I was in a state prison for 7 yrs. for a violent crime.
2 counts of 1st deg. armed robbery.
I had a history of guns, knives and assault when I was younger
For the violent offender, it is damn hard to get a job. Because unlike other crimes, this is deemed the worst.
You can make it, but it's damn difficult if no one helps you.
Violent offenders can change...I'm proof of that.
Those 7 years has me thinking FULLY before I do anything now.

Welcome Ladysoldier. I've been watching your posts since you've joined here and I wish you all the best. My prayers are always with you.

I just read that post I made on this forum a little over a month ago. In the past couple of months, I've rapidly become close to a very special man my age who was convicted of deliberate murder. I've read some of his legal papers and it was one of those things where being there is as bad as if you actually did the killing. He doesn't whine, he doesn't ask for anything, he doesn't play the victim----he's just a very honorable and upstanding Chiricuhua Apache man who admits his part in the crime and who I'd trust my own life with. He's in for life without parole in Montana and I found his internet ad online. So now I'm in the position of a lot of you. Would I have sought out a man with this conviction specifically? No. But am I equal to standing by him and caring about him in spite of what he's convicted of? Yes. We never know what Creator is going to put in our path to deal with, do we?

I believe that the Creator never does anything that doesn't have a reason behind it. We may not know what it is but there's always a reason. I too am now facing a situation that I never ever in my wildest dreams thought I would be involved with. Recently, I got back in touch with an old friend who havs been in and out of trouble all his life. He is currently in the Federal Medical Facility at Springfield MO. He was convicted a few years ago for armed robbery. At that time I let our friendship go and I am sort of ashamed of that. We have exchanged 3 or 4 letters now and have been feeling each other out. Anyway, a few days ago I got a short letter from him. It's contents about floored me. The gentle young man I once knew back in my youth has now killed another inmate. He says it was self-defense and I believe that, but it has turned my world upside down. He said he would wait to hear from me, but if I didn't want anything to do with him he would understand. I really had to consider things. I'm still not sure how I feel about it all, but I wrote him back and told him that I couldn't judge him I wasn't there. I haven't talked about this with anyone. And I too am carrying around some guilt for what has happened. When he was released several months before the bank robbery I was the one who picked him up. I tried to help him adjust to the outside. I was married at the time and could only do so much without getting into a situation with my family. He couldn't hold on. He was having a lot of trouble adjusting and he moved to another city about 50 miles away from me. He moved in with people who he thought were his friends and they turned out to be bogus. He didn't get the support he needed. He didn't get the medications that he needed to keep his schizophrenia in check. He stupidly decided that he would commit a federal crime because "federal prisons are nicer". I remember that so clearly and I think what else could I have done to keep him out. I know in my head that I couldn't make his decisions for him, but my heart hurts just the same. And now this has happened. He was supposed to call today and didn't, not sure what's up. Will wait and see. Thanks for listening!

You probably couldn't have done anything to keep him out. I have an aunt who is schizophrenic, my daughter's brother-in-law is too, and I've taken care of schizophrenic patients. One thing the ones I've known have all had in common was that they don't like staying on their medication and unless someone else sees to it that they take it, they'll go off of it. There are several kinds of schizophrenia, and paranoid schizophrenics are the most inclined to be violent because their voices tell them to do violent things or they become what the name implies------paranoid------meaning they see threats to themselves where there are none. In prison, it would be quite easy to give in to a paranoid delusion and kill someone, believing it to be in self defense, and of course, it could actually be a true case of self defense, too. I'm so sorry this has happened. You shouldn't feel guilty, though. There's a saying I read once in a self-help book on relationships that's been a
great help to me. It said, "If you didn't break it, you can't fix it". You didn't cause him his problems throughout his life and you can't and shouldn't try to fix anything for him. Just being his friend is a great thing and you have that to be proud of.

Thanks Toi_Ama for your kind words. It's been a bit hard to wrap my mind around, but I think I'm ok with it now. I mean the violent death of anyone is not acceptable, but if if was self-defense, and I think it was, then I can understand it. It's just hard to reconcile the kind and gentle person I knew and the event, but circumstance do arise that we have no control over and things do happen. Anyway, I appreciate your support. I'm really not sure I could tell my family and most of the folks I know because I think they really wouldn't understand. But that's ok. I'm 47 years old it's my life not their's. I'll decide who I am friends with.

How's Oregon? Miss home awful bad sometimes. You take care now!

Oregon is still beautiful. What part are you from? We're having problems with big forest fires around Bend and Sisters, though.

Born in McMinnville. Lived most of my adult life in the Willamette Valley around the Salem area. My family lives down around Grants Pass. How about you?