Hi, I did 7 yrs. and just got out in 02.
I gave birth to my son in 96, 5 mths. after I went in 95.
He is now 7, and going to be 8 in March.

I have custody, but he is w/his grandparents. His dad, I didn't tell on..he left me in prison and went to the Navy. He is active in his life, but I only get to see him like once a month. And I been out since Feb. 02! I have held a steady job, and even married...

I don't have money for a lawyer to seek permanent visitation, so I am pretty much stuck w/it like this for awhile.
I just wanted to know...

how many kids or children have went thru what my son has..and how do you feel about it?

Please let me know. I am 27 and think life is going to be torture.

Who says you can ONLY see him once a month? Whose rules are these? IF you have custody, then you have rights...you have a right to be involved in your child's life! Don't keep looking at your past and thinking you have been a "bad" mother, you have the future to LOOK forward to! Be involved...believe me, you will be glad you pursued it. My mother left when I was 11 and she never came back, I had to go looking for her...it was very disheartening.

Good luck!
Buggles

i agree w/buggles.

you mentioned you have custody of your son, but he is with his grandparents. hum. id think that if you had 100% physical custody, that you could see him whenever you want. or hell, if you had custody period. i mean 1 time a month. who made up these rules? a lawyer? judge? YOU? your sons grandparents?

i have never been in the type of situation as your son is in now, but, :eek: here comes the opinions..just bear with me..lol sorry :(

BUT, you have EVERY right to see your son, i understand you do not currently have the funds to hire an atty. have you thought about a "public offender"? even though they might suck, you will still be able to find out what rights you have as his mother as well as you having custody.

my dad.-WOW- thats all i can say..1 of a kind. BUT, he kidnapped me when i was younger...and after that lame little incident...he pretty much dropped off the face of the earth. long story short--he left, i never saw him, he died in 1999 w/o me knowing him.

SO, with that said, you are a rockin' parent. you made a mistake, you did your time, you are bettering yourself each day you are out. you have gotten married. you have been out for 1 1/2 yrs. looks like your doing pretty damn good! :)
AND, last but not least, you WANT your son in your life....

"god doesnt give you more then you can handle" i know that is so lame...but, i find it to be VERY correct, you said "i am 27, and think life is going to be torture". life wont be torture! once you get over this small hurdle...figure out what YOU need to do on YOUR end....hey was CPS involved with placing your son with your grandparents?

omg, this is so long. im sorry, once you get me started on a subject, its harder then hell to get me to shut up! lol but good luck, god bless, be strong and SMILE!!! :D

*hugs*

Responses to the 2 above..

Public defenders only do criminal cases, appointed by a judge here in Iowa.
Although I have custody, so does his father, and he has lived with his great grandparents since he was born. I placed him with them, the state was never involved.
I have done much researching and have discovered that I DO IN FACT need a lawyer.
I do not have the money. They are rich, and I would be involved in a very lengthy, costly battle.
I see him the most from June to the end of July. Probably twice a week. But from Aug to May it sucks. They do not answer the phone, if they do, he is 'sick' and can't go anywhere...they get upset and say their schedule doesn't revolve around mine. I'm like that's cool...if we set up ANYTIME I COULD SEE HIM, I'LL BE THERE ..
That doesn't get me anywhere either.
I can't make these people LET me and my son spend time together unless I have enough money for a lawyer.

Since my son has been in their care, they claim him, raised him, and he has been at their address since birth, it is kidnapping and I am not going back to prison.

That's the law. I might not agree, and you might not agree..but that's just the way it is.

Basically I am frustrated and figure one day, when he is able to, he will contact me.
He will want to see me.
They watch him constantly..he can't call me w/out them 'allowing' him to. He snuck once and they caught him. Now they watch him like a hawk.

I just want to know from kids/or used to be kids, would you come looking for me if you were my son?

He might be mad, but at least I know I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING I POSSIBLY CAN. I never gave up.
I don't want him caught in 'the middle' anymore, so I am going to let him come to me when HE is ready.
Don't seem like too many are concerned with how HE feels, so I want to relieve some of his pressure.

Maybe I can help you find the response that you are looking for. Please don't be offended by what I say here, but these are the hard facts of my childhood and I saw them and how I feel as an adult. Its going to be long......
My mother was incarcerated when I was 4 years old for 18 months. She was pregnant with my brother and she gave birth to him while she was in prision. They took him away from her when he was a day old. I went to live with my dad's sister when she went in. My brother was sent to his dad's mother when he was born. When my mother was released she ask me if I wanted to be with her or stay where I was. I chose to stay and she left me again to go after my brother. She moved closed to him and stayed in close contact with him for a few years. I heard from her sometimes and I remember seeing my brother for the first time when he was about three. The grandmother that had custody of him made the visits more and more difficult for my mother. She then got pregnant with my sister. My brother and sister have the same dad, but I have a different Dad. She married their dad in hopes of getting her children all together. This also resulted in disaster. She lost custody of my sister for a period of time. She got my sister back and continued to fight for my brother. I was in good hands so she continued to stay in touch with me and try to get the two of them together. This didn't happen until my brother was a teenager and began to ask questions about his mother. He was told she never wanted him and that they took him in. once he found out the truth he began contacting my mother on his own. They have a very strong relationship now. I can't say that he is comfortable with the things that happened but he has accepted her for who she is and the love each other very much. The system was very different then and has changed for the better of the past few years. My sister, brother, and myself are very close and love our mother dearly for the efforts she made to make us a family. But it wasn't until our adulthood that this took place. We all have children of our own now and because of her struggle are all better parents. I know that your son is still very young though and you shouldn't have to wait. Lawyers are very costly. But you do have other options. You can go through your local Dept. of Social Services and they can help you as long as you are honest with them and can provide a good home for your son. I scence by reading your post that you do not intend on persueing this any further. Letting him come to you may be an option, but not the only option. You do have the right to self-representation in any court. Go to your local library and find out what motions you can file. There is always a way to be heard in court. I know the system sucks but its what we have to work with. You just have to find a way to make it work for you. And believe me it can be done. I would be glad to gather information and send it to you if you are willing to use it. Don't let them take your son away. There is more you can do!!!
Please PM me if you want my help, I have experience in self-repensentation and would love to help!!



Deanna4Mom

I have found out how to represent myself.
However I cannot go thru with it because by state law I will be ordered to pay child support and I cannot afford to pay 7 years back pay and current pay too.
My husband get child support taken out of his checks, and I cannot afford it as well.

I just really wanted advice on how children act later on. I know they lie to him, I know that already. I guess later on he will find me as well.

Please don't think that i am being harsh or cruel here but i feel like i have to replay one more time. There seems to be alot more to this that I first understood. I am not judging you and I don't know the full details of the court matters. But they do have guidelines to the amount of support that can be withheld in every state. This includes any back child support owed. I have been trying to get the father of my children to pay for his children for 5 years now and they are willing to work with him as long as he keeps a job and his weekly payments up to date. They took both of our incomes and figured it up and come up with a figure in the middle for him to pay. They allow him to have enough money left over for food, clothing, and shelter along with utilities. He just choses not to keep a job. He only has to pay $25.00 per week on the back child support and his regular payment. He is 4 years behind on two children. With all do respect financial reasons don't seem like enough to keep a mother and child apart. Please don't spent the most wonderful years of his childhood wondering if he will forgive you and come find you when he is older. I am a mother of three and I have worked my butt off everyday of their lives so that they had what they needed. And I did it alone for the first 3 years. I worked 2 and 3 jobs at a time to put food on the table and a roof over their head. But no matter how tough things got the one thing that got all of us through was the love we gave each other. Sometimes thats all I have to give them but they know that I am always here. So I beg you don't ask "will he come to me later"because the present is now. NOTHING is worth waiting it out and wondering about the future. Grasp today. Pray and Our Father will give you the strenght and lighten the way. Don't give up and just wonder what he will think later. They are lying to him but show him the truth. A Mother's Love is the deepest, most enduring love of all. If it doesnt go your way in court go at it again, and again, and again. Then if he becomes an adult and you still didn't win he will know that you never gave up. You are in my prayers..


Deanna

When I grew up my dad was in prison... I wanted to go and see him, but he didn't want his children to see him there. He felt that it wouldn't be healthy for us... I was lucky because my mom let us write to him and he always responded. Well, after prison, we expected this big reunion from this dad that we'd been waiting to see, praying to see, and he stayed away. Not because my mom wouldn't let him see us, but because of child support. As a child, the support issue is irrelavent... means nadda, the only thing that means anything to the child is that the parent is willing to do whatever it takes to be a part of their lives... Later on, I did find my dad... didn't confront him with my feelings of abandonment, but absolutely adored him... I, even as an adult, needed my daddy.... I stayed in his life up until the day he died... I am glad that I was able to get to know him and to be a part of his life... I know that he wasn't a strong man as far as fighting for family, but he was still my dad... I do wish he would have tried to be a part of our lives... My other siblings had allot of anger towards him and didn't pursue him as I did... It's sad for them, but they felt that if he had truely loved them, then he would have made more of an effort. I guess I'm the more realistic one as I realize that he was the best he could be and did what he thought was right at the time.... I don't have the answer for you, but if that was my own son, I'd fight until death... I'd live on their porch if I had to so that he would know that I'm there for him....

I wish you the best.... prayers sent out to you...

Boy this is a heartbreaking thread. I can sypathzise with ladysolder in her delimma. Chld support is a bad issue nowdys. You re d#@mmed if you dont and D#@med if you do. I too(although not jailed) was forced into aa situaion that caused me to loose my 2 yongest children, when my ex-husband decided to gt into an affair with my 18 daughtter(this same chld ccused him of sexual abuse, 6 yrs earler and he was investigated, not found guilty in a sense but as long as she maintained the abuse, he ws forbidden contact with her and she could not return to my home as long as I chose to stay with him..her background was questionable as she was consntly accusing men of this charge). Becaause of her past behavior she was at the time in Fl Sheriff Ranch under therapy. To make a long story short Florida determined it was in the best interest of this chld and her youngeer brother to termnte my rghts as a parent. They told me that there ws now wy I could win as I was not phsycololgst and would never be unable to hndlke them and their behviors. Of course they were nice and ttold me that they would drop all child support owed but I would be prosecuted i I ever mde contact before they were 18. When my ex and daughter got to gether t created another separtion from mother and children, his mother taking away "our" 2 young children, buy the time the divorce was done(I was not supposed to pay child support as my health would interfere with steady employyment) i was amost $7,000 behind. During the next 8 or 9 yrs she always allowed me contact (even colllect clls)with the 2 little ones. But was never really able to partcpate n their live except by long distant and the fear of jail for failure to pay child support.
At the ripe age of 47 I ended this hertbreking existence by gettng addcted to Crack cocaine...After 3 years, I finally called her tellng her I needed place to live, could I come "home"? Her terms: no more drugs and i said yes! Even though she had alterior motves(get me back in court) she sved my life and gave me a reason to stay clean! My kids! See like you "lady" too feared the child support ssues, I now hve bill of 15,000 to their grandmother and the sttes interest is atroucous..I wll never in my lifetime repy it all back. Wht have I gained..time with my two babies( lke sports games nd graduation; Visists to my own "new" home!) and respect from them for facing their graandmother and the system. Rather than stuggle tryng to work due to unpredictable health issues, I filed for my disabilty and although t took me almost 2 years I finally won and with both kids over 19, an automatic garnishment is taken out of my month check I never even miss it as I never relly had it. My point If you really love your son and want to spend time with him you can fnd a way. If you want custody of him and you have a good home with your husbnd( he must be willng to support you in this endeavor) and you volunteer to see a counselor with you local health deprtment on parenting classes before you take the step before going into court( you dont need to tell tha grands). Since you placed him with hem and DHR has not been involved nd you were incrcerated, and they never once tried for child support, even after you got out and started working, it sounds as thou they are using this as a leverage over you to keep you from attempting to get your son.. If you need help starting this I will talk to you by email and IM..

GSPack

dear lady....opinions being like a**holes....i have one too...as your child grows older he will come to form his own opinions about you, grandma & pa. I know it's hard to go and see him only once a month...but bottom line...is he being well taken care of ...if the answer is yes...love him the best you know how...children grow up and they see things for what they are worth...never do or say anything negative about who has him...they love him too....children will grow up and know...think of the best interest of the child....i have first hand knowledge of this not as the child but as the parent of adult children...put him first...always..

I hear what Sam is saying, and she is right. But if you want your son to live wth you you can do it in a way that is fair to both parties includng your son...To start with he could stay with you on the weekends, so that he may continue wth hs current schooling..You could offer to help them $ wise with only whaat you could afford or even buy things you think he needs, keeping your receipts..Can yuou call hm if you need to.things like that.

This all sounds good, maybe some didn't read my previous posts. I think u should.

I have afford to help money wise, they do not want my help. If I go to get custody the judge will make me pay child support. The lowest rate in IOwa is $70.00 a week, I cannot afford that.

I can't even get to the point where I TRY and get custody..because I do not have the money anyway...so it is all really irrelevant.

I still see my son about once a month. Do I like it? No. Is it life? In my case, yes.

As for Deanna....Yes, you r entitled to your opinion...although I think you are being kind of condenscending regarding my circumstances. I don't know if you think I am 'whining' or just sitting on my ass..I just shed some light on a problem that exists and have proved no matter what ya do...money can stop alot of things.

If you don't have it, you can be screwed, in cases of 'trying to get custody.' Than, if you have money to get custody, you don't have the money to pay child support as HIGH as they make you pay according to state laws, NOT YOUR INCOME.

And in Iowa, if I went to court, lets say and did NOT win custody, I am still going to have to pay 8 yrs. child support, and will still not be able to see my son regardless.

I know all the facts in my case..I know I have exhausted every option HUMANLY POSSIBLE. Is this how I started my post?

NO. I posted wanting feedback FROM CHILDREN OF PARENTS WHO SERVED A LONG TIME IN PRISON...TO SEE HOW IT AFFECTED THEM.

So. Lets drop the other irrelevant things surroundings..considering only I KNOW what I have done...concerning child custody wise.

Lets get back on subject!

my two cents ... why do you think YOU are responsible for all the child support ... his father is just as responsible ... common sense would say he may even be more responsible ... you were in prison ... his father abandoned him! Think about it ...

His dad sees him like everyday of the week, and he lives 30 min. away. He buys him clothing, pays for this tuition (my son goes to a private school), he does alot of support already.
Thats why.

Maybe I did misunderstand what information you were looking for. So if you want to know the emotional side of children who deal with their parents incarceration here goes...My mother is incarcerated now and was incarcerated for two years when I was 4 years old. During which time she gave birth to my brother. Although she was only incarcerated for two years that was enough to cause my siblings to spend our entire childhoods wondering what it was like to have a brother and sister to play with everyday and what it would be like to spend Christmas together and seeing each other only when it was convient for all of the adults in our lives. Then feeling that we were strangers who loved each other even though we really didn't know each other at all. As we became adults our mother became sick and needed all of us. So we were there for her and loved her. but one question never left my mind. "What about all of the times I was sick and needed her or when I was scared and thought she was dead or just didn't love us." Now that I am an adult I realize between the three of us she was pulled in so many different dirrections she couldnt have us all together. I love my mother dearly. I also have to explain her mistakes to my children and that is very difficult. Childhood is the shortest stage of your life but leaves the biggest impact. So if you are looking for someone to tell you that when your son is grown he is going to forget everything and come to you as if his whole childhood never happened you wont get that for me. I never said yu were sitting on your A** either I was only trying to be helpful. I didn't mean to offend you and I know that you came here to get support and comfort and I am sorry for your situation. If you have done everything possible then congratulations. But the effect that these things leave on a child is lifelong and Myself,brother and sister are living proof.

I can't imagine being in your situation, but as a mother my heart goes out to you. I have never been away from my children, but the thought takes me to the pain you must be feeling. I also understand money issues. I can't offer any help on how children of inmates act now or down the road, but I can tell you how the child of a absent parent act. The last time my oldest daughter saw her dad she was about 2 years old. She has fanasized what it's like having a dad. She wants that more then life itself. She has had stepdads to help fill some of that void. She just turned 10 and somedays I think she's doing better, but other days I dont' know. Right now my fiancee is locked up and she cant see him becasue were not married. As far as my advise to you. Make the best out of these once a month visits as you can. As long as he knows you love him and your not staying away by choice he will never feel like you left him. That the most important thing right now. In a few years he will be old enough to tell the courts where he wants to live. Every state varries as far as what age that is. Here in Idaho there is no age limet. The judge bases the decision on the conversation with the child as far as how mature the child is and the reasons. As far as legal help. I know that you cant get a public defender, but like someone else said there is social service along with Legal Aid. In most places is a sliding scale for low income. They helped me with my first divorce. We also have a volenteer layers program. You can get more info on those by calling your state bar association. Dont get me wrong, I'm not telling you I think you should go call them now. I'm just saying when things are right for you they can help. If nothing else they can help get questions answered.

i was born when my dad was a guest of calis SQ , my mom stayed by his side for a long time , then had to move on , he came out still with the same friends , and her conditio was change or me and my kids are gone ,
so poof , off to the east coast , we went ,
i saw my dad only 4 times after that , once when i was 13 , and my self in trouble , ** but his wife ** wanted to party too youg to play mom 2 me , ruined that chance ( they divorced soon after ,
when i was 13 and in treatment , about a year , with my dad , i wrote alot ( i was in treatment )
he died a few years ago , he had always called on holidays ect , drunk as hell but he did call , never met my children nor could remember their names , i know guilt made him drink , and eventually it killed him ,
they called me , i went out , and took care of arrangemenrts on borrowed money , he was my dad , no matter what , he did what he knew at the time , and i wasnt a part of that m, until he got that liquid courage , and that was not phone calls i looked forward to !
when i went to busy him , i went in his spare room , he had all the stuff , my poems my pictures ,my kids piks , ect , all in a room like i was coming home one day , i had never been in that apt at all , i went back east coast after treatment , i was sooooooooooooooo touched , it didnt erase the past , but he didnt know he was gonna die when he did , and that room was a shrine to me , for me or whatever ,

that said , write a journal , about all u do , days u miss him the most , important days in ur life , on his birthday christmas , writ what u feel , one day that will be a treasure for him , believ that

i dont know if u know about hip hop or rap music at all , tupacs mama , was in jail , released just b4 his birth , she was a ** crackhead whore ** her own words ** this months xxl magazine , tupac adored his mama , and rapped and wrote about bad days , and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE , for his mama , kids have that !! its in us !!

im here if u want to talk , peace

:pissed: Ya know you can start out your message in a good tone, than switch to a condenscening tone in a flash.

NO, I am not looking for someone to tell me my son will become grown and he will forget everything and come to me like his childhood never happened.

I have NEVER came off like that in here. For you to even THINK that is a response I wanted by posting this topic, YOU ARE SADLY MISTAKEN.

I just wanted to know how the children think, what they feel, what goes in their minds..when a parent is incarcerated.

You begun to tell me, and than added in this condenscending bullshit.

It was totally uncalled for. Come to me correct or don't come to me at all.

There are a million other topics for you to reply to, if you feel you cannot respond in a mature way to mine.

Ladysoldier:mad:

I will not post another response here but i truly don't understand your hostility towards me. My replies ARE the feelings of a child with an incarcerated parent. The questions I ask you are the same ones I have asked my Mother my whole life. And just like with her I still have no answers, just anger. I was honsestly trying to be helpful and you completely attacked every piece of information and all of the emotional feelings that I had during my childhood and still as an adult. I hope everything works out with your son and you. I dont ever want to see another child have to be seperated from their mother like I was because the pain and feelings of abandandment never go away. I am sorry if my feelings and statements upset you but I can't help the way that I feel.

Deanna4mom:

It's like this: I have even went back and re-read your replies this afternoon.
You are not coming off wrong thru your entire reply. In fact, you would all of a sudden come off to me very condenscending tone----just after speaking of God, or giving postive support.

And I feel that if you are going to give support or tell of the emotional side of things: Do so. Keep on that track. You can direct your anger towards what YOU been thru.

You would direct it towards ME. I'm not your mama. There was a much better way to reply to my post. I think you just got caught up in reliving the anger towards your mom, and would come off smart to me...because you didn't speak like that during the ENTIRE reply. Only off and on.

You can reply or not. It won't rain on my day.

As for all other replies. Thank you very much. They all meant something to me. It helps me to know individual stories of what you all went thru..as it helps me to understand what MAY happen in my life.

I forgot your name..but I remember 'ghetto princess' was by your name. Thank you very much. I will be in contact.

Tell later...
Ladysoldier

Oh lady I am so sorry that some, including myself, made you feel we were condoning you for the inability to be an active part of your son's life. This decision was your choice and your choice alone. Not ours to make you feel bad or tell you that there has to be another way to solve Your delema. Most of us only wanted to be helpful, but not knowing you had explored all the avenues yourself and felt for his sake and yours it was better left the way it was. I too was forcede against my will (not prison, but it might have well been) to be away from my 2 youngest children for almost 10years of their lives, with minimal contact, usually by phone and avisit once a year or 2. Result: They have anger towards their Grandmother and their Father for keeping me out of their lives. They balk at any authority that they might now try to instill in them and have gone out of their lives as much as possible. They both come visit me anytme they feel like it as they know s adults they are alwysa welcome. And they have no anger at me for not being there when I should have(according to society). Theyknow that I have always loved them and thought of them often..I like Queen's idea of writing a daily journal for you son, so that in the future he can read andunderstand you life and how you thought of him. Show him in ths journal hoiw proud of his acconmpolishments he has done during hs lifetime and he will treasure this all his life. I am doing this for my granddaughter and her mmother so they may share in the years to come.
GSPACK

I haven't been thru the same situation, only because my father was convicted for the first time on drug charges this year. He has, however had problems, my whole life. When I was nine years old, 3 days before X-mas, i got a collect call from my father from county jail. He cried and apologized over and over...I didn't know what to think at that point. He had lied to me and I had tried so hard to pretend as if all my mothers words about him were bullshit. (They were divorced before I was two, and I have always been a "daddy's girl).

I still held nothing against him..still loved him just as much, no matter what. I used to have to sneak away from my house and ride the lawn mower or steal one of the cars out of my driveway to go see him. He still meant the world to me.

Now, I'm 17...since my father has been busted 3 or 4 more times. He is now serving a 10 yr sentence in OK DOC with a judicial review in a year.

My father going to prison has been hard...I miss him...a lot.
But the situation he was in before was much harder. I'm living in his house now, rather than my moms, and taking care of things until he gets out.

It hurts bad to have a parent dissapointment you...however, I don't think you have yet.

Your son in almost 8...what i can say is just be straight up with him.

If he asks questions...answer them the best you can...I don't know if that would have made a difference in my situation.

Point is...your son will grow up stronger having realized earlier that life throws surprisises, and it's not always a smooth ride.

As far as the way he is feeling..he probably misses you. Missing each other is going to be the hardest thing to go thru for either one of you. So work on changing your visitation as much as possible.

any other more specific questions...don't be afraid to ask.


Carrie

Thanks for your response! Well said.

I have to agree, that was a great response from Ballard. Kudo's to you for sticking in there for your father and helping him during tthis time. You are a strong young lady and I wish you the best. Lady keep your chn up, looks lke you wll soon get the help and understanding fom the kids.

GSPack

Lady Soldier, Don't give up! I wasn't in prision, but I went thru similar circumstances with my son and daughter I had to give up custody due to a court case where my children were threatened that if I didn't drop charges they would get to me thru my kids. My son went to live with my ex husbands
parents and my daughter went with my sister. It took 2 years for the court case to be over with. Then by that time I was working 3 jobs, living with roomates and had no way to care for my 2 children that I had not had for 2 years. Then I had to make a decision as to what was in their best interest at that time. As much as I wanted them back with me, could I take them out of a stable enviroment with someone who loves them, someone who was there constantly, to an environment of me working 3 jobs, sending them to day care, bringing them home just to put them to bed and not really spending time with them. We had all sat down and talked about it and decided to leave things as they were for the time being till I was better able to provide for them. Well about 2 years later I remarried, we bought a house, my sister gave me custody of my daughter back. But when I asked my ex inlaws for custody of my son back they told me they would fight me tooth and nail. My ex husband just laughed at me and told me it was my problem. Now during this whole 4 years I did have regular visitation with both of my children, but there were times when he would get in trouble and he could not come see me or they had something else planned, I never argued with them, I figured my day would come. It did but not in the way I expected. With them being so much older, they could not keep up with a child his age ( 11-12 years old) did not let him go play with his friends, because they couldn't go check on him, didn't let him get involved in any sports in school or after school programs, they didn't have they energy to keep up with him. He began to resent this. He began to feel cooped up with old people and wanted to be out running around with people his age. He began sneaking out at night with the wrong people, then when he got caught, he began to laugh at them and say what are you going to do about it and walk off from them and say things like your gonna chase me right. Then he began getting in trouble with the law and I would get phone calls in the middle of the night to come and get him. Finally one night my ex mother in law called me and told me to come and get him that she was tired of the law banging on her door at night and getting her up and that she couldn't do anything with him anymore. Now I'm not saying this is going to happen to your son, my son wanted to come live with me and they wouldn't let him. But just don't give up on trying. Find a lawyer that does free consultations, find out what it would take to get your son back, find out what it would take to get court ordered visitation, go thru a social services dept and take a parenting class, (that sure can't hurt if you go to court and it shows your serious) you don't need alot of money, your his mother, you paid your debt to society, your in good standing now, stay on the up and up, keep your chin up HIGH, walk with your shoulders back. Once you find out what you need to do, start working towards that goal, set $30.00 a week aside in a fund for lawyer fees, it might take some time but you will get there and you will have plenty of time to get everything together, every phone call, every missed visit documented. You document every little thing. You did your time in prision, now do your time for your son! GOOD LUCK!Responses to the 2 above..

Public defenders only do criminal cases, appointed by a judge here in Iowa.
Although I have custody, so does his father, and he has lived with his great grandparents since he was born. I placed him with them, the state was never involved.
I have done much researching and have discovered that I DO IN FACT need a lawyer.
I do not have the money. They are rich, and I would be involved in a very lengthy, costly battle.
I see him the most from June to the end of July. Probably twice a week. But from Aug to May it sucks. They do not answer the phone, if they do, he is 'sick' and can't go anywhere...they get upset and say their schedule doesn't revolve around mine. I'm like that's cool...if we set up ANYTIME I COULD SEE HIM, I'LL BE THERE ..
That doesn't get me anywhere either.
I can't make these people LET me and my son spend time together unless I have enough money for a lawyer.

Since my son has been in their care, they claim him, raised him, and he has been at their address since birth, it is kidnapping and I am not going back to prison.

That's the law. I might not agree, and you might not agree..but that's just the way it is.

Basically I am frustrated and figure one day, when he is able to, he will contact me.
He will want to see me.
They watch him constantly..he can't call me w/out them 'allowing' him to. He snuck once and they caught him. Now they watch him like a hawk.

I just want to know from kids/or used to be kids, would you come looking for me if you were my son?

He might be mad, but at least I know I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING I POSSIBLY CAN. I never gave up.
I don't want him caught in 'the middle' anymore, so I am going to let him come to me when HE is ready.
Don't seem like too many are concerned with how HE feels, so I want to relieve some of his pressure.