my husband was aressted and charged with domestic violence the court threw the case out because he really was innocent and they had no evidence plus I ''his wife" testified for him, it was an arguement but he never hurt me ive been with my husband for 8 years dating and 3 years married and not once has he ever attempted to hurt me in any way, i truely believe he is innocent, it takes two to tango and we are both to blame, but parole is trying to give him 9 months in prison with half time and 52 weeks of classes where he can have no contact with me for the 52 weeks none what so ever, im crushed we have two little girls together and we just want to be a family but no one seems to care about the wifes feelings or the childrens. i can see and understand if he really hurt me but he is innocent, can someone please give me some kind of advise how we can beat this...:( :( :( :( :( :angry: :angry: :angry:

You might talk to his parole officer about having the no contact order lifted against him but they probably won't start the process until he starts his domestic violence/anger manangement classes. It saddens me to tell you this but California doesn't really look at these cases on a one on one situation but all are grouped into one and everyone involved in this kind of stuff are sentenced to the same no contact- D.V. classes, from what I understand. If its court ordered you might go to the court house and get the form to have the no contact order dropped as you feel he is not a threat to you and your children but that doesn't mean the parole office will agree. Best of luck to you. sam

my ex was charged with assualt against me and part of his probation was no contact with me or my son - they also tried to lock him up for a year. I went in and spoke to the judge, told her our situation from beginning to end, right in front of him (and he did assault me) but with my testimony he got a suspended sentence imposition and the no contact order was lifted. he was on probation still but he could be around our son and me he just couldn't be threatning to me, etc.....it ended up working out better that way - best of luck to you!

If it was thrown out why he still there? This may be a stupid question sorry??

Also have you spoken to his parole officer, as the others have asked you??? Ask for the non-contact order lifted, you have children and explain to them that your children need there father and you need your husband..

Please try and remain strong..
Shay

well evidently parole has to violate if it is a matter of domestic violence, they say that the court and the parole are two different things and neither has to do with one another, his parole officer at first told me that if it was dropped he would have a better chance of fighting it but that they were state and they can rule different than the court. crazy isnt it, i asked if i could in any way get the protective order lifted and parole said NO WAY, but i feel as an american citizen that i have a right to fight this, no one should be able to keep a husband and wife apart unless the victim asked for the order, i can see in some casses if the victim got hurt but like i said before, he did not hurt me in any way but the police report also has things writen down that i never said but i have a witness at the time of questioning that will testify to me saying "no he never hurt me", this is just one big nightmare someone pinch me so i can wake up.... thanks for your comments everyone who replies to my case it keeps me going with hope...

Good luck! I don't know much about all of that but I do know that the courts and Parole are two different things and if one drops the charges doesn't mean the other one will.

nope because they are two totally different things one doesnt care what the other does originally his parole officer said oh well if the courts drop it theres a good chance we wont violate him, then comes to find out that he was full of shit and wrote a bad report on my husband and gave him 9 months

In California, YOU can go to court and ask that the no contact order or a restraining order be removed. But you will probably have to attend a 10-week domestic violence awareness class yourself. One is called "PEP". Once you complete all 10 "lessons" in the program, you go back to court and show you have done this. Presumably they have this so that you are making an "informed" decision and know what domestic violence is... I went to a couple of these classes because of a domestic violence situation i was in. I was the only person there who was NOT court ordered to attend and who DID NOT want to get back with the person i was involved with. The information they gave us in class was good, but the person who taught the class was AWFUL... she just babbled about random stuff and didn't even talk about domestic violence most of the time. Also, when she would go to read aloud from the book that was part of the class, she could barely read it, which didn't make me feel she was very competent to be giving me advice about my life... Also, she would let the others at the meeting ramble on about totally random, unrelated stuff, too. It was one of the biggest wastes of time i have ever encountered in a "learning" experience. Good luck. :mad:

Good luck with all that..I am sorry to hear about that. I think that you have to file some sort of counter claim and then also try to find whatever evidence..or lack therof that he is not guilty. the main problem is that so many women sa they were not abused after they feel bad for getting their man locked up that the courts don't listen to them as much, so when someone like you comes along who is telling the truth they are less likely to listen unfortunately..good luck with everything....what area are you from because if ur in the tristyate area there might be some people i know that could help you.

thanks for your help, im in southern california

Look I don't mean to sound bitchy but, arguments are domestic Violence too. Do you want your children to grow up thinking that it is normal to fight???? He doesn't have to hit you words are just as bad. His parole is under the condition of No contact with the police, so if you guys were arguing and the police came out then he violated his parole. I can say these things because my boyfriend just served 2 years at 50% for DV on his X. I used to think it was his X who had all the problems but, when I opened my eyes I realized that he has a temper and though he has never come close to hitting me, I have realized I am not doing him a favor by enabling him to deny he has a problem. Didn't those words that he yelled at you hurt???? My Kevin can not drink, when he does he wants to fight. I used to buy beer and bring it home after we had a long day at work because I figured he could control himself but in reality what was happening was I was not really drinking I was babysitting him. I want a partner in life not another person I have to care for like a child. It sounds like you have a similar situation. I have learned that tough love is what makes it work. If he wants to do things to violate his parole then he has to do them by himself, I wont sit by and worry anymore. He needs to change on his own you can't force him to change. If he can live by the conditions of the courts so he can be with you, then you meant enough to him. Just because you have the restraining order does not mean he can't see his children, unless the children are included in the protective order. PM me if you need to talk. I understand your feelings.

I wish i could/ I have a similar situation my husband was arested on a false report i filed out of anger but because he had priors even though i testified on his behalf. They got him on a violation of probation and gave him 11 months. I have tried so hard to go through his lawyer to get a sentence modification but he just keps teling me they won't do anything. I am due to have my baby in 3 weks and he is going to miss that because they decided to falsly convict him. I am to lost on what to do

Good luck!~You have been given some good information. How are you?

my husband was aressted and charged with domestic violence the court threw the case out because he really was innocent and they had no evidence plus I ''his wife" testified for him, it was an arguement but he never hurt me ive been with my husband for 8 years dating and 3 years married and not once has he ever attempted to hurt me in any way, i truely believe he is innocent, it takes two to tango and we are both to blame, but parole is trying to give him 9 months in prison with half time and 52 weeks of classes where he can have no contact with me for the 52 weeks none what so ever, im crushed we have two little girls together and we just want to be a family but no one seems to care about the wifes feelings or the childrens. i can see and understand if he really hurt me but he is innocent, can someone please give me some kind of advise how we can beat this...:( :( :( :( :( :angry: :angry: :angry:

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Hi all I have also had to deal with my husband being arrested & charged with D.V when it was a bunch of B.S that the arresting officers report had one lie after another. My husband being a parolee is what did him in the officers eyes. when they asked the ? are either of you on probation or parole, of course I said, I am not on either but my husband is on parole, that was it. They called in both of our names and to my surprise my husband wasnt even in the system as being on active parole. They grew more and more frustrated that they couldn't get any valid verification of his parole or that he was even on active parole. Long and short after 2 1/2 hours of being belittled, talked down to, yelled at and told to shout my f**n mouth or I'd be arrested because as the officer said, " I disgusted him and hearing my voice just made him that much more sick, it was in my best interest to shut the hell up." They finally got the approval of the area Sprvsr who gave them the green light to kick in my bedroom door where my hubby was out cold after taking his perscibed medication, (which I told the officers about from the beginning!) Then knocked once on the door and never said they were SJPD , so of course my husband thought it was me so didn't bother opening the bedroom door as we had just had an argument. So they got a green light to kick in our bedroom door where my hubby layed out cold from his meds, and despite they couldn't even find him in the system as being on parole at all. So kicking in the door gave them the "Use of Force" while resisting arrest. (Which gave him the Parole Hold!) And tagged and labled me this years poster child for Battered Womans Syndrum. I went to court contesting everything and refusing a protective order insisting over and over that nothing ever happened. And the lies that were written were far from what really had happened. I was told I had to have some kind of order even though I didn't want or need one, They said I had to have one whether I wanted on or not. They ordered a peaceful contact order which I still voiced that there was no need for any kind of order period. I left the court room that day still being given a peaceful contact order. My husband and I suffered with this as it put a strain on our marriage to the point of divorce. My husband stayed in custody while I fought here on the outside for this injustice on the part of the SJPD towards us. I was not going to stand still letting that just go. I went to many outside agencies for assitance with the injustices we had been made to endure by the very ones who were to protect and serve! I went to State Official in Sacramento for help, and tried to stay away from the internal affairs office as much as possible. I also went to the Indendant Auditor Office for assistance with the injustices we had been made to suffer. They are the departmnt that police the police and conduct investigations of citizens complaints of mistreatment against the PD. So despite my having many doors slamed in my face and offering little or no help, My persistance and determination, in the end of what was a nightmare we could not awake from and only seem to get worse over the many months that became years, we got the justice we stuggled and fought to finally see. But not before my husband completed and 8mnth parole violation and the completion of the judicial process. He was found guilty in court despite my testimony. We had long struggle with many odds against us but in the end we got an An Appeal and our case heard in Appellette Court with and Appellette Attorney being assigned to respresent us in the matter. The end result was in our favor, but didn't come before my husband had been made to serve an 8 mnth violation & a no contact order given as a condition of parole. But nothing is impossible where there is a will there is a way!! I refused to just stand by and accept the injutices get the best of me after it had taken more then it's toll on my life, my marriage, my self respect , my world as it turned it inside out. I stood up to a system that expected nothing less from me. They Police officers involved were put on leave with pay, repremanded with supervisrial personal, and have had the incident of the complaint being made and found guilty of placed in thier permanant employee files ( as it goes they will never be allowed to hold any position of authority because of this incident being in the permanant employee records. Oh did I mention I had to seek the Iternal Affairs office for the initial help which we all know wasnt going to be at all helpful or fair but needless to say they weren't too happy when the department was audited after their findings were not found to be accurate nor fair. And yup because of one person standing up for what they believed and what was right. They did not like that I was creating soo much trouble for them to have to deal with and in the end having to answer for everything they had done to us. It took so long to get here but never give up hope or trying. We were not allowed to have family visits at one point I am thankful that my struggles have paid off with us being allowed to have our first Family Visit as soon as my hubby hit the mainline. Stay Strong and Good Luck with your struggles. You can do it!
Dnzswfie. :thumbsup:

Keep your head up and keep praying. Make sure you do all you can to prove them wrong. I've been through the same thing and GOD made it all work out. He was released from jail for that but went right back in for trafficking that did not happen so now i have to deal with all that.

Prayer is the answer

First of all, 9 months is nothing, you should be able to do that standing on your head! Second, you should really be honest with YOURSELF and ask if there MIGHT be a DV problem. Sure it takes 2 to tango but a real man will disengage and not bring himself to the point of striking his wife and the mother of his children. A real man will exercise SELF-CONTROL no matter HOW hysterical you might get!

If you had to file any kind of report, something is DEFINETELY wrong in the first place!!! Things should never escalate to this kind of drama in a MARRIAGE relationship! You filed a police report out of anger? Hello? Play games with your own life and not your husbands especially if you KNOW he's on parole! NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! call the cops unless you're actually READY to REALLY get the hell away from him.or your life is truly in danger, come on ladies, get some brains here!

Jenn,

Well said, sounds like you are truly becoming a woman who knows what she wants and what she is NOT willing to put up with, a woman who is beginning to value herself!