Thanks for a heartfelt welcome, Lysbeth...I just know you'll do a brilliant job here :D

It is bad enough to have people react with condescension, or worse, sarcasm, when they find out you love someone who is incarcerated....but the sheer horror sometimes displayed on a person's face when they learn of Shawn's crime (he strangled an elderly neighbor during a botched robbery) is almost unbearable to me. Since I refuse to "lie", or "cover up", I will no doubt face this reaction many times in years to come....and I'm learning to be a bit more graceful when it happens.

I refuse to be ashamed of my love for this man.....despite his crime, he is still a very good person at heart. He deserves love like any other human being, and as it would happen...I am the one that fate has chosen to deliver it.

So good to see you in the driver's seat here, Lynn!

Susan in Providence

Thanks so much for the kind words, Susan. It means a lot more than words could ever express that those kind words come from you. :)

Brian has taken responsibility from day one for his crime, which gives me a whole lot more strength than I might have otherwise when it comes to dealing with come what may. So many people that know him, BESIDES me have so many good things to say about him, what a good person he is and what a good heart he has. There will always be those who beg to differ, I know, and it won't always be easy in the years to come as he & I journey on together.

But those things are what this forum is here for... both the good and joyous things, and, especially, for the times it's not always gonna be so easy. I'm grateful this forum even existed in the first place... and I'm thrilled and honored to now be moderating it. Thanks for the kind words & faith, Sue. It means a lot.

Now, don't you go bein' a stranger here being all busy with Rhode Island & Kansas & Mental Health, missy! :D

Lys

Originally posted by Lysbeth
Now, don't you go bein' a stranger here being all busy with Rhode Island & Kansas & Mental Health, missy! :D

Lys

Ha! Not a chance, LOL....I reckon you'll be seeing me a lot in the future!

Susan, who better get to bed before she can't get up for work :D

Thanks for giving me a place where I can feel at home.I to have a father and a son in the system for violent crimes, I don't fully feel like I had accepted the lost of my dad who was sentenced in 1980. Then in 2000 the nightmare started again.I refuse to let the system take anymore of my family.

Welcome to the forum, Jade, glad you are here! I hope we will be seeing you post a lot in the future. :)

Lys

It's so good to have a place like this for those of us in this particular "boat" - hard enough to have a "bad" person in our hearts, but add the violence and there's almost nobody out there who can understand our feelings. Sure is isolating. I think one of the hardest parts is the frustration in not being able to speak out when you most feel the need. The judge who sentenced my son had the nerve to lecture him - and us, of course, since we were still sitting there - on what he was doing to those of us who had been at his trial every day and "seemed to care so much about" him. As if he had any idea of how a parent feels- and as if it is any of his damn business anyway! How dare he presume to know anything about my relationship with my son, or how anyone else feels about him for that matter. I'd have loved to give him a piece of my mind (and not the calm and sweet piece, either! - which seems to be harder to find these days anyway) but didn't dare - again - because of what it might mean for my boy. Rock and a hard place. I have a sister who continues to send birthday cards and pictures, and who has actually come from Massachusetts to California to visit me and both of us went to visit. That's unique in my experience - most people don't want to hear anything about it (at best) or feel compelled to comment on the horror of it all (at worst).
So - thank you Lys - and all the rest of you club members. It's great to have some company on this rocky ride.
- Jane

As Christians would say, you have to hate the sin but love the sinner and that's something that very few people can do. We have to separate the act from the person. In many cases, it's inconceivable how anyone could take the life or do some of the inhumane things that are done but even though the action must be punished, we don't have to hate and throw away the person who committed the act. Drugs and alcohol play such a big part in these crimes in an overwhelming majority of instances, and what someone does as a result of th insanity of addiction isn't a true statement of who that person really is. Loved ones of these prisoners are to be admired and respected for doing the tough thing and standing by them no matter what. My heart goes out to all of you, and I hope it helps to know that I care very much about you all. I haven't walked in your shoes and I don't judge you harshly because you love someone who has committed violent crime. You're doing time, too, in your own way. I'm glad you have this forum for support.

Thank you for opening this forum.

I am always confronting to people who don't understand why I stand by him, why I write to him, why I talk to him, why I visit him... nobody can share the love I have and the sadness I feel to see him convicted for life, for something he even admitted before trial. Unfortunately, the prosecutor was talented enough to pull everything he had and put the doubt of "premeditation" in the jury's mind. So, in a court of NC, even if you have admitted and explained the horrifying act, he was condemned by total strangers for life in prison. He is 30 years old, had everything for him, but hate and anger was so great that he lost his temper and snapped, taking the life of another human being. Can we judge, can we condemn, can we even say that it can never happen? NO. We are all humans and therefore imperfect. It can happen to anyone... But so many don't see it this way!! It's too scary, too unconceivable...

All to say that I'm glad I'm not the only one who can feel the love beyond the act. We're not alone in the end.... and we all share similar experiences.

Thank you for reading.

thank you so much for this forum. my husband is in limestone correctional facility in huntsville alabama. he was convicted for manslauder in 1994.it is extremly flustrating that the parole board is so far behind.we were to come up for parole in sept. 2002, but it hasn't happened yet.i visited him yesterday,he still hasn't heard from the board. their website was down for a while, but i hear it's back up again. i love my husband very much and i believe in him... he is my hero reguardless of societies views. i don't have to like what he did, but he is my husband , i will always stand by him, i will always love him, and i will always respect him. i married him for better or worse, the best is yet to come. my husband works for the warden at this camp, he has worked very hard to make the changes he needed in his life, the warden has saw this and has trusted him with so much. the good things i hear from the guards is astonding. god has made something beautiful out of our life!!!! if their is anyone who needs my help or just my shoulder, please e-mail me. sue