just a quick hello and let all my friends know i'm doing well: for the lastest

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?p=2355678#post2355678

hope all is going well in you world....if not...prayer works great!!!

Denise

Well despite all of what happened I am glad you are happy with the way things are for now. Sending postive thoughts and prayers to you.

Denise... I had no idea. You know I never get out of the staff forums except for the Alabama forum so I totally missed this...

I'm so sorry all this has happened. But I'm glad you seem to me doing OK and seeming fairly positive. ****{hugs}}}

Maybe I can get down there after the holidays and winter weather and we can hang out soon - you hang in there lady....

thanks...hanging out would be wonderful...

Hey Denise,I'm sorry all of this is going on...I didn't know anything about it until this morning.Sorry I've been so wrapped up in the problems that me and Lee are having that I haven't been on here much.I can tell you from my own experience that conviencing(sp)them to come home is not the way to go until you work the problems out.I lost my job two weeks after Lee left so he did come back home but things have not been good.Since he has came back we have done nothing but argue,he of course says he's only here to pay MY bills....their not his.Like he doesn't live here and take a bath,use the lights or any of that type of stuff.It's to the point that he has his own bedroom and I have mine.But I talked to a girlfriend of mine this morning and when she ask how it was going I simply told her I don't know I put it all at God's feet and ask him to deal with it cause I don't know how to,maybe that's what you are gonna have to do...instead of trying to figure it out yourself.We all love you and we're here for you.:shrug:

Thanks Lees...its funny because just last night he came up with with ideal of "renting" a room from me, and visiting my bedroom sometimes, claims he needs his space to himself...I don't know how much longer i can keep this up. I understand what he telling me but I've "grown" so much since we fell on our faces in the mud (LOL) i'm enjoying being myself and not so wrapped up in him. The whole exprience with prison, parole hearing,longing for each other, prison marrage, homecoming...all of it has taken a me for one heck of a ride on that emontial rollercoaster and now that i'm off of it i don't have the "want to" to get back on. Whatever problems he has, or i have are "our own" and i intend on taking care of myself now. I'm no longer comsumed with him, its a good thing for me, I just don't know how long i can "hold on",

Well just to let you know from my point of view,the renting a room deal is not the way to go.I thought well ok this won't be a big deal...he'll have his room,I'll have mine,we can both come and go as we please after all we'll be living together as friends which was the deal we had made.Yeah ok whatever...anytime I go off to do something he's calling wanting to know where I'm at,who I'm with,when will I be home?And if I call him and ask him anything He starts tripping!!!So I promise you it's not worth it and if your to the point that your OK with him not being there...leave it that way.I'm ready to find a new job,new house and move on with my life.I've done alot of soul searching in the last two months and realized that I didn't really know this man at all and he didn't know me.It's like when their in there they are this wonderful,caring person and when they get out they leave that person in prison.That's the way I put it to Lee the other night when we were having yet another talk.

Hi Denise glad to see you back and know your ok. I've missed you and you have been a great help to me and my situation, even though it's not the same with having a child in prison I expect some problems as well with having him incarcerated for so long. They learn a whole different way of life in there that don't work out here in the free world.
I admire you ladies for giving your all and being so supportive of them.
But remember to take care of yourselves and don't throw your lives and future away if things are not going to work out. Your strong women and sometimes you have to do what's best for you, it will be their loss and sooner or later that will become evident. Hope they come to their senses before it's too late to look back. Best wishes to you all.

thanks Lace, you have no ideal how much that means to me. As for Kenny, i'm worried abut him, he told me yesterday some ole mess about "all those 19 years in prison was so screwed up, i couldn't wait to get out and live a normal life, now i'm out and the world is just a screwed up as prison and it was wasted wishing"...he's so negative all the time, its to brings me down like a hammer.....BUT i can't fix him, and i don't have it in me to even try, don't get me wrong, i'm still very much in-love with the man i married, he's just not that man all the time, very little of the time really...

Well maybe things will work out but don't ever beat yourself up over it, because every one here knows how much you've put in to your relationship and you deserve some happiness now and hope Kenny comes around soon. I'm sure he's going through some strange things we may never understand but sooner or later you have to let the past go in order to move forward. I wish you only the best.

things have turned around a bit, he's re-committed to our marrage and wants us to be together, and there's a HUGE part of me that really wants to as well. BUT, I'm unsure if I want it back.

all the issues that come from 19 years in prison can really take alot out of you. its is hard to explain: its seems like alot of the it just sucks the life out of me. I'm a happy person, i like myself and most of the time have a pretty good out look on the world, life, kids....and then Kenny brings all the negative to my attention and it just....drains me...does that make any sense?

It's alot like that with us but different circumstances...sometimes my son's phone calls leave me that way. One thing he has learned from prison is being negative, like there is no hope and that's a shame.
I truly believe the ones that return to prison after long sentences do so because of the hopelessness instilled in them and not being able to cope.
But you be happy you deserve it...most walk off as soon as the sentence is handed down.

thanks lace,

If I could have one wish granted, that single wish would be that he would go see a counselor or someone that could help him. but he refuses to do anything like that. Claims he's had 19 years of counseling, I don't even mention it any more.

I know my husband broke the law and did indeed hurt someone but he gave 19 years of his life for it, the effects of those 19 years are nothing less than a nightmare that comes each and every day. most of the time I don't know how he does it. how in the world he handles all of it in his mind without going insane.

and then of course all those feels shift to ME, and how do i handle it..so far i've not done too good at all, and i'm ashamed to say that i've not been the wife i could have been but on the same note, there's NO WAY to prepare yourself for the blows that come after they are released from prison. Each day holds a different story.

Some days its like a kid in a candy store, others its like a lost child, and on those oh so rare days it's like I woke up in heaven!!!

hey gang...missing my bama buddies...and wanted to say hi...still fighting the fight but lossing the battle

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