I was just wondering if you all have any children with a inmate? What do you say to them when they ask where their daddy is? I was just wondering how you all handle this situation...That way i may have some advice for the future :rolleyes:

I have a 5 year old son....my fiancee in prison is not his biological father, but treats my son as if he is. My son has asked where my man is, and I told him the truth that he got arrested for taking something that was not his. He understands this, and we talk about him all the time. Also my son draws him pictures, and my man sends my son letters with drawings in them.

We don't have any children yet, but we plan on having plenty when he comes home(hopefully next year). We both want a large family.

my man is not my boys birth dad but we are still a family and questions still get asked. he is only 6 n when i was gone my mother told him that i was a sick because i took drugs and that i was learning how to be a better mom and a better person. when he talks to nick on the phone he asks and we tell him that nick is away learning how to be a better dad and man because of the mistakes that he made. i know its wrong to lie to your kids even if it is half truths but until he is older i feal we have handed it the best way we know how.

Our daughter is 2 1/2 she was only 2 when her daddy was locked up. She wants to know where her daddy is but she knows that he had to go bye bye for a while. We go see him as often as we can right now it is once a week she knows when we pull into the parking lot that we are going to see daddy. My mother-inlaw wanted to tell her that he was at work but I would not let her do that because then when he did come home and went back to work she would think that he would not be coming back for long time, and if i have to go back to work I do not want her to think that i am going to leave.She is already having a hard time if i walk out of the room, she will say " mommy don't leave me" do you know how hard that is to have a 2 1/2 year old ask you not to leave her. That about kills me every time she says that. she is a very smart little girl. But she is still young I just hope that her daddy can come home soon so maby she will be able to know that we are not going to ever leave her. Well good luck with any one with young children at home I know how hard it is.

Our son is seven and a half, he will be eight in October. We knew that my husband would be sentenced we just were not sure for how long and luckily we were able to go to a counselor, me my husband and our son and explain, with her guidance what was going on. Honestly, he was extremely depressed during the first two-three months, but now he is doing well and has adjusted, I wouldn't say he is completely happy, but he is able to cope. We thought my husband would be home in three and a half weeks, but it doesn't look that way it may not be until the end of December, and I actually just told him that about an hour ago and he said, "Will he at least be home before I turn nine? Unfortunately, he has really had to grow up and be the "Man" of the house but I believe that honesty is the best policy, children do learn by example.

We dont have any kids of our own, but Joe has a neice that he is incredibly close with. Her father doesnt have much to do with her so she has always called Joe daddy. She asks where he is a lot but everyone tells her that he is at work. Its really on him to be away from her and having to lie. He is scared that she is going to forget about him because she is only 5 and he still has another 6yrs left.

I have one baby on the way. We don't know if he will be home for when the baby is born or not. There is a possibility that he could be. He has a niece that is 4 that asks me where Uncle Louie is. I just tell her that he had to go away for a while. And she said "Like on vacation?" and I said "Yeah sweetie, kind of like a vacation" And she wanted to know if she could see him while he's on vacation and I said she would have to ask her mom. It wont be too hard for her because it's just a normal sitting hall and he's dressed in jeans and a t-shirt--not like the last time he was in county and there was glass and a phone. She banged against the glass when the visit was over, begging them to let Uncle Louie come home with her...it was hard. :(

Honesty.... We have 6 all together. 3 of mine, 2 of his and 1 together.... Honesty....

Deb

My husband and I just had our first child in July, and we are hoping he will be home by December and if not then by next November 6th for sure...luckily I dont have to answer that question since mine is so young, it would be so hard if I did. I do however tell him that his daddy loves him everyday and that he cant wait to be here with us, even if he doesn't understand I guess it makes me feel better. :)

I tell my children thathe is in jail, I mena they go to see hi every weekend, when they ask why i just tell then that daddy broke the law and it is not ur fault and he is really sorry.. I really want to be honest with them so they dont find out from people talkin and then they end up mad at me..

We are very truthful with our daughter. We handled it on the age level at which she was at the time. She is now 10, and knows the whole situation. If she has a question, we answer it honestly..I feel that, by not saying anything or keeping something from her, the imagination can be worse than the truth.

KEvin and I don't have kids yet - 1st thing we'll be working on when he gets home!

I had a friend who's husband was in prison and their little girl saw him every weekend. At age 3, I asked her where daddy was and she told me that "daddy did a wrong thing and is in time out". I guess that's how 3 olds see it. She's 12 now and knows everything. He will be paroled soon and she's actually a little scared, even tho she knows him well and loves him alot - she's just not used to seeing him on the outside (conceived during a conjugal)

We have a 5 year old son and he knows everything. I am not going to lie to him and he needs to know the consequences of what can happen. He knows that daddy drank and drove and that is not a good thing to do. I am not going to lie to my child because somewhere in the future, it will be brought up again somehow.

Well we have a three year old daughter and she thinks he is in boys school. I tell her that he is bettering his self so he can get a good job for all of us. She thinks the c.o's are police teachers. I hate lying to her, but I want him to explain that to her when he comes home or maybe when she gets older just not now, it hurts me enough that she has to be without her father. I also don't want her to hate the police because they took her daddy so I tell her that, so it is easier on her. We go see him a lot and she thinks it is his school. We visit where he can hold her and stuff for like seven hours. We used to visit through the glass and she thought it was fun to talk on the phone and look at him, I just try to keep her happy and worry free until this nightmare is over. I wish everyone the best and hope it's over soon for us all. God Bless.

Our daughter just turned 4 end of June! We tell her and THE TRUTH IS..."Daddy's at work..." which is not a lie...and she's too young to know the distinct differnce at the moment...But she know's something is soooo wrong...Daddy will be 'HOME' from work in about 3 yrs...and couple of plus months...she will just be going into 1st grade...one day we will tell her?)...but for now she is satisfied w/Daddy's at work and our monthly visits (he has been at over 300 miles plus for nearly a year now...:( ..16 hour...round trip plus VIST trip...plus big buck for a hurting Mama'...A MONTH:(....but someday SOON (AS I TELL HER & HIM FOR THAT MATTER...) He'll be home very soon...crying...and aching...LUVS FOR ALL ESPECIALLY THE BABIES!!! ~

Our son is 1 1/2 & I'm starting to think he don't remmeber his daddy...but it's only been 4 months!

ALL OUR CHILDREN KNOW WHERE DADDY IS BECAUSE OUR NEPHEW WAS LIED TO ABOUT HIS FATHER AND HE IS 17 NOW AND FOUND OUT THE TRUTH AND FELT BETRAYED BY THE WHOLE FAMILY AND I DONT WANT MY CHILDREN TO FEEL THIS WAY I THINK HONESTY IS BEST WITH CHILDREN-WE DONT WANT THEM TO LIE TO US SO WHY LIE TO THEM IT ALL COMES OUT IN THE END ....CYNTHIA

my son is 2 years and 3 months and i tell him where his daddy is at i feel i have to be honest with him after all his daddy will be in there for 2 more years i was pregant with our son when he went to prison only 3 weeks to i had to go through it all alone our son gets to see his once or twice a month only because he is in the hole and he cries the whole visit to he hates the fact he has to see his daddy behind glass and talk on the phone .

I LIED TO OUR DAUGHTER CAUSE SHE DIDNT UNDERSTAND JAIL. BUT SINCE MOMMIE ALWAYS WORKED AND SHE UNDERSTOOD THAT. THATS WHAT WE TOLD HER. THEN WE WENT IN JUNE SHE WANTED TO KNOW WHY DADDIE COULDNT COME HOME FROM WORK LIKE ME AND WE HAD THE TALK I TOLD HER THE TRUTH AND AFTER ALL THAT SHE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID YOU LIED TO ME.. ARE YOU MY REAL MOM AND IS MY DAD MY REAL DAD..

TOTALLY NOT TO DISRESPECT ANYONE...! But...I've seen in the last few comments (like I'm not doing right by telling our just 4-yr old) where actually her Daddy is at.... DO YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING AT 7...DID YOU KNOW WHAT PRISON WAS AT 2...3...4...7...YRS...old is??? Not trying to be too defensive...but think about it?! THEY DO ....DO NOW KNOW WHAT WE MEAN BY PRISON...OR WHAT THAT MEANS...don't get me wrong...she will know someday...when she is OLD enough to understand...but in the meantime...do they even need to know/want to repeat the "PRISON LANGUAGE???!"....again...no offense...just curious by...those saying..." I tell my 2 yr-old the truth..."... which I know as a child therapist...they can't /don't .. even know what that means??! Inputs but no put downs please?!!!! :0 !

When my children were young, my brother was in and out of jail alot. His friends were too, all of whom my boys saw frequently and liked alot. At that time, I said" Uncle is away working up North for awhile." I wanted to spare my kids having to know where their Uncle was and where other important people were who just "went missing" sometimes. And it always seemed if my brother disappeared, his friends did too, cus the jackasses all got into trouble at the same time. Then one day, my husband at the time got a wonderful job offer to actually go away and work for a few months at a time and come home the odd weekend. Well, you should have seen my boy's reactions to THAT! They had remembered losing all those people they cared about to "work up North" and just freaked. So now I would always recommend telling children something as close to the truth as you are capable of telling them. I would just explain things in age-specific terms is all. Like explaining anything difficult to a child (death, divorce, sex), give them as much as you think they need to know at that age and believe me, they will come back for further explanations as they grow.
My boys are now at the age that I told them the truth when my man was taken away and they worked through it and are fine with it as they can be.
The 13 yr old comes with me to visit and maintains a good relationship with him, but the 15 yr old is in his own world right now, doesn't want to go to visit at the Pen and says he will "pick up" the relationship when he comes home. I think the older one wants to test him before he gives him any chances at all this time.

I was pregant when my husband was arrested so from the time our daughter was born going to see Daddy someplace else was all she knew. So in the early years I didn't say anything at all, I just said, "we're going to see Daddy." When she was a little bit older, maybe 2 or 3, I can't remember, I think she asked why he doesn't live with us & I told her he was working, which he was working in prison. Later, around the age of 5, I told her the truth. I totally disagree with those who say honesty is best from an age as early as 2 or 3 when they have no idea what prison is, if the dad was never there in the first place (went to prison before they were born, or could talk) I didn't want my daughter to blurt out "my daddy is in prison" to the kids in day care, not knowing what that even meant & be ridiculed by those who were old enough to understand. I felt it was best to wait until she could understand what I was saying, and when I did sit down to explain it I told her that Daddy took something that didn't belong to him and he had to go to a grown-up's time out, that even grownups make mistakes and get in trouble sometimes, and instead of going to time out in the corner they have to go to time out in jail, and for much longer than kids stay in the corner. I really don't believe in being totally honest when they are too young to understand, I mean did you tell your child there was a Santa Clause? Was that being totally honest? There are many things we don't tell our kids until they are old enough to understand, "how are baby's made?" Would you tell your 2 year old the details on that? Don't mean to sound like a smart a** but that's my 2 cents.

i don't have his child yet im due with twins christmas eve but i do have 3 other children and i just don't know what to say when they cry and say they want their "T" home ..... HELP !!

Me and my boyfriend who is in prison in IL don't have any kids yet together but I have a baby girl who is 5 and I have had a hard time knowing what to tell her when she talks to him on the phone she has never met him so it is a little ezer but what bothers me most is He wants lots of kids and I love him and want kids with him but what if he dose not stay out it is hard to trust him he has grown up a lot this time but he has been in and out sence I was 13 and he was 15. we lost touch the last time for about 5 or 6 years now we have found each other agine I don't want it to happen agine there are more hearts at sake this time.

We have 2 kids..our daughter is 17 and our boy is 14; my hubby adopted them when we got married. When we first started dating the kids were only 3 and 6 mos so he is the only Dad they have ever known. I asked him if he wanted one together and we mutually agreed to stick with just 2..We waited awhile before telling the kids until we knew what the courts were gonna do so we had all the details to tell them.
roarklyn66-Idaho

Brian has a handicapped daughter from a previous wife and a son from his second wife. I have 3 teenage daughters. But between us?? No we have no children together. That is my biggest regret right now, is that I don't have his child. (No womb in the inn. ) But we have my girls and his daughter (his son is no longer in our lives) All my girls are waiting patiently for dad to come home, and his daughter just knows that dad hasn't been to see her. Sad situation. :(

Michelle

Hey all...feeling....BIG TIME...for all you MOMMIES here...I appreciate the feedback and NO PUT DOWNS....just wanting to thank you for the relation(s) LUVS N' PRAYERS' TO YOU ALL! (EPECIALLY to the innocent babies :0! :( ! ) Luvs....

I TOLD MY TWO BOYS THE TRUTH WHERE THIER DAD IS. THEY ARE 6 AND 8 THEY UNDERSTAND IT AND SAY THEY WILL NEVER GET IN TROUBLE SO THEY END UP IN PRISON

My oldest son is almost 7. D and I had just broke up when I found out I was pregnant and turned out it wasnt' his. But he really wanted Joey. And now he claims all three of my kids. The kids really don't ask about where he is. Just want to know if they can talk to him when he calls and when he's going to send them another letter. I plan on getting my kids on the visit list so that they can start building a stronger bond with him before he gets out. I told him that D is living with a bunch of other guys that are all on time out and grounded. They understand he can't leave because he's grounded. Technically thats not lying.

Joe and i r both young and r waiting 'til we r married to have kids...BUT SOMEDAY! we can't wait to have kids!

My son isn't old enough to talk yet, thank God. But when his father gets out he'll be 3 1/2 so I don't know what I'm gonna tell him since he won't even be old enough to understand.

j2sq -- Hey Dude I love your band!! :) Sorry I couldn't help it! :rock:

Good thread... our boys were 7 months and 17 months when my husband got arrested so they think Daddy is "at his house". My 2 year old ask "Where's Daddy at?" all the time! I just keep saying "at his house". Which isn't entirely a lie but of course he's too young to know. I did tell him once that Daddy was bad and had to go do time-out and stand in the corner! :D He says all the time that he wants Daddy to come home and live in "his house" and that he wants Daddy to come home and what's REALLY funny is that he says he wants Daddy to sleep in his bed with him! :) We'll have to compromise on that one! :D

We have a son together he is only 14 months old but he doesn't know where daddy is though. Plus at his age he really doesn't know anything really. He asks for his daddy all the time everyday and I just tell him that daddy loves him and misses him and is away right now but will be home very soon.. I take our son to visit him all the time and he talks to him on the phone all the time. Its sad when he cries for him at nightime b.c they always had there time together before bedtime..I know he misses my husband so much. I have no clue what I am going to tell him when he gets older. I know I am not going to lie to him because I don't want him down the road found out and hate me for not telling him the truth. I would proboly just say "honey your daddy did something really awful and has to pay for what he has done", but no matter what he loves and cares and misses you very much....I am just lucky that his is sooo young and doesn't really know b/c I don't know what I would of done if he was like 4 or older ya know...its rough & hard they are such innocent children and they don't need all this hurt and there daddys away from them :(

I just told 3 of my children (4,6,7) exactly where daddy was two sundays ago. I told my teen about a month ago. At first they thought he was working out of town. Then I realized that by not being truthful with them it could slip and they could get hurt, by me lying to them. So on saturday the 3 had a wonderful visit with him. It was difficult to tell them, and even more difficult to take them to visit the first time, but I think everything worked out. Now they are so excited about seeing him again. And since the first visit is out of the way, I am excited for them!

Our daughter is 5 and knows the truth where daddy is i will not lie to her, she draws him pictures and writes 2 him all the time. i took her to visit b4 he left back to prison but she didnt like that he was behind glass. She cant wait till she can hug him so as soon as we are eligible for contact visits and family visits she's commin along, she misses her daddy

i have 2 children, but jeff is not their father.

We have one daughter and she is the only child for us both. We opted for the truth! We don't ever want to lie to her. So when she does get to that age we will tell her that daddy did something wrong and had to go to jail. that way in the long run she won't accuse us of lying.

Well...me and Kevin would have one child together but, I miscarried him. But..my niece asked me where "Uncle Kev" was about a month ago. I was totally confused about what to say. So...me and my sister sat her down (she's 5...will be 6 in July) and told her that Kevin had done something bad and had to go away for a little bit. So, she asked "Did the police come get him and take him to jail?" I told her yes and her eyes watered up and said "But...I want Uncle Kev to play with me...can you go get him, Aunt Lena??" That killed me. He draws pictures for her all the time..and here lately she's been writing him little notes on the letters I write him. She knows he'll get to come home soon and play with her...and that is all she's worried about.
Selena

TOTALLY NOT TO DISRESPECT ANYONE...! But...I've seen in the last few comments (like I'm not doing right by telling our just 4-yr old) where actually her Daddy is at.... DO YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING AT 7...DID YOU KNOW WHAT PRISON WAS AT 2...3...4...7...YRS...old is??? Not trying to be too defensive...but think about it?! THEY DO ....DO NOW KNOW WHAT WE MEAN BY PRISON...OR WHAT THAT MEANS...don't get me wrong...she will know someday...when she is OLD enough to understand...but in the meantime...do they even need to know/want to repeat the "PRISON LANGUAGE???!"....again...no offense...just curious by...those saying..." I tell my 2 yr-old the truth..."... which I know as a child therapist...they can't /don't .. even know what that means??! Inputs but no put downs please?!!!! :0 !I agree that a child that young doesn't have a concept of prison. However, they don't really grasp a concept like adoption either, but it's important to start planting that information in an adopted child's head from an early age so that it never comes as a surprise, it's something they accept because they've always known. I think if a child is that young, and the parent will be away for a while, it would be easiest on them to start discussing it early so there's never a traumatic revelation. Someone did make the very good point, however, that a child will tend to blurt out information, and there is a real possibility of ramifications about being teased at school or in daycare, or even ignorant parents not wanting their child to assciate with the "criminal's kid".
Our daughter was 5 the first time he went in for 10 months. Obviously, she was going to notice he was missing, and it never occurred to me not to tell her, just how to break it to her easily. Turned out not to be a problem- she overheard me taking the call after he got arrested, and said, with her eyes as big as saucers "Tell me everything that's going on, Mom, and don't leave out any details!!" I cracked up- she was only in kindergarten and wanted to hear the juicy story! My child, through and through! I did explain to her that what was going on with her dad was her private business, and it was up to her whether she chose to share it or not, but that she had nothing to be embarrassed about because it was her father's mistake, not hers. It never seemed to be much of a problem then, but in all honesty he wasn't that great of a parent anyway what with all the drugs and accompanying crap, so his being missing didn't disrupt her life that much since I was always her anchor. When she was in second grade, he took her out with a friend of his and they got pulled over because his friend had expired plates. Turned out there was a warrant for Daddy-o. Thank goodness the police took her over to his Mom's (I was at work), because if she would have been taken to Children's Services, he would not be around to tell the tale! Anyway, they gave her a teddy bear, part of a program where they keep some in the trunk in case they have to deal with kids like that. She was delighted. She headed off to school the next day with the bear in her backpack. I told her they didn't allow you to take toys to school, and she informed me it was for show and tell!!Good Lord! My baby couldn't wait to get there and inform the whole class of her adventure!! I DID put a stop to that,but I was glad she wasn't hiding under a rock because of her father's situation. Now she's 14, and she's starting to feel embarrassed, although I'm sure part of it is that all 14 year olds are embarrassed by their parents, but she's also getting tired of his repeat trips inside. Anyway, I think in many ways she has been hurt by the fact that he's spent time in prison, but not by the fact that she was told. Yikes- too long!

My daughter is six. When her father called he asked him "where are you." It didn't help that all of his calls say that they are from a federal correctional institution. She went to school the next day and told her friends and her teacher that her daddy was in jail. She is however happy to know that he will be home in July.

My baby and I have one son, and hes 21 months old so he really doesn't know anything about his daddy being inside. I don't think I would tell him either, I would leave that up to my sweetie to do. He really doesn't know him like he should b.c we're not able to go and visit him that much b.c hes so far away. But when we do you can tell he knows that his daddy. It won't be long until my sweetie gets out so he can show him how much he really cares about our son. Thats when it will be nice to see them two bond and play basketball or do whatever together.

No kids over here- Yet. I would like to see my man out for a very very long time(for good) before I begin to bring children into this world with him.

our daughter just turned three when her daddy was arrested. So to put it into something she can probably understand, I told her daddy was a bad boy and the policeman gave him a really long time out. Somehow she came up with saying daddy is in the "cave". She heard it on tv - I think she was watching something with me, and heard it there. As she gets older, I'll explain it more to her. We go to visit him, and she knows he has to stay. Yes she misses him, and asks when he'll be home, and I tell her when he's finished with the time out, he'll be home - luckily she's ok with that. I like the cave word - I really don't want her running around the playground saying "my daddys in jail". Only because it's nobody's business, unless I say so. And luckily she's not afraid of the police (I TRY to talk good about them too-I don't want her to be scared of them, God forbid she might NEED them one day)

I was just wondering if you all have any children with a inmate? What do you say to them when they ask where their daddy is? I was just wondering how you all handle this situation...That way i may have some advice for the future :rolleyes: babygirl i just tell the kids the truth no sense lieing to them. They know daddy made a mistake and is trying to come home and honestley all you need to assure them is that he loves them and misses them like crazy. :thumbsup: thats how we have handled it for 5 years now.

I do not have any kids with Robert but we (me and his family) tell her that her dad is working. they only bring her to contact visits and family visits. Robert does not want her seeing him behind glass.

My 2 year old son thinks that his daddy is at a special "firefighter school". He goes and visits him and thinks that it is a special school and Daddy has to wear a special uniform. Luckily where my husband is they where what looks like white scrubs in the visitation room and even where surgical shoe coverings. It's a trip. He looks just like a doctor or a nurse, except for the big black PCRJ on the back! :-)

I've told my son the truth from the beginning. My stepchildren were told Dad was away when they were young and they think Dad can do no wrong. Unfortunately, his 16 year old son has decided drinking and partying is the way to go. Dad did it. Our son is now 9 and my husband has been in and out of jail for most of his life. (He was 4 when he met his Dad for the first time in person)

Our youngest son has Autism and he has decided Dad is in the apartments. I've told him the truth, also. But, the building my husband is in looks like an apartment building. So every week my youngest asks, "Mom, can we go get Skittles out of apartment building machine?" :D