I have a question that I could really use some advice to.

My b'friend, Shane, is part Chippewa and at times, gets really involved with his religion. When he is more involved with it, (ie: going to sweat lodge on a regular basis, praying, etc) he seems to be a much nicer, calmer person to be around. But now since he was sent back to prison after only being out for 8 months, he tells me that there is too much pain inside of him for him to go into the sweat lodge. He says he needs to deal with this pain inside of himself first because if he were to go in there with it still inside of himself, he would be opening those feelings up and making it harder for the other guys in there with him.

I guess I don't understand. I always thought that religion, anykind of religion, was there to help you deal with your problems. So I don't understand why he is pushing this part of his life away from him right now. He even has commented to me on several occasions that if he had stuck with praying and sweating when he came home, that maybe he would not have made the bad descions that he did. Maybe he would be home right now, happy.

Does anyone have any advice for me (& him)? I have tried to talk to him about this myself, but it just seems like anything to do with the Red Road is just too painful right now. I'm not native (as you probably guessed) but I have already learned so much from him about his heritage. It is one of the things that seems to bond us together. Now I feel like he is pushing both his religion and me away while he tries to fight this battle inside of himself alone.

Native Americans don't practice a religion-----it's a spirituality. And although I'm Cherokee and Cherokee don't traditionally sweat (we go to water) what I think he may be talking about is that he needs to deal with the pain inside in some way so that it won't be harmful to others in the sweat lodge. I'll ask my Apache friend to be sure since I know he uses the sweat, but that would be my guess. He'll have to work through it and come to it in his own time, but I'm sure he will eventually return to his spiritual practices if they're offered where he is. He knows best when that time is for him.

We can go to our elders and talk to them if we have a problem, but we aren't told what to do about a problem. We're shared with as to what the elder or someone the elder knows has done with a similar situation and we can take from that whatever lesson we can use in our own lives. As far as I know, most of the tribes follow similar practices. But Native American spirituality is a very personal and individual thing, so it's not like Christianity where you go to a pastor for counselling or to be told what's wrong and how to do things differently.

My prayers will be with him and with you.

Hello,
I have sweated once but like toi ama said we go to the water. It is correct that what one does or feels touches all present in most all we do. I know that some Native guys here used to take other other guys to a sweat to help them with drinking and drug problems. I think there was always a holy man or medicine man present with that person to pray for them. A lot of families will not let other people go into their sweat lodges, especially if they see something negative hovering around that person. I could not even begin to count the different ways I have seen other Native people do a single task, especially when it is something spiritual. When I was learning to play my traditional drum and dance the people warned me to never do either one out of anger because it imparts whatever you are feeling to other people.
I am constantly amazed at how the Spirit leads us. Afew years ago I had fasted and was praying about something .
When I was done I felt the Spirit tell me to wash my face seven times. Another time the Spirit said dip ypurself seven times . I recently learned that this is the Cherokee way. no
man taught me, but the Spirit of God did. i used to get criticized by whites and Natives because they thought I should follow a certain way, but I had to find that way for myself.
I feel more balanced and more healed than ever before.
i am no longer mixed, I am just me! Wado the dove

This took a couple of weeks, but I got an answer for you from my friend. Here's what he said:

"You asked me about one of your PTO friends whose boyfriend didn't want to go into the sweat because of the way he felt. His reason for that is the sweat represents Mother Earth's womb and we should never go into the sweat with bad feelings or ill will towards others because of the spirits that fill the sweat. They can pick up on our feelings and they amplify the feelings inside. If they are good, then everybody will get something that will help them when they leave the sweat but if they are bad or ill toward others, then those feelings are amplified and carried out with everybody that is in the sweat."

I hope this helps.

Red,

I printed this thread out and sent it to my guy for some input (he is Lakota). When we spoke on the phone last night, he said basically the same as toi_ama's friend.

He also suggested that you give your boyfriend some time, so he can work out his issues; to bring negativity into a sweat is not a good idea, and unfair to the others there.


(((hugs to you)))

I hope the situation can be resolved soon, for both of you.

Susan in Providence