Hi!

Most of u know me by now and know that as I said earlier I seem to get into trouble a lot.

Well I got a new problem and its big.

My best friend is doing drugs I shud have noticed a long time ago but hey I guess I was blind or something.

Well my problem is that he is doin it when ever Im around, and even tho I told him I will not do drugs(like every damn drug around) but fo how long can I keep strong, I mean shit what if I get drunk and then do drugs like I aint even got a clue what I will do, all I know is that once I got high and I ended up in Juvie fo like a week cuz I beat the shit out of this one guy!

I dont want this to happen shit I wanna try change but I dont know how to, I really wanna help my friend, but how can I help him when I am not even strong enough to keep outta trouble.

HELP ME PLEASE!

Kauri!

PS. Any advice IS NEEEDED!!!!!!!

I'm sorry to say this but the only solution I can think of is to not see him, at least until you are certain that you are strong enough to say no. If he is truly a friend and wants to be with you he should avoid taking drugs when you are around. He's not being fair to you.

Hey Helen.

Thanx a lot for ur advice, but hey hes been my friend since like kindergarten I cant just stop seeing him, or I will have to go Identify him someday when hes dead and about to be burried.

U must see that I cant leave him, I mean s*** we are best friends, I mean sorry but No I will not just leave him, I dont know if I shud tell him tho that I think we shud go to an AA sorta group for drug troubles, but what if he gets all pissed???

Kauri.

You are going to have to get tough with him, and dont worry if he gets pissed, someday he will thank you for it! Steve&kids

Hey Kauri -

Good for you for posting here about this ! You have laid out the problem very well in your post - you seem very clear on the nuances of this sensitive situation.

It's easy to say "Just don't drink...do drugs...whatever...", but those words can fall short. In the heat of the moment, I have often forgotten those words myself.

Ya gotta have a plan, girl.

Have you heard about the 7 P's - Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.

Bottom line:

1) You gotta take care of yourself first. There is no way you can be there for your friend if you yourself are loaded and getting into trouble. And if you are hoping he will stop using, why would he when you are joining in with him ?

2) Your best friend will ultimately have to decide for himself to quit using. You as a fellow human being can only do so much - the final decision is up to him.

3) This is actually a question - it popped into my head when I was thinking about what you wrote in your post. I would ask you what it is that you can do to keep from drinking/drugging ? Can you think of some tactics to use when you are dangerously close to using - maybe call someone, or run around the block or something that will give you a break and some time to remember who you are and what you want for yourself.

4) Finally, I was wondering if you have thought of some compromises you may have to make in order to still hang with your bud but not put yourself in a position where you will be harmed or get side tracked from your ultimate goal - to be a rap artist. Maybe like just hang with him when he is not using, or.....

Anywho, hope this was helpful. I can really relate to your situation, BTW. For me, I had to start telling myself I was strong enough to overcome my temptations and behaviours, because all the time I told myself I couldn't, then I just lived up to that low bar I set for myself. I had to change the way I thought - about myself, mostly.

Hang in there, girl !

Susie-Rae

I'm slightly confused..... with your leash on. (other posts)... how do you get to be around this person doing these happy drugs and drinking? Is he coming over to keep you company while you are on the Home Incarceration Program monitor?

This is an answer that I owe life2thesequel


Well to be honest he does come around yeah, but to keep me company, How am I to know he starts smokin and doin the whole drug thing. Then when he does do it I dont know what to say I mean what shud I just kick him out, we're homies, I cant just give him da kick.

Yeah, Im on da Home Incarceration Program monitor, but that dont mean he cant be around me all da time.

I really wanna thank susie-rae cuz her reply really helped me loads. I will look at the 4 ideas everytime I feel like im droppin.

THANX FOR NOW!

Kauri!

The step after Home Incarceration is jail/prison. If the authorities "drop by" your house while your friend is there and drugs are found guess where you will be going!!!! They WILL make unannounced visits to check up on you.

I guess you just need to make a choice........friend or jail/prison. If he was a TRUE friend, he would visit and leave his drugs at home.

mrs. d

You might consider the fact that the same cops who put you on it would take a dim view of him bringing drugs and booze to you. If they come a-knocking they won't care who is smoking, they'll smell the smoke, and you'll be in that little cell you were mentioning earlier today.

He'll be down the hall there.

Where are the parents in this?

rap_gurl ~ You do not want to go to jail/prison at your young age or really ever! Just because they are your friends now, does not mean they will be around later ~ I hope you learn to look out for yourself first ~ You are your own future! ~Take Care~

Well I know how you feel. One of my Best Friends has started using Crystal Meth. We've been friends through everything and sometimes it is just hard to not go along wtih something that seems so harmless on the outside. I havent done it and I thank God for giving me the will power to overcome the temptation. We go out and it is hard not to "do what seems so cool" to everyone else but just realize that your life means so much more than getting f***ed up one time. I have started to distance myself from this friend and it is so hard not to picfk up the phone 10 times a day to update her on everything that happens in my life. But you know you are already on thin ice and if your friend was really a friend he would totally respect you and not even have stuff like that around you. A true friend would be trying their hardest to help you make it through this. These kind of friends are probably what gets most people into trouble. Just remember noone wants to get into trouble by theirself.. My man has 7 years because of being around his so called stupid ass friends who set him up to get theirselves out of trouble and now that hes sitting in prison do you think that any of them have been to visit him NO!!! He is missing out on these wonderful years in my life and our daughters. So please be strong. The only person that can help you stay away from this kind of environment is yourself!!
Keep your head up! Laci

So often you hear a person say that they are in this situation, and they can't do anything about it, for a bunch of reasons. But I think when they are in prison, and look back, they can think of steps they could have taken to not go there.
narcotics anonymous would be helpful.

sorry hun, but if he really was your friend, he would accept and respect your wishes to not have drugs around you.

I have a few friends who are social users, but I've told them under no uncertain terms, they are not to bring drugs into my home nor are they welcome in my home under the influence.

The accept and respect my wishes and if I happen to visit them and they're smashed or planning a session, they have enough nouse to tell me politely so I can then make the choice to stay or leave.

My life, my body, I respect it and I ask my friends to give me the same respect I give them.

Put your foot down on solid ground, before you find yourself walking on thin ice.

Rap gurl,

There is not really much that I can add here, so many have given you great advice.

It all boils down to a choice, like so many things in life.

Keep letting him come around and go to prison.

You will get caught, if not now, then later.

Or, don't let him near you, finish your home incarceration and go on with life - free!

My leash is not as nearly as tight as yours, but, they have been in my home, they will come again, and yes, I think their sole purpose in life is to lock me up again.

So, girl, the choice, is yours: friend = prison, no friend = life on the outside.

By the way, I have a 23 year old niece who started a Life without Parole sentence at 16. Her life is ruined completely.

I know that prison time is not what you want for yourself, believe me, been there, done that myself, even at 49, it is hard to overcome that record!

Make your choice wisely.

God Bless you girl.

Patti

In one of your earlier posts you said that you were afraid that if you weren't around him you would have to go identify his body!

Sweetie I HATE to be blunt for fear of making you completely TUNE ME OUT but,...........how will your loved ones feel when they are visiting you in prison OR WORSE--------------- having to identify you?

IF HE WAS REALLY YOUR FRIEND HE WOULDN'T EVEN BRING DRUGS OVER.

THINK ABOUT IT!!

been there done that, (including prison)

jamie

Originally posted by rap_gurl

Well to be honest he does come around yeah, but to keep me company, How am I to know he starts smokin and doin the whole drug thing. Then when he does do it I dont know what to say I mean what shud I just kick him out, we're homies, I cant just give him da kick.

Kauri!
Yes, you CAN & SHOULD kick him out! Just because something is hard or uncomfortable to do, doesn't mean it can't be done. If he's truly your friend, he'll get the hint about not bringing stuff around you & either stop bringing IT over, or stop visiting you all together. Guess you should see what's really more important to him. So what if he's your "homie"! Picture yourself 10 years from now. What do you want for your future? Where do you want to be? With your "homies"? Or with people who love you & care about your well-being? Do you want to always have to be looking over your shoulder to see who's going to stab you in the back next? Or do you want to be "free" to live your life as a civilized person?
Sounds like you have a lot of growing up & maturing to do. Or else you don't think very highly of yourself. I guess not having any self-control got you into your situation in the first place. Try a little self-control....you'll be surprised at how good it makes you feel.

Ouch.... Do you people know how much it hurts me to read these posts?

Its sort of funny because all you say makes sense, and yet it is so hard for me, you all put it simple and I try to follow along, but then when I do try, I fail and everything is hard as hell for me.

I am off house arrest!!!!! YAHOO!

but he is still my friend, I am sorry, and no he hasn't stopped with drugs. However I have grown strong enough to decide not to do drugs, and I just told him yesterday that I think it is wrong of him to bring it around. I think he got the message.


Thanx.

Kauri!

Kauri,

I applaud you for telling him. I hope he listens and I hope that you have the strength to tell him to go away completely if he continues to bring it around.

I would much rather be posting to you instead of corresponding by snail mail with you if you go down, because of him.

Hang in there,

Patti

I think I am missing something here. As I read all the posts I kept on thinking what is wrong with you!!!! You just can't be that (to put it nicely) ignorant. I am going to put my two cents in even if it hurts your feelings. I have been dealing with an exhusband who is a heroine addict for seven years and let me tell you girl...get away from the people who use drugs. It is the only way to stay clean. You are making excuses when you say they are your best friend and you just can't give them the boot. What a grand friend they are to bring drugs around you and jepordize your health and mental well being. Sometimes you have to cut everyone loose to save yourself, please don't make your family be the ones who come to identify your body because you were not strong enough to say goodbye to the weak links that surround you. I saw it happen time and time again with my husband. He just could not stay away from the friends who were users and he kept on using himself. It was not untill he cut them loose that he found his way. Listen to all the advice on this site, you can learn alot from the people here, they know their stuff and will not send you down a path that was not tried and true. Good Luck

Kauri, I don't think if you get "time" your friend is going to do it for you, he may do his own time but not yours. Talk to your friend on the phone or write. If you want to be clean then you should stay away from all drugs and the people who do them. If you really want to help him , set an example by helping yourself. Do you attend AA meetings? Maybe that would be a good place to meet some new friends with the same goals.

Originally posted by rap_gurl
Ouch.... Do you people know how much it hurts me to read these posts?
Its sort of funny because all you say makes sense, and yet it is so hard for me, you all put it simple and I try to follow along, but then when I do try, I fail and everything is hard as hell for me.
Thanx.
Kauri!

Are you CRAZY or what? SO WHAT if staying away from your "friend" is HARD . Big deal. Lots of things in life are hard. And guess what? There's going to more and harder things to come your way in life.....especially if you keep going down the road you are. Do you think it will be easy or FUN for your family to visit you in PRISON or at your gravesite? My son had a friend who tried to quit heroin, but slipped up just one more time and died in our driveway! :( And heroin is not the only thing you can OD on.
Well, I guess in all of the species there is the theroy of survival of the fittest . We'll have to see who's left in the "gene pool".:hmm:

He's not your friend if he's doing drugs around you. You need to put yourself first, you need to not drink, not do drugs, and stay on the right path. We are all here to support you. Many of us have walked in your shoes. We understand. But you need to be strong and tell him no. Do not even let him in. You will be doing yourself and him a big favor. You don't want to end up in prison. That's no way to live. And you are so young, and have a whole life ahead of you. You're afraid of identifying his body... you should worry about someone having to identify yours unless you stay on the path of being clean, and doing what you are supposed to do while under house arrest. BE STRONG!