udevilish
08-19-2003, 02:57 PM
I am 24 years old I have finally left my abouser after 7 years I have never been able to admit it but after reading part 1-4 I realized alot I see myself in everythingand y6es it is embrassing he never hit me until I was 7m onths pregnamt I was 17 my dad was in prison my mom had lost her mind and the aunt and uncle I was stayiong with he was attempting to slep with me and she beat me so i saw no way out so I stayed thinking well he is stressed because of the baby etc etc I know he is nice he will come back to reality he is so sorry I had never been around domestic violence before so I had noi clue abiut the honeymoon stage etc,etc,so I thought well ok he means it it wil never happen again I was a naive child he was 29 and I was 17 a huge age difference but I had just lost my dad and the guy I left had just held a gun to me and made me marry him and the guy before that was the love of my life and he meant everything to me and he wouldnt listen when I tried to tell him I didnt want to marry him but he blew me off so I went with Kenny my husband now and I stayed and stayed and had 2 other ekids I just admitted to myself over the last monthy that even though kenny didnt hiutt me repeatedly he still hit me whether it was one time or 500 he still did it now I have a permanent frown I am afraid to speak my mind I am worried about whether I am going to make it or not cause I have no money no house etc etc thank you guys for listening to me ramble and thanks menolly for posting the list I hope it helps alot of people that havent found the strength to leave yet and too those that have left and are to the point of going back because it is easier etc, dont please find some weay to stay away dont go back I left and went back 6 times this is my 7th and I made myself stay away and it hasnt been easy it has been the hardest decision I have ever mnade in my life no matter how bad he was he did take care of me and all that jazz but in the end I paid dearly for that I had to deql wqith the name calling hitting put downs, and threats so in the end I would be better off living on the streets than in a house with all I needed I have finally realized I am not alone I thought I was forever the hardest thing to do is admit that you allow yourself to be abused but once you get passed that you can find alot of friends that have been there also but they have been afraid to say anything look around and you will see all kinds of people that will be their for you