As you all I know I haven't been around much since Lee got out and it will probably be even less now.I started a new job about a week ago as an asst.manager at a Murphy USA store and I'm working alot of really crazy hours.And then this morning at about 4:30 Lee decides we need to talk after I worked until midnight last night...went to sleep around 1:30.He has decided he's not happy anymore and wants a divorce,he told me he hasn't been happy in quite a while.We have been having alot of ups and downs in the last 5 months...more downs than ups!!!So after we went through all the s*** we have been through with the ADOC and life in general he wants to cut the ties.I'll admit I haven't been perfect by no means but the finacial(sp)part is whats been our biggest issue and now that I've got a job making pretty good money he's ready to walk.We've had other issuses about me not having any kind of sex drive,I mean none to speak of.I've tried to explain to him I don't know if it's mental or physical or both But I just don't care if we have sex or not!!I know I'm getting older and just slowing down with such as that ,but I need some advise from y'all on this part....Is it just me or does this happen when you get older and more set in your ways of doing things?I'm soooooo scared of him leaving but at the same time we can't continue living so unhappy.I've never been the one to be scared of how will I make it by myself but now I'm a nerves wreck.Stephanie doesn't know whats going on yet and I don't know how she's gonna except this cause she loves Lee more than her own daddy.Y'all I really need some imput on what I can try to do to make things better,we are just going in circles and not solving any problems.I guess the biggest thing I need to do is stop and hit my knees.Y'all please offer me some advice and keep us in your prayers!!!!:( Sorry this is sooooo long.

I'm sorry I don't have a lot of advice for you--the only thing I can ask is have you considered seeing your doctor about your lack of sex drive? There can be so many causes for that. Not that I'm saying that he should want a divorce because of lack of sex...no way! I'm just throwing a suggestion out there.

Anyway, I'm here to offer (((HUGS))). I'll keep you in my prayers!

Nance

Well thanks Brandonsgirl,yeah I've tried to tell Lee that our marriage is not based on weather or not we have sex,but he always says well it's part of it and I agree.But I did tell him when I got insurance...which I have not had,that I would go to the Dr.to see if there is something wrong.But as for being a man in general he thinks I don't love him or want to have sex with him because I'm just not interested in him anymore.In the begining we did have sex alot but that in my opinion just goes along with a new relationship.

Im sorry you are going through this, it must be awful. Sometimes stress, as what you were experiencing, Im sure can cause a huge lack of interest in sex. I do think you should go get a check up when you can to make sure everything is ok, but I think alot of it had to do with stress. Maybe you can try counseling? But I hope you guys can work this out. Good luck.

Good Luck, I agree with others that when you are stressed you are not in the mood. At least I am not.
Maybe the thing to do is to each list issue you are having and see how you can work on them and if you are both willing to.

Well thanks Brandonsgirl,yeah I've tried to tell Lee that our marriage is not based on weather or not we have sex,but he always says well it's part of it and I agree.But I did tell him when I got insurance...which I have not had,that I would go to the Dr.to see if there is something wrong.But as for being a man in general he thinks I don't love him or want to have sex with him because I'm just not interested in him anymore.In the begining we did have sex alot but that in my opinion just goes along with a new relationship.

I just saw something on tv and it said that when a man has sex with his wife, in his mind/heart it strenghtens them and makes him more attached to her. It's a really big deal to them.

As women, we just think that is all they want (sex-sex-sex), but deep down it makes them feel validated, as a man.

Can I ask you a personal question?:confused: If you don't want to answer, that's ok too...when you are tired and don't feel like having sex with him and you do anyway, are you glad afterwards? Like, "Boy, I really didn't feel like it at first, but that was good and I'm happy that we did."

Leeslady, I hate you are going thru all of this. Have you guys talked about counsling (sp) ? Would he be willing to go? That could even help with the sex drive (talking to someone about it)....I know that being stressed is alot of it. I hope you guys can work it out.

Sorry to hear of your troubles. Are you by any chance on meds that may cause this lack of sex drive? Many anti-depressants can cause it and I mean ZERO sex drive when you are taking them. I agree check with a doctor or a counselor and hopefully you will get some answers and some kind of solution. Talk to Lee and hopefully he will stand by you while you work on this. Good Luck, Blu

It's like I told him.Usually if I'm not in the mood I do wind up getting in the mood,but lately he doesn't really even try,he always comes back with this crap about well you've turned me down so many times that I don't even try anymore.But our money problems we've had and the lack of sex is what's tearing us apart.He use to be such a homebody and now all of a sudden he's decided that we or he should hang out with this couple that we know.I don't really care for this couple,they are always having get togethers at their house (a bunch of really young people early twentys).The guy is just sickning with the way he flirts with other females,touching them calling them on his linc radio and talking very inappropriate for someone in a relationship and the girl will get tired of being around everybody and just get up and go in the house without saying a word.I've tried to explain to Lee that I don't like them and don't won't to hang out with them,so this past Saturday night he left me at home in bed to go to a team penning show we have locally every weekend.He told me this morning that he was not gonna chose me over them.We really have alot of problems here lately and I just don't know which way to turn.I'm sorry if I'm rambling on,But he won't listen and I know y'all will.I told him this morning he needs to make up his mind today and tell me what his plans are.Oh and the best part is yesterday was my birthday....hell of a birthday present huh?This is the only one he gave me....

Awwwww.....I hate you had a sucky b'day....so he isn't willing to go to counsling (sp) ? And you are not rambling...we are here for you...Will he not sit and talk to you about your concerns?

Happy belated Birthday....

Well he came home at lunch at we talked about going to counseling and he agreed to go,but at the same time he said it's not gonna do any good.I told him well if that what you already think...why are you willing to go?He didn't give any response when I ask him that.Yeah he will sit and talk to me about it,but we never solve anything we just keep repeating the same things over and over and never come up with a solution!!!It always come down to pointing fingers back and forth...saying it's your fault!!!We have an appointment set up for September 29th at 3 to start going for counseling.If we make it until then is just up to the Good Man upstair,I'm just gonna have to trust in God that his will...will be done!!!!!!

Thanks for the Happy Birthday.

Hi, just wanted to say I would talk to a dr. about this. My gyn has always asked me "how's your sex drive?". A dr. can help you with your problem. Best wishes.

First of all, I check your profil for your age. Trust me...your age has nothing to do with your lack of a sex drive...you're just getting started! You need to see a doctor about this. As for him thinking sex is the most important thing in a marriage...a lot of men do...most probably. Women love to snuggle, but most men believe that squeezing leaves to something more pleasing...but also, think about where he has been for last few years. Think about how many night he lay on his bunk and thought about the time he would be able to be with you. This may play a role in it all too, he was away from you for so long. By all means, talk to each other! Listen closely to what he says, and make sure he is hearing what you are truly saying in response. You make love to him...don't just have sex with him...but when he lease expect you to, make a move on him--and no, I don't mean for you to be his little goof nut at his beckon call. You are right about keep praying and keep talking. And go see that doc, girl. You're too young to even think you should be slowing down because of your age!

Go see the Doctor - you may be depressed, or you may have run a little low on testosterone (yep, that's what gives us sex drive). Ask him if he's got an alternative to counseling - and ask him to make the appointment (to get him involved!). Then stop your hurrying, plan an evening FOR him, get your mind around it, and do it up! And occasionally, instead of fussing over the things that aren't fixed yet, tell him how much you appreciate him, his body, his help, his whatever.

I agree with O-Reilly, girl sex shouldn't be so important, but in reality it is, especially to a man who has been in prison, well that sounded tacky, but you know what I'm saying. You should make love with him, not have sex for him. Take some initiative to get yourself in the mood before he gets there, or on your way home, or whatever. Make some special time, when you guys can go out, with only eachother, none of these friends! That is just some suggestions while your waiting for Sept. 29th to come!! I hope everything gets better, take care of you girl!!

Honey I'm sorry about all of this. but stress can kill about anything and if by chance there is not fore play then that could be something all so. I'm not sure. I would go to the Doctors ASAP!! I"m older than you and my sex drive is better than when I was younger... I wish you the best.

I'm so sorry to hear this, Lees. I was going to suggest counseling but see others have... did want to add, tho, that if there are any financial concerns about counseling or couples' therapy, be sure and check into any low-cost type stuff like that that might be offered in your area. There has been a lot of goverment funding nationwide for family counseling services (probably the first place to check would be your local Dept of Human Services office) and it's even free in a lot of larger localities. And just because it's free or low-cost or run by the government doesn't mean the counselors are quacks - though we are no longer in touch, my ex is a social worker in Alabama and I expect a very good one.

Anyway, just wanted to drop that in there, didn't know if the financial end would be a concern but just in case it is! Good luck and I hope things might get better for you soon...

LeesLady,
It all starts with our heavenly father. God must be the center of a marriage, not just one...both! Does your husband have a relationship with Jesus Christ? It sounds like you do from your conversation...if you would rather talk privately send me a pm.... God loves you and your husband more than you both will ever know!

Rev. Jeff

foreplay starts on Monday...start with small stuff...put the stress behind you for just a moment...truely, take 30 sec. write a sticky note, put it in his truck or horse trailer where he will see it. Men are very reactive, you will find that with modern meds and a little sticky note here a little text messege there...you will over come this if it is what you and him want...blessings, wendy

That's really too bad, I hope you can work this out. Guys never want to go to counseling, they think that everyone is looking at them and it's their fault, (my ex told me that, that's why he's my ex : ) )

Here is a really good website i found about some of the causes...

http://www.womans-health.net/low_sex_drive.htm

I would explain to him about how the problems and stress between you plus a possible medical condition could have caused and complicated this. The two of you can work on all these issues and overcome them, but only if he is willing to.

I think you have to lay it on the line and then let him decide what he is going to do, he had a time when he needed your support, and you loved and were there for him.

now here's the flip side, can he do the same for you?

Thanks Disco,this link will be a very helpful one,I'm printing this out right now.Lee has said that I've rejected him sexually so many times he does even want to try anymore...because he thinks I'm just not interested.I'm gonna print this out and highlight a few things for him to read on here!!!As for all the suggestions thanks y'all.It's really hard though with us to even try to get together to do anything....Lee goes to work at like 5 in the morning and comes home around 7 every night,six days a week.I'm working all kinds of different hours and I rarely get a Sunday which is his only day off.I've got to be available for work at the store from 5 in the morning until midnight through the week and till 1 on Friday and Saturday!!!

Good luck to yall. It just broke my heart when I read your first post because you have been there for him while he was in prison. Everybody has problems and shortcomings they need to work on, and while sex isnt the most important aspect of a relationship, problems in that area can make things difficult and overflow into other areas. I hope yall can talk things out and come to an understanding, its all about meeting halfway. Girl you are young and be glad your man still wants you the way he does. Imagine how many nights when yall were apart and how often he probably thought about being intimate with you.

As you all I know I haven't been around much since Lee got out and it will probably be even less now.I started a new job about a week ago as an asst.manager at a Murphy USA store and I'm working alot of really crazy hours.And then this morning at about 4:30 Lee decides we need to talk after I worked until midnight last night...went to sleep around 1:30.He has decided he's not happy anymore and wants a divorce,he told me he hasn't been happy in quite a while.We have been having alot of ups and downs in the last 5 months...more downs than ups!!!So after we went through all the s*** we have been through with the ADOC and life in general he wants to cut the ties.I'll admit I haven't been perfect by no means but the finacial(sp)part is whats been our biggest issue and now that I've got a job making pretty good money he's ready to walk.We've had other issuses about me not having any kind of sex drive,I mean none to speak of.I've tried to explain to him I don't know if it's mental or physical or both But I just don't care if we have sex or not!!I know I'm getting older and just slowing down with such as that ,but I need some advise from y'all on this part....Is it just me or does this happen when you get older and more set in your ways of doing things?I'm soooooo scared of him leaving but at the same time we can't continue living so unhappy.I've never been the one to be scared of how will I make it by myself but now I'm a nerves wreck.Stephanie doesn't know whats going on yet and I don't know how she's gonna except this cause she loves Lee more than her own daddy.Y'all I really need some imput on what I can try to do to make things better,we are just going in circles and not solving any problems.I guess the biggest thing I need to do is stop and hit my knees.Y'all please offer me some advice and keep us in your prayers!!!!:( Sorry this is sooooo long.

Hi LeesLady, I don't know how long Lee was in for, but weather 1 month or 1 century it seems you waited for him patiently, suffered and supported him while in prison. AND NOW HE WANTS TO LEAVE YOU!. He is an ungrateful man, and why should you be scared? You made it on your own while he was away, you were able to get a job as a store manager so you can continue to make it on your own. Don't be afraid!! if he can't appreciate you is because he doesn't love you enough, then you are better of alone. If this is about sex and you still love him, visit your gynecologist he or she can prescribe some hormones to help bring back your sex drive, but have your doctor explain to you the side efects. Unfortunately or fortunately us woman are sensitive creatures and when we are sad or worried we can't enjoy sex. Men are not the same. Good Luck. You can make it one way or the other........

well heck, I'm a little late on this but i've got to share, as you know kenny and i married while he was in prison, long sentence too, anyways around about the same time Lee tails you he wants a divorce, 5 months home, Kenny questioned our marriage, told me that he wasn't sure if "this" is what he wanted!!! yep, talk about flooring a person...I almost lost it, I think he excepted me to break down and beg him not to...didn't happen, i looked him dead in his face and told him to be sure to get every thing he owned out of my home that very day, I told him it would be a cold day in hell before I would play that "i'm not sure game", my word, I married this man and didn't even know what his freakin feet looked like much less anything else, he left, took his few clothes that we've (I) managed to get him up and left...for a couple of hours....Men...ex-inmates...i swear...they are such a trip...as for the sex thing..i'll tell you a story...my mother-in-law works with elder women and one sunday she took a 85 year old women to church, the lady stands up and tells the whole place to "pray for god to send her a man! that she had needs"..the place became very quiet, as my mother-in-law lead her out. In the car on the way back home she ask the older women if she really had needs? and this 85 year old women said "of course i do" every women has sexual needs, so my mother in law ask her how old do you have to be NOT to have needs and was told "i don't know" you'll have to ask someone older than me, on arrival home there is a nother women that is 92 years old and she ask her the same question...and to her surprise, was told by this sweet 92 year old women...that she didn't know..she'd have to ask someone older than her..

so, i have come to the conculsion, i'm gonna need me a younger man one day.....LOL..

hang in the lees, he'll come around or he will not, you have proven your strenght in more ways than one, maybe its time he shows his strenght!!

Well y'all Lee is still being Lee and doing whatever he wants too.As you all know there are some problems with the friends he has and I've already talked to him until I'm blue in the face and everytime I think things are gonna be ok.....here we go again.He made plans to go team penning with his buddies tonight AND he WENT and here I sit.Y'all I don't know what else to do.HE went fishing until 2:30 Wednesday morning,I didn't fuss cause I know he wants to do things now that he's out,but we don't really enjoy the same things.Y'all I've cried,begged,cussed,raised tee total hell and everything else I know to do to get this man to stay at home and do things with me.I told him I'm give out... I want you to stay home and be with me.I slept 5 hours last night after I worked 11 hours yesterday.I had to be at work this morning at 4 and I have to be at work in the morning at 5.I told him I've done all I know to do except leave.He told me well I planned this a week ago and If I tell somebody I'm gonna do something then I do it.Last weekend it was to go to a cookout he had planned with these friends of his.I had to go pick him up at 10:30 last Sat.night cause he had been drinking.I told him when we were fussing earlier that I'm gonna leave if you go and I'm talking tears rolling down my cheeks saying if you go I'm leaving and he choose to go.I told him if he went instead of staying home with me he was just more or less saying he didn't care if I stay or go.What should I do Y'all?I told him if I stay it's just like me saying it's ok for you to treat me like crap I'll put up with itHe just keeps telling me he doesn't understand what is wrong with him doing things he wants to do sometimes.I've told him all I care about doing is working,paying the bills,taking care of my daughter and being able to spend some time with him...PLEASE HELP,I don't know which way to turn.It looks like I'm gonna be needing some Valium really soon.

Leeslady,

Girl, I hate you are going thru this. (((hugs))) to you. It has been a few days since you posted and I am hoping things are better...you are in my thoughts and prayers...

Sorry you are going through this now after all you have already been through. I agree that you should see a doctor to find out of it is something physical. HOWEVER, did you ever stop to think that while he was incarcerated that you put your sex drive on HOLD and that it might take a while to get out of that mode? Maybe he needs to give that some thought also.

Please try to hang in there. He is confused and gong through alot. My tendency is also to run. You say Lee has been out a while. I don't think its ever what they expect. Or you.
He needs to go talk to a counselor about his fears.
Sit down and talk about a few things. Let him make a budget on where he will live and what he will need.
Its all so much for you and him both without help from a counselor. Does he have a job?