I Want To Introduce Myself. My Bf Went To Prison/ctf Soledad For Extreme Bodily Inj And Dv He Will Be Out 7yrs. The Last Time He Beat Me I Was Pregnant. We Have Kids Together.forward To One Year Later, I Still Think About Him, Not Daily, But Sadly Too Much. His Fam Has Been Awful To Me, No Contact Nor Concern For His Kids, (there Is Hx Of Dv In His Fam) I Did Write Him To Let Him Know He Could Inquire About His Kids. His Response Was That They Were Mistakes! Now I Am Just Scared That When He Gets Out He Will Vindictively Attempt To Contact With His Children To Just Further Try To Control My Situation. I Worry Daily About How Much Right They Give These Men To Their Children And Legal Help Is Confusing. Anyone Int He Same Situation? I Have Been Reading Posts As A Guest For The Past Year, I Guess In My Own Defunctional Way, To Still Feel Some Connecton To Him.

Welcome to PTO and the DV forum! We are SO glad to have you here!

First of all, caring and having a connection to him is not disfunctional. I still think about my ex, way more than I should, because he beat me into unconsciousness once and gave me a huge black eye.

If your ex and his family don't want anything to do with the kids, (and they will regret that, trust me), go to court RIGHT NOW and file for sole custody, with no visitation for him or at the very least, supervised, when he comes home.

Can I File For Sole Custody At No Expense To Me? Financial Situation Tight But I Know I Need To Do Something. I Find It Unbelievable That He Would Be Given Any Rights To His Children! My Understanding Is That If He Shows Any Interest In His Kids The Court Will Not Terminate His Rights, Since It Would Relieve Him Of Any Financial Responsibility(child Support). I Was Also Awarded Restitution In The $20, Ooo's. It Is All Too Laughable. When Will He Ever Pay All Of That. Do You Know If Child Support And Restitution Is Monitored By The Parole Officer Once He Gets Out?

Child support is not monitored by the PO. That's a family court issue, not a criminal court issue.

There is no charge to file a petition in family court. However, if he contests it, and it gets ugly, etc., more litigation will have to be involved, thus the hiring of an attorney.

I'm not saying terminate his rights. I'm saying file for SOLE custody and explain that he is in prison. The termination can come later if need be. Once you have sole custody, (and ask for no visitation and/or supervised visitation), YOU dictate when he sees the kids. Unless it's supervised, which will probably limit him to a few hours a week at a mutual place (like Catholic Charities).

Welcome to PTO. I am SO glad that you are here as well. I can relate to your story to some degree, and my ex's mother has contact with her grandson, until recently when she decided to contact CPS and stated that I abused my son. She can think what she wants and feel lied to all she wants but the bottom line is I have NEVER abused my son and never will.

He gets bruises like any child. The unbelievable anger and hurt I have at her for this is still with me not believing she could ever be so cruel, and there is a definate fear that once her son gets out of prison she will go in with him and try and do whatever she can to take my son, even though i have sole legal and sole physical custody of my son and he has no visitation.

You need to go to court and get a restraining order on him, having him served in prison and with the papers file a custody order. Any court will have some sort of assistance in filling out Domestic Violence papers, and there is a fee waver you can apply for not to have to pay the fee's of the court.

Good luck! Don't write him again. Easier said than done. But your children need to feel safe and being around him will not give them the safety that they need to feel.

Plus you need to protect yourself.

Good luck hon..let us know how you are.


In california it's very difficult to have parental rights terminated unless there is a man willing to adopt your children.

I personally bruise like a summer fruit - whenever I bump into anything, etc., I get a HUGE bruise. Sometimes bruises show up and I don't know how the heck they got there. I have been asked so many times if I'm being abused because of it. Bruises happen - some more than others. Doesn't mean abuse.

Hon, don't worry about them taking your kids - he'd have to have one hell of a reason to be able to convince the court, and it doesn't sound likely that you'll give him that. I would mention here that his connection with his children is obviously not important to him, so don't worry about having such a poor example of a father in their lives. He's liable to do more harm than good. Above all else, follow the ladies' advice and get that sole custody done. If you've been in touch with a domestic violence agency, go back to them and they will help you. Many of them have lawyers attached to them who will do such work pro bono. If you haven't contacted a DV agency yet, do it now. They also have counseling, shelters, tons of advice. You're always welcome, no matter how long it's been since you've been hurt.