Hello sunnie,
Im A new member and I really need some information on How to get my love one's restraining order of me. That is part of his parole but he will be comming home to live with me when he gets out My ? is Can It be possable to modifify this?

Welcome to the domestic violence forum.
As far as modifying a restraining order against you, you have to file papers to modify the order and go back to court and legally get it modified.

Because of the seriousness that judges see in domestic violence, it's very difficult especially in California to get an order modified. I would however think about why if you have been abused, you would want to risk living with the same man you brought the restraining order on to begin with. Just because he says he has changed, it takes a long time to do so. Take care of you first and foremost.

I am sorry I could not answer your question better, maybe someone will be along who can.

I can't answer any better than Sunnie did . . . sorry! But I would echo her thought about thinking about WHY that order is there. If there's been a pattern of nastiness, you may want to think about talking to a domestic violence counselor about how to set limits and what is acceptable behavior. When we love, we make excuses for things that should not be excused.

Whatever your choice, remember to care most about YOU. Good Luck.

You have to go to the court where the case was tried, and then they will maybe modify it. If they DO modify it, you will HAVE to attend a Domestic Violence Class. One of these is called PEP (Personal Empowerment Program). It is a 10-week class, and you have to get your card signed every time you attend, and at the end, when you've gone to all 10 classes, you get a certificate to show the court. I attended 2 PEP classes voluntarily, NOT because i was trying to modify a court order, and i was the ONLY person in the class who wasn't in there to get back with the person who was their alleged abuser. I found the reading material that they covered in the class to be interesting and useful, but the person who conducted the class did a very poor job of doing so, in that she just rambled on about totally random subjects, let every one in the class do the same, and could barely even read the words in the book out loud. Maybe there's some better classes out there, or better group leaders...

okay my question is where do i get the papers to file so that my restraining order can be remodified?

Try talking to the prosecutor who handled the case, or the court clerk of the judge.

Hi out there,

It looks as if I should have posed my question on this thread...anyhow, I am in the same situation; my boyfriend's parole agent refuses to lift the components of the PPO from his parole...she even insinuated that I suffered from Battered Women's Syndrome (sorry, but I don't!)

While I am a little ticked off, I can understand why she would place this as a condition on his PPO. He was economically and verbally abusive; however, this abuse was primarily due to his alcohol and crack cocaine consumption. I think that if we both go to counseling (I to Alanon and therapy; he to Narcotics Anonymous, therapy, and rehab), then things can work potentially work out. All I am asking for is a chance to potentially resolve my differences with my boyfriend. If it doesn't work, then let me have the option to leave--with legal assistance if needed.

I have already spoken to the PO's supervisor, and to her herself. Now I will have to go through the upper chain of command levels to potentially get this resolved. Nonetheless, I do care for him and want another chance to try. I feel like this is a form of modern-day slavery or something!

Abuse isn't caused by drugs & alcohol. A person chooses to abuse. The parole officer is right by having that be a condition of his parole because his behavior is on her watch. She wants to cover her bum in case he decides to do something stupid and get into another altercation with you.

How did the modification go, if you did pursue it? I'm going to attempt to get mine modified, just wondering how things went.

hi this is josh here. I would like to know if there is anyone from michigan who has ever gotten a no contact order lifted. I have 10 months left on parole and just got violated 8 months into my parole for a violation of this order. We lived together for years now, and never had an incident like this before or after, and just want to go back on with our lives.I am in an anger intervention group (9 months now) and have worked on a lot of things. Even things I didn't even know were acts of "power and control" and we have both grown from this. But this order makes us have to pay rent on two places, and be apart. I live in Michigan and it is already hard to get a job, and when you go to lock up for 30-45 days at a time it is hard to keep getting new jobs. Somebody please respond "we" would greatly appreciate it.parolee rights

josh, you have to talk with whoever put the order out in the first place. The bad part is you didn't bother to do that right away, which, to them, says you still really don't understand following the rules. Now it's going to be harder.

They aren't concerned with you having to pay 2 rents - they're much more worried about someone getting physically harmed, and you need to prove you're not going to do it again, but you can't prove that if you're constantly violating.

thanks for your response. just to clarify I'm not "constantly violating". I've violated once recently and it was b/c we got caught together not because of a new incident.

We have tried getting it lifted from the parole board. We started working on that even before it was put on. We were told by the parole board we had to wait at least 6 mos. then it'd be up to my p.o. but he seems to have a personal problem w/ my fiance. He constantly tells me and her that its "her" fault that "I'm" in this situation. When Ive told him many times its was my fault. I feel he wld retaliate against me if I filed a grievance for how he has talked to me, her and my family.

I have completed all of my other parole conditions. The only thing we want to do is spend the rest our lives together. we know its not gonna be easy and many think its not possible but we like going against all the odds. So is there anything else we do to get this resolved?
Does anyone else have anything positive to add?

Joshua <3 'ing my mexicana

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"when is enough, enough?" - "when you love someone - NEVER!" ~ (The Mexican, movie)