Talked to Bill last night. It was a surprise, because it wasn't our scheduled phone call day (to save costs, he calls, Mon, Wed and Fri). So as soon as I answered the phone I said what do you need?

He starts with baby it's not for me. I really don't want anything and you don't have to decide right away. I knew I was in trouble with those words. You know it seems every time we're making any type of progress he slips back.

Anyways, it seems there's a guy in the program with him who has a fiance with some disabilities and scolosis. Well she's homeless. And the only places in there area for homeless people are the ones ridded with addicts and supposingly she's clean never done anything. He wants me to think about taking this stranger in and helping her out. Because her guy is afraid for her safety with her living on the streets.

He was good playing on my emotions, telling me how I could help her, since I'm dealing with the scolosis issue with my youngest daughter and how I'm dealing with the shyness and the learning disabilities with my oldest daughter. And how this poor girls is sleeping behind dumpsters fearing for her life every night.

So what could I say. I told him I would agree to meet her. It wasn't something I felt real comfortable with. And we would have to meet with each other several times before I made a decision. The whole time that country song "What if she's an Angel" is playing in my head.

So the floor is open. What do you guys think?

Bless you is all that I can say. I feel really sorry for alot of people, but I have a hard enough time holding my family down. I couldnt imagine taking on another person, especially being handicapped. But I'm glad that there are women out there strong enough. Hope God blesses you in any decision you make.

I think you made a good decision in just meeting her first. I too would be really leary about having a stranger coming into my home, especially with children there. I would meet with her and maybe you can find another solution instead of your home.

And maybe you are an angel, but you have to put your kids and your safety first! You don't know this person or her boyfriend.

And, this just occured to me, how will you contact her and how does he know she is still homeless? How do they communicate? It could be your guy is just a sap and gets suckered in by sad stories too. Mine has been known!

Follow your heart and and the answer will come to you.

Christy,

She comes to visit her guy on Saturdays, so the two of them (Bill and this guy) are going to tell her where to meet me at.

Here's the question that came to my mind last night. Bill said she's gets disability from the state, which isn't much and doesn't play a role in my decision other than, if she is homeless how does she get her checks?

This is what I would do...I would meet with her and get a feel. If it is a positive feeling I would invite her for dinner at your house. Then get a feel for that. Then if that is positive then I would have her spend one night. Then if that is positive than I would take her in. Ask all the questions before you take her in and also agree what part of her disability that she will contribute to her stay. Could be good and might not but only you can decide. I just got set up by someone last week so i am a little hesitant to put myself out there right now. But I know that I did the Godly thing and the other person didn't so I'm ok with it.

I would be very leary if I were you... I had a friend who let a "homeless" person stay with her for a while and she totally ripped her off.. stole all kinds of things.. I have a huge heart myself and have done my share of helping people out.. however, I have always drawn the line at letting someone stay with me. I am SURE that there are shelters or programs that could assist her. You could sit down with her and assist her in finding somewhere to live that way... but just be careful about letting anyone you don't know stay in your home. Most people that are homeless have gotten that way for some reason unfortunately.. Protect yourself and what is yours! Good luck on whatever you decide to do..

Christy,

She comes to visit her guy on Saturdays, so the two of them (Bill and this guy) are going to tell her where to meet me at.

Here's the question that came to my mind last night. Bill said she's gets disability from the state, which isn't much and doesn't play a role in my decision other than, if she is homeless how does she get her checks?

It just seems odd to me that her being homeless and still having the money and transport to visit. Maybe I am wrong, but it seems really fishy. I would be careful. And if it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Bottom line.

I befriended a homeless person one time and she totally ripped me off. I say that the best thing you could do is try to hook her up with a church or some organization that helps people in need like that. They will run the person through the police data base and check them out, before they put them up. there is a lot of help out there and I think being a single mom with two kids to take care of is enough for you to handle. You hubby is wanting to help his friend out and probably isn't thinking the whole thing through. I would hate for you to jeopardize your children, what is this person is a child molester? If you feel led to help this lady out, do it through channels that are designed specifically for her needs. Don't put your home, your belonging, you or your children in unneccessary jeopardy. Good luck.

(You're a cranky bunch!!) Give it a feel, and maybe she will bring a gift into your life, or your daughter's. She may be a boon to your scoliotic child, she may be a balm to your daughter with learning disabilities. Take all logical precautions, but keep your heart as open as possible. Peace.

i agree with the ones that say be leary me and my husband we are a very paranoid bunch, too much court tv i think, but you never know about anyone , there are crazy people everywhere and you dont know who is crazy til they go off the deep end but if you do take her in the i hope everything works out fine for you and your kids

I am the one who usually ends up taking people in and helping them. I have not been ripped off yet. My nerves have been frazzled a time or two, but that is it. I agree you must be cautious, some things are not what they seem, but I have to say bless you too for at least being willing to meet her and see what you can do. If there is a shelter in your town, it may just be that she is too shy or embarrassed to go there, and with someone helping her and giving her encouragement that may be what she can do. I think I would be playing the angel song in my head too. Good luck, and please let us know how this plays out. You are a good person.

She probably has a PO Box or someone is letting her use their address (probably a relative) for her mail. I'm curious about her sleeping behind dumpsters but getting it together for prison visits!

Irregardless,

I think the question is Do you want to do it? Once you open the door and she is in what will change for you. I can handle family members visiting for
2-3 weeks but I'm relieved when it is over. My home is my home..I have my
little quirks and want things done my way in my home. I couldn't handle a slob or someone else to pick up after and cook for, I wonder about the medical care she may need and the added expense of having her there. How much driving her around to appointments will you be doing. What about clothes and a job etc. And what if you get along with her fine but your kids don't like her. There's a lot to think about.

I've done it twice and understand wanting to help people but you need a back up plan if you do it.

Good Luck with whatever you decide.

Demi

Well I went and saw Bill last night. Our visit was spent about talking 'bout this issue. I asked about the checks. He said they were deposited into a bank account. I asked how she got homeless. He said when his friend got locked up for possession, she was unable to pay the rent by herself so they got evicted. She has a back pack full of clothes. Said she was in there last weekend crying because her clothes looked awful. I'm still hesitate here.

I really have this big heart and I try to be as God-like as I can. People at work say I'm crazy for how I extend myself. but that's okay.

Here's my question, if she has a bank account, and I know weekly hotel rates are more than her disability check, but there's a mall close to the detention center and she can walk there, so why doesn't she get a few items (one of the stores in the mall is a $10 store)

BBG- You have read all of the "advice" here...and you know God. The question is really "What, if anything, is Jesus leading you to do?" There are definatly risks involved but this is what is called a "moral dilemma". These things can only be resolved between ourselves and God. Only He knows the true circumstance and this girls heart. We have no way to judge anything, the "why's" or "what-if's" of her circumstances. I will say that "there but for the grace of God go I (or you, or any of us)"

I have been in this situation before, many times, and usually because my hubbie meets someone in there like this has happened for you. There ahve been times I helped and was blessed and then there have been times that I have helped and was taken advantage of. There have also been times I did not help and have come to know that I should have. Someone else posted earlier that if your heart and motives are right with God, then you have done your part...the other person has to answer to God for any wrong doing they may have going on. It really comes down to asking, listening and trusting God on it. Only He can direct your path...just my :twocents:

I will keep you and this situation before the Lord in prayer :)

Just an Update...

I talked to this I wanna say child, but she's a young woman, last night. I know in my heart, what I need to do. I wanted to run up there and get her last night. But my mind is still saying this is a perfect stranger. She sounded so frazzled. I know in my heart I will be having a roommate soon.

May God bless you for your big heart and for listening to your spirit within. I hope that everything works out well for you and your new roommate.

Babygirl, go slowly, very slowly. Maybe I have become too cynical in my old age, but I have been so taken advantage of by friends of my son who just had noplace to go. Then I could not get rid of them.

The extra stress of another person in your home may create a situation that will be too much for you and your children.

Have you considered that this person may have some psychiatric conditions that may make living with her difficult?

I, too, have been a softy. Learning to say no is sometimes the healthiest thing you can do.

If you do decide to take this woman in, make sure you have everything in writing--how much money should she pay to stay with you, what duties should she have, what about food and any other thing you can think of.

I have learned the hard way. Be careful, whatever you decide.

I'm sorry but I think you may be making a mistake. Doesn't she have any family who could help her? You have children and you have to think of them first. What if she starts to bring people in your house who could potentially harm your family or come back and rob you. I say don't make other people's problems your own, life is hard enough.

Be very careful. THere has to be some way to help without letting her live there.
D.

oh billys baby, how i wish u were closer to me...i would be interested in chatting with this young distressed woman...im in ca- kinda a hop skip and a jump....couple of things after reading every post....first..irregardless if shes not a drug addict , life deals some blows..and alot has to do w/ the choices we make..some dont.. i too once was homeles..got state ssdi checks(.sometimes) worked..lived in a motel..(strung out though) (irregardless) AND WAS EVICTED BECAUSE OF CHOICES WE MADE ..and my guy getting locked up on those choices. though that is not the case now..and hasnt been for sometime..i due rember feeling lost lonely and helpless..but most of all deperate...who knows what she spends that measly money on ..but its probably her visting trips..money orders for him ..and food...consider how much it costs you to live daily.. i know sympathy is hard to muster up these days in a selfsufficient worldly all knowing way... yet consider if you were ever in these circumstances..and all of us and or you obviously are loved ones have made grave mistakes..or we wouldnt even be on pto. so i ask that u find compassion, mercy and grace..no matter what you decide to do..no- conviction, no judgement... AS FOR YOUR DECISCION..especially because you have a family..this is of serious consideration..i hope /pray you have apstor you could turn to for guidance, if not i would hope you have the will..to ask the lord for his help and guidance....ask yourself what he would do? yes we live in a modern world and there are resources, but because there is no support , lack of finacial responsiblity, and compassion..they are far but symathetic or able to help these days..many of them. MAYBE u can be the one to help her and guide her into a transitional phase..of where she can go and be housed..be creative do the footwork,,if ur heart has been calling u too....do not ignore it..thats god calling upon you for a purpose..look past what she looks like, may whine like or seem manipulative..and just do what u know u can..and what u are supposed to..it may not be your home..but it may be helping her into another onne instead of no help at all....we can be all things to everyone..but to one person we can make a difference..what they chose to do w/that is up to them...who knows maybe she is the angel not you............

This is the dilemna I'm dealing with.. There are two sides here....I stil haven't made a decision because of the war between my heart and head. My heart is saying everything Bondservant pointed out. But my head is saying everything C Grams pointed out. The only way I will know for sure what needs to be done, is to meet this young woman. Talking on the phone isn't doing it. I plan on seeing her tomorrow afternoon. I know I have to get her some form of help whether it's me or the system.

My thinking was the same as Bondservant about her possibly being the angel. Remember the story that I pm'ed you about and even if it didn't turn out the wayu it should have I still feel like the person was put in front of me for a reason and I did my part. So I still feel good in Gods eyes for that. It can go either way but I say you can't lose no matter how you help as long as you help.

Maybe you could go back and read Big mama 69 story and that would help nyou decide. I'm surprised that she hasn't posted on this thread.

Bless you for wanting to help. No advice here -- everybody has come at you from different angles and making good arguments.

I hope actually meeting her will help you decide.

Bondservant and Michela have summed up my thoughts very well. We are all just saved by grace, and any one of us could find ourselves in her circumstances. As I posted earlier, only God can and will reveal what you are to do, and to what extent. Listen to that still, small voice...He will direct your path. I will continue to pray for you :thumbsup:

It sounds like you are asking the right questions, people end up in bad places in their lives. If you have any doubt once you meet her try and hook her up with your local social service agency. If she has a disability she maybe qualified for some programs.
Best of luck.

Do what you want but mark my words:
YOU'LL BE SORRY

WHAT? Aw heck no. He better be lucky you're gonna give him a place to stay when he gets out, let alone taking another on. And then those are health issues. I'm not saying be heartless...maybe put her in touch with the right agencies and support her as an advocate. I couldn't do this one.

I think it is great if you have the space and don't mind the company but I know I couldn't do it. My guy is the only person I'd want to share my space with. I'd take in a family member or a friend who really needed my help but I would look for any other option first. My space and privacy are just too precious to me. I would do everything I could to find this woman the help she needs short of bringing her into my home.

find out why she is homeless could she have a addiction problem? you need to know all this you have children and your own proplems. i'm sure you don't need no more. think twice and make sure you are careful.

I think it is great if you have the space and don't mind the company but I know I couldn't do it. My guy is the only person I'd want to share my space with. I'd take in a family member or a friend who really needed my help but I would look for any other option first. My space and privacy are just too precious to me. I would do everything I could to find this woman the help she needs short of bringing her into my home.

Honeyg, thanks for stating what I meant more delicately. I was just giving my raw emotion as to my reaction had my man called me with that situation. :thumbsup:

Luckily for him, he's smart enough not to. I just think we have enough to deal with waiting for them. I quite new to this experience, but still...I can't imagine inviting a whole heap of issues to the plate. Home is supposed to be your sanctuary. You could really bring alot of negative energy to your space of rest and relaxation.

Just a quick update:

Due to some medical issues that recently happened. I've put this decision on hold.

Maybe it is a sign? ...

I hope all is well with the medical issues and I hope they aren't too serious.

Erin

Why is this in the drug forum -- is she an addict?

I can't believe your man put this on you, as if you don't have your own problems that he wants you to take on other peoples' problems?? What next -- you'll have to shauffer her to and from visit, perhaps lend her money sometimes when she's broke, feed her when food costs STEADILY RISE, pay for calls she receives from her man??!!

I was brought up to listen, to be obedient, so on this thread of advice the piece that sticks to me like crazy glue is the advice that p-lampkin said. Given that, I would pray for the woman and I would obey what p-lampkin offered.

I would be very leary if I were you... I had a friend who let a "homeless" person stay with her for a while and she totally ripped her off.. stole all kinds of things.. I have a huge heart myself and have done my share of helping people out.. however, I have always drawn the line at letting someone stay with me. I am SURE that there are shelters or programs that could assist her. You could sit down with her and assist her in finding somewhere to live that way... but just be careful about letting anyone you don't know stay in your home. Most people that are homeless have gotten that way for some reason unfortunately.. Protect yourself and what is yours! Good luck on whatever you decide to do..

I would agree with the above, good advice

What I was also thinking is if she stays in a shelter, that the shelter may want to get the money she receives in exchange for her stay. Staying at a shelter could interfere with her monthly check, and, she may know this which is why she's not staying in one now.

In NYC, some people would rather live on the streets than live in the shelter. It's VERY COMMON to see someone sleeping on the street, or, apparently homeless in NYC. There are some I've seen out here for years, and they're still living on the streets. When my sister was down here once she almost freaked out when she saw a man sleeping on the streets. I was like "oh that's nothing, that's regular."

True indeed, people do become homeless for a reason, and if it's because they lost their job, what they usually do is get another one.

I know I sound cold but what I really sound like is I know about "good intentions". How many people have done something purely out of good intentions, and every time -- got royally screwed in some shape form or fashion. Good intentions is a m.f.er, fa real!!

Remember, the girl's man is a CONvict, which means he could be conning your man with this story because people sometimes know who they can get over on, they can just look at a person and see SUCKA written all over their face. Ya think not -- ask around.

It is a sad world that people have to even think about if they should help someone out or not. Makes you wonder what things are going to be like in another 10 years. It should be that the person is eternally grateful.

Why is this in the drug forum -- is she an addict?

I can't believe your man put this on you, as if you don't have your own problems that he wants you to take on other peoples' problems?? What next -- you'll have to shauffer her to and from visit, perhaps lend her money sometimes when she's broke, feed her when food costs STEADILY RISE, pay for calls she receives from her man??!!

I was brought up to listen, to be obedient, so on this thread of advice the piece that sticks to me like crazy glue is the advice that p-lampkin said. Given that, I would pray for the woman and I would obey what p-lampkin offered.

This is on the drug forum, because my boyfriend is an addict.

As anyone who knows an addict knows they will ask anything of you. They have no regard for what you are going through, because they are addicts.

I'm really listening to all of you. And I hear both sides of the coins.

Again, I'm putting everything on hold, until I hear more about my physical health. I have told him this and he agrees, that I shouldn't worry about anything else.

It is a sad world that people have to even think about if they should help someone out or not. Makes you wonder what things are going to be like in another 10 years. It should be that the person is eternally grateful.
What's even sadder is people who've taken niceness and kindness for weakness time and time over again to the point where they have spoiled it for others. This girl is homeless for a reason, and people who feel the way I do feel this way for a reason. They have shelters for people like this so it's not like she doesn't have a choice. Sometimes we can't be choosey. Sometimes we have to take what's on the table, AND BE APPRECIATIVE and GLAD.

I agree with HeSoHandsome on this one.

If I understand this right, your boyfriend who is in rehab, wants you to take in a person whom he doesn't even know. I'm sorry, but I can't believe he would ask you to do even more when you are standing by him and have kids to take care of. I would have told him, "when you get released, feel free to help her all you want."

If the only shelters available have drug addicts and she doesn't want to go there, I agree that beggers can't be choosy.

I hope I don't sound mean, but it sounds like you have enough on your plate without having to bring a stranger into your house, and I don't think it is fair for anybody to ask you to.

I respect everyone's opinion, but I wonder how many of you who said that taking this lady in is a good idea have ever moved a person you don't know off of the street and into your own home.

I hope that you are ok, BBG. And no, don't consider it at this time. I think that may be your sign.

. . . I respect everyone's opinion, but I wonder how many of you who said that taking this lady in is a good idea have ever moved a person you don't know off of the street and into your own home.
:hifive:

Check with First Call for Help that provides information and referral about available community services in your area. Their phone number is 1-800-492-0648. They can provide shelter options, transitional living options, etc.

Contrary to what was posted earlier, a shelter will not make her pay her disability check in exchange for a place to stay. Some may charge a fee for her to stay there, but it is unusual for homeless shelters to ask for this type of payment. I have been in the information and referral business for many, many years & I have never run into this situation. Now...once you move into transitional living, independent living facilities, etc., then you will encounter her having to pay her own way...not at the homeless shelter level, though.

You'd be surprised how many people are homeless & receive some type of disability or social security check. They have a bank account where it is direct deposited. They're not great money managers & they really need someone to help them go through goal setting, etc. to help them make good decisions about managing money.

I advocate for not taking her in, although I know its tempting. My husband used to have a terrible habit of telling people that he can call his wife & find out where the wife, girlfriend, etc. can get help paying rent, utilities, etc. I finally told him to stop! I have a ton of contacts in the social service field, but I'm not providing this service to friends of his in prison, no matter how sorry he feels for them. I tell him that if the friend/spouse, etc. really needs help, they can call the helpline like all the rest of the people we help. Its not that I don't want to help them...I just never know the full story & I don't like hubby to put himself in a situation where he feels compelled to get the family members out of a tight spot...what if things fall through & I can't get the family help? What happens to my husband on the inside when he has to break the bad news...not a good scene.

I'm not cynical...I've just been involved in the field for so long that I've seen almost everything there is to see. If you'd like to pm me, feel free.

wow , first off BILLYS BABY...i pray for a speedy recovery and your faith , in your wellness..(.michela-agreed! )and sandra-i understand what your saying too..its definately hard not to get jaded by the system and the ins and outs of it all, like i stated early..besides the lack of moral with many of the pple who are there to help. I am saddened by the lack of empathy and disdain by alot of posts on this thread...there are many ways to help someone w/out them actually living in your home..and there are also ways to "treat your neighbor as you would like to be treated" i hope that many of you never find yourself in a similar circumstance.." and dont ever say i never will! at one point in my life i was making 28$ (honestly &morally)an hour and went to that kind of poverty...which led to all other kinds of things...so beware of pedestals and judgements, as hterfore you might be a victim to judgemnt yourself when you need help one day. BB- I would still consider speaking w/ aminister/pastor..if your hearts leading you..dont ever deny the spirit god has placed in you to fufill his purpose..and that doesnt have to include your home..but any pastor will be happy to lead you on this...and possibly her....i wish you all the mercy and grace..you can endure.........which is limitless............may your health be fully healed..

your trying to convince yourself that its the right thing to do. If it was right you wouldnt be convincing yourself. Not to be cold but look out for you and yours first. do some research and hook her up with a shelter or church.

just out of curiousity dont you have to have a address to have a bank account?

. . . Contrary to what was posted earlier, a shelter will not make her pay her disability check in exchange for a place to stay. Some may charge a fee for her to stay there, but it is unusual for homeless shelters to ask for this type of payment. I have been in the information and referral business for many, many years & I have never run into this situation.
You've never run into a situation where perhaps welfare put a person in a shelter and if the person was collecting money from some source that the welfare would contact THAT SOURCE (and not the person) to try and get some of the money for what they call "to help pay for her stay?" Not all shelters are run by the welfare, but sometimes these agencies are very funny with the money. My aunt and uncle had to live in sin because they both were getting monthly checks from some agency -- had they married, their checks would have been cut and they would have received less money, so, they couldn't even afford to get married. Also, my sister was on welfare at one time and once she got off and was good to go. But when her child's father got a settlement from a suit years later, all of the money the welfare paid on behalf of taking care of his child -- they took from his settlement.

Shelters should be free but when you mess with these state run agencies, sometimes it's not as free as you think. I didn't mean that they charge the incoming person a fee, like a hotel. What I meant is they may try and contact the source of her income and work it from there.

You've never heard of anything like this in your years of business inthe field?? :confused:

just out of curiousity dont you have to have a address to have a bank account?
I do agree with her on that -- some homeless people do get checks from somewhere. The address part is easy -- someone could use someone's address for the sake of receiving mail.

Wow, alot of opinions on this one. The room is as divided as my heart and head is. You see I just thought it was my heart (faith in the world) vs. my own good judgement. I had asked about the checks... she had an address until two months ago, when her bf went to jail and she ended up on the street. That isn't the question here.

How can you choose between letting a perfect stranger in the house (knowing you could be helping somebody in need out)

or turn your back to everything you were brought up to have faith in, because of today's society.

I talked to Bill about this Tuesday night. I told him my concern was with my lab results, and once I got them back I would have a better grip on what I would be dealing with and if I could handle anything else on my plate.

Maybe there is something else I can do.

You know the old adage.. You can give a man a fish and he will eat for a day or you can teach him how to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

sometimes....THAT FISH-COULD BE CHRIST IN DISGUISE...sometimes u need to lead that fish to the well of life.....sometimes...u jst need to do whats right...and your heart will tell you, god did not give it to you without a purpose.

I hope that your health problems are going to be ok!!!!!

Just wanted to send my support to you....

I agree with helping someone.. I have been a "helper" for many people for many years.. I have also been an "enabler" by "helping" people.. sometimes they have to reach their rock bottom before they can find their way back up...

Homeless shelters are not generally run by the state per say...they may receive some state or federal funding...but they are generally operated by an independent non-profit. There are restrictions for those who receive state/federal funding about the types of things that they charge for.

I actually posed this question to my colleagues in the field today...they haven't seen it happen either.

I'm not saying that state agencies don't use money as a qualifier for other types of programs (transitional housing, independent living, HUD housing - generally referred to as Section 8)...but not homeless shelters where someone is just getting off the street to get back on their feet.

Hope that helps!