After serving 12 years in prison, being released was a great moment in my life, but also a scary one. A person who leaves prson will nevr be the same, but there are major steps he or she can take.

I have to say this, and this is important. I heard all the time on the inside people say:"Man, I can hardly wait until I get out!!!" Okay, we all felt that way, but the question is : "What are you going to do once you are released?" Believe it or not, there is a LOT to do once a person gets out. I was fortunate to have support along the way, but many do not.

A eprson has to decide on a game plan or it is going to be difficult, and frankly, it can be overwhelming at times. Put it like this...I was released, and the shock alone was incredible. I was nervous because everything I had ever wanted was right before me, but I was not sure how to cope...

I had to meet my PO withn 72 hours, get a driver's license, get a new social security card, had to fill out paper work for my job, I registered in college at George Mason University, had to buy new clothes, ahd to do various other tasks to JUST get settled in, but what about time for readjustment? That was the hard part.While I was doing all of this ( with the help of my loved ones), I was tired, a little frustrated, overwhelmed, etc. I didn't really take the time for myself to readust, and believe me, after 12 years I needed adjustment.

After two weeks, I was working a full-time job ( which after 4 years of freedom, I love)...after 3 weeks, I was enrolled in college ( never stepped foot into a college classroom before) full-time, and I was STILL trying to overcome the fact that I was free. For the first time in a long time, I had to make decisons and choices. I had to learn how to adjust, or I was going to go back. Plain and simple. Life out here is fast and those who are on the inside need to formulate a plan WHILE THEY ARE INSIDE!!! I did and believe me, it helped. I also ask that people have PATIENCE...this is key. The bottom line is this...do people who have served time want to stay out and be free or make the same mistakes and go back. It takes a lot of hard work out here, but it is worth it in the long-run.

I look back now over those years and it was tough. I am thankful that I had support, but what about those who don't? I now am going to graduate next year with a degree in Economics...I love my job and make great money, I run a webite, and I stay involved in prison issues and organizations. Yes, I choose to do all of this, but my freedom is worth it...is your loved ones?

People out here are willing to give people a second chance, but it takes more than lip-service to make it out here. It is time to produce and show people through our ACTIONS that we are serious. My PO has even let me go out of the country pertaining to my job...bet people didn't know that they could get a passport, but they can with their PO's permission. Relationships have to be established as well...I still struggle with that part even after 4 years of freedom, but all things come in do time.

I would love to see everyone take the time on the inside to really evaluate their life and decide on what they can do for their future, and believe me it takes help and team work from people on the outside. It is rough out here, but I am making it...and thers can do the same if they want to. Prison life is tough, but I hope that people on the inside are not fooled in thinking that it is a piece of cake once they are released...it is not.

All of those who support people on the inside...my hat goes off to you. I mean that.

Brian

Thank you so much Brian. I am so very happy for you and your family. How wondeful that you are doing so well and have talken the time to post for all of us. Jackie

No problem, the system is just getting worse and I want people to realize what they are up against. My wish is for all to make it out here so we don't need prisons. Take care, and thank you for the comments.

Brian

Hello Brian, I am happy for your success. Would you be interested in listing things here that you think we on the outside could/should be doing to help our loved ones also succeed?

Hi Brian,

Congratulations on re-gaining your freedom, and on your successes. Thanks for sharing your story.

I have a good friend who will be getting out in about 4 and a half years, after serving 12 already.

I try and send him whatever I can towards his college courses, or whatever he chooses to use it on. He is a super smart guy, who has used his time productively.

I was just wondering, if you have an amount of what it costs to get all you did accomplished, not counting school.

I mean the license, whole wardrobe, and all of that?

I did have a pal a couple of years ago, and to get him set up in a halfway house, was I would say, a little over a thousand dollars, as he had just the shirt on his back.

Back to you, Brian.....I am glad you are doing so well, and Im glad you are on PTO to help us out!

amanda8088:)

Thanks Brian,

My husband will be released from prison in 7 days. I am a bit nervous as to how he will handle all the changes after being locked up 18 yrs. He is a good man and has many goals but, I am worried how he will handle disappointment. I have always included him in helping make decisions out here so he would atleast have a bit of a feeling of controling his life.
I hope and pray all goes well. He has a strong support system and god in his life and I hope this is enough to set his direction.

To Brian- Well done. I have only just been realeased after a couple of years but you are so right it is tough out here! I too am extremely lucky and have fantastic support from my love and our whole family so I am confident that the future is bright however its still nice to hear from others with more experience.
To Mary- CONGRATS-the two of you can soon start the rest of your lifes TOGETHER fantastic. it only makes sence to be nervous but support your man and keep reminding him that its the TWO of you now and forever!Also dont be surprised if your man does the odd wierd thing. For instance every now and then,usually late at night,I go out in the car on my own.I think my wife was concerned what I was doing but initailly I was to thick to notice her concern. Once I explained myself she fully understands.Basically I get claustrophobic-like attacks and what I do is drive to the beach or up on the hills where I can see all the cities lights and think.I use the time to refocus on what is important to me and my hopes and goals and how Im going to achieve them. All the best for the future.Make sure you show your man this site as it has and is really helping me re-establish my life.

I think the main thing is just to have patience with them. They have served time and it takes a while to get over that, but when I write people on the inside I tell them too that they need to exert patience with their loved ones as well.

Congrats Ludo....you deserve the best man. I like your advice as well...take care and stay in touch.

Brian

Hi Brian,

Congratulations on re-gaining your freedom, and on your successes. Thanks for sharing your story.

I have a good friend who will be getting out in about 4 and a half years, after serving 12 already.

I try and send him whatever I can towards his college courses, or whatever he chooses to use it on. He is a super smart guy, who has used his time productively.

I was just wondering, if you have an amount of what it costs to get all you did accomplished, not counting school.

I mean the license, whole wardrobe, and all of that?

I did have a pal a couple of years ago, and to get him set up in a halfway house, was I would say, a little over a thousand dollars, as he had just the shirt on his back.

Back to you, Brian.....I am glad you are doing so well, and Im glad you are on PTO to help us out!

amanda8088:)


I would say about a $1,000 at least. People can actually get money for school from the government in the beginning and they don't have to pay it back. But, for clothes, license, etc. food, housing ( if they don't have any), etc. can cost big time...transportation too even if they ride a bus, etc. Just go over the basics and estimate and then add a few hundred on to that. I had money on the inside, and did have support so that helped.

Thnaks for the kind words...I appreciate it.

Brian

Thanks Ludo

My husband knows about PTO and I have always been elected to buddy up with the other g-friends, wives, families of the guys inside as a support system which has been good for all involved. For messages, issues inside etc.
5 days to go. I know there is going to be an adjustment period and I keep telling my husband we just need to take this one day at a time and all will be fine. His biggest issue is not wanting to be a burden on anybody. I just say whatever we have to do, we'll do it.

what a great post Brian , keep up the great work !!

Hi Brian

Thank you so much for your postings. My boyfriend has 4 and 1/2 years to go. I'm trying to save a little here and there for him. I have set up a saving account which I make biweekly deposits. The purpose of this is to prepare for his homecoming. I'm hoping that this will lighten the load when he gets home. He has no idea that I have done this. In the end I don't want him to feel he has to ask me for money everytime he needs something. He's overall a responsible person who made a few bad decisions. A number of supportive family members and friends I know have also decided to start funds for their loved one. The start up costs you mention in your posting have helped. Congrats on your success and thank you for being dedicated to helping others and sharing your experiences. It is greatly appreciated.

Brian, what a great story. Keep up the good work:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

I have been getting positive emails from my cousin who is in a halfway house--found a job, was looking at a better job, attending AA and church, reconnecting with a sister, looking forward to meeting me when I am flying there in a couple of weeks..

Now a personal setback, realizing his daughter doesn't want him at her wedding, has depressed him. I am afraid he has turned to drinking and drugs. He tells me I am "his rock."

I don't know how to be his rock.

Brian, did you have setbacks? What helped you overcome them?

By the way, you are a great role model and we need more like you. Thanks for sharing.

First, I think that anyone who stands by their loved one is a "rock". Support is crucial to those who are coming back out to the outside.

Obstacles? Of course...just readjusting to life again was the hardest part. I had to make my own decisions and it was tough. I still face problems, but it is called life. Congrats on your cousin...it sounds like he is on the right path. Many choose to give up, and they go back....sad, but true.


Brian

I panicked and misread something. My cousin is working, truly not letting the small stuff get him down and tried but left the door open to communicate with family. He's preparing himself to survive the holidays and just got a great job.

It seems as if one achievement, be it as small as not losing your cool over something, gives him confidence to be able to attain another success. I am so proud of him!

I think he is now my rock.


First, I think that anyone who stands by their loved one is a "rock". Support is crucial to those who are coming back out to the outside.

Obstacles? Of course...just readjusting to life again was the hardest part. I had to make my own decisions and it was tough. I still face problems, but it is called life. Congrats on your cousin...it sounds like he is on the right path. Many choose to give up, and they go back....sad, but true.


Brian

wow brian, congratulations!

i just want to copy this entire thread and send it to my hubby!

PLANNING IS CRUCIAL!!! AMEN TO THAT!!!

i hardly ever yell but this thread has me clapping up a storm! :clap: :yay: :thumbsup:

congratulations and many blessings for a continued great future!

Hi Brian,
Just wanted to give an update.

It has been 2 months since my husbands release and frankly it has been amazing watching him work...LOL He was released August 17th and basically just fell right in place here. Instant husband and Dad!

The biggest issue I noticed after his release was being able to make his own decisions. ie: just what he wanted for dinner was a big decision.
Everything just seemed to come rather easily for him.

We have had no problems and get along great. I am amazed as to how smooth his transition from prison to outside has went.

We work very well as a team and it works for us.


Keep up the good work.

Mary

Congrats Mary...those who want to make it out here can and will. Support is crucial and he sounds like he is on the right path.

Brian

Hello Brian,

Thank you for your original post. The information was helpful. Your post made me realize that it is a lot of pressure on our guys once they are released they have to make a ton of decision plus they are trying to make everyone proud of them.

My guy is on his way to a halfway house in less than thirty days. I am getting everything prepared for him now it is costing a ton of money.
I am concerned about him getting a drivers license. He has not had one for some time. It was revoked before he went in. Can you tell me what your process was to get your drivers license.

Thank You