I am totally lost !! i dont know what to do anymore , i dont even know what too think . ok , here's the deal . Me and my boyfriend got together back xmas..We were friends befor , but hadn't decided to be a couple until xmas pasted , when i was 4 months pregnant with our son . From the time i knew him befor, things were great and i was very excited about him coming too live with me ( i moved provience when i was 2 months .) Things were good for about a month . then things went downhill . He wasn't physically abuseive , but mentially and emotionally .Here's some examples. called me a bitc...whor..slu.. , " i wasn't anything too him and he could do a heck of alot better then me " , when he;d drink , he'd make me feel controlled .. i was afriad of him and would feel like i had too do what he said , or he'd beat up our home .. ect.. many times i found myself running away from him . the last time day we were together , i had too leave our home cause he was smashing things and calling me names . i left , 9 1/2 months pregnant , with no shoes on .. to get away . of coursr he came after me , drunk , held my hand and brought me back into our home , only too fight and scream and break tihngs again . this stuff happened alot from xmas too may 6 ( when he got incarsarated . ) i delivered our child 2 weeks after he left .. i am finding it hard dealing with my responseability of being a mom alone, this past month has had its ups and downs with motherhood , but i am extremely protective of my son and only want the best for him . I ask myself alot .. " is this the best ?" my boyfriend says he'll change .. also blames these things on me , saying i pushed him too be like he was , " you just cant do that anymore .. " i think everyone is responseable for there own actions . i guess he dont. I want too know your opions on this . would you stay or leave ? would you trust him and think he would change .. or be willing too go back too this , only this time ,with your child . ???

Wow. This really hits home. The verbal and emotional abuse started as soon as I got pregnant. I married him anyways, telling myself that it would get better after the wedding, then, after the baby was born. Needless to say, it didn't. The verbal abuse got worse after our baby's birth, then the physical abuse started in.

When people are abusive, it doesn't get better unless THEY see there's a problem, which he obviously doesn't since he's still making excuses for it, and are willing to make all the neccisary changes to not be abusive anymore. As much as I'd like to tell you that things will change, it doesn't get better, it will only get worse.

I completely understand your struggle to raise your child alone. I now have three little boys and I strongly beleived that they needed a man around to help raise them. What I have realized is that if he stayed around to help raise them, they would end up just like him. They would learn to live the exact same way and treat women the same way. Also, like a lot of families that deal with domestic abuse, the children might also have been abused. Since he's been out of the house, my kids and I are happier. There's not the stress of constantly worrying what is going to set off Dad next.

Yes, raising kids alone is tough. No doubt about that. But having to constantly walk on eggshells makes it a heck of a lot harder. My advice to you- Be strong and go now before the abuse gets worse and there's more children involved.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers!!

Hon, I answered your other post - but I'm very glad you've put this question here. Get out. Raise your child without him, so your life can go forward.

my response to you is this RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM THIS GUY.He never loved you to start with cause if he did he would not have treated you like he did.You now have a child to think about.He deserves to live in a place where he is not in fear for himself or his mom.let me also say this to you also.IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.HE TREATS YOU THE WAY HE DOES BECAUSE OF HIM NOT YOU.With that being said i wish for the best things for you and there is someone out there who will love you and your child without calling you names and stuff like that.You deserve to be treated with respect and not treated like a dog.Which this guy has been treating you like a dog.Open your eyes before it is to late and your child is left without a mother.
I am totally lost !! i dont know what to do anymore , i dont even know what too think . ok , here's the deal . Me and my boyfriend got together back xmas..We were friends befor , but hadn't decided to be a couple until xmas pasted , when i was 4 months pregnant with our son . From the time i knew him befor, things were great and i was very excited about him coming too live with me ( i moved provience when i was 2 months .) Things were good for about a month . then things went downhill . He wasn't physically abuseive , but mentially and emotionally .Here's some examples. called me a bitc...whor..slu.. , " i wasn't anything too him and he could do a heck of alot better then me " , when he;d drink , he'd make me feel controlled .. i was afriad of him and would feel like i had too do what he said , or he'd beat up our home .. ect.. many times i found myself running away from him . the last time day we were together , i had too leave our home cause he was smashing things and calling me names . i left , 9 1/2 months pregnant , with no shoes on .. to get away . of coursr he came after me , drunk , held my hand and brought me back into our home , only too fight and scream and break tihngs again . this stuff happened alot from xmas too may 6 ( when he got incarsarated . ) i delivered our child 2 weeks after he left .. i am finding it hard dealing with my responseability of being a mom alone, this past month has had its ups and downs with motherhood , but i am extremely protective of my son and only want the best for him . I ask myself alot .. " is this the best ?" my boyfriend says he'll change .. also blames these things on me , saying i pushed him too be like he was , " you just cant do that anymore .. " i think everyone is responseable for there own actions . i guess he dont. I want too know your opions on this . would you stay or leave ? would you trust him and think he would change .. or be willing too go back too this , only this time ,with your child . ???

Your story breaks my heart. Of course you aren't to blame for his actions, that's just crap. You and your son deserve to live the best and happiest of lives. You're asking whether or not to give him another chance? I think it was Maya Angelou who said , "when someone shows you who they really are believe them!!" These feelings in your gut are there for a reason, they're your intuition your built in defense mechanism. Listen to what they're trying to tell you - they start as whispers and build until you get it. There can be so much happiness in life, its out there waiting for you to discover it. Go and be happy, that's not only your birth right but that of your son as well. :)

Follow your heart and protect your child with your life, it is not your fault and you need to protect yourself to protect your child!
Don't let him come in and destroy everything you have.

Lostincanada,I really felt for you in your very first post on this,and even the second.By your third I was finding myself getting frustrated because every single one of us has given you the same advice which is to GET OUT NOW!!!!!!And yet here you are for the third day in a row posting the same exact question in another forum.I can't figure out at this point if you're full of it and you're just trying to get attention,or if you're just waiting for someone to tell you to stay.I'm personally done giving you advice.Regardless of whatever your real story is I think one thing is plainly clear and that is the fact that you need some sort of help.Although I do feel bad for you I must admit that at this point my main concern is for your child.I wish you the best of luck!

It will NEVER get any better. It only gets worse. They start by degrading you. Making you feel like you are not worthy of love and attention. That you are no good, that no one would ever want to have anything to do with you. That you could not make it out in the real world without them. This is what they want you to believe. The low rate you to the point that you actually believe this.....then the physical abuse starts, as if the emotional abuse was not enough. It will NEVER get any better. Oh yes, once the fight is over and he or she begs you "I am so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you I love you and it will NEVER happen again." The love after the fight is the most intense. It is what you have been longing for. Then before you know it the fights are happening again. And for the most part you don't even know why you are fighting, it is just "something" in them and it has got to erupt. Just beware, because the distance between the fights will become sooner and sooner. You can make it without them. Only you! It's you against the world. There are alot of people out their that support you, but the old saying holds true, don't judge me until you have walked a mile in my shoes. It's only you, regardless, there are numerous people out here that have had similiar circumstances. I just pray that you have the stregnth to get out before it is too late! If you have children, think of them, do you want them growing up thinking that this is the way life and a relationship is suppose to be? My final straw came when I heard my 4 year old son tell the neighbors, "I saw my daddy choke my mommy until her nose was bleeding" Do what you can---but get out!!! It will NEVER get any better, only for the moment. I wish you luck!

You have been given wonderful advice. You have a little son who needs your protection, not to be put in the middle of abuse.

Please RUN and never look back!

While it is possible that anyone can change, you have a child to protect first. So until he has changed on his own and you can verify that with independent sources, you need to stay as far away from as you can and protect your son from him as much as you can. If you are still single a yera after he has gotten off probation, and he has been clean and kept a steady job and been completely responsible, then you might consider spending some time with him (notice all the hestitations because sometimes even when a person has made overall progress, he falls back into the same hurtful patterns when he is with those he used that pattern with), as a friend and the boy's father.

(You'll have some idea about whether he has changed, because he will start regularly writing his son (at the PO Box No. you give him because you do not want him to have your address), without trying to bother you at all and without anyone telling him to do it. He'll tell everyone to send you any money they would have sent him for canteen, to you to help with the baby. He'll do what real men do, on his own, and not blame you at all for your feelings. He'll acknowledge that you have every right and obligation to protect his son from him until he shows he can be a fit parent.)

Don't believe his words or promises---- and really believe his actions.

i read in one of the posts that he says you make him the way he gets.NO YOU DONT.unless he knows HE got a problem he isnt gonna fix it.when he admits he had a problem and he needs help THEN you should think abut giving him another chance-but

but only if he completes the program AND if you get good feedbac from his counselors and good feedbac from your gut instinct.in the meantime move into your own space for you and your child.show him you can do it without his abuse.HONEY IF ALL HE GOT TO OFFER YOU IS ABUSE (FOR ALL THE LOVE YOU GIVE TO HIM)HE AINT WORTH IT!!

In your circumstances, I would leave. As long as he is still blaming you for his actions, he will never change. The first step to change is for him to admit all the responsibility for what he did, regardless of anything you did. Many times, leaving him can also get him to change, if and only if, he truly loves you and has it in his heart to change. It's a long road for abusers to change and they have to be determined and show action toward it, not just words. I feel you are better off without him. You are too precious to be treated this way, and as long as you allow it, he will not respect you and give you what you need. I would recommend you contact your local domestic violence center and get free counseling. Take care of you and your child and move on with your life. PM me if you need to talk.

Leave him.