I am having an issue when I go to visit which is quite often since my man is only 30 minutes away from me. I am there to visit my man and we tend to sit outside (he is at a camp) cause it feels less like a prison and more like we are in our backyard. Anyhoo. We have been noticing that there are several visitors who just sit and stare at us. Last time I was there I felt as if we were the main attraction or something. We even have one inmate that tends to "follow" us. No matter whether we are inside or outside he always makes sure to sit at the table next to us. It gets old after awhile. I mean yes I know his is in prison but is it too much to ask for people to mind their own business and pay attention to the person they are visiting. Yes, I know we are a mixed couple but surely we can't be the only black & white couple these people see. Yes, I will admit my man and I are very loving and affectionate towards each other but not enough to have people stare the whole time. Does anyone else have these kinds of issues and if so how do you deal with it? Last weekend I was so upset I was about to let my temper take over becuase it was that obvious these people were watching us. Sorry so long just needed to vent.

Well there are several approaches, but for your own sanity, you should just learn to ignore them and tune them out. I honestly have no idea if people stare at Ray and I, we never talk about it or pay any attention to anyone else. You can also kill them with kindness and just smile at them like you have no idea what they are doing.

And if you can't make either one of those work for you, you can always politely ask them if something is wrong or bothering them. I really think your best bet is to just ignore them though. Don't stoop down to their level. Just my opinion.

I agree with Raysgirl on this one. Just ignore them or smile back and say hello! Who cares about those other people, you're there to visit your man and that's it!
Good Luck :)!:)

This is so funny because BJ and I have the same problem, he is down in Arkansas so sometimes I do wonder if we are the only mixed couple they have seen! We just smile at them - let them stare if they want to...you should see them when I bring my son!

You know ignorance is a grand thing but if you choose to ignore it .. then they will feel stupid in their own right. I agree with everyone else ..j ust dont even pay those ppl attention.. If they want to stare give them something to stare at 2 ppl who are in love and dealing with their lives.

I have to say that ignoring these people is the best way to handle this. Surely at a visit they have more important things to do with their eyes,as in looking at who is visiting them! Ignore them hon, its not worth it!!!

I totally agree with the ignoring. Please don't let it ruin your visit.

If you happen to make eye contact, smile!

It is possible that they may not even intend to be rude or judgmental--just curious.

WELL - THE MORE YOU FEED OFF INTO THEM, THE MORE IT WILL IRRITATE YOU. THE BEST PLAN IS TO JUST IGNORE THEM AND TRUST ME, I KNOW AT TIMES, ITS HARD.

WHEN WE WOULD GETS STARES, MY HUSBAND ALWAYS WAVED AND SAID HELLO. BUT YOUR GOING TO GET THEM NO MATTER WHERE YOUR AT. I THINK PEOPLE ARE CURIOUS, BUT DONT WANT TO ASK.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I will keep trying to ignore the. I do try my hardest to not let it get to me. Last sunday just happened to take the cake and I needed to vent some on it. To me you came to see your loved one why aren't you paying attention to them instead of my man and me. As for the inmate that follows us around I think I will just have my man say something to him because he is making me very uncomfortable. I am definitely gonna take the advice of starting to say hello when I see people staring.

Just look at them with a big smile and wave...that should give them the hint. Or else it should at least embarass them enough to not stare for a few minutes...:p

It kinda cracks me up just thinking about it...

Erin

I have many Deaf friends and when we go out people stare all the time because we are signing...... my friend sticks her tongue out...... its not mature .... but it works..... and its childish enough to make us all crack up.....

n

Maybe they know something about your man that you don't :eek:, and that's why they're staring??:confused: I mean we've been given a keg load of inside information from ex-insiders, and while we all say "not my man", maybe in this instance they're staring because "it is your man?"

I know this doesn't sound like the typical "they're just ignorant haters" response, but when you think about it, you're not talking about typical staring, but instead, a chronic "main attraction" type of staring. Those people are staring for a reason, we can definitely believe on that. And, because your man has yet to put a handle on that, it could be because he knows why.

I don't know how bold you are, but because the pattern of the staring seems to be weird rather than typical, I would have to ask A FEW of them (to see if you get the same responses) "excuse me, but why is it that me and my man seem to be the main attraction around here? Is there something you guys feel I should know?" That's just me, because if you don't ask, you may never find out.

I do know that a lot of the guys up there talk about me but it all good stuff. They talk about how good I am to my man and all the things I do for him, his kids, and his family. They will actually come up to me and compliment on being so down for my man. That I dont mind. As far as my man putting a handle on it he tells me just to ignore them. I have heard all the stories of oh that couldnt be my man. Honestly, I can't think of anything he would be hiding. After six years its hard to keep things from each other. We have been several other places and never had this problem before. My man seems to think its prejudice because it is a small town with lots of rednecks where he is at. Sorry dont mean to offend anyone his words not mine. Everywhere else he has been it was always in a big city. Being bold yes maybe a lil but a lot of the times we just sit there on the bench next to each other leaned back his arms around me and no talking just enjoying each others company ans stealing a few kisses. I try to get all my talking out at the beginning of visit so we can have at least 30 mins to just sit and enjoy each other along with the I love you's and such.

. . . They talk about . . . all the things I do for . . . his kids, and his family.
Ahhh, okay, now I'm able to make some sense out of the nonsense. Girl, you are the main attraction up in there, which is why they make you feel like you are the main attraction. Not only are you holding your man down, but his whole entourage too!! So I guess when the guys get on the visit, after sharing that news with their girl because your man has shared it with them, they all just want to see who you are. So the part that you catch is the "there she go, that's her" stares and whispers. I'd want to see, too, who the person was if my husband told me that a man in there had a woman who not only held him down tight, but his family as well too.

This could be why your man left it alone and has basically told you the same -- to not pay it any mind. I figured he would know, and he does -- everybody wanna see who THE BALLER is, and when you and him get on the visit, they be like "there she go -- there go big baller right there!! :D

I wouldn't worry about it, especially since your man isn't because if there was cause to be worried he would, and, he would let you know. :o

HeSoHandsome- I know what you posted wasn't meant to be funny but I still got a good laugh out of it. Please don't take it offensive because its definitely not meant that way. "Baller" yea I wish. That is what is so funny to me. I don't worry it just bothers me is all. I hate being stared at is all. Whether it be in the prison, in public, or at home.

Well honey, the bright side is he's only got a bit over 8 months to go. Personally, I don't think it's gonna stop while he's in there. All we can really do is be thankful for the positive, that positive being in a lil over 8 months -- SHOW TIME WILL BE OVER -- THE MAIN ATTRACTION WILL BE OUT OF THERE!! :o

Tell him when he gets to the half-way house, to keep a lid on the matters of how you get down for the family, otherwise those folks, too, will want to see :eek: who That Baller is!! Shotcaller!! :D :o

I know you ain't no baller -- none of us are in this game, but that don't stop us from parading around the visit area with plastic bags LOADED with paper and coins for the machines!! :p