View Full Version : Am I stupid for falling in love with someone in prison?

baby blue
05-15-2006, 09:45 PM
ok does any one have any advise for me am i just stupid for falling for someone in prison, if so why is he the only one i think about the only one i dream about and have no interest in no one else what so ever,

05-15-2006, 09:54 PM
NO you are not stupid, infact you are in very good company! Welcome to PTO and to the Met While Incarcerated forum. Each and everyone of us that met our significant other can relate and you will find much support and friendship here. I hope to hear alot more from you and get to know you better. Relax you are among friends...


05-15-2006, 09:59 PM
I will never forget, before I admitted to my fiancé that I was in love with him, I wrote him a letter asking him why when I fell asleep he was the one I was wishing was there holding me. And he wrote back saying that he would give anything if it was him, and hopefully some day it will be.

You're not stupid at all, we don't choose who we fall in love with, it just happens :) Welcome to the Met While Incarcerated Forum!

baby blue
05-15-2006, 09:59 PM
I just did't become his pen pal was best friends with his sister so she begged me to right him the we had a fallen out but then me and him kept righting and his mom took me down the first time to meet him and it was like as soon as i saw him i knew he was the one he has never said he loves me from what i have his mom told me he has never made the first move so i'll have to so i started to put love ya in my leters and sending all kinds of lyrics showing him how i feel, because this is hard for me i'v never been in a realationship so its all new for me but i'm willing to do what ever it takes, i might sound crazy but all i think about is him, i swiched jobs to have weekends off so i could see him he's all worried he wont get his parole but i told him if he does't he goes to a grad program and i'll waite as long as it takes. i'm not giving up on my first love

05-15-2006, 10:01 PM
No you're not stupid. Don't think that. I fell of my guy after writing about 5 months or so. We met through a pen pal site. He never asks for money or anything like that. That's what made me think he was looking for more out of me than what I could give him. He's the only person I want to be with, so I'm once again waiting. But I don't regret it or have second thoughts. What makes you happy, makes you happy.

05-15-2006, 10:07 PM
Stick by him and show him you're there for the long haul. No matter what.

05-15-2006, 10:52 PM
baby blue,
welcome to PTO and congratulations on your first love.

05-15-2006, 10:55 PM
welcome to PTO!!! i beleive a lot of us ask ourselves that...and for those who haven't met their men while incarcerated (i'm one of them) ask ourselves "why do we continue a relationship with someone in prison, and even marry them?" lol....i beleive that prison has nothing to do with whether or not you fall in love or have to follow your heart, and if that's what you're doing then you're doing the right thing!!!! we will all be here to support you and give advice and listen!!! WELCOME!!

05-16-2006, 12:28 AM
NO you are not crazy. I have lived a long time and been in relationships that really stunk. I started to write my guy also as a favor to his sister. He want to correspond with a woman. I am not a young woman I will be retiring soon so you can guess how old I am. But this man is the first guy who ever loved me unconditionally. He wants nothing from me but letters. We have non-contact visits so to date I have not even touched him nor he me. But the first time I saw him my heart did flip flops. So if this is crazy bring on the men in the white coats. I am happier than I have been in my entire life time.:D

05-16-2006, 05:24 AM
Your not crazy at all! I started writing my now man just to find out how he was doing for my cousins friend. We started writing back and forth, now we're so in love and know we will always be together. When I first started falling for him I would think this is crazy too! I know though you can't help who you fall in love with and I believe everyone has a plan in life, I now know mine was to stubble across the love of my life while he's locked up! Good luck and God Bless!

05-16-2006, 09:52 AM
Baby Blue You are definitely not stupid.You are a chosen Angel. Relax and enjoy your new found love. Don't you feel like shouting to the world " I love this man! You are at the beginning of something beautiful and awesome. The more we try to make sense of things the more confused we get. Just let love take it's natural course...

05-16-2006, 10:46 AM
You are definitely in the right place. I think we all ask ourselves in the beginning, what am I doing? Then you just have to relax and let go. You are taking a chance just like in any other relationship. I have never loved someone or felt as loved as I do now. Just take your time and let things happen.

05-16-2006, 11:24 AM
Gril, no you are not syupid, I have to agree, you don't chose who you fall in love with, it just happens! I was working at the prison my husband to be (june 2) was in and I looked up and fell in some serious love and now we are getting married!! happy that you have found love...some people die trying, you are blessed

05-16-2006, 01:58 PM
Dayum......No you are not STUPID and anyone that says you are, tell em to you know what........Only people in our situation can relate to this kind of love.....Everyone else is ignorant, let them get on with it.........Il shut up

05-16-2006, 04:18 PM
Sometimes it is easy to convince ourselves to feel the way that society thinks we should feel, or be the way society thinks we should be. You will come across many people who will think you are "stupid, crazy, or down right out of your mind" for falling for an offender. But you will know in your heart that this man, this relationship is where you should be in your life, just go with it. Live your life for you, life is too short to second guess our every decision. So from a woman who has "been there, done that" I absolutely don't think you are stupid, crazy or have lost your mind...These relationships can and do work out, my relationship and others here you will meet will atest to that. Good luck and we are always here for you...


05-16-2006, 04:22 PM
All I can say is "hell no!!!!!! You'e not stupid for falling in love w/ someone that is incarcerated.

Oops, forgive the language. :-)

05-16-2006, 04:26 PM
Welcome to PTO gurl and to this forum. Everyone here knows how u feel and its awesome that so many people are on each others level. I just wish I found this site alot earlier then I did but its helped me and I know it will help you. Congrats on finding yer true love and if U need anything please feel free to ask :)

05-16-2006, 06:31 PM
of course we are going to say that you are not stupid. you are also not crazy, lonley, desperate, suffering with low self esteem, or whatever else soem people may say you are. you can not help who you fall in love with. You go with your heart girl and consider yourself luck to have found love, where you found it does not matter. Just embrace it and enjoy it. We are always here for you girl!

05-16-2006, 06:56 PM
Definitely NOT stupid. Not only did I meet him in prison,I married him too.I still love him endlessly.

baby blue
05-16-2006, 08:54 PM
thanks every one for your info i need all the help i can get, this sucks being in my first relationship and not even getting to touch him, my parents think i'm crazy but have leared to adapt they just don't want me to get hurt

baby blue
05-16-2006, 09:04 PM
the main thing i think they freaked out is becase this is will be a first for everything for me and they cant understand why i could not find someone free to be able to do everything the first time,

05-16-2006, 09:19 PM
Welcome to PTO.

Go with what your heart says..If he is your first love, then stick by him..communicate alot and stay strong..

05-17-2006, 07:50 AM
a wise man once told me ( okay, my husband is the wise man :D ) your surrounds shouldnt determine how much you love someone, or how deeply you fall in love with someone. Thats a job only your heart can do.

Dont let his current living situation get in the way of something that may be the best thing that ever happened to you.

baby blue
05-17-2006, 06:00 PM
well my living situation is great now i moved out and bought my own house so now i don't have to worry about what anyone thinks of him when he gets out, i can't waite

05-17-2006, 06:11 PM
Love is a WONDERFUL thing!!! You're not stupid, just crazy in love, like the rest of us. So welcome to the club! Also, Love just happens, whether it's in prison or outside of prison. Be Blessed!

05-18-2006, 08:38 PM
No you are not stupid

why is he the only one i think about the only one i dream about and have no interest in no one else what so ever,

you are in love :)

05-18-2006, 09:47 PM
baby blue - i feel the exact same way. i love him to death it is hard tho him being in prison but i deal. i try to go on dates like he wants me to but it is hard because all i do is think about him

05-18-2006, 10:04 PM
Hello and welcome to PTO! Follow your heart, true love is so hard to find!

05-22-2006, 06:26 PM
Since you are asking for opinions..I don't think you are, but perhaps disillusioned and/or living in a dream world. There's a reason that you don't hear many success stories about meeting a man while he is incarcerated and it working out after they get's because there are not many at all. That is just reality.....

Miss my baby
05-24-2006, 02:53 PM
Oh my goodness I read this and I feel the same way you do. Like am I stupid for loving a man that I dont know and be willing to devote my life for 5-years for him. You know we finally met in Sep and I feel like that was one of the BEST days of my life.

05-24-2006, 03:13 PM
i don't think you are stupid for loving a man in prison but i do believe it's wise to be cautious when devoting your life to someone if you've never met them several times in person.
best of luck to all.

baby blue
05-24-2006, 09:57 PM
I have been seeing hime for 2 1/2 years and have become very close to his mom and step dad but cant stand his sister, i can't waite till he gets out to put her in her place

05-26-2006, 10:38 PM
Hey baby, of course you're not stupid. None of us are and that's we are here, because we love someone in the system, wether it be a son or daughter, boyfriend husband, or even our parents sometimes. We have a great support system here and are always here to help with questions, help or if you just need to vent. Hang in there and never doubt your love for anyone. Don't fight the feeling baby. Good luck and remember we are always here to lend our support.

05-29-2006, 09:20 AM
ok does any one have any advise for me am i just stupid for falling for someone in prison, if so why is he the only one i think about the only one i dream about and have no interest in no one else what so ever,

There's an old song from the 1950's called "Who Wrote the Book of Love?" The message of the song was that things don't happen the way that they're "supposed to." I never really thought about it until I saw your post. Well, guess what. Things DON'T happen the way that they're "supposed to."

This is just another prejudice. Ask them how many prisoners they've met or written to. I'll bet you the answer will be none. Ask them where they get their information. From "everyone," and of course, "everyone" knows best, right? Or they get their information from tv and the movies. Now, there's a reliable source.

I'm a minister and I deal with these things on a professional basis. Let me tell you, there are no rules. People in prison are just like people on the outside. Some are nice, and some will screw you just because they can. I can't count the wife beaters over the years who have never been convicted of a crime. And they're better than a con with a strong sense of ethics? I think not.

No, my friend, you're not stupid. You're just in love.

05-31-2006, 10:59 AM
I Don't Think Anyone Is Stupid For Falling Their Heart, Even If That Person Is On The Other Side Of The Tracks.... You Can't Control Who You Fall In Love With Nor The Type Of Person He Has Become (due To Their Mistakes).... You Just Have To Follow You're Heart To Happiness And Hope Others Don't Try To Break With You Have With One Another With Negative Comments And Rude Remarks.... Keep You're Head And Never Stop Falling You're Heart To Love And Happiness....

05-31-2006, 01:26 PM
No you are not crazy, because if you are then that means I am too. I NEVER meant or intended to fall in love with him. I started writing to him as a favor to his sister (my exhusb new wife) because he was down and needed someone to be friends with and that's how it started off, but then we started really talking to each other about EVERYTHING and anything. I was hooked before I ever went to see him and when he walked in and our eyes made contact, I was Instantly Completely in LOVE with him. I think about him ALL the time. I find myself daydreaming of him often. And everynight I have wonderful dreams of us. I am so lucky to have found my true soulmate in this life. And I am so proud that he loves me.
Congrats on your ALL finding true love and pure happiness.

06-01-2006, 09:42 PM
No you are in no way stupid I met my guy while he was in the county jail and I fell in love with him and I thought I was stupid for that because I didn't know him but I let life take where I need to be and I have never know any man like I know him.

06-04-2006, 02:03 PM
No... youre not stupid!! You cant help who you fall in love with!