View Full Version : selfish me!


montysgirl
06-13-2002, 08:45 PM
Okay....I know this is probably so selfish but I just can't help it! Just like I do every minute of every day...I was thinking about how much I love and miss Monty...when I realized that we have not had so much as a moment alone together since April 23rd! How crazy and unfair is that!!! Visitation is always me and either his sister or mom...we go together because it is cheaper for us that way. The only drawback is that I don't get to have alone time with my husband. There is always somebody right there next to me...hearing my half of the conversation(we are still visiting with glass between us). It just bothers me now that I have thought about it!!!

B-Ray
06-13-2002, 10:20 PM
Most likely the others hasn't thought about that?

Before going next time, tell them you "need" some alone time for some very personal things.

If that doesn't work, your going to have to figure, how to get there on your own somethimes.

sherri13
06-14-2002, 12:04 AM
jamie-by all means GO BY YOURSELF and have him ALL TO YOURSELF. I am sure you both want it and need it!! You can find away to get there- do it!

soraya
06-14-2002, 06:05 AM
yeah, I think you both need it to be alone. I'm sure the others will understand. Go and see him by yourself and let us know how it was :)

bookgirl
06-14-2002, 03:55 PM
My husband used to have lots of other visitors besides me, and after never having any "just us" time, we finally decided to ask them - very politely - if we could have the last 30 minutes of the visit to ourselves. Everyone was happy to oblige, and that worked out very well for us.

Veronica
06-14-2002, 04:16 PM
Go By Yourself! When Cliff was still in county, I went with an older mentor of his and we each got separate visits. 20 minutes each. Find out if you can do that.

Shortie
06-14-2002, 06:46 PM
THEN SET UP A TIME FOR YOU TO GO ALONE ONCE IN A WHILE. I UNDERSTAND THE EXPENSE BUT IT IS WORTH IT TO HAVE SOME ONE ON ONE TIME.. THINK ABOUT IT AND I BET YOU WILL AGREE.

jdswifey02
06-15-2002, 07:11 PM
I would definitely go bu yourself sometimes... hopefully his family will understand that.... I just recently was feeling selfish too, because JD only gets 2 1-hr-long visits a month, and his mother was talking about going down there with her fiance... It was all good when she wanted to come with me to see him, but I wasn't too fond of only getting to see him once in a month because she was going to see him... I was lucky though.... when I told JD that she wanted him to add her fiance and that she was going to come a different weekend, he said "the hell she is... I am writing her and telling her that she is only gonna see me if she comes with you, cause I am not missing a visit with my boo!" :)
If you think his family might get weird about it, say something to him via letters and see if HE will suggest it.. if you think they might take it better from him.... Keep us posted!!

Shortie
06-15-2002, 08:51 PM
I AM SO GLAD THAT JD STUCK UP FOR YOU LIKE THAT IT IS SO COOL.... :) MAKES ME SMILE CUS HE IS DO IN LOVE WITH YOUR LOVE.. I WROTE A POEM ABOUT THAT ONCE I WILL HAVE TO POST IT ONE DAY...

CREAMYALMONDZ
06-17-2002, 02:21 PM
Jaime in no way is that selfish. If they are with you all the time it can get a little disappointing. He is your HUSBAND and alone time is a right (a privilege in the prison's perspective). Is there a time where you all can come for a weekend and his family goes on Saturday and you go alone on Sunday, something like that?

BillnDenise
06-17-2002, 03:34 PM
I am going through the same thing Jamie. When I visit Billy, his parents and son go too. His son takes all of his time and I just sit there being bored and not saying anything. Sometimes I wonder why I even go when I can't have any alone-time with Billy.

I love his parents, but there are some things that I need to share with Billy that is private between him and me. I don't want everyone knowing my business. I feel that a relationship should have things that are sacred within it that no one but the couple should know about.

So I know your frustration, first hand. You are not alone. I totally understand.

sherri13
06-17-2002, 06:37 PM
HEY, I EVEN GET JEALOUS OF OUR KIDS GETTING RON;S ATTENTION! SO I ALTERNATE-A VISIT WITH THE KIDS AND THEN ONE FOR JUST ME!!

Shortie
06-17-2002, 08:24 PM
i wish i could alternate visits my kids get alot of ant's time too. i just wish i could visit him by myself once in a while.. it would be so nice. but since that is not possible right now i just sit back and make the most of it..

Shortie
06-17-2002, 08:25 PM
so no i do not think you are being selfish.. you are being human and being a wife. who needs her husband...

sherri13
06-17-2002, 08:27 PM
shortie- i would be glad to babysit for you!!!

jdswifey02
06-18-2002, 01:17 AM
Hey me too Shortie... just drop em off here in IL, ok?? :)

Shortie
06-18-2002, 07:08 PM
you do not realize just how nice that sounds.. i love my kids very much but sometimes i need a break too. I am not sure i could be without them for very long but a break does sound good.. thanks sherri and shawna.. love ya both

sherri13
06-18-2002, 07:24 PM
WHENEVER YOU ARE READY SHORTIE- I AM IN NORTH CAROLINA WAITING

montysgirl
06-18-2002, 10:58 PM
Hey everybody!! I got to have this past visit almost all to myself. Montys sister and brother-in-law went with me. His brother in law went in to see him with me...he couldn't handle seeing Monty in there...and he completely understand the importance of alone time(they have 3 kids), so he only stayed for 15 minutes, so the other 1 hour 45 minutes were all mine!! Montys sister said that any time I want to go by myself that we will tell the rest of the family that she is going with me...and then she really wont go...that way they don't know and don't get the opportunity to get mad. Monty says don't worry about it...this is about the TWO of US...if his family doesn't like it then too bad...they don't have to come see him at all! I am glad things are working out in that area.

soraya
06-19-2002, 01:51 AM
That's great news Monty's girl!!! finally some time for the 2 of you alone! Let us know how things are going

sherri13
06-19-2002, 07:14 AM
JAMIE- I AM SO GLAD YOU GOT TO HAVE A VISIT WHERE YOU HAD HIM ALL TO YOURSELF-YOU DESERVE IT!!

Amelia
06-19-2002, 01:54 PM
Monty's I am glad you got the alone time---my mom comes with me and then she goes out after bout 30 minutes so we can be husband and wife for a lil while..

Shortie--if you ever need a breather come drop em off down here..a few more kids here wont make much of a difference!! I am serious!! hee hee!

KConnor56
06-19-2002, 03:31 PM
Montysgirl

Glad to hear everything worked so well. Monty sounds like a real stand up guy. He's letting you know your the most important person in his life. He loves his family, but it's you he loves & needs the most. I know cause I've had to go through the same thing. It took awhile for my family to deal with but they eventually understood, & respected my decision.
So it looks like it will all be better here on out. Thats cool.----Ken

jdswifey02
06-19-2002, 04:21 PM
GREAT news Monty'sGirl!!! I was so glad to read it all worked out well!! :)

lasseire
06-19-2002, 06:44 PM
That's great that you finally got some time alone together. It's really nice of your sister-in-law to be so supportive, as well. Sounds like it's going to work out so you can spend more time alone in the future!

Keep us posted!
Colleen

montysgirl
06-19-2002, 09:56 PM
I have been on top of the world since our visit. It was really special to me....I love our heart to hearts! It is hard not to focus on the negative things and people around us...but I do recognize that ONE of my sister in laws has been the greatest for monty and I. She has done more for us than anybody in this world! I appreciate her so much. Monty tells her the same thing all the time...we don't know how we could ever repay her!!

Budwoman
06-20-2002, 10:29 AM
JAMIE;


MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU CHILD...

MY LOVE
DONNA

cobwebqueen
06-20-2002, 08:19 PM
You are all so right about needing time on your own. Over here, they have child care in the prisons attached to the visitation room so the parents can have some time alone, and a girl I know used to work there. She'd play with the kids and read to them. But she said it was heartbreaking, the kids just wanted to hear someone say something good about their Dad. So she was always telling the kids how proud they should be of their Dads , and she'd mention things their Dads had done within the prison that had been helpful, and sometimes she'd just make things up. And she said their little eyes would light up, and big grins on their faces. Like she said, their fathers are part of them and they still desperately want to be proud of them. Pride. Isn't that what it's all about? In the end she had to leave, it was too upsetting.

soraya
06-21-2002, 03:06 AM
wow, now that would be a job I would love to get!!! honestly.it so wonderful that your friend realize what the children needed and did the best she could to put that smile on their pretty little faces :)

sherri13
06-21-2002, 07:22 AM
SOARYA- SOUNDS LIKE THE PERFECT POSITIION FOR YOU!

soraya
06-24-2002, 05:30 AM
I guess I would have to move over there huh? I'll search for a job like that over here

sherri13
06-24-2002, 08:27 AM
WE WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE FOR YOU TO MOVE OVER HERE SORAYA!

soraya
06-25-2002, 01:46 AM
:D wow, thanks!

Susanne
07-19-2002, 10:51 AM
I always go by myself to visit. Guess I am lucky! We get 5 super wonderful hours of a full contact visit since he is a trusty! As soon as I get another vehicle I am going to go see Tee again! Can't wait!!!!! Need lots of his great bear hugs!