ok.. been on this site for a little while and realized i've never stopped in the i/r room. spent the better part of my morning reading and reading. durring all this reading a thought came to me. i see alot of black males with white women but hardly ever the opposite. is this still taboo? is a black woman considered a trader to date outside her race? in all my life i think i've seen maybe a handfull of black woman/white man relationships. just currious. :shrug:

. . . is this still taboo? is a black woman considered a trader to date outside her race? in all my life i think i've seen maybe a handfull of black woman/white man relationships. just currious. :shrug:
Well, in the prison system, since this forum is about interracial relationships in the prison system and not about interracial relationships in general according to the rules, I think it just works out that way. That there is no method, no formula, no taboo, that the cards just lay as they fall.

I don't know about the prison scene, but I've dated mainly white guys for the past 20 years...don't ask me why because I don't think I even know...It just happens to be that way...I thought maybe I was more attracted to them....then I met a Black guy 4 years ago who totally rocked my world and then some:p . My family accepts it since a lot of us have intermarried and are very open minded. It's accepted much more readily in Europe than in the states....man you should see the looks I got in some parts of America.

HesoHandsome is correct this forum is not about IR relationships in general as it was intended for members who want to discuss IR relationships in relation to the prison system and from that standpoint I again agree with HeSo that it is what it is. I happen to know of a couple that I met while visiting she is black and he is white but in my personal experience ONLY with the prison system they are the only ones I've come into contact with.

Patty

Don't hate on me, but I asked Raven why that seems to be the case. He said that on the yard black guys with white women get back up from the black guys. Were if you have a black women with a white guy they won't get help from black guys or white guys. Not hating just passing on the answer I received.

I hear ya Ravens ~ Sebastian and I have talked about this because of this forum cuz he and I don't deal with our color/race/age issues the way others do but in general his experience in there has been that Black inmates with non black girlfriends/wives are asked, " How'd you get her?" It's a status thing for many, sad but true even today...

Patty

Wow, I never heard that before regarding inside the prison on the east coast. In NY prisons I've heard something else but because the messenger will get hated on, I won't say it. :D But outside of prison, oh yeah Raven you told a big fat truth so I can't hate on you for that. Kanye ain't lied when he said it in his song (. . . and once he get on he'll leave yo a$$ for a white girl). I can't speak for all but in the black community, WE CAN RELATE TO THAT!! :D

Patty, you, too, said a big fat truth because if you go inside alot of people particularly some black men you will find some sadness in there. All of the sadness don't stay inside a person -- the overflow manefests outwad by way of actions from choices made. Alot of people who have sadness in them will make decisions from that sad place within them. As long as they believe they're happy, nobody gets hurt and they can rest in peace at night it's all goody. :o

i don't think black women with white men is as common as white women with black men is. i really don't want to go into details about why this could be, i don't have any concrete facts either way...but i do notice the same thing you say you see in the streets in prison...i don't know why it is that way, though... :shrug:

Im a black female and my boyfriend is white and I noticed just from group pictures and stuff that my boyfriend has friends are of all races but mostly black. i have dated all races but he is the first that i have dated with in the prison system. i dont know why its taboo but i have mentioned before that white women with black men is more prevelent and i have no problem with that. Its all about love im sure... b.c its all about love in my relationship. i have dated white guys before an got stares so im sure its not gonna change when he gets home in 5 1/2 months either which that mght be one of many hurdles that me and him will face as a couple but i just wanted to say that we are out there... i know black women that will say i only date such and such race... ive dated all races just happen to fall in the love with white guy...

thanks to everyone who replied. wasn't trying to break the rules. if were talking about prison then the #'s are even worse. having been down for a looong time as many already know i've only ever known one couple. guess it's different around the country and even the world for that matter. as for the prison system even interacial friendships can be tough. in ma. seems the higher in security you go the more segrigated it becomes.

I live in France and about your question, I can tell you that in France both are very common, actually 12% of relationships are interracial, and in both ways, there are no difference in numbers btw black women dating white guys and black guys dating white girls...

Of course, we have our own loads of racists :blah: but we have more and more interracial couples and it's great, because their babies are just gorgeous ! Living in the US for awhile, I remember seeing lots of interracial couples (with babies) in Minneapolis and no one seemed to mind.:) ..but I guess I must be different if you live in the countryside. I went to college in Tennessee and I remember there was one interracial couple (the boy was white and the girl was black) and everyone talked about it as being this "huge thing"..it made me laugh- I warned them that in France it was very common... I dated a black guy over there and had no problem whatsoever, people were all very nice to me. That's why I keep a good memory of your country and still love the US !

Your post made me think of Halle Berry and her new beau, the French canadian guy...they look so happy together and that's all that matters !

Being a black women with a white guy can be difficult. I live it everyday even though my baby isnt home. i have a picture of him on my phone and people do say rude things. Like why u with a white guy to me it dont matter but dealing with the prison system is all new to me and we havent had any real problems with it. my boyfriend has showed my picture to his friends and everything so i guess its all in where you are located.

I hear ya Ravens ~ Sebastian and I have talked about this because of this forum cuz he and I don't deal with our color/race/age issues the way others do but in general his experience in there has been that Black inmates with non black girlfriends/wives are asked, " How'd you get her?" It's a status thing for many, sad but true even today...

Patty

That's so funny that you wrote that... Where I am Wash DC/Maryland area when you see a black man with a "non-black" women, the first thing you think of is " he is using her for something money,place to stay, drive her car, get him a cell phone, etc. OR she will put up with more than a black women would". Believe me, its HARDLY ever a status thing in the nations capital area!!! Sometimes, the man is actually embarrassed to bring her around family or friends because that is the 1st question or reaction he is going to get. I've heard this many, many times "i'll have relations with her, but i wouldnt make her my MAIN girl. Dang, I guess it's where you're at that makes the difference.

In my opinion, love should conquer all and if two people care about each other, race should be a blind non-existing element. But in yesterdays, todays and tommorrows society it will always be an issue on the outside of the relationship. Thats the true test though, can the individuals' love for each other actually conquer all....

That's so funny that you wrote that... Where I am Wash DC/Maryland area when you see a black man with a "non-black" women, the first thing you think of is " he is using her for something money,place to stay, drive her car, get him a cell phone, etc. OR she will put up with more than a black women would". Believe me, its HARDLY ever a status thing in the nations capital area!!! Sometimes, the man is actually embarrassed to bring her around family or friends because that is the 1st question or reaction he is going to get. I've heard this many, many times "i'll have relations with her, but i wouldnt make her my MAIN girl. Dang, I guess it's where you're at that makes the difference.

Whether viewed as status or embarrassment both are sad in my opinion.

Just curious you state, "when you see a black man with a "non-black" woman, the first thing you think of is"... The way you phrased that it almost sounds like that is your opinion...

Patty

oh, NO... I didn't by any means, mean "I" feel like that at all. It probably just came out bad, because I was thinking and typing too fast. Sorry if I sounded like that. I sincerely didn't mean it. and yes no matter where u r and how you want to look at it, people will be people.
Me, I am a product of interacial bond, asian and italian, i've never found anyone else who has my same mix so I have learned, no matter who I am with, people are always going to have their opinions.
But at the end of the day, I feel unaffected by all of this as long as I feel at peace with myself and my life, and my hearts journey takes ME to where I want to be. It will be ok, well maybe ALL GOOD!

Just curious you state, "when you see a black man with a "non-black" woman, the first thing you think of is"... The way you phrased that it almost sounds like that is your opinion...

Patty[/quote]

perhaps not?? i've never heard that school of thought on the outside but behind the walls it's quite common. i've acually heard quards comment on it. "jokingly ofcoarse":rolleyes: i will say that the prejudice isn't limited to black/white either. let a half decent looking dude of any race go out and visit a woman who is exceptionally big. or a young good looking dude with a considerably older woman ..... hell i'm white and i deal with it every day:D i'm 38 and my wife is 24 (in sept.) she's very attractive, part time model:Dthe world is FULL of stupid people & life's too damn short.

Just curious you state, "when you see a black man with a "non-black" woman, the first thing you think of is"... The way you phrased that it almost sounds like that is your opinion...

- I really don't think I phrased that any different than when you said they think, how did you get her ???

Hmmmm..but don't get me wrong, you said what you wanted to say about how they feel where you are and I simply expresses what and how they feel here. If that offends you, it wasn't meant to at all. I am posting scenarios in my area so that you will see how every area has its own issues, some uglier than the others. That's a part of life. Don't take it so personal cause I am not on here to offend or get under anybodys skin.

. . . the world is FULL of stupid people & life's too damn short.
I know they like to use words like stupid and ignorant ALOT in this forum, shucks, on this site, but I feel Patty's descriptive of sad is appropriate. When a person is happy on the inside they're going to be happy for other people, and when they are sad on the inside they will have issues with theirself, and with other selfs. The ways that their inner sadness can be expressed outward is immeasurable.

iwish, I'm from the east coast along with you therefore I totally related to what you said. Your delivery TO ME didn't sound like you were giving your opinion or personal feeling but instead, the overall opinion of the folks round your way, in the same way that the overall opinion around other peoples' way has been given.

And to think, :D Ravens thought she'd be the messenger who'd get hated on. I knew better than that and that's why I kept my mouth shut. :D
Wow, I never heard that before regarding inside the prison on the east coast. In NY prisons I've heard something else but because the messenger will get hated on, I won't say it. :D

In my ten years bidding with my husband I've only seen one couple where the women was black and the man white, and that was our first bid which went from 1996 - 1998.

Thanks for the support HeSoHandsome, I was starting to feel like I was about to be hated on for a minute, like nah, maybe it aint like that on this side (yeah right, lol) and I'm just saying mean things!?!?

But walkintall, actually hit that nail right on the head because just in general when you hear "how'd he get her or how'd she get him, its maily people judging the way the people look together ..like a less attractive person with someoe who izzzz FINE AS A MO-FO...you know your what the !?!?!?

ok, nobody take that above statement toooo serious, I'm just trying to lighten up the air in here!
SMILE!!

iwish ~ That's the bad thing about computer communication sometimes things get lost in the translation. Thanks for clearing that up! You're most definitely right people will always have their opinions of us and our relationships but when all is said and done how we feel is what really matters.

All the best,
Patty

. . . "how'd he get her or how'd she get him, its maily people judging the way the people look together ..like a less attractive person with someoe who izzzz FINE AS A MO-FO...you know your what the !?!?!?
For some reason, not in prison but outside of prison when I see the combination you've described -- the man is black and fine and his woman is white, fat and sloppy looking -- my thoughts revolve around one circuit -- "she is doing something for him and he's really feeling it. That he's tried attractive women and it was just too much for him, whether it was her low self esteem or her baggage or her just being money hungry or her just being good on the outside but awful on the inside. Not saying attractive women have those issues but saying because some men have dealt with that, maybe he's one. So, he decided to try something different than what he's been used to because all the poor guy is trying to do is have a relationship with someone who's real."

There are some fat sloppy looking women out here with the highest of self esteem and confidence and because men love that, that's a winning asset. She's into loving him and not what he can or will financially do for her even if she is broke, and that's another winning asset. Her package is unattractive but she still has a cooch, so that's a winning assets. So when I see couples like that outside of prison what I'm thinking is "I don't care what nobody say -- that woman is doing someting for him, she's doing it well and he is loving her for it!!" :p That's just me though.

As regards inside the prison, however, when I see that combination I don't have any thoughts on them and that's because inside the prison, my thoughts are on the limited time that me and Handsome have on our visit. :o

iwish ~ I ain't hatin' on anyone especially not you...

HeSo ~ You bring up an interesting point. Meeting my man while he was incarcerated originally meant for us that the spark began before we knew what one another looked like except for a general description, yanno. Soon, I sent him some pics of me and he pointed me in the direction of the IDOC website where of course I saw his mugshot. Needless to say neither of us was disappointed, LOL. I have always dated younger men with one or two exceptions and like many women I have my bad hair days, wish I could lose a few pounds days, damn this shirt won't lay right days but in general I'm cool with me.

I hear you though the harsh reality is that we see things, situations, people and stuff runs through our minds. I think sometimes it gets magnified in the prison visiting room setting because unlike you and me some folks have a hard time keeping their eyes on their own paper.

Patty

Being a black women with a white male can have its interesting moments.. :) gets lots of stares thats coming from past experience. Being that I met my boyfriend while he was incarcerated we havent experienced the outside world and have chosen not to visit due to the facility rules...actually we got visitation denied but as a black women i see no problem with interracial dating.. some black women disagree with it and some disagree with me dating a white guy but its hard to make everyone happy. I could go on for days about the interracial subject and taboo of black women with white guys....im in the relationship and still really dont know the real reason why its a taboo

I can tell you a little differnet view on the subject that I have seen time and time again. When I was in prison, the women there all were dating many different nationalities. When I worked in the mens prison and a mens half way
house. I noticed that again there were various races of men dating and married to all types of women. The sad part was at the half way house, men had much more freedom though still incarcerated, when they had week end passes, anyone of those men could be seen at times dating the rainbow if they were not affilated with gangs or hate groups. One white man was married to an asisan, but was dating a black girl and a white girl during the week. I at times just believe men will be men and race really is not that important to them.

Wow...I have read alot of interesting posts in this thread about INTERRACIAL DATING, which focuses on the belief that AFRICAN AMERICAN MEN PREDOMINATELY have a Monoply on dating White Women, -vs- White Men pursuing, dating or marrying African American Women, That is such a fallacy--An Untrue.

I will expand your horizons and tell you, that White Men pursue African American Women in a rapid pace with love and desire in hopes of seeking a meaningful and loving relationship.

But, it's not put out in the forefront nor the Media where so many seek and receive their misinformed knowledge from. It' a Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte.

White Men are as equally attracted to and the numbers run neck and neck with White Men who are dating, partnered with etc. with African American Women. It's just a Hush Hush...don't let this get out.

The UNDERTONES I read in some of the members posts...tsk tsk tsk. As it has often been said, "YOU CAN'T BULLSHIT THE BULLSHITTER." I heard the underlying tones..."NOW NOW NOW, Black Men love White Women More Than They Love Many African American Women."

It's almost the year 2007 stop it. This is a forum and a place where WE are suppose to raise one another up NOT tear each other down. We're Sisters, We're Brothers go ask Christ. Who cares about Who Loving Who?

I peeked in this thread BECAUSE my son is married to a beautiful cacausian woman, that has blessed me with 2 beautiful granddaughters. She's just not my daughter in law she's my daughter. I wanted to find out what her challenges were and are, since my son is in prison. INSTEAD, I found a discussion and dialogue about the worldly topic of Black Males with White Women and their need for a cell phone.

I truly wish I could widen some peoples horizons here becuz the world in which I live....I know just as many White Men w/African American Women and I have been one.

God's Peace & Blessings To You...Let's Lift One Another Up.
littlemama
"I'm Just a Prisoner Of Hope"

I'm the elusive black female- white boyfriend. We met before this whole prison situation and we've never had problems. I may get an occasional look, but nothing outright. People used to tell us we were a cute couple. And now that he's in when I visited him- we were the only couple of our kind. He said when he went back the black guys were giving him props- whatever that's worth. I was a little afraid that would be mean. But he's a great guy that has no predjudices. So overall we have had positive responses.

Cranky-Our situation is the same as yours. Never any problems. We've heard the "cute couple" and "you guys look good together", even from the people in visiting.

We are usually the only couple there of out "mixture" well. But that's OK, because one thing people can clearly see without a doubt, is that we love each other. Everything else doesn't matter. He says the "brothers" always ask if I can hook them up with some of my friends. LOL, he says, how many soups you got???? HUSTLER!!!!!! LOL

. . . He says the "brothers" always ask if I can hook them up with some of my friends.
Funny thing -- I sometimes think similar, like can you load up a couple SUVs with all your thug luvin girls, come into the hood and just clean up the corners, the streets and even a few Projects housing units where they're just hanging out doing nuthing. Take them back with you because they could probably use a place to live anyway. The heck with raimen soup -- a can of campbells chunky for everybody, and I'm not even a hustler!! :D :o I'm not playin either -- you could have a banner on the suv that says "we're cleanin up the hood", and as you leave what we'll see is all the brothers in the vehicle waving good-bye out the windows with their lil cuties sittin on their laps!! :)

The subject had recently come up and I asked him some things n that line of questioning. There is a huge race/ segregation thing in AZ prisons. I mentioned some cool videos ( rap) that our son loved to watch on BET and he said that if he watched BET his own race would beat him... Not allowed if you are a white boy... I think that in prison you tolerate and accept a lot of things you would not neccessarily accept in the free world. People who become prejudiced in prison , werent at all in the free world! Dont hate on me,I was just answering the question as I just asked him a few weeks ago and that is the answer I got. The whites would run a white man with a black woman off the yard.. Sad but true!! Not at all my policy as I live in a Border town and have friends of many different races and nationalities!! :cool: :D

. . . Not at all my policy as I live in a Border town and have friends of many different races and nationalities!! :cool: :D
Hun there's no need to be so apologetic because it's real, and real is real no matter how you slice it, dice it or sweep it under the rug like it don't exist. It's the truth, period. That's why I said somewhere in a thread today that the man is very brave if he's on land where folks just don't like it, so his girl should just be brave with him.

I personally dont think that any human dating another human should be considered taboo but do I think it still it yes!
because my brother dates black woman my parents are old
fashion and always think what will the neighbors think LOL

KarrieMI

I Just Read All You Alls Posts And Cant Belive What Most Of You Are Saying? This Ir Issue Is Stupid...talking About Why White Like Blk Or That Blk Men Date White Women As A (prize) Thats Shyt Is Crazy!!
And This Is About Ir R In The Prison.. And How It Effects Us! I Cant Help But Express My Feelings Here, Because If Anyone Knows What Its Like To Date Outside Your Race Its Us! So.. Why We Asking Stupid Questions About Why People Date Other Races?
You All Talk About Others Starring At You At Visits? And Whispering Behind You In Public.. But Look What Your Saying About Yourselfs!
We Love Who We Love Because Our Hearts Fell In Love With That Person... Not Because Of A Status....
I Have A Saying... In A Box Of Crayons There Is Only 1 Of Each Color.. Yet Somehow They All Live In One Box.... We Should Make That Our Exsample.... And Live Togather In Peace...

I personally dont think that any human dating another human should be considered taboo . . .
I agree with that. Matter fact, I didn't even know it was taboo -- though that is something I've heard whites say, but I've never heard of blacks saying that it's taboo. That could be why the ratio is what it is when it comes to white men being with black women. MANY black men are with white women because we're not into the taboo label and really don't care about it. But because that word came from whites, you don't see nearly as many white men with black women because they may care about being imaged as taboo. So, maybe per the topic title "Is black females dating white males still taboo?" maybe according to white men it is?? :confused: Brothers don't care like that, they be like if they want some white a$$, they gonna get them some white a$$ and that's it. Take it or leave it.

Speaking from someone in a black female- white male relationship. I wouldn't necessarily say its taboo. But it is a relationship that is not very comfortable with some people. And most of the negative comments/looks (although few) I have gotten have been from black men. I think some of it stems from slavery days when white men could have any women they wanted, lots of rapes. Again this is just my lowly opinion. But vice-versa I have had good comments from black guys.

I was not aware that there were rules that alude that there are ranks of taboo situations such as black male with a white woman vs black woman with a white male. I have been with a black man for over 14 years and its always solicited attention and looks. (we are both over 6" and it does attract attention). Only people with a certain mind set have a problem with it but the conveyed feelings about it being wrong most certainly exist. I have never seen any rules about it in the Bible so what right does man have to decide who should fall in love with who?

White men dating black women is very taboo still today. Even in prison, you hardly ever find a black woman coming to see a white guy during visitation. I think it has to do with status in the social class. Yes, even in prison, you have social class. My sweetheart says that his friend who was in prison with him had a black wife. He wasn't accepted with the white nor the black guys. He just had no place to fit in. I do see tons of white girls visiting black men, which is all good with me. But sadly to say, black women dating white men is still not fully accepted outside of prison as well as inside. Our society still has a long way to go when it comes to this subject.

I think in life we can only speak from our individual experiences. Sure the media helps shape your overall perspective, but at the end of the day it's what you live that really molds what you think.

I have NEVER seen a black woman on visitation and I have been visiting for 3 years and been to 10 or 11 facilities. NEVER SEEN IT!!! Not that it doesn't exist, but the reality is it just is not that common in my eyes. Nothing wrong with it...I just don't see it. And I don't know why I don't see it, but I don't.

Outside prison.....I never see it on TV, I never see it in my hood, never at work. I just don't see it. I can't think of one black woman with a white man in a serious committed relationship. I have known some to mess around (co-workers and college friends) but nothing serious.

UMMM....this topic really makes ya think???? Why not? Not that there needs to be a "reason" but in most things in life there is a root cause.

It never occured to me. I do have a white male friend engaged to be married to a black woman. Guess I never think about it being that I am in an interracial relationship myself.

I'm a white female and I have to say I *love* seeing black girls with white guys. I'm not exactly sure why, but I think it has something to do with it, at least in my mind, destroying the last interracial taboo, and it gives me hope that we are heading in the right direction. I haven't seen any such couples at my guy's prison, but if I ever do you know I'm going to be smiling at them. :-)

My sisters and I are racially liberal. One sister has a long-term black live-in boyfriend and two kids with him. The other sister has a long-term half-American Indian live-in boyfriend and one kid with him. My guy is Hispanic, as was my last guy. I've dated blacks and Asians too. All of us have dated our share of white guys too, we're not necessarily looking outside of our own color/ethnicity/whatever. :-)

he is in Illinois.. its funny because he says there are guys that are like .. aww.. you married a redbone? (i hate that term) Im mixed 1/2 black 1/2 hispanic and people (black guys) just smile at my husband and he says they ar more likely to try and be cool after they find out hes married to me whereas before they might think hes prejudice because he doesnt "hang" with a lot of "brothas" in there.as far as white people making comments he says they dont ... guards dont either...

It is more common then people think.Ive seen quite a bit of black women with white men and they appear to be happy.God sees no color so why does people.hmmm.thank God he is not like man.

hello well i dont think it is taboo my man sister has a half white daughter and is going to get married to a white man. Well I think people need to get over race if you like white boy go for it if any race go for it whatever makes u happy. If peopel would stop worrying about what other people woudl think then evetually there wouldnt be no more taboo live your life for yourself no oen else.

IF it is taboo, it shouldn't be. We can begin the end of racism/taboo relationships here, today, just be accepting relationships for what they are and not permitting the bigotry to continue. If peole comment about the fact that my husband's skin is a beautiful chocolate mousse brown and mine is a creamy, yet olive color in a derogatory way we just tell them that their ignorance is showing and we keep on about our own business.

Whenever and wherever we talk about "inter-racial relationships" we are just doing what the bigots do - segregating ourselves - making ourselves different somehow from other couples.

JMO

In prison, yes, very taboo. He would have a very hard time on the yard. I have never seen it in prison, but I have outside the walls.