I just want everyone to know that I hate the thought of going back to prison, but lately the pull of "the life" [drug dealing] is really getting to me!! I am a 48 year old disabled ex-con, having served almost 2 years for dealing weed, and I came out to a situation that is almost unbearable!! I am living with my Mother! This woman, although I do love her, is driving me CRAZY!! Everything that I do is wrong! She constantly bitches at me about something!! She is disabled herself and really needs help around the house, and God knows I need the cheap place to live, but many times lately I have caught myself thinking that even being back inside would be better than this situation! At least there was some respect inside, I get none from my Mother!
Some days it is all that I can do to keep from contacting some old friends who might still be in the life, and getting back into it. I have been pretty much in seclusion the 19 months I have been on parole, not seeing anyone who is doing anything, but that is getting harder to do everyday!! I really don't want to go back inside, but I don't know if I can handle this situation much longer!!
Any helpful comments would be greatly appreciated!!

Hey Joe,

Hang in there! I understand its hard! Can you do some volunteer work somewhere?? Or what about church? Get involved some place so when Mom gets to you, you have a place to step out an go to.. I realize you are handicapped so it may be hard for you to do, but its better than doing something that will send you back to prison!

And don't be afraid to get some help! There's NOTHING wrong with asking for some help thru your local mental health services. I WORK for them and have been a client as well. ;)

Joe,

I empathize with you. But please don't make a poorly thought through decision you will surely regret. My mother makes me crazy too. I am lucky enough not to have to live with her though, but I definitly know what you mean.

I don't know how you feel about these things, but when you are really down, do you ever pray? I won't push it on you, but think about it. It certainly can't hurt.

Stay out of the life, Joe. Its not for you. My dad is inside now for life and I will never see him on the outside again. There are people in your life whose hearts would really break to see you back in. You may feel like you get respect on the inside, but Joe, respect yourself enough to find a suitable solution to your problem.

I hope you find peace, Joe. You deserve it.

Hey there, Joe! You are pretty clear that you don't really want to go back, you just need to find some sort of accommodation with your mother. Having a hobby or a cause can certainly help - and, depending on your mother's severity of disability, maybe you can get her involved in something, too. And it can give the two of you a little space from each other. It can also make you feel, since you feel the need to note it in your post, well, useful. That can be difficult, with all the tags hanging on you, but it's certainly worth trying.
Best of luck, especially at staying out!!

Hi Joe! I really hope you do the right thing for yourself and for society at large.

I'm sorry things are not going right for you. It is a GOOD thing that you realize that before you go do something criminal. Now you know that there is a problem, and you can get whatever help you need to take care of that problem.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own problems that we get selfish. Don't ever forget that there is a bigger picture here. As my mom used to say, "the world doesn't stop spinning just because you are having a bad day." Joe, you don't have the right to commit a crime. You just don't. Think about the people who would be hurt if you did commit the crime of drug dealing. And believe me, people are hurt by that crime.

Thank you everyone for the posts, I will somehow make it through this! I know that I do not want to go back and I am sure that I will find the strength to work this all out, somehow!! Thanks again!!

Just hang in there as best you can--and don't be afraid to ask for help. Heck, if you've got a decent PO s/he may be able to help. Really seems to me that you need to build a new life to miss the old one that got you into trouble and which you're now starting to miss (speaking as an alcoholic, I've been there, though not quite in the same way....). Ask around....somebody might give you some ideas even by accident.

And we're always here....don't be afraid to stop by any time.

Big Joe! I know the feeling.

For over 20 years I helped mom take care of someone. First it was dad, then grandma and then herself. I feel as though I had finally escaped the care giver life, and was well on my way to finally having a life of my own!! Then my troubles started and as much as my mom needs a caregiver right now, I just can't go back to doing that.

Yes, the rent is cheap, and there is some satisfaction to knowing you are providing much needed help. But at what cost?

Hang in there. I made it to other side, and so can you. One frustrating moment after another. In the end, you will be glad you were able to do this for your mom.

JJT

Well...things have gotten worse on the homefront...The old woman decided today that she wanted to yell, cuss, and threaten to hit me, and, well lets just say that I have got to move out on the 3rd when I get my disability check. She beat on me way too much until I left home at 16, and I will not take any more, not even threats!!
The only place I can afford to rent is a dump of a former motel which is highly drug infested, so life is about to get BAD!! I still plan on trying to stay clean and out of trouble, but the odds are really turning against me!!
I will not have a computer once I move , so everyone just please keep a good thought for me. Thanks for everything!!

We'll be thinking of you--and hoping for the best. Please don't let the fact that someone else has a problem become YOUR problem. Easier said than done, I know, but I think you're stronger than you may believe.

Check in if and when you can and meanwhile, reach out in whatever way you can. There is help available....and you CAN make it.

Try to find somewhere to else to live. You don't want to go back. My boyfriend was only out less than a year and is now facing way too many because he went back to that other life. As bad as it seems on the outside, your freedom to go where you please is worth much more. Hold your head. I would say a shelter is even better than prison, but maybe try to find some housing help.

Try to find somewhere to else to live. You don't want to go back. My boyfriend was only out less than a year and is now facing way too many because he went back to that other life. As bad as it seems on the outside, your freedom to go where you please is worth much more. Hold your head. I would say a shelter is even better than prison, but maybe try to find some housing help.

I wish that I could get housing help but there is nothing available to convicted drug dealers for 7 years after the conviction. I will just have to do the best that I can in a bad situation! Thanks for the post.

If I was a betting man Joe. My money is on you returning to prison. It seems you deal with issues in a structured setting, like prison.

Hello Joe, hey cmon now you know there is nothing like having your freedom!!! Try to volunteer somewhere like a soup kitchen. Hey you will get a break from your mom, you will do something good for someone that has alot less than you, and it may lead to a lot of wonderful things!!!!!!!!! Good luck, and cheer up we need to be thankful for lots of things!!! And remember to smile.

and i didnt realize just how old this post was. How are you doing?

Tom,

Life is toughh out here but you have to value your freedom. There is a phrase that ex-covicts use ( I am one myself)..." Mu worst day on the outside is better than my best day on the "inside"...remember that....if you get involved in crime again it is going to worse for YOU all the way around. What I do is go outside, breath fresh air, and thank God that I am free...that is all I need to remember where I came from. I spent 12 years on the inside and even went to therapy whne I got out because I needed someone to talk to, but it worked out...life is tough out here my man, but it gets better. Communicate with your Mom and others and it will get you a lot further. You need to stop thinking about the "what ifs" and move on in life...prison isn't worth it my man...my prayers are with you...believe that.

Brian

If I was a betting man Joe. My money is on you returning to prison. It seems you deal with issues in a structured setting, like prison.

I appreciate your comments, but you don't know me!! You would lose, I won't go back!!

Hang in the Joe because life is never easy. As one of the other post mentioned. have you found a church home yet? CHurches are always there to help and they may even have some kind of job for you to do around there just to get you out of the house on a regular. Don't give up your freedom because of some indifferences you have with your mom...it won't be worth it in the end...P.U.S.H. Pray Until Something Happens!

I appreciate your comments, but you don't know me!!
You would lose, I won't go back!!

Your right I don't know you. I hope you do stay out of prison. But if it's easier for you to deal with things in there then ask to go back from your PO. I've know 2 people that actually did that. They couldn't hack it out here. So they asked there PO to violate them and they maxed out there time in prison.

Lastly, try to find a mens shelter if you can't afford a place on your own.