I took my husband to FPC Yankton a week ago tomorrow. Call me ignorant but I thought the clothes that they wore in were kept at the facility.

I just had the shock of my life. They shipped me the clothes he wore in. I was not prepared for this....so needless to say my 2 year old was a first hand witness to me breaking down.

Did any one else have this shock?

My husband didn't self surrender, but I was shocked to get the box from the prison after he was transported. When I finally summoned the courage to open the box, I was even more shocked to find someone else's clothes in it! They even mailed me the poor guy's wallet! Needless to say I shipped it to the address on the wallet & never heard anything else about it. I always wondered what happened to my husband's clothes (I got his wallet back with his property after he was moved to a detention center)...I wonder if the other family had the same shock but didn't know where to ship them?

Thank you for thereply. I know know that I had a normal reaction. What a shame though that you did not have your hubby's clothes to possibly assist you through emotional times. I sealed his box back up and put it in his closet. Too much to handle at this time.

Receiving someone else's clothes sure doesn't leave you with the warm and fussies about them keeping track of our loved ones. I even see there is a forum on the PTO to place missing inmate ads. That would be a trainwreck if I couldn't find my loved one.

thanks again!

I was fortunate in that I had a heads up that his clothes would be shipped home. I still felt sick when I signed for them and brought them in. When I opened the box, it brought a flood of tears, and I sat for a long time huggin those clothes because they smelled like him and it was what he wore the last time I saw him. That night I even slept in his shirt and continued to do that for a while because I felt closer to him. What helped me through was that soon after I finally got my first visit. Time marches on now, some days slower than others, but his clothes are now all laundered and hanging in the closet for when he comes home.

I don't know how I would have dealt with it had I not been warned that would happen. Hang in there it will get better.

Tony's girl

Thank you. I reacted much the same. Sad part it was in front of our 2 year old. It confused him terribly. Took me a while to get myself back into check. I had not thought about wearing them to bed. I guess I am still too raw.

His oldest daughter received bad news at college yesterday. Here step dad passed away. I wish I was closer, I can not imagine how she is dealing with her Dad going to prison, her step-dad dying, and all during freshman finals week (her first finals at college). At her age I couldn't have done it. But I know that she is very tough and mature. But what a blow!

Hugs for you Amy, hang in there!

Thanks! It is a great place to meet like minds and souls!

You need not worry so much. yankton is an excellent facility. It has nice living areas, and plenty of recreation to stay busy and try to make the best of the time. The atmosphere is not violent or threatening, everyone there just wants to go home. I know that isnt much for comfort, but once you and he both adjust it will be ok.

At surrender, my hub wore the worst clothes he could find. He was told they throw everything away. So he figured he'd wear the "paint the house, work on the car" clothes. it was quite hilarious to find they threw them away alright. Only because they were so hideous...LOL I guess when they saw him coming, they really put the gloves on..LOL
Amy, I'm sorry your in this rut right now. Oh how I remember the first month with him gone. It was aweful. Can I tell you it will get better? I know it's hard to imagine, but it will. I remember thinking about all the holidays and b-days that he would miss, so far two b-days have passed with his kids, I survived. Thanksgiving, still here. Now christmas. i'll be fine. So will you. I really had to find a new focus for a while. I started excercising like a mad dog..LOL Find a focus and stick with it to help you through, especially the first couple months. Take care and sorry you are having to go through this.

tkeefover,

Thank you for the advice. I know things will get better and feeling sorry for myself only makes me feel bad. I wish I had the resiliance my children do. I have been focusing on my bible college courses and the children. Then of course just to keep me on the toes we have a death in the family and the car has a serious breakdown. I guess I can laugh to help get through. I am just thanking The Lord for my church and friends to get me through. I will make ait and they family will too. I just wish I had a play book so I could play proper defense in this game!

Pto can be your play book. We can give you as much advice as possible. Of course, you never have to take it. This site was designed just for people like us. When your having a bad day, come on here and pick a thread or start one of your own. I posted the "how do you cope" as my second thread. I really had no idea how so many did it. I remember reading the "joke" threads and whatever, and feeling like the girl in the corner at a fun party but I just wasn't having any fun. Eventually you learn the prison game and how to handle visits. The funny things that come with it. There are very funny things that will happen. Then at night when you feel alone, grab one of his shirts and have a good cry. You'll feel better.

Great advice! i was reading a thread the other night that just had me rolling. It was about requesting something 'special' on the letters. Wow that thread was a hoot. Everyone was shy at first and then it all came out. I almost told hubby about it been then I was afraid that he would request something I am not ready for. PTO is a good place to hang though. Very addictive!

Thank you for thereply. I know know that I had a normal reaction. What a shame though that you did not have your hubby's clothes to possibly assist you through emotional times. I sealed his box back up and put it in his closet. Too much to handle at this time.

(I've been out of pocket for a couple of days so I'm just now getting to reply)

What really bothered me the most about this whole thing was that I put the box in my room and waited several weeks before I could open it. Most days it was all I could to look at it, much less consider opening it. Finally one day I decided to get it over with...I was really upset to find someone else's clothes. My husband couldn't understand why I was so upset. I guess he wasn't as attached to them as I was LOL!

Here at home I've managed to relegate all of his clothes to one dresser and one side of the closet. I try as hard as I can not to look at them. My daughters will occasionally ask for a "Daddy shirt" to sleep in. I think it's a good way for them to stay close to him while he's gone. I'm not brave enough to try to sleep in them...I'm afraid that even after all this time & two revocations that it would be too emotional for me.

sandra

Hey I can understand about not wanting to wear a shirt of his to bed. It would just make me want him back home. I was having one of those rough days today and then he called for the first time tonight!!! It was so good to hear him:thumbsup: He was really surprised that I am as knowledged on the system in this short week that I am. I told him that it was from all of the great people in this forum. I was really proud of myself, I didn't cry. The time is to short to bawl.

Needless to say I am doing much better now. The nerves are settling down. I guess it is because he sounded normal and happy to talk to us!

Good for you hun, so glad he got to make that call. I just got off the phone with Tony too :) He is always trying so hard to keep the convo on upbeat things, he loves to hear me laugh. Laughter is very good for what hurts too.

Am keeping you and your family in my prayers Amy. It sounds like you are hanging in there pretty well. Just take it one moment at a time for a while and things will get some better. Like others have said, do something you enjoy doing to keep your mind focused. I imagine with little ones that is probably enough to keep you really busy! But, take some time for you too hun and do something that makes you feel good.

This is gonna sound real crazy, but just before Tony went to sentencing, he and I worked on a project of painting and decorating the livingroom. For one thing it gave us some good time together while we kept busy trying not to think of the court date. Now as I spend most of my waking hours in this room, I can look around and remember funny little things he said or did while we were fixing it up...........oh the happy memories....and all I have to do is look around:)

The funny part of that was when we put up the wallpaper border. It was our first time ever dealing with the stuff and that first 5 foot roll was a real challenge. I look at it now and have to laugh, because we had so much FUN with it. The miracle of it all is that we did survive it without strangling each other.

God bless you Amy, may tomorrow be a bright new day and I pray for many angels to watch over you and your family!

Blessings!
Ali

Tony's girl,

Thank you for all of the support and encouragement. It helps a lot. I like to think of myself as level headed but then the emotions get in the way. But they say its healthy to get them out too.

I think it helps that when I first meet Byron was about the same time that all of his legal mess started. I have been there from day 1. I used to be such a wimp and door mat! LOL And was a partier. The Lord put us together and we have supported each others weakness'. That road that we have been traveling for the last 4 years is what I focus on. That and our son. He is what makes me laugh!

We have always been honest with each other. The phone calls were that way too. I told him of the car troubles, ex-wife trouble, his family too busy to help. He apoligized for putting me through this. I told him the God put us together for this reason and that I have faith that The Lord will help me through. I have a great support group at church too.

We all have our crosses to carry. There are never too much for us handle in the long run, it just seems that way when we first get them. That is why I am here talking with people like you. It helps to know that you are not the only person going through it.