Hi again. Here's the thing... As most of you guys know, I'm a newbie here and my boyfriend JayJay is currently in a county jail, his situation is still unknown on wether he'd go to prison or not but that's off the point right now. My boo, JayJay is black and I'm white. He's hearing and I'm deaf, met him 2 and half years ago and we've been together ever since. Anyways, again off the point. I'm angry :angry: and very hurt by this friend, I'll call her Cass because she had recently admitted to me that she never had and never will support my interracial relationship with my boyfriend. I've known Cass for 8 years, met through high school and we became fast friends when we met. Anyways... she also told me that now her boyfriend, whom I'll call Tony, *they both are white* refuses to meet me now *he used to want to meet me because of the funny stories Cass used to tell him about me and Cass and our times* only because I'm a N lover. When she told me that, both cases, I felt like I was being totally stabbed in the heart. When I learned that, I immediately thought.... "what is color? My man, JayJay to me is a human being that is loved by me all through 110% and he has a soul, he has feelings, he has a mind, he's just the same as you except color of the skin" Now, since I found out of her admittance of not supporting interracial relationships, I feel that I can't have her as my friend anymore. I can't be friends with people that does not see people past colorof the skin. Now, the thing is.. I've lost so many friends, either lost touch or well basically lost touch and I also lost my best friend whom ill call Teebs only because she's stupid and I feel really lost because my boo's in jail and he's not here with me right now and he's my best friend, my lover, my boo, my everything and other than that, I only have one one true friend, I'll call her M, that's behind me 110% and is very supportive of interracial relationships. It's hard because M doesn't live in the same state as me and she practically and literally lives on the opposite side of this country. She's on the west side and i'm on the east side. So anyways, I just felt that I needed to vent this real bad because my boo isn't here to listen, to lend me his shoulder for me to cry on and to comfort me. If I did tell him about this whole crap, he'd say "you don't need her, you got me, always and forever." That i know, is true but the problem is... he is not here physically, and I need him here phsyically along with mentally, emotionally and a whole lot more. *sighs* :( Nothing wrong with wanting some friends to lend an ear and a shoulder, right?

I am soo sorry you are going through all of this. Things will work out, that you can be sure of! Everyone has their own beliefs, we can't push ours onto them, nor can they push theirs onto us. That's what makes us all different. I believe that if she was a true friend she would agree to disagree. I believe, frankly, that to each their own. It's not something I would do personally, but I don't base my feelings of another person on their choices on how they live their lives. Its the way they treat me, and how I treat them that makes a friendship. I wish you all the best in your journey through this very trying time. Good Luck!

Hope Cass's boyfriend lasts, 'cause if he doesn't, she's going to be missing your friendship and support. Sounds like she is picking up her ideas on life from him and you're better off without her but it is hard losing someone you thought was a good friend. People just love to narrow the field in who would be acceptible for us to be with but you have to follow your heart. Love should be color blind. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but no one should try to force theirs onto you. Find some comfort in knowing that you are the better person.

i'll be your friend!!! lol, but seriously, if you need someone to talk to (i've got an ear and a shoulder as you asked for!), i'm just a PM away!

about "cass" i think you are better off without a friend like that. life is too short to waste your time trying to get others to like you. real friends will love you no matter who you choose to love. if you are happy, they should be fine with it. i think it's terrible that she's trying to impose her racist beliefs on you and her boyfriend sounds like a jerk! he not only disrespected a relationship that makes you happy, he also disrespected you by calling you an "N lover"

in my opinion, you shouldn't waste another thought on these people. do what makes you happy. the people that care (about you being in an interracial relationship) don't matter and the people that truly matter won't care!

one last thing, you should check out the "interracial relationships" forum for some extra support.

As My Husband Says - You Cant Help Who You Fall In Love With.

I Am White And My Husband Is Black. Seeing His Color Is The Last Thing I Notice. If She Is Truely Your Friend Than She Will Support. If She Is Not Supporting You Because Of Her Man, Than She Has A Bigger Problem Than She Thinks. Like Another Lady Said, If He Left, You Friend Would Miss The Crap Out Of Out. She Probably Already Does.

Hang On To The One True Friend You Have And Concentrate On That.

Good Luck.

It is truly a shame that in 2006 there are still people who see color when they look at relationships. I would think 8 years of friendship would be more important than a man who may or may not stick around.
I am white and my husband is Puerto Rican and the day someone decides they don't want to meet me because of my husband being Puerto Rican is the day they lose out on a chance to know a great woman. You should see it exactly the way I see it--it's their loss, not yours.
Love doesn't know color, creed, disability or gender--we fall in love when love wants us to and with whom it chooses for us. Be proud of your relationship and all that it has overcome. Don't let two haters bring you down.
Remember, you're a NEW YORKER, baby girl and we are some tough ladies out here. We bounce back from just about anything!!!

Honestly there is nothing you can do to change other people's minds or perspectives on your relationship. There are so many people out here that are judgmental and shallow and can't see the man behind the bars. As far as your so-called friends, let them walk out of your life and shut the door, you do not need anyone like that in your life, especially over the race of you and your man. as far as your long distance friend, stay in touch with her, she sounds like a true friend to me. and you now have all the friends across the us and abroad even who are willing, able and ready to hear you, let you cry, let you scream, let you brag about your man and your relationship.
As far as the physical contact, I know it may seem impossible, but honestly just don't think about it, it isn't about what we don't have right now, it's about what we will have when they come home that you need to stay focused on. I have to admit that sometimes when my boys hug me I tend to imagine that they are hugs from my man (how sad is that) stay connected to your man, TALK to him about EVERYTHING, open communication is the key to making a prison relationship work, well really any relationship but its vital here because all you have is letters, phone calls and visits. Being able to share your thoughts, feelings, frustrations, joy, happiness, love, longing, with him about every day life is what keeps him a part of your world. he will be grateful to you for being so thoughtful about him and being willing to trust him with all your pouring out on the paper.
Sorry this ended up being so long. Hope you can find some peace of mind

Honestly there is nothing you can do to change other people's minds or perspectives on your relationship. There are so many people out here that are judgmental and shallow and can't see the man behind the bars. As far as your so-called friends, let them walk out of your life and shut the door, you do not need anyone like that in your life, especially over the race of you and your man. as far as your long distance friend, stay in touch with her, she sounds like a true friend to me. and you now have all the friends across the us and abroad even who are willing, able and ready to hear you, let you cry, let you scream, let you brag about your man and your relationship.


I agree with buttercup. If she could have been your friend for so long and change her views for a 'man' then you don't need her anyway. She wasnt' really down for you or with you. It's hard, but PTO is a great place to meet people, and you could join a activity in your hometown, or take a class at the community college.

It is hard being without our men, but this can be a real good time to focus on getting us together and doing stuff we've always wanted to do. If you need to talk, just pm me okay!

"Real" friends don't do what this woman has done to you. It's too bad that there are still prejudiced people in this world. They're missing out on SO much! She's not your friend. Never was....just my opinion

all so much for your input and opinions and for your ears. You all are so right. Ever since that happened, I decided that Cass isn't worth to be friends with now. I'm not trying to get her to like me or my man or anything like that. I don't care if she likes me or not. She chose to like me as friends in the past but then the last night thing... she was so different and I didn't like it. As for M, my friend on the opposite side of the country, she's definitely my true friend. I already know that. Anyways, thank you for listening, I feel much much better venting it out last nite. I'm glad I found this website!!!!!!*laughs* :D

Boo, if anyone in your life walks away from you and your friendship then let them go. Give them one of these ---> :wave:and let them go because friend or lover, your destiny is not tied to anyone who walks away from you. Everything happens for a reason -- who knows -- down the line after your man comes home she could be the first one who tries to "get at him" just to see "what's so good about him that's got you so crazy about him". Thank God or whoever or whatever it is that you believe in for small miracles, and take your so-called friends' disappearing acts as blessings in disguise. :o

BTW, how do I do the PM thing? There's some people in this section that I'd like to PM, if you'd let me know, I'd be greatly appreicated! :)

Click on the person's name you want to pm then click on send private message.
Its sad that your friend and her boyfriend are so ignorant. If she really cared about you, who you date (black, white, hispanic, etc) wouldn't matter. What should matter to her is that your happy. I've had friends/family say things to me about my boyfriend being black (I'm white) and how we shouldn't be together cuz we're not the same race. They're stupid and its sad that people are like that. You should have people around you that build you up, not put you down.

Im In The Same Situation...my Best Friend For Over 14 Years Is So Unsoportive........shes Calling Me Stupid For Waiting For Him.... But I Love Him And At The End Of The Day ..... He Makes Me Alot More Happy Than She Ever Will... Dont Get Me Wrong Because I Love Her Too But If It Came Down To Chosing It Be Him .... I Love You Him His My Frined And Soulmate.... Lover.. Confident...etc...

I agree with HesoHandsome! Ppl with those types of mindframes dont need any attn.. Just need to be kicked to the sidelines until they learn how to appreciate life for what it is .. LIFE and not just appreciate by color and race.. For every race has contributed to the things that we all use or have used ..

My best friend for 4 years will actually tell a guy when she starts dating them that her best friend only dates black guys and if they have a problem with that they need to hit the door. Because true friendship last a lifetime, even if you dont always agree with things they do and boyfriends will come in and out your life---until you meet the right one that is.

I completely understand i lost alot of friends over the years that could not accept my being with my blk man. You know know what I never cared to me if they cant support me I dont want them as friends and good bye to them. I lov emy man he is my soul mate he ahs been my best friend since i was 2 years old. he knows me in and out so i dont care what others have to say no matter who they are to me.

love is love no matter what color,how tall specking seeing it doesnt matter love is love and if your friend doesnt understand that then she can never really love that my view i wish you the best and theres nothing wroung with it just gays its doesnt matter as long as you have love am also here if you would like to chat
only an real bi*ch would take time not to love somone or not want to meet them because they found true love in a nuther color this is real life they your friends need to grow up
good luck again
huggs

I know exactly how you feel. I've lost a lot of friendships b/c of dating black guys too. They haven't exactly said it to my face like that but you just know they're talking about you and kinda learn to just keep your distance b/c they're not really true friends. I only have one white friend that really understands and that I can talk to about him and she also lives out of state. My other friends live 4 hours away. So I feel all alone. The only friends I have here are the 3 girls that are in my class and there's no way I'm going to tell them about him not b/c he's black b/c they already know I have a mixed daughter and so I must like black guys but b/c he's in prison. I don't want my teachers and potential employers to find out about him so I choose to hide it from them which is really hard and makes this situation even worse. My b/f is also my very best friend and a lot of times I feel like he's the only person I really have and he's not here so it really sucks. But he'll be here soon enough so it'll be ok. I wish you the best and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.:)

I am so sorry you have had to deal with this. It is never easy, but you will be the stronger person. I couldnt say it any better than someone did in one of the posts. YOU CANNOT HELP WHO YOU LOVE, YOU SHOULDNT HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT. IT JUST IS WHAT IT IS....You will find love support and understanding here at PTO.
Take care and good luck
msmomto4