We only have about one month left until we can have contact visits. I am so looking forward to this, but lately every time I think about it.....I feel all mixed up! I have not touched my husband since April 18th...I cannot wait to hold him in my arms...but at the same time...I am so scared that I will not be able to handle letting him go again. I am afraid that it will feel like the day they sentenced him to 20 yrs and tore him out of my arms! I have not let myself cry in front of him...well, at least not since he has actually been in the TDC system....but I am so afraid that the day I get to touch him again will be the day I cry...I know there is nothing wrong with crying, but I am afraid that once I start...I'll never stop! How do I overcome this!!!!!?????

jamie- i feel your frustration and anticipation-First, read the quote you attach to your posts-GOD WILL NOT PUT MORE ON YOUR SHOULDERS THAN YOU CAN BEAR-and then don't underestimate your own personal power and stamina-it takes a strong woman to even be willing to deal with a situation like incarceration- many just walk away- but you are standing by your man so that in itself is an indicator of your strength- just remember when you hold your husband, your arms may have to let go of him TEMPORARILY but no one can make your heart let go, EVER. You have the power ultimately, because there is no power greater than love.
take care

Well put Sherri.

well put indeed, there is no power greater then love

Couldn't have said it better myself Sherri!

montysgirl ~ just let things flow how they will. i think he will probably be as overwhelmed as you are, so both of you may end up with some wet eyes! i'm so happy to hear you will finally be able to have a contact visit ~ physical affection, a hang to hold, a hug, a touch, is so important to the human spirit! *hugs*

YOU GO GIRLS.... THE BEST ADVISE I HAVE EVER HEARD COMMING TO ANOTHER PERSON IN LOVE...

MAY YOUR VISIT BE WONDERFUL AND ALL YOU ANTICIPATE...

DONNA

LET ME SAY I WAS FEELING THE SAME THINGS WHEN I GOT CONTACTS FOR THE FIRST TIME.. IT WAS HARD AT FIRST FOR ME BUT I DID IT. JUST REMEMBER YOU CAN ONLY HAVE 2 CONTACTS IN ONE MONTH.. AND JAMIE YOU WILL LEAVE CUZ YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN COME BACK.. IT MAKES IT WORTH IT.. TRUST ME.. I WOULD NOT TRADE MY CONTACTS FOR ANYTHING (EXCEPT HIM COMING HOME OF COURSE)

you ladies are so smart! thanks for sharing such wise words with me...I have been so emotional lately. I don't know what has gotten into me! If you all can keep pushing on and handling the pain..then so can I. I have a lot of support...both from my family and my pto family...thanks yall

WE LOVE YOU GIRL!

I SECOND THAT WE DO LOVE YA... AND YES YOU CAN KEEP DOING IT.. JUST ONE DAY AT A TIME...:)

Good Luck and I hope things get better for you!!! :)

how are you doing??

It is still touch and go. One minute I am okay, then the next thing I know I am crying my eyes out because of a song on the radio! I also have to deal with all our nieces and nephews many questions about where their uncle monty is and when he is coming home...they are too young to really get it. It is so hard to hear their confusion and how much they miss him. I tell ya though, I am doing a lot more talking to God these days...I keep praying for more strength and courage...so far so good, I guess!

hang in there, jamie! we're always here for support if you need it. as far as your nieces and nephews go, honesty is probably the best policy ~

JAMIE-DITTO TO WHAT APRILCAT SAID- WE ARE HERE FOR YOU GIRL!

There's nothing wrong with crying AT ALL. Cry at his visitation, cry when you're on the phone with him, cry at night before you go to sleep. I know how it is though just hang in there!

I cry sometimes too. Especially on the bad days when I miss him more. I cry sometimes when I'm visiting him. It's an emotion too. I've always been told if you let yourself cry and not hold it in, then eventually you'll start to feel better.

I agree Denise...

I have cried a river of tears for EJ because I miss him so much, I want us to be together, etc.. I haven't cried while I was visiting him, but I cried like a baby on the way home. Sure glad I wasn't driving otherwise you guys would have heard about a HUGE car accident in IL...hee hee!!
Our visits have been some of my happiest times, but when I have to leave him there...breaks my heart! All I want to do is pack him up in my pocket & take him home w/me!!

Yes, sometimes I tell the guards that I'm taking him home. They laugh and say, "not for a while." A girl can try, anyway. I miss him all the time and I try to think of our good times together often so I won't forget any of them. Being without him breaks my heart too. He's the air I breathe.