calling and wanting to talk to me I was almost comatose. The left side of my face was paralysed from the meds. She said she was on her way and he told her what I did. I was rushed to the hospital almost dead!
After I was discharged, I slept for three days.
Things were ok after that. On May 5th we found out I was pregnant. I was 10 weeks along and ray cried and held me for hours!!! Things were going good from then on untill I found out he was doing drugs again. I yelled and yelled at him. He just cried and said he was sorry. That he'd get help. Of course I believed him, Ibelievedin him. I thought we were going to be a family! I gave him the choice to go to IOP (a psych hospital) or I was gonna leave him!! He said he'd go tomorrow! It was always tomorrow!
the drugs got worse, the fights became more frequent and the accusations of me cheating became more intense. On my mother's graduation from college, he hit me with a broom handle and told me he was tired of me screwing around!! I had to wear long sleeves to her graduation that it was like 85 degrees in the auditorium. And me 3 1/2 months pregnant.
I continued to stay and love this man. On July 1st we went to wal-mart and he just walked off and left me in the store. When I found him he was mad because he was "looking for me". We went to the car and I let him have it. I was tired of him disappearing on me and tired of him leaving me for hours at the house while he was God knows where! I was mid sentence and he slapped me in the mouth. I had it! I opened the door of the car and stepped out he grabed my shirt and ripped it, I just kept walking! He ran after me and I screamed. He was freaking out. Begged me to get back into the car and go home to "talk it over". So I did. I sat outside the house smoking a cigarettee and debated with myself if I should go in or go to the neighbor to call my mother. He was crying and begging me to come inside and talk this out.!!
When I finally went inside he locked the doors and closed the blinds. told me to get naked!! I didnt understand why. He slapped me and repeated, Get naked! I did. He hid my clothes. Told me to sit in the rocking chair. He told me I was gonna start talking about who I was cheating on him with and what was going on in his home. He got the broom and told me to hold my feet out. I was crying and told him I'd tell him anything but I wasnt cheating and I wasnt doing anything. He hit my feet with the broom handle. And then went to the bathroom and got soap, two bars of Irish Spring soap. Put then in a sock and told me it wouldnt leave bruises! He swong the soap and hit the top of my foot, he then hit the top of my head twice and I put my hands on my head. He hit me two more times and my rings (apology gifts) were crushed onto my fingers. He threw a small towel at me and told me once I got over the discustingness of my body I could leave. I tried to get the door unlocked but he ran out of the kitchen and threw my head against the steel door, busting my lip. Knocking the $85 picture (that I bought) onto the floor. Not sure if it was the broken glass or the butcher knife in his had that cut me but my left hand between thumb and forefinger was cut open. I was trying to swollow the blood and tell him I was sorry for that. He grabed my hair and pulled me along the floor!! Made me stand at the end of the hall way and threw kitchen knives at me like the magicians do. I kept ducking into the open door next to me. I told him I had to pee and he told me to pee right there in the hall way. Then I told him I didnt have to anymore and he told me that when he was done, all he'd have to do is say "boo" and I'd piss myself. So I squatted and peed on the floor. He told me to lick it up and I begged him not to make me. He said to do it and while I was drinking my urine he was gonna "f**K me in the a** like I had been doing him these past 7 months. I cried and begged him not to. and he told me if I didnt let him he was gonna use the broom. I leanded down to do what I was told and he said "I'm just kidding, dumba**!!" Laughing he asked why I wasnt crying, I told him I couldnt cry anymore. He said he'd make me. He got right in my face and told me if he found out I was cheating or the baby in my stomach wasnt his he'd kill my family starting with my 4 year old sister. I lost it. I cried and begged him not to! He took me into the living room and told me to "s**k his d**k". So I tried. It wasnt good enough. He threw my head off him and told me to get on my hands and knees. IU thought he was just gonna have sex with me. That's how it started and then he was trying to sodomize me. I kept pulling away and he said the more I fought the more he'd hurt me. He took a towel and put it over my eyes and began to sodomize me. I burried my face and cried! I thought it would never end. I cried and begged him to stop. He said tell me you love it. So I just repeated "I love it, I love it". Then he just stopped. he took the towel and cleaned himself off. He saw my hand was bleeding. HE took me to the bathroom and cleaned my hand and was kissing me. He said I was his everything and he couldnt bear to be with out me. I was in such pain and I couldnt sit down right. He put a towel on the toilet seat and told me (nicely) to sit down. I could feel the blood dripping off me. I stood up and he saw the blood, he laughed! We got into the shower and he was not apologetic, he was more trying to justify his anger. We went to bed and I thought it was over.
The next day I tried to pretend it never happened. He mowed the lawn and I cleaned the house. It was about 7pm and we decided to call it a day. We got in the shower (together as always). Got out the shower, got dressed to go to dinner. We were laying on the bed and he asked me to hand him his shorts that he had on earlier. I did, he pulled out a voice recorder. Hit play and asked who's voice it was on there with mind. I told him I didnt know!! He said it was Travis. His friend. I said no it wasnt. We hadnt seen Travis for a few days. He got the knife (again) and held it, pressed to the back of my neck and me crying and played the tape 15 times in a row. He punched me in the mouth and screamed at me to tell him who it was. Just then the phone rang. Only thought was thank you GOD!! It was my mother. She had been calling for the past two days and Ray had unplugged the phone. He let me talk to her on speaker phone. I was talking to her and he tapped the knife on my knee. I started to forget he was there! And just talked to my mom. She invited us over to her house for the fourth of July. Ray shook his head and I told her we'd be there. After I hung up the phone I realized that the "unknown voice" was mine. I told him exactly what I was doing and what was said. He dropped the knife and the recorder and cried. He said why I hadnt told him that before. I told him I didnt remember untill I had calmed down. He fell to his knees and cried. He held me as we both cried. He said he needed help for his drug use and his anger. But he never apologized!!! The only time he apologized was in court at his sentencing hearing because the judge made him.
I'm sorry this is so long I had to tell the whole story!!!!