Hello everyone! I don't know if this is the right place to post this, or if I am doing this right, but here we go anyway. My purpose here is not to offend, or hurt anyone, but to truly express my emotions that I cannot express any where else, so I am sorry if I hurt anyone. My mom has not told most of our family or friends, so I have been dealing with these emotions by myself. I feel selfish writing some of this stuff becasue it is only about my feelings and not anyone else who is affected by this, so I thank you for allowing me this freedom.
My mom is serving 8 months in Alderson. I know most of you have family or loved ones serving longer than that, but I can't get myself to say only 8 months. This experience, so far, has been so tramatic and disheartening that I don't think that sentencing length matters to me right now.
I don't know where to start with expressing how I feel. I feel anger, sadness, and overwhelmingly, uselessness.
I feel anger towards her for allowing this to happen to her. I feel angry towards her boyfriend, who got her into this mess. I feel angry toward the system and her court appointed attorney, who did not care. I am angry about my aunt, who instead of being there for my mother, testified againt her (This is another rant, that I will save for later when I am not so angry). I am angry about the people who were suppose to help, but were too selfish to do so. I am angry that now I have to go pack up my mother's house because she lost it. I am angry that the system allows inmates to lose their house. I am angry that after all my mother has been through in her life, she has to come live with me when she gets out, and start everything all over again. I am angry that because she is not in for longer than a year that she is not eligable for medical and dental treatments, or education programs. I am angry that there are no programs to help her when she gets out. I am angry because I only get to talk to her for a few minutes on my birthday, and holidays. I am angry because I don't have my mother, who is my best friend, to turn to about how I feel about all this.
I am sad because my mother is feeling hurt, humiliated, abandoned, and helpless, and I can do nothing about it except write her and send her things when I can. I am sad because she lost her house. I am sad that because she will not tell people what has happened to her that she cannot accept support from others. I am sad that she will not let me visit her.
Most of all I feel useless. I am there for her emotionally. I send happy letters full of support. I can't fix anything or protect her from what is happening. I search the web looking for help, but I can't find anything. I want to know what I, or she can do to make it better for her there. I want to know what help is out there. This is the only place that has helped me. I am truly grateful for the people who contribute to this web site because it is my saving grace.
Thank you for letting me get all this out. I have been crying while writing this, so please excuse the rawness of it.

thats what we are all here for... to listen and help you whne you need it..

we are your PTO family

No, you can't FIX anything. You've answered your own questions. The timw will go by and you will slowly work together and find answers to all your problems, like the house. Maybe no, you can't help her now but you will be there for her after. If she needs the time alone now, for whatever reason, be respectful of it. It sounds like she may be embarressed to see you, that she has let you down, not only herself. Send those letters, warm her heart. Its your Mom. Helpless pain comes with the package of loving someone so much.
You are a good daughter. I am sure she is proud of you. It will all be alright. Even the anger that you feel towards all that let you down will in time, become less severe. Soon you will be together again and I'm sure you will understand her more than ever then.

Thank you for your replies. I have had some time to heal, so it is easier now.
The hardest thing I go through now is the lack of information available to me to deal with the never ending problems that come up. This forum has been a great help. I learn so much from other people's posts. I want to thank everyone again for sharing what they have learned.