Hi everyone,
I never wanted to post in this forum but i just got the courage to do so. My man & i have been together for 41/2 yrs. We lived in TN. for about 3yrs. Everything was great there. We got along, he had never gotten in trouble nothing..... I'm from ATL & still have a few family members there so I needed a change so I decided we move there. He loved the idea. As soon as we moved to GA he started gettin n trouble. He got arrested in Jan., I bonded him out n Feb. then he was back n in March.... Well the day after he had gotten arrested n march i found out i was pregnant!!!!!!!! So i told him while he was n jail.... he was really happy our 1st.... Anyway it was like the day he got out of jail he started hittin me!! WTF?? I mean y u would do that now that i'm pregnant?? I mean he was happy i was pregnant & all, came to all my drs. appt. & everything?? I mean it was like he just turned nto a whole different person!! I was still workin & i was goin to work wit black eyes n stuff.... aweful.... Anyway I neva called the police on him... not once because I knew he already had charges pending against him & i didn't wanna add to that ya know.... I would leave cause i'd rather b away from him then to add more trouble to what he already had ya know..... But u know how dat goes he'd always find me n sorry sorry sorry & i would go back den da cycle... He fractured my leg when i was 4mths pregnant by pushin me down the (concrete) stairs @ our apt. & i wouldn't even go to the hospital because i just knew they weren't gonna believe i had just "fallen".... He caused me to go nto preterm labor 3 times, but i still stuck by him cause he said it was just "stress" from knowin he was bout to b locked up & wouldn't b able to b there for his son?? Anyway..... he got locked up Oct. 17th... & I'm still stickin by him but when he gets out we'll probably move back to TN. And i've already told him NO MORE & i mean it..... That i'm very serious about..... Just can't take it anymore.... But I just wanted to introduce my story... U guys r the 1st people i've every shared my story wit..... I'm sure some ppl already knew (family, coworkers etc) any feedback would b greatly appreciated..... THANX.....

A&J - Welcome! You're not going to like my opinion much, so I apologize before-hand.
It's very common for abuse to begin with pregnancy. Why? I'm not entirely sure, but my personal take on it is that you are not going to be sooooo involved with HIS needs and HIS wants any more. The baby will be taking up all sorts of time and attention, and he won't be getting what he needs - your total and complete devotion. It's a terribly dangerous time, and I suspect that the only reason you haven't lost the baby is that he's locked up. Very commonly, pregnant women are attacked so viciously that they do lose the baby. Often it's because they've been hit or kicked in the abdomen.

I think the best thing you can do is contact a Domestic Violence agency near you and talk openly to them. They'll have a checklist for you look at, and lots of books and talk. And other people in similar situations.

It's too hard to say "OK, I'll leave him now", so that's not what I'll advise. Just go talk to a professional, and let them talk it out with you. The promise you made, to ride with him, and to be together when he gets out, is a massively dangerous one, but you may not be ready to renege on that yet. So read, study, talk, think clearly and honestly. And check out a book called "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft.

Best of luck to you with the rest of your pregnancy and your life!

A & J...your story scares me, because things will only get worse. Once an abuser starts, he will continue. I'm so glad to see the book I put out there posted by someone else. That means that people are following some good advice! That is a GREAT book!
But A & J..My story is scary. I was like you, I didn't want my husband to go back to prison, so I didn't call the police for the longest time. He tried to kill me. It was only then and months of being abused that I finally filed an Order of PRotection. Then he violated it immediately. I called the police when he broke into my house, and 4 police cars came and took him away. I went to see his parole officer, and told him what had gone down, and he greeted me with "what do you expect of someone who threw their fiance off a 4th floor balcony to her death?" I was so shocked and devastated. He had lied to me about what his original crime was...although there were many. He had lied to me and told me it was a drug deal gone bad and he was defending himself. This man I am still legally married to is a MONSTER. All of his family was on my side...they knew what he was like but thought that after 18 years in prison he would have changed. He didn't. So he's back in prison now, maxing out until April 2008. Too soon. I'll have to look over my shoulder for the rest of my life. I know I didn't listen to anyone before...so I'm not sure you'll listen to me now. But I pray that you find out more about domestic violence. This man will get out and he could kill you. I pray you listen. God Bless you...
Marsha

both women have given you encouraging advice.i just want tosay that when you do go talk to a professional be as hinest as you can so theyll be able to give you the help you really need.i pray that you are safe.