A little background. I met this wonderful women and immediatly there was an unquestionable connection between us. After about a 2 months she informes me that she was caught up in a narcotics rap and would be having to do federal time. I guess when hit with something like that and the fact I was falling in love with her I kinda surpressed it and I guess I just did not want to believe. Last week she was taken into custody and now for the first time in my life I'm having to deal with the realization that I have lost my best friend and lover for atleast a year. I would have never imagined that it would be so hard, I miss her every second and it kills me to see her on visitations. I love this women and plan to have her in my life forever but man is it hard on the heart to know and see them behind bars. God I hope it gets easier over time.

Welcome to PTO! Easier over time? I think what happens is that we grow accustomed to this way of life and the feelings of loss etc.. are less intense... Hang in there. The beginning is the worst...

Deb

it's not quite as fresh over time...but it's still raw pain.....
Comparatively, I'm a short timer here, but Skip has been gone nearly 10 months. I miss him every moment....and out trip is almost done.....I applaud those who have been waiting a long time...and still have a ways to go!

kath

I hope that the support you find in the forum helps you over the rough spots, Choffer, and that it comforts you to be in the company of so many going through the same ordeal.

Adrienne

Hello and Welcome to PTO! Glad you have joined us! Hang tough... it's a roller coaster ride for sure but your love will get you thru it! Best wishes to you and your Girl~

I can't relate exactly to your situation, because my Thea was already on the inside when I met her. But us men need to stick together, because we're in the minority here. Seriously, the guys in this forum need to be more actively participating and supportive. It's mostly all women, as I can see. CHoffer, you are acknowledging the difficulty of your feelings, and that is the important thing. The people who can't face what they're feeling are the ones who won't make it. Right now, you need to be strong for your lady. If you can remain strong and be her rock during this toughest time in her life when she needs you the most, you will attain a godlike status in her eyes. She will remember your love, faithfulness, and devotion forever! She will remember who stood by her when she was lowest.

Hang on in there buddy - it doesn't get easier but you do get used to it with time. Although in my case it's my son who is inside I can relate to your pain fully.
Regards
Dan

Thanks so much for the responces and support guys. We have a visitation today and I hope my weaknesses dont show through. Its hard to put on a happy face when you see the one you love behind the bars. Thanks again for the posts and I'm a work in progress and this too will pass. I do know however that when I have her home I will cherish every second with her. So I guess in a screwed up way there is a positive spin on all this. Thanks again.

Hi, and welcome to PTO! You will find so much support and friendship here. It is a good place to be. Read the threads and post often. I agree that there are a lot of women here, and it is great to see some men posting as well. I will keep you and your loved one in my prayers, and send postive thoughts your way.

Carol

In a twisted way it's true: It's impossible to take somebody for granted when you can't be together. They sneak into your thoughts every time during the day when your mind wanders a little. I swear I think about Thea more than I think about myself.

Welcome and Good luck, your lady is lucky to have such a loving, caring man in her life. I wish you all the best.

Thanks again everyone. Just found out she was transfered out of the Atlanta Holding and I'm waiting by the phone to see where she has landed. So, I guess this means the wheels are in motion and hopfully she will begin the boot camp in the next few weeks and I can begin the countdown.

CHoffer,
Its not necessarily that it gets easier over time. You just get used to it. But you will have your up and down days. I'm so sorry to hear about her. I can relate. My boyfriend was sentenced to 2 1/2 years, a yr n 10 months ago. It hasnt been an easy struggle to get through it, but it helps knowing that the love is real and that he really will be coming home someday. Keep your head up. I just recently joined PTO and it has made me feel soooo mucb better. The people in here are great! if you need anything, let me know!

Man I sure can relate! My angel told me about everything, pretty much up front, but I dealt with it the exact same way. We were four months into our relationship, when she was taken from me. We're coming up on our seven month anniversary together, she's been in for coming up on three months. It does get easier. Some of my first posts were way out of whack, since I hadn't gained any perspective on it yet. You never really get comfortable with it, but you do grow accustomed to how things have to be for now. I consider myself one of the forunate ones on here. Some of these wonderful people are waiting years, while I'm just looking at months. You'll get through it. We all will, if we stay as close as we possibly can. I saw something someone psted on here, how you have the opportunity to get to know someone without the physical stuff getting in the way. You have to make love to each other's minds. It's more tricky, but you can bear your soul because of it. My baby and I have gotten so much closer even though we don't see each other everyday like we used to. Hang in there!!

Dex

Hang in there, I really miss mine too. She'll be in three more months and I have'nt been able to visit her because I just got out myself!

i miss my baby too she was in for a month and i got her into a rehab, she was out in a month thought i would never take her for granted but i did she violated her probation and now she has been in for 4 mos, and 12 to go!

Mine now has 5 months to go, and although not a day goes by when I dont miss her, it has gotten easier. I will never let her go back even if I have to keep her under lock and key. lol. Thanks for the encourgement though guys. Its nice to know that others are dealing with the same pain that I am. As men I think we are expected to handle all this with a shrug, but man it gets hard to have your heart taken away. Best of luck to all of you.

listen, i dont want to sound like a jerk but, a guy should tell you a story before you get to crazy over this girl,

i also met the girl of my dreams, only to find out three months later that she stole 2500 from me, had a cocaine problem and was wanted by the police,

i got her picked up on her warrants which were surprise for stealing from other people, i felt so bad for her got her into a rehab, after an month in jail, only to have her cheat on me a few weeks after she got out,

i was not an innocent person in this situation, but first i can assume if its a drug arrest shes addicted in some way, addicted people are never healthy or honest, i know im an alcoholic,

i broke up with kelly any she landed herself in prison, probation violation, this for the fourth time! i miss her horably but honestly, whats going to get her straight, alls im saying to you if youve only been with her for 2 months, and she had this issue she was lying for you for two months, if i know women and people in general, shes got more hiding than you know

be careful!, and i should start taking my own advice., hope your not offended but we guys do have to stick together, and also i am only going by the little information you provided

good luck!, feel free to write if interested

CHoffer,
I think I posted a thread somewhat like this one not too long ago asking the same question......Does it ever get easier? I think that everyone that has ever been through it can tell you no, but you do learn how to deal. The people here are great and they really do help though. You came to the right place. My man and I just went through the same thing and I can tell you one thing it is something that will test your strength every day. You have one of two choices though you can let it make you stronger or you can let it tear you apart. I have found that when you really love someone you don't know what kind of strength you can find from that. Love can get you through things that would kill a strong elephant.....haha. Seriously though love has a way of pulling you through things that you couldn't otherwise handle. Hang in there man. Everything will work out.

CHoffer,
I been with my sweetheart so far for 3 years of incarceration, and we have maybe 3 more to go. It never gets any easier, and I've never gotten used to it. I live in a different state and can only visit maybe every 6 weeks. Letters and phone calls can not even come close to a visit. It's hard, but if the love is real you will get through it. Without God in my life this thing would have eatten me up a long time ago. Days for you are going to be up and down depending on what she has gone through during the day. You have to remember at times you may be the only one she has to vent to. Every day is a challenge, just as any other part of life.

Well I'm dealing with the same issues as most of you. Just redding this thread has helped me understand that I'm not the only one at least hear I can talk about it. I have a upscale Job and the people I hang out with would never understand. Anyway Keri has been FMC Carswell for 10 months now and has 2 years to go I was with her for seven month before she went in. Its been really hard dealing wiith it but letters and phone calls help the most since I live over 12 hours away. I have very little advice to give but all you guys have been a great help.

Welcome CHoffer, you have come to the right place. Feel free to express your feelings and concerns here because that's what we are all here for. Actually, I have to say, i find it honorable to have men come and share their feelings from their point of view. I, too, wish more men would get actively invovled because it would really help. Anyway, the lonliness will remain but try to fill it with planning. And let her know of your dreams and plans. This will help keep her dreams and hopes alive through you. Girls love letters and cards alot, so shower her with them. Use your down time to build her up. Look up encouraging quotes, pretty song lyrics, etc. to send in your letters. That's what keeps me from falling into dispair. Spray some of your cologne on her letters. These type things will make you feel better, just knowing you are making her day. Hang in there and know that the family is here for you guys.

Hang in there man, there will be a lot of girls in there telling her ugly stories about there men leaving them, and that will scare her pretty bad. you just keep telling her that you love her and remind her as much as you can how much that she means to you, and that you will wait for her and support her. She will need to here this every day.

hang in there man a year goes pretty quick,

Michael

Hello everyone, I'm new here and have a girlfriend that has been in WERDCC now for 25 days. I'll tell you that this very hard, It hasn't gotten any easier yet. I have breakdown at least once a day. just feels like it's tearing me apart inside.But we talk on the phone 3 to 4 times a day and that helps alot, just to hear her voice. And we have been writeing letters a whole lot also. hopeing that she will just have to do the 120 days, and i know that this is small compared to some of the people in here, But it still hurts very deeply.. :ha:

Whether its two days or 5 yrs its hard--be carfeul with those phone calls---you make break down when you get the bill. Only advice I can give is stay busy, write lots of letters, send pictures if its allowed. 120 days will be gone before you know it.. Good luck this site will help alot with feeling and questions.

jeffs

deb said it best........i have never been to this forum ever before, but i always see the "god i miss her" thread on the welcome page...i wanted to say that hopefully, for u, it will get better. good luck!! cheer up and stay strong---for her, too! :D smile......

Thanks again guys and girls. Kurtis, I'm sorry you have had a bad experience with your loved one, but each situation is differant. Although I appreciate your advice, I know in my heart of hearts that this is the girl that I will be with for the remander of this life. THis has been one of the hardest challenges of my life and I have learned to deal with alot and sometimes feel as if I'm doing time too. Although it has been hard I have never given up on our relationship and will never give up on her. Thanks again for the support and all your positive thoughts. Finding this website has truly made it easier to deal with being apart and alone.

choffer,

im still trying to have faith in my little criminal but have not abandoned her, knowing that its a horrible time for her,
at this point shes six mos down six to go

well im happy you found the right one and it should all be over soon!

good thread, i thought i would bring it back up

well im new here but were all here for the same reason it seems!! its good to know im not the only one whose hurting over being away from our partner..my girlfriend is doing 4 years and has only been in for 3 months- it seems like it should get easier as the days go by, but for me its worse! i cry and get mad ...its not fair but i love her and i am committed to this relationship and i would wait 20 years if need be.....will it ever not hurt so much? does it get easier and do the days begin to go faster?? someone please enlighten my heart...

It just gets *normal* . . . you learn to cope. Does it ever get wonderful? No, but if you do it right, your relationship can still bloom.

I feel your pain man...sounds like a carbon copy of me and Nicole. She told me the first week we dated, and we had four amazing months together before she went for a little over a year for the same thing...wrapped up in a federal narcotic investigation. Its been 40 days so far, and I still miss her with every breath. I don't ever see it being "easy"...hell I don't even think I'll get "use" to it...I just try to fill my time, and pray that the time goes by quick for both of us.
This site has helped alot though, seeing that some people have years and years before the get their love back...the more you see that, the more you realize that 9-15 months isn't nothin compared to forever.
Fill your time, stay positive, and just know the loss you feel now will be that much more love when you have her back.
I'm personally using this pain, and feeling of loss, to further my appreciation for what we had, because as song says...you don't know what you got...till its gone.

well im new here but were all here for the same reason it seems!! its good to know im not the only one whose hurting over being away from our partner..my girlfriend is doing 4 years and has only been in for 3 months- it seems like it should get easier as the days go by, but for me its worse! i cry and get mad ...its not fair but i love her and i am committed to this relationship and i would wait 20 years if need be.....will it ever not hurt so much? does it get easier and do the days begin to go faster?? someone please enlighten my heart...

Megan,
I no longer have a girl in the system but i still have family locked up. I know what its like to be so FAR away from the one you love. I am always here if you would like to chat please feel free to message me.