Yesterday , I made a very bad decision. My husband is locked up, I'm lonely, hurt, irritated, stressed completely out, and feeling really down. I've been drinking alot lately in hopes that that will help but unfortunately it's only made situations worse. I tend to make really bad decisions when I'm loaded. So bad that when I wake up the next morning I realize what I've done the previous night and it makes me sick. How am I going to get through these two years that my husband is gone? He is trusting me to take care of myself and the kids. No cheating and all that but I don;t think he really understands what I am going through. He's completely messed up everything. I am so mad at him for what he did to land himself in jail. :angry:
I'm confused. I know I want to be with him but I don't know how to be a good wife while he's there and I'm out here. I really want to be but it's difficult. Please someone help.

Shellyred, I understand your confusion and pain. I have been there many times myself. (Mine has been down a total of 4 times in the past 12 yrs)
The best course of action that I have found is to NOT focus on what you are missing but focus on what you actually have. Yourself and your children. I used my "seperated" time as a time to work on myself. Finding the things about myself that I wanted to make better. Spending more quality time with my kids and with my friends and family. Sure I felt like throwing in the towel several times along the way. It is natural for you to be angry with him for making you put your marriage on hold for a stupid decision that he made. In time you will come to grips with it and decide if you are willing to forgive him for it.

Lonliness will make you do things you never thought you would. I too made some bad decisions along the way because I was hurt and angry and lonley. Dont beat yourself up too badly, if you really feel that you made a mistake, learn from it and promise yourself that you won't repeat it.

Your husband won't ever truly understand what you are going through just as you would never truly understand what his life is like right now either. I used to tell my husband that I would gladly change places with him and let him handle the kids, finances, and responsiblites of day to day life. I was very pissed at him for doing some really stupid s***t, and I would tell him everytime he complained about his situation "You did it to yourself, you made the choice"...etc.
Hang in there, please count the blessings in your life, you will find that you have much to be happy about. PM me if you ever need a shoulder or ear.

It's time to take charge of your own emotions. Counseling, AA, etc. Regardless of his situation, you have to live out here, function out here, with what is going on out here. That means you chart out what your options are, what your emotions are, and head that way. No-one makes great decisions while drunk, so that's no news...the news is to be able to say "I know my decision-making is bad when I drink, and I know my sadness gets worse when I drink, so my decision now, while sober, is not to drink. That way I'm not digging a deeper hole." Not an easy decision, but a life-changing, life-affirming one, and one that lots of people have made before you, and can help you with. Good Luck

The members above have given you excellent advice. Hon, drinking will not change the fact that he went to prison and will be there for two years. It hurts yes, however, you cannot let that sentence drag you into a pit of self despair. Your kids are counting on you now more than ever. If this is a serious issue I definitely suggest attending AA meetings. They will help get you back on track. There is no permanent way to remove ourselves from reality, it is only temporary, and then when sober, you realize what has happened (as you said) and guilt ensues...( besides the fact th problem is still there!!!) It is a cycle leading to destruction, and you deserve more than that!! As for being able to be a good wife to him, keep the communication lines open. Tell him you are having angry feelings...talk about it, do not hold it in. Also tell him when you are having loving feelings for him too! You do still love him and I am sure you love your children. You have to look out for them and for yourself. I wish you the best on this!!! Take this one day at a time, try not to look at the whole picture here, because it can be overwhelming at first...Stand strong and believe you can do this, and you will get through it. :thumbsup:

If you don't want that hurt to be there, then you have to put the bottle away for good. Your kids need you now, more than ever. Great advice by those who posted already. No one makes good decisions when they are loaded. You said it best. For yourself, talk to friends, family. Find a local support group. Go to a local church or talk to your EAP program at work. (employee assistance) They can guide you on this journey. You have a choice and you recognize there is a problem. So many of us pass that up and that is what truly get's us in trouble. There is no one to worry about now except you and your kids. You have to stay healthy for yourself and them. Good luck.

Girl, it is real hard to manage with out him there and I won't lie, out of ten years of marriage maybe a year and a half that he has been out and helping (or making my life hell).
You need to stop what you are doing and get some help. Your kids need their mom and you need to find yourself.
The people that have responded have very good advice! I would listen to them because they are right. If you didn't know that what you are doing is wrong then you wouldnt be here writing about it.
You will make it through this time apart. You can look at it like a break and find out about each other more. You can have a great time with your kids and just live until he comes home. Get involved with your kids, community, AA, find some new friends. Something to keep your mind from going crazy.
Good Luck, PM me at any time I know what you are going thru.