Well I got a letter from my husband yesterday asking me if I could get the NA workbook sent to him and also a while back I had found someone in NA who would sponsor him thru the mail, and I told my husband but he wasn't too interested at the time but in yesterday's letter he asked me for the guy's name and address. This is a pretty major move here, he's in extended lockdown right now so he can't go to meetings or anything like that, in a cell 24/7; so anyway he was saying with all this time on his hands he should use it to start working the steps so he asked if I could get the workbook sent (he already has the book) and send him the guy's address who is willing to sponsor thru the mail so I am really hopeful about this. He said he hasn't had an urge to get hi in a while but he knows that when he gets out it will be different because it always is. So he said he wants to be more prepared. I am really hopeful about this now, he's never made a move to start doing any work with the program before. But I also know that it's time for me to send him the book and then stay out of it, I have a hard time not butting into his recovery & I know I need to stay out. I need to double up on my alanon meetings I think so I will be better equipped to stay out of it. I just read Kath's post on how she said the meetings just weren't for her, I guess not everyone needs it but I know I do. I don't want to get over hopeful, all he did really was ask for a book and a sponsor, but it's a big first step. I know first hand how serious this thing is, if either of us picks up there will be no more "us", and we have a daughter who will have to see things she shouldn't have to see, I know I need help with my codependency issues here. Anyway, I'm rambling now, I know I need to send him the stuff and then get busy on my own step work, I've been on step one working it in alanon for about 4 months now, seems like I'm stuck on it. It seemed easier to me when I worked the steps in AA, I guess I was more motivated to do it because I was afraid if I didn't I'd pick up, get hi & drink. It's harder to get motivated with this. Anyway, I'm rambling again.

Hi Kathy,
Yes indeed girl it is a big step and I applaud him for his willingness to do the steps. The thing I would suggest is contact na online because I think if I am not mistaken he has to receive it from the publisher. They have a book list that you can order from. Also you might want to try hazelton they have alot of recovery books online that you could order for him and they would send it to him. I think he could receive it that way. Also for my codepency issues the book that has helped me not but into my husband's program is the language of letting go. It is a devotional type thing but it has truly validated me in so many ways. It was written by Melody Beatty she has written alot of books on codepency. I hope this helps and tell hubby you go guy!!!!!

Cherrie from tx

Right at first, I wouldn't send him a lot of books. Just send what he asked for. If you send him a bunch right now, he might feel like you're shoving it at him and you know how that would go. Remember what little baby steps we had to take in recovery and how overwhelming it seemed just to even consider working the steps. My heart rejoices with you that he's starting on his amazing journey. I'll definitely pray for you both.

And breathe, my dear! Just keep calmly breathing! LOL I know how it feels like you're holding your breath, just praying and hovering and hoping against hope. What helped me with my husband was to remind myself that HP can do anything, and if it was OK with HP that Roy be at whatever stage he was (or wasn't) in the program, then who was I to interfere? A big warm hug for you!

Thanks for the input, Cherrie I will try to get that book this weekend, I've heard mention of it quite a bit lately so I will go get it. The book codependent no more helped me a lot when I first read it, but I guess just like the Big Book it's a book you have to read over & over, not just once. But I will get that book because I know I need all the help I can get. Toi I really liked the way you put that, that if it was okay with HP that he's at whatever stage then who am I to interfere, I'm going to remember that. I also want to say that I really love reading the posts that both of you make, you both seem to have some really great sobriety, and I really respect what yall have to say.

I know I had to order thru NA but thanks for thinking of it anyway. And I know I can't send him anything else other than what he asked for, and I'm going to try real hard not to even ask him where he's at or anything about it, and just let him tell me if & when he wants to. I don't think I would have liked anyone giving me the 3rd degree about my progress as I went along. But I may be back here from time to time for a little support in that area! Thanks a lot.

Kathy, I am glad that you got some answers to your question and yes I agree with toi who am i to interfere. I have learn in my recovery to try to stay out of others business unless I have business in it then there is no need unless someone would ask me for a suggestion then I would still not interfere but offer a suggestion. Hang in there!!!!Don't hesitate to keep posting in here as you need okay.

hugs,
cherrie from tx

This is fantasic news Kathy.