new chica-on line.
hello im a 23 year old female comming out of texas. my husband is in prison now going on 2-3 years, serving a 4 year. I still love him so much and he's been very abuseive. He's promised me he's changed and all, we been togather since 16 yrs old and we're both in our 20's. He started hitting me that young and it got bad at times...He likes to kick me and choake me and when i was pregnant with our 3 yr old son he beat on me worse. Hes been gone like i said but that dosnt help anything...Im pretty messed up now-thoughts- and all... I was once a very confident beatiful and took no sh*t from him , i still am the same but diffrent too and feel the changes. I feels very strange... Any one been with someone who went in and then got out like that ....How did they act??? And oh yeah , after he was locked up like a year I cheeted on him and got pregnant. He knows about the baby, and says he be his daddy, but at the same time i kinda am worried and all, cuz he always said if he ever catches me cheeting he'll 'butcher' me...but i dont think he'd go that far..either way - ANYONE BEEN IN THIS SITUATION???

Hello and welcome to PTO :)

What you accept in your life is your own business but you have children now and one that is not his. Not thinking he will go that far is not good enough. You need to protect yourself and the kids. He's saying he has changed but talk is cheap. His actions will show you the truth. You shouldn't take him back into your home and your life until you see the changes for yourself.

I am a firm believer in second chances and people changing. I have several posts on here about my relationship with my abuser and I still do love him and want to be with him. We are expecting our first child in 8 days, and I believe this might help him want to change. I'm not putting all my faith into it by no means. I want him to change but if he doesnt I wont stay!!! I think it's a personal choice!! Just listen to everyones advice and interpret it in your own way!!

A baby won't make him change. He has to want to.

If u have read my story.... I'm still wit my abuser he is locked up now. When he gets out i'ma give him one more chance but because I have his 1st son that's ALL i'ma give him is that 1 more time... cause i'm not havin my kids goin through the hurt & pain of seein Daddy hittin on Mommy.....

You girls break my heart. All of you show such a beautiful spirit, and while I know you love your men, it baffles me as to why you hold yourselves so cheaply. This is just my opinion, but simply put, love does not show itself by beating on the object of that love!!!! There is NO love in that, NONE!!!! How could you possibly think this man loves you as you DESERVE to be loved when he is taking his anger out on you.

I was in an abusive relationship in my teens and was lucky to get out with my life. I vowed to myself NEVER again, and I have stuck to that vow. A REAL man will walk away before laying a hand on his woman in anger.

You should love yourself enough to expect the man in your life to act like a man, to never put you in harms way, to protect and cherish you just as you would him.

so terribly sad to see such young aspiring women who have a whole world to live in and a long road ahead...settle...for....
all that will come from being attached so strongly to someone so willing to hurt them

sometimes I read this stuff and think WTF
then I think
step back because they may not know any better
or
they see this "forgiveness" and "love" as something to be proud of
or
they see it all as way to remain the victim for attention

they can get attention by being beaten and they can get the attention from people trying to help them out

either way it's attention I'm not saying everyone but to have such a desire to continue says what exactly ?
that you're good because you forgive ?
or
you're so loving that you'll give it another chance ?



sad
sad
sad

latina..no he does not love you. And I hope it won't take really getting hurt to finally realize that. I agree completely with tater..and you might want to read my post "When you can't convince someone, you pray"

I am a firm believer in second chances and people changing. I have several posts on here about my relationship with my abuser and I still do love him and want to be with him. We are expecting our first child in 8 days, and I believe this might help him want to change. I'm not putting all my faith into it by no means. I want him to change but if he doesnt I wont stay!!! I think it's a personal choice!! Just listen to everyones advice and interpret it in your own way!!

Based on your posts, however, you've given him more than a second chance. You've given him a 3rd, a 4th, a 5th, and so on... In your posts you've mentioned more than two instances of violence. I respect your decision to stay with your abuser, but please also be realistic. You're not just giving him a second chance. His second chance went out the window LONG ago.

Do you have a pet, or do you know someone who does?

Do you love it?

Do you beat it?

Don't spend another second on a man who won't treat you as well as a dog should be treated.

Based on your posts, however, you've given him more than a second chance. You've given him a 3rd, a 4th, a 5th, and so on... In your posts you've mentioned more than two instances of violence. I respect your decision to stay with your abuser, but please also be realistic. You're not just giving him a second chance. His second chance went out the window LONG ago.
I see his going to prison as a chance for change if he doesnt I'm done with him! Plain and simple! But his return into my life will be on my terms and conditions. I am not going to sit around and let him beat me or hurt our daughter! I have given him chance after chance before sending his butt to prison and I hope he realizes he f**ked with the wrong b***h. And who knows after I have the baby (in 7 days) if I'll even feel the same way! I personally think that Ray does love me he just needs a lot of mental help!! I just hope he can see what he did and want to change!!! The road he is/was on is not the road I want to be on not any more! I really just see the good in him and if he changes great if not I'm sorry for him!!!!

I Just Finished Posting How Much I Miss My Dv Ex, But I Realize That No Matter How Much I Miss Him, Just The Thought Of Ever Seeing Him Again, Which I Know I Will Becuz Of The Kids, Makes Me Physically Ill. But Rewind One Year Ago And I Was Giving Birth To Our Second Baby, I Too Was Frantic To Hear From Him And Also Take Him Back. Truth Is, You Have Time. Maybe One Year From Now And Feel Diffrently. What Is Most Important Is That A Second Chance Does Not Have To Be Decided Right Now. Keep Safe And Happy Holidays. Blessings To You And Your Baby Girl. She's A Miracle, Your Blessed.

A little while ago here inengland there was a story of a man who murdered his wifes child because she was not his. He had a history of donestic violence against her. Please remember sometimes the woman is not the target if I recall correctly you have a child by someone else. ot wanting to scare yu or upset you but what I have said may be worth keeping in mind.

If your best friend or your baby sister said to you "He started hitting me that young and it got bad at times...He likes to kick me and choake me and when i was pregnant with our 3 yr old son he beat on me worse." What would you say to her?
If you feel that his "love" is worth risking your life to keep, I guess that's your business, but do you want your sons to grow up thinking this is how it should be? When your 17 year old son's 16 year old girlfriend starts wearing long sleeves and too much makeup to hide bruises, will you feel responsible?
If you should later have a daughter, will you want her to put up with a man putting his hands on her like that?
You're a mom. Everything you do teaches your children something. You want to really consider what the lessons are that they learn from your life.

Hello my name is theresa and my husband just got sent back to prison for 3 years and I think he might not blieve me that I love him im so scared that he will hate me I cry all the time I want help trying to figure out what to say to him cause I LOVE HIM so much.thanks We been together for 10 years.he got oyut sept 17 2006. and i found a letter from his mom talking about another girl named nicole and he didnt cum home for 2 weeks when he got out. But I want him to know that i dont want thatto happen again

Oh Teresa, how very sad. . . I don't know what to say to you, because it isn't a case of letting him know that you love him. It sounds more like him letting you know he doesn't love you, and that's something words just aren't going to fix. Maybe you can be very lucky, and this time in prison will turn his mind around to you again; it would be the way we all want the fairy-tale to end. Meanwhile, you just concentrate on making your life good, for you! Go back to school, try some volunteering, befriend someone else - anything to take your mind off how much you're hurting.

Many hugs!

Sweetie, the fact that you cheated on him and got pregnant with someone else's baby is a huge trigger for an abusive man!!! I would not go back to him for your own safety and your child's safety. Abusive men are very jealous and I truly believe he will abuse you and/or your child. I know you love him, I understand that, but you've got to let go. Give him to God and get on with your life now before he gets out. If you can, I would move away to where he can't find you. I'm telling you, I feel very strongly about this. He will sooner or later beat you up for cheating and having another man's baby. Please do everything to protect yourself now!! Best wishes to you!!

I can not say wether he loves you or not cause I dont know him. I do know however that unless he gets help, he will not change. Actions speak lowder than words. It maybe necessary for both of you to get counseling. I think couples counseling could help when he gets out, if you stay. From what you have said he is pretty violent, and the idea he would be violent with you while pregnant is upsetting. I would really sit down and think this through. If you stay with him you could be risking the your life and the life your children. It hurts when we leave those that we love or believe that we love, but you have to love yourself more and ask yourself do you realy want to risk more abuse by staying.

While I was pregnant with my oldest, her father abused me. I loved him and was going to stand by him no matter what. I was arrested for a certain crime and while locked up I met a women that helped me break away from him. It hurt and I cried a lot but she stood by me and help me through it. He to told me he would change, and that he had changed, and he would kill himself if I didnt stay. He said that all the changes he made were for nothing if I wasn't going to stay around and see for myself. I didnt listen to him and I am glad. Some strange Circumstance's lead me to meat his soon to be ex-wife, she told me he had abused her, we found that he had done some of the same things to both of us. I hope this help and whatever discision you make make sure it is the best one for you and your kids.

You girls break my heart. All of you show such a beautiful spirit, and while I know you love your men, it baffles me as to why you hold yourselves so cheaply. This is just my opinion, but simply put, love does not show itself by beating on the object of that love!!!! There is NO love in that, NONE!!!! How could you possibly think this man loves you as you DESERVE to be loved when he is taking his anger out on you.

I was in an abusive relationship in my teens and was lucky to get out with my life. I vowed to myself NEVER again, and I have stuck to that vow. A REAL man will walk away before laying a hand on his woman in anger.

You should love yourself enough to expect the man in your life to act like a man, to never put you in harms way, to protect and cherish you just as you would him.

I agree with the above post whole heartedly on this subject. I was married to an abuser about 15 years ago. I only stayed married to him 5 extra years for the sake of my children...but when I had had enough....I got up enough courage to leave and have not looked back since. Males that beat women are NOT MEN....this is a COWARD....REAL MEN don't hit women....I hope all of you on this forum who are currently in an abusive relationship will wake up soon and learn that you can do bad all by yourself, you don't have to live like this, and you don't have to subject your children to this type of environment either....I pray that God will give you all the courage to realize who you are in his eyes and realize he does not want you to live like this even if you are married to the abuser.

new chica-on line.
hello im a 23 year old female comming out of texas. my husband is in prison now going on 2-3 years, serving a 4 year. I still love him so much and he's been very abuseive. He's promised me he's changed and all, we been togather since 16 yrs old and we're both in our 20's. He started hitting me that young and it got bad at times...He likes to kick me and choake me and when i was pregnant with our 3 yr old son he beat on me worse. Hes been gone like i said but that dosnt help anything...Im pretty messed up now-thoughts- and all... I was once a very confident beatiful and took no sh*t from him , i still am the same but diffrent too and feel the changes. I feels very strange... Any one been with someone who went in and then got out like that ....How did they act??? And oh yeah , after he was locked up like a year I cheeted on him and got pregnant. He knows about the baby, and says he be his daddy, but at the same time i kinda am worried and all, cuz he always said if he ever catches me cheeting he'll 'butcher' me...but i dont think he'd go that far..either way - ANYONE BEEN IN THIS SITUATION???

You answered your own question within your note (highlighted).

--

I'm a 26 year old, and have been on and off again with my children's father for 9 years. We met in High School. He's choked me, beat me, etc. etc. He's very jealous and mean. I have dated other people and he has thrown that up in my face, yet he has dated others too.
I've given this man chance after chance after chance. And I'd probably be liein if I said I will never give him another chance. I've seen him change a bunch last year too, going to school, having a job, paying me child support, but his dumb a** put his hands on me again, being drunk, he is facing years in prison for violating his parolle...
Good luck in your situation. And when he gets out of Prison, if he's the Tough Guy type in there, expect him to be more violent, maybe not as much, just when it's bad Expect it to really be bad.